UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received this e-mail from a man who posts as “Drained.'I guess I have been in a bit of a hole for a while now and have generally been going through a rough time, which in hindsight may have made me ripe for the picking by my sociopathic ex girlfriend.I had been unhappy in a previous long term relationship (prior to meeting my SP) for a considerable time, my ex partner is an amazing person, however we grew apart and were more suited as friends than lovers. I had been in this relationship for 12 years. My father passed away last year after losing his battle with cancer, which was incredibly hard to watch. I have been battling depression for some time a …
I would rather be homeless than spend another day feeling soul-less
UPDATED FOR 2024: Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call “Chelsea.”Wow, my eyes have been opened! My soul is trying to heal from the wounds I suffered being with what I now know without a doubt is a genuine SP man!My story begins on August 2005 when I walked into the restaurant and met who I thought was the most charming and compassionate man ever. I was with one of my best friends, and we began to chat when two fellows approached us and asked if we would like a drink. It seem harmless to us at the time, and we accepted their offer and began chatting with them. The first man seemed intoxicated and was acting very loud and immature. He was fli …
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The sociopathic MO in three easy steps
UPDATED FOR 2024. I have a friend who lost his wife to cancer. After a year, he started going out in search of companionship. He knew my history of being involved with a sociopath, in fact, he knew my ex, James Montgomery. So when he had a bizarre experience with woman he dated for a few weeks, my friend had questions for me.The woman claimed to be separated from her husband, although I’m not sure that was the case. She pursued my friend relentlessly, until they had sex. At some point, she made a comment about “a lion needs fresh meat.” After that, they spent an entire day together, then she unceremoniously dumped him.My friend asked, was this woman kooky like my ex?He told me more, and it so …
How sociopaths intentionally mess with your mind
UPDATED FOR 2024. I talk to a lot of people who are, or have been, involved with sociopaths. Time and time again they tell me, "I feel like I'm losing my mind."This is exactly how sociopaths want you to feel. Why? Because if you are confused and unsure of yourself, you are more pliable. You are easier to control, and what sociopaths want is to control you.So how do they mess with your mind?Lies from hello to goodbyeFirst of all, they lie.Now, this may not sound all that terrible, because we all lie from time to time. But normal people lie to get out of trouble or spare someone's feelings. Sociopaths lie because they have an agenda.The lying starts at the very beginning of your involvement. …
Should I warn the next victim?
UPDATED FOR 2024: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader who posts as “forever_me.” She asks a very important question: "Should I warn the next victim?" I'll answer her question after her letter.Hello. I am looking for some guidance. I was in a romantic relationship with a P for over 2 years, but just broke it off earlier this week. I discovered that he was using an online dating site and was able to access it because I knew the patterns of his passwords. I created a bogus profile on the same website and contacted one of the women he was messaging. She was shocked to hear from me because my P told her he was single and not dating anyone. What was worse was that they had eng …
A cult of two – you and the sociopath
Cult leaders are charismatic, charming, egocentric and manipulative, and their key strategy for recruiting followers is love bombing. Does this sound like the sociopath you encountered? If you’re involved with a sociopath, you may be in a cult of two — you and the sociopath.At first - love bombingWhen you were targeted as the sociopath’s new romantic interest, it’s quite possible that you were showered with more attention, adoration, and perhaps gifts than you’d ever experienced. You may have felt giddy with excitement. You may have felt that you were placed on a pedestal so high that the air around you was thin and you could hardly breathe.When they’re in full seduction mode, sociopaths want …
5 warning signs that your online love is a scammer
It’s wonderful to hear, “I love you.” But if the words are coming from someone you recently met online, maybe what they really mean is, “I’d love to exploit you.” Is this person for real, or is your online love a scammer?The FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) recently released its 2023 report, and cybercrime continues to climb. The report states:"In 2023, IC3 received a record number of complaints from the American public: 880,418 complaints were registered, with potential losses exceeding $12.5 billion. This is a nearly 10% increase in complaints received, and it represents a 22% increase in losses suffered, compared to 2022."Included in those totals are 17,823 complaints of confide …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The most important one-liner you will ever hear
UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: The following article was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who posts as “Genevieve79.” She explains the Crazymaking One-Liner.I've reached the age of 30 having been on the receiving end of a number of personality disordered individuals, mostly female but the odd male too. I spent (wasted?!) my twenties ducking and diving these people, even changing career direction several times, because I didn't know how else to deal with them.As I approach my 31st birthday I think I have finally begun to crack it! These people are actually very predictable if we know how to spot them early on. An experience with yet another one on a professional forum this weekend gave me t …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I lied to myself as I became close to him again
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader who posts as “Ravenless Tower.” She realizes, as she wrote, that "I lied to myself."I'm going to be as concise as I can here - but like most of you the story is long. I wanted to tell it so there is a frame of reference to my posts for anyone who cares. I also wanted to get it down in writing, and out of my head. My intent is not to complain or to place blame, so much as to identify the issues that have helped to shape my choices and brought my ultimately to this board for support. The point of being here, for me, is not to hate, not to blame, but to accept responsibility and own the things in my life that need to be add …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Looking into the eyes of a con man
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who posts as “Eclipse.” She wrote about her experience with a sociopathic con man. I met the P at the end of 2004. We both worked out at a local gym close to my home. I had been going through a divorce for about a year. I confided to him about my 19-year marriage, of abuse. We became friends for about six months. We then became involved and were falling for each other. He told me he was in a bad relationship, and that he was married, eight months into our relationship.He told me he was trapped and was trying to get a divorce. He told me how his wife was controlling and mentally abusive to him; he was denied any aff …
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