Recovery from a sociopath

UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: The following was sent to Lovefraud by the reader who posts as “Adelle.” She realized she was listening to a liar named shame, and banished it from her life. Looking back now, I realize how much damage SHAME can do. Of course the Spaths do the damage but along the way we pick up things that we think keep us safe.  These things that we cling to so tightly do exactly the opposite of what we think they do. Shame was one of my worst enemies in my SP experience. I didn't want anyone to know, what would they say? What would they think of me? They won't believe me! When I finally started telling people about my experience, I got the occasional, “Not you …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: To the liar named SHAME!Read More

UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: The following post was submitted by the Lovefraud reader “Adelle.” We often hear the saying, “If the shoe fits wear it.” We all know people are not referring to a shoe. In other words, if the description fits you, own up to it. If someone calls you a fool, and you think you are a fool, then wear that title! If someone calls you a hypocrite and you agree, wear it, you are a hypocrite. But when this phrase is used, it isn't usually given to you as an option. It is usually used as a weapon of accusation. With evil, with intent to hurt. For example, “Are you calling me a liar?” Response: “Well, if the shoe fits wear it.” The person hearing this phrase is usu …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: If the shoe doesn’t fit, don’t wear it!Read More

UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: The following email was sent by a Lovefraud reader, whom we'll call “Pamela.” She was married to a sociopath and subject to domestic violence. ALL ALONE All Alone, I am lying on the floor, all "woe is me," the man who promised to love me lied. I can't find a friend and my own mother's phone doesn't work. All Alone, I'm crying on this floor. All Alone, I notice I am still here. I am sad, but still here, and I've protected my dog that he threatened. My dog is still here. And my body is healthy, even after it has been thrown and bruised, I can still GET UP. All Alone, I feel my feet, I wiggle my toes. All Alone, the tears stop falling, and I loo …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Thoughts about All AloneRead More

UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received this e-mail from a reader who we'll call “Judith.” I hope you read this, you know who you are. I have remained silent for too long. I never used my voice to express how I felt about your actions toward me. I stayed quiet while you stalked and harassed me when I chose to cut all ties with you. I was too worried about what would happen if I spoke up. During that time, I thought no reaction from me would be best and it was. I've since changed my mind and I have determined that there is a difference between "reacting" and using my voice to heal myself. In the last few years, I've done well. I never went back or got caught up in your d …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Final words to the sociopathRead More

UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as “Quest.” He identifies what he believes is the shut down mechanism that psychopaths use on their victims. As most of us know what its like to be a psychopath victim; I am not going to go into all the details of my relationship with a full-blown psychopathic woman that turned my life into a living hell in just 18 months. What I really want to talk about is the mental effects that this woman was able to inflict upon me without my conscious realisation; gaslighting it's called. Just so there is a little background, I am a 55-year-old male and split from my ex psychopath female mate three years a …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: ‘O like Umbrella,’ and the shut down mechanismRead More

UPDATED FOR 2024. Last week, Lovefraud posted a letter from “Cybil,” I did not choose this guy. Here's more of her experience about "things people say." I'll call this, “Things people say, part II.” This is the other one that bugs me: "You're paranoid." I always have a good 24 hours of self-doubt before I realize they're the ones that are nuts, not me. I know a lot more about what crazy stuff is out there in the world than your average, never-tangled-with-a-sociopath human does. I just went to a seminar of a national expert on how domestic violence leads to murder, especially for women. Over and over he said, "Trust your instinct." He told the audience to take women seriously when they …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Things people sayRead More