UPDATED FOR 2024: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader who posts as “forever_me.” She asks a very important question: "Should I warn the next victim?" I'll answer her question after her letter. Hello. I am looking for some guidance. I was in a romantic relationship with a P for over 2 years, but just broke it off earlier this week. I discovered that he was using an online dating site and was able to access it because I knew the patterns of his passwords. I created a bogus profile on the same website and contacted one of the women he was messaging. She was shocked to hear from me because my P told her he was single and not dating anyone. What was worse was that they had en …
What if you decide to stay with your sociopathic spouse?
You’ve finally figured out what’s wrong with your husband or wife — he or she is disordered. But life is complicated, and maybe you’re wondering if your best option, at least for the time being, is to stay with your sociopathic spouse. Maybe you’ve been married for years. Maybe your relationship was always confusing, your partner wasn’t honest with you, or you felt like you were being used. In the meantime, you went on with life, intermingled your finances, had kids. Now you’ve finally figured out what’s wrong — your partner is disordered. How should you deal with him or her? And how can you care for yourself? Sociopathic spouses are not created equal If you’re trying …
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4 psychological and biological reasons why you can’t accept your partner is a sociopath
After much confusion, perhaps years of confusion, you finally realize why your relationship is so difficult. You’re dealing with a sociopath. This person has hurt, manipulated and exploited you — on purpose. So why won’t you believe it? Here are four psychological and biological reasons why you can’t accept that your partner is a sociopath. He or she is abusive to you. It might be physical, sexual or financial abuse, but certainly emotional or psychological abuse. You know this. You’ve been disappointed time and time again. So why do you still cling on, hoping the person will change? Your inability to end the involvement isn’t necessarily a failure of willpower. I’m going to e …
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6 strategies to find the strength to choose yourself
When you learn the truth about your relationship with a sociopath — that it was all fake, and the person never really cared about you — you’re devastated. You feel like you’ve been hit by a steamroller. It’s a searing emotional pain that goes to the core of your being. You may wonder, how can you possibly get over this? Maybe you try to power through, assuming that “Time heals all ills.” Actually, I’m not sure that’s true, at least when it comes to deep emotional pain. From what I can see, based on the thousands of stories I’ve collected, if we don’t deal with the pain, we end up with more of the same down the road. And it’s certainly not true with addictions. Addiction is a key f …
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New Year’s Resolutions for Recovering from a Sociopath
UPDATED FOR 2024. If you're in the process of leaving behind a sociopath, or even just contemplating leaving a sociopath, here are New Year's resolutions to help you accomplish your goal and get on the path to healing in 2024. Resolution #1: NO CONTACT!!!! Do not have any contact with the sociopath. Nothing! Nada! Zilch! Zero! This is the most important first step you can take. No Contact is how you escape the sociopath's magnetic pull. It enables the fog in your head to dissipate, so you can clearly see this person for what he or she is — a predator, parasite, or both. No Contact enables you to find your strength and take back your power. When you implement No Contact, you do n …
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10 reasons to roll your eyes at sociopaths
UPDATED FOR 2023: Everything sociopaths say is for effect. They are not capable of honest communication — every statement has an agenda. If you have a sociopath in your life, your objective is to get to the point that you simply do not take them seriously. When they are making promises, don't hope that this time they'll really come through. Your reaction should be, "Yeah, right." When you hear any of these statements, the best thing you can do is roll your eyes: Impossible — sociopaths are not capable of love Yes, they will — although it may take a while. Sociopaths can control their behavior, so if they need to walk the straight and narrow temporarily to convince you to stay, …
7 reasons not to seek closure from a sociopath
Relationships with sociopaths are intense. In fact, they are intentionally intense — the sociopath demands your attention, showers you with affection, and proclaims everlasting love quickly. What's the rush? They want to hook you before you escape. All their moves are intentional. You, of course, don't know this. You believe that the sociopaths are in hot pursuit because they are smitten and can't live without you. The two of you are, as they swear, soul mates. Then, either suddenly or slowly, the relationship is over. Huh? What happened? How could this person who painted a glistening picture of your future together just turn and walk away without looking back? You want to u …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I wanted him to be the guy of my dreams, but he’s nothing but a fraud
Editor's note: Lovefraud received this e-mail from a reader who we'll call Loralei, who wrote about meeting the “guy of her dreams.” At the end of her e-mail, I'll comment on it. When I was young, I was emotionally and physically abused by my mother. She didn't give me any black eyes, but I did get slapped, my hair pulled, and it was clear that the world revolved around my mother. I lived in fear, and when I wasn't the target of her anger, I was ignored. Fast forward 40 years. I am a successful businesswoman, I live in a nice Chicago suburb, I have friends, I like to help people, and I was tired of not having a love life. For some goofy reason, I posted an ad on Cra …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I wanted him to be the guy of my dreams, but he’s nothing but a fraudRead More
5 reasons why you can hook up with multiple sociopaths
UPDATED FOR 2023. Lovefraud received the following inquiry from a reader whom we'll call "Leslie-Marie," who believes that she was involved with multiple sociopaths. She writes: Is it not uncommon for people to have several relationships with sociopaths and/or narcissists throughout their life? I am wondering if you would do a write up on this topic as I find it so difficult to explain to others. They look at me in such disbelief, as if I'm making it up. It would be nice to have something to back me up. I can count 7 at least that I am certain of and have been closely involved with... Would you also consider explaining how this cycle can continue on what is it about us that …
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Join Lovefraud’s informal support group
Lovefraud Live is evolving. What started out as my Youtube show is now an informal, inexpensive support group. If you’re looking for advice or support, join us! Four years ago, I started presenting my Lovefraud Live videos on Youtube. But I wanted to take it to the next level, offering you more opportunities for advice and interaction. So I moved Lovefraud Live from Youtube to a private Zoom call, with a focus on recovery. The calls are every Tuesday at 8 pm ET. You can protect your identify if necessary. Format Here’s what to expect: First, I do a short presentation, just like in my Youtube show. Then, I turn off the recording and answer your questions. You can ask general que …