Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call, "Willa." My Mom and sister are mean and they don't feel guilt. They made the pain seem normal. I finally hit bottom and had to wake up to a reality I never dreamed was true, "psychopaths are real." I was in a relationship for 4 years of torture. I thought he was my dream man. I thought we where going to marry. When we met, he was 35 and lived with his mom and dad. They said he was a loving son, good boy never in trouble. I never saw him drink, drugs, smoke. He liked everything I liked. It was like my perfect twin soul mate. He did what I wanted to do. He went along with everything I wanted. Outwardly I …
A Relationship With A Sociopath Makes You Question What’s “Normal”
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 30: Down The Rabbit Hole Paul had agreed to therapy under the condition that I would not tell anyone we were going. With the expectation of keeping my word, I promised. Normally, I honor my commitments, and secrets are safe with me. But I broke my promise to Paul after two months. I did it, because I felt like I was going crazy. I needed a reality check from an outside s …
A Relationship With A Sociopath Makes You Question What’s “Normal”Read More
Some Sociopath Tools–Word Salad, Diversion, And Evasion
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 29: It Depends Upon What The Meaning Of The Word “Is” Is Paul manipulated the well-intentioned therapist into becoming complicit in Paul's self-serving altered version of reality—to view Paul as the perfect, calm, devoted, caring father and husband, while I was clearly on edge emotionally due to my declining mental health and jealousy over Paul and Anne-Marie's business partner …
Some Sociopath Tools–Word Salad, Diversion, And EvasionRead More
I almost left my husband for a narcissist
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Marguerite." Hi Donna. I have recently read your book Love Fraud and am now reading Red Flags of Love Fraud, both of which I found were excellent. I feel I am recovering from being in a relationship with a narcissist, although I feel blessed that things did not progress from the love bombing stage, which was exactly as you describe in your second book. Showering me with attention It was a very intense period of showering me with a huge amount of attention, adoration and admiration, and I now believe telling me the things I wanted to hear. I'm ashamed to say I was already married when I met him, and at …
Marital Therapy With A Sociopath–Don’t Waste Your Time
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 28: All The World's A Stage—To A Sociopath I researched marital therapists, searching for a male counselor (hoping to make Paul more comfortable) with an office near Paul's work so appointments would be minimally disruptive to his stressful, all-consuming job. And so the charade began. Marital talk therapy with a sociopath is like an art appreciation lecture for the bl …
Marital Therapy With A Sociopath–Don’t Waste Your TimeRead More
A Sociopath’s Pity Play and Your Empathy Cement a Toxic Relationship
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 27 is so long, half of it appeared last week and the second half appears below. Chapter 27: Nightmare On Elm Street (part B) We moved into the house in late November. I had almost no help from Paul emptying boxes and setting up the house. I had no close friends yet who could lend a hand. My ability to service my previous clients waned. Most of my work was concentrated on three m …
A Sociopath’s Pity Play and Your Empathy Cement a Toxic RelationshipRead More
Once You’re Hooked, Sociopaths Ignore and Criticize
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 25/26: Last week, I skipped a chapter. When someone pointed out the oversight, I backtracked and added it to last week's post. Chapter 27 is so long, half of it appears below and the second half will appear next week. Chapter 27: Nightmare On Elm Street (part A) While Paul worked in Connecticut and the kids and I were still in New York, I barely saw him, although we …
Once You’re Hooked, Sociopaths Ignore and CriticizeRead More
A Genuine Leader and A Sociopath May Look Identical–At First
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 24: Paul's Dream Sociopaths generally have a high need for stimulation, which experts believe stems from the shallowness of their emotional life. They cannot and do not experience the love, affection, attachment, and happiness that create the rich tapestry of a normal individual's interpersonal and emotional life. Sociopaths fill the resulting void with action and distraction. T …
A Genuine Leader and A Sociopath May Look Identical–At FirstRead More
3 Mixed Messages Toxic People Use to Manipulate Your Affection
By Amber Ault, Ph.D., MSW Cognitive dissonance the mixed perceptions and feelings that result from inconsistent experiences helps to explain why people find it difficult to leave toxic relationships. On the one hand, the toxic partner tells us they love us; on the other, they engage in behavior that is cruel, disrespectful, or exploitive. Our brains work overtime trying to make sense of these mixed messages —and in the process, we often stay longer than makes sense; in the meanwhile, the toxic partner continues to benefit from our attention, support, and resources. Here are three mixed messages that toxic partners often create through their words and actions: They are brilliant, e …
3 Mixed Messages Toxic People Use to Manipulate Your AffectionRead More
How Sociopaths Use “Triangulation” To Maintain Control
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 23: Devil Woman Unable to abandon the premise that Paul was fundamentally a good, loving, honest man who truly cared about me, I had to explain his behavior in some other way. Still not ready to conclude that I was an essentially selfish, controlling person, as Paul often suggested, the more extreme Paul's moments of weirdness became, the more I assumed he must be under severe s …
How Sociopaths Use “Triangulation” To Maintain ControlRead More