After being physically, mentally, and emotionally abused by sociopathic parents, I often wondered when the trauma would stop. Would it get better as they aged? Or would I be relentlessly tormented until they passed away? The answer: neither. After their passing, their legacy continued to haunt me. My father was the violent, malevolent sociopath. Yet, my mother caused by far more pain. You see, my mother was a master of deceit. If you offended her (or worse, threatened to expose her), she would effortlessly spin webs of lies around you. Incite her anger, and suddenly you are Alice in Wonderland - sucked into her rabbit hole where nothing is at it seems, wondering what just happe …
When The Boogeyman Is Real – Seeing Sociopaths Through A Child’s Eyes
You are home alone. In bed. In the dark. Suddenly there is a loud thud. It came from inside the house. What was that? You are trying to fall asleep, but your nerves won't let you. Laying on your back staring at the ceiling, you clutch the blanket around your neck. You are careful not to move. What if there is someone - or something - in the house? Did you lock the doors? Are you sure? You strain your ears to listen. The little hairs on the back of your neck stand up. Goosebumps cover your arms. Your heart is pounding. You hold your breath. You are so frightened that tears well up in your eyes, but you don't dare cry. Audibly crying might attract the attention of......it. That fear was …
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Introducing a new Lovefraud Contributor: Wendy S. Weber, who was “Raised by Psychopaths”
Over the years, Lovefraud has heard from about a hundred people who realize that their mother, father, stepparent, or perhaps all of them, were psychopaths. These readers repeatedly asked for articles to address their experience. Fortunately for me, I did not share that experience. But unfortunately for them, I could not possibly do justice to what they endured in any article that I would write. Still, I recognize how important it is to give voice to the madness of growing up with self-centered, manipulative and abusive parents, and the struggle to recover from the ordeal. So I am pleased to announce that Wendy S. Weber, whose mother and father were both psychopaths, will now be …
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Co-Parenting With a Sociopath: Helping My Children Navigate Through the Lies
by Quinn Pierce A Confused and Anxious Child My younger son recently returned home from his father's house looking visibly distressed and anxious. As we began asking what was wrong, the ever increasing list of possibilities began running through my mind. I could tell these visits were taking a toll on my son, but he is not yet at the point where he can stand up for himself to his father. My older son, however, mastered that skill earlier this year, and it has been a source of contention for my ex-husband ever since. And so, when my son started to explain what transpired the night before, it was no surprise to the rest of us as we listened. Apparently, someone asked a seemingly in …
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Father, Dmitriy Kanarikov, throws his 3 year-old son, Kirill, off roof of Manhattan high-rise then jumps to his death
Separated parents Dmitriy and Svetlana Kanarikov had an agreed-upon visitation schedule for father Dmitriy to spend time with his 3-year-old son, Kirill. The visits seemed to go well until Dmitriy tossed his son off a high rise building and then jumped to his death as well. The couple had separated in August, when Dmitriy had turned violent toward Svetlana. Dmitriy had threatened his estranged wife, telling her “he would take the child away” and "she would ”˜shoot (herself) from grief,'” Svetlana Kanarikov revealed. Svetlana believed this was Dmitriy's "sick way" of following through on that threat. Mom of boy, 3, thrown from roof of Manhattan high-rise calls it husband's ”˜sick way' of …
Co-Parenting With A Sociopath: Children and Healing
By Quinn Pierce Two weeks ago, my older son was admitted to the hospital due to his anxiety. He was unable to overcome the panic attacks and overwhelming fear that has plagued him since the end of the summer, and we decided it was time for a higher level of care. As traumatic as the decision was for me, I knew in my heart it was the best decision for him; and it truly was. It may have been the most difficult day of my life, but I kept in mind the healing that would finally begin for my son. The Constant Drama Takes a Toll I also kept in mind the fact that all of this might not have happened if it were not for my ex-husband, my son's father, who has riddled our lives with such chaos …
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How psychopathic parents affect children
A Lovefraud reader who posts as "Mani" asked a question that I'm sure is of interest to many others, so I'll address it in a blog post. Mani writes: I was one of the children who lived with a psychopath for a long time. I fought all my life not to let him be a part of my personality. In comparison to what I was exposed to I think I have been successful. But is there anybody out there who can shed more light on the effects of a psychopath father on children, particularly boys? I know there is tendency to label these children as secondary psychopaths but I haven't seen anybody talking about the mechanics of it. And I am sure all these children don't become secondary psychopaths. This is a …
Heartbreak and heroism in dealing with child abuse
Damon Moelter made the above video back in 2010, when he was 13. Last Friday, at age 16, Damon stood at the lectern and stated that he escaped abuse not because he was protected by the family court system, nor because he beat the system. He escaped because he found a way around it. How? Two weeks ago, Damon got married. Once he was married, he was emancipated, and his father could no longer demand custody. As I listened to this young man speak at the Battered Mothers Custody Conference, which took place last Friday and Saturday at the George Washington University Law School in Washington, D.C., I was on the verge of tears as were the 100 or so women (and a few men) in the audience. …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Cognitive Dissonance and the Psychopath
Editor's note: The following article was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Betsybugs." The term cognitive dissonance is used to describe the feeling of discomfort and confusion that results from holding two conflicting beliefs. When there is a discrepancy between beliefs or beliefs and behaviors, something must change in order to eliminate or reduce the mental conflict. Psychopaths use cognitive dissonance to entangle victims, to keep victims confused and docile and to create pain. My story is a story of cognitive dissonance. My cognitive dissonance began in childhood when my father would go into rages, chase one of his daughters into a corner and beat the living daylights …
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The cracks of a family’s hidden dysfunction
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired) I often go to auctions and flea markets looking for “hidden treasures” to add to my collection of pottery and handmade baskets of split oak. One of the things I have learned to do is to look for subtle or hidden flaws in the things that I like to collect. It isn't uncommon to find pottery items that have been chipped or broken and then carefully mended. Sometimes the cracks are very subtle and difficult to detect. It isn't unusual for me to see an item and get all “excited” about it, then upon closer inspection, find that there are some hidden cracks. I got to thinking about the “hidden cracks” that are found in dysfunctional families as well. In my own …