How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He is not Prince Charming; you are not Snow White

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: This Lovefraud reader, who posts as "Snow White," previously wrote an article called "The heart thief." Here's what she says about your sociopathic partner — no matter how much you want to believe, he is not Prince Charming.Fairy tales — the fantasy of every girl. A story of fantastic forces and beings. A tale of improbable events that will lead to a happy ending. Or perhaps — a more sinister story designed to mislead. Any woman would have to agree that when someone comes along who is completely and totally smitten with you, showers you with affection and attention like you've never experienced in all your life, you start to think that maybe this is the perso …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The heart thief

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following essay from a reader whom we'll call "SnowWhite" describing the heart thief she encountered.He is clever and cunning. He has many talents. He sees you before you see him. It may be something you are wearing that attracts him. Maybe it's your laugh or your spirit. You are vulnerable. He knows it. You are trustworthy and caring. He knows it. You have only been with two men your whole life. He knows it. You are lonely. He knows it. You have been married for 25 years. He doesn't care.He is a carpenter. He builds your trust and friendship. You see him weekly in your workout class. One day he smiles at you. The next day he says …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: This is the time for me to learn who I am

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's Note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Adelade." After the sociopath, she says, this is the time to learn who she is.Since the collapse of my second marriage, I have learned more than I would ever have wanted to know about sociopathy and their source targets - better known as, "victims." At one point, I had believed that my second marriage was stable, trust-based, and supportive, but I have recounted the years and the stunning discoveries that I made about my ex, and the symptoms (or, Red Flags) were all there, though they were more subtle and the absence of physical abuse, helped to frame the ex's facade.Through some very …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: She was deceiving both of us and living a double life

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a man whom we'll call "Roger." He says his girlfriend was seeing two men at once, deceiving both of them and living a double life.UPDATED FOR 2024: First off this is a man's story and I hope it will help other men who have had to deal with sociopathic women. No offense women but most stories here are written by women!So I met my X-fiancee about 3 years at a job function. She was beautiful, sweet, caring, attractive — just seemed like an extremely “genuine” person at the time. We would constantly email each other all day and the more we conversed, the more I was realizing how similar we both were in every way. We were both divorced, ha …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Hooked by an Internet predator

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader whom we'll call “Greta.” She writes about being hooked by an internet predator.After being married for 23 years to an alcoholic, being sad and lonely, I was vulnerable and targeted by a sociopath online through Facebook. I live in the US, he was from the Netherlands but living in Italy at time. He sent me a random friend request, I accepted, we talked on instant message chat occasionally for about 9 months and then he zeroed in.He speaks 5 languages fluently and has traveled to many countries. He is very bright and articulate. We had similar interests, especially spiritually, or at least the ill …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: A sorry senior citizen

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Regina," a senior citizen who encountered a sociopath.I am now 77 years old and my sociopath is 74. We were together almost 7 years. You would think at my age I would have known better. I have finally left the creep for the 4th time, and with the help of Lovefraud blogs, I am on my way to full recovery. It still hurts that I could have been so stupid, but here's my story.To try and understand why I let myself be sucked in to a relationship with this creep, I have to go back 18 years to when my husband died. Shortly after his death, my nephew, then 15 years old, robbed me to the tune of …

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12 Seduction strategies from the Sociopath Playbook

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Sociopaths tend to use all the same tactics while reeling in new romantic partners, as if they were all working from the same well-known reference manual. If you were able to find this playbook, written by an alpha sociopath for the benefit of the trainees, here are ploys it would include.1 . Listen intently to your targets, staring into their eyes and hanging on their every word. This encourages them to keep talking — and everything they tell you can later be used as ammunition against them.2. Call, text and email your targets frequently. They will interpret your constant attention as a sign that you are smitten with them, and will not notice that you are establishing c …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: They are everywhere and they inflict serious damage

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader who posts as “Trista.” We previously posted her story, “LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I was dismissed with a shrug.” Well, Trista's story continues.I have written to you long ago telling how my S husband destroyed my life. I would never think that I would meet another one, even worst than the first. I wonder why I attract those people.This is a sad story that is still now breaking my heart. I'm giving this to you and to the site.I'm writing from Brazil, where I moved after my divorce. The very first week here I was looking for a flat and someone told me about an estate agent who could help. I went to meet him one e …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I want the woman back that I fell in love with, but I know it is impossible

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received this e-mail from a man who posts as “Drained.'I guess I have been in a bit of a hole for a while now and have generally been going through a rough time, which in hindsight may have made me ripe for the picking by my sociopathic ex girlfriend.I had been unhappy in a previous long term relationship (prior to meeting my SP) for a considerable time, my ex partner is an amazing person, however we grew apart and were more suited as friends than lovers. I had been in this relationship for 12 years. My father passed away last year after losing his battle with cancer, which was incredibly hard to watch. I have been battling depression for some time a …

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I would rather be homeless than spend another day feeling soul-less

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UPDATED FOR 2024: Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call “Chelsea.”Wow, my eyes have been opened! My soul is trying to heal from the wounds I suffered being with what I now know without a doubt is a genuine SP man!My story begins on August 2005 when I walked into the restaurant and met who I thought was the most charming and compassionate man ever. I was with one of my best friends, and we began to chat when two fellows approached us and asked if we would like a drink. It seem harmless to us at the time, and we accepted their offer and began chatting with them. The first man seemed intoxicated and was acting very loud and immature. He was fli …

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