by Quinn Pierce It's like a switch, really, the way he turns his charm on and off. I watch the tell-tale facial expressions change in a split second as someone enters or exits the room. I often want to look around and yell, “Didn't you see that?” But he is too careful not to reveal the wrong mask to the intended person. It's another one of those moments when you think, “Am I really the only one who can see this? Doesn't anyone else realize this is all an act?” The Mask Slips And for so long, no one saw. He practiced and planned his timing like a seasoned actor on stage: perfect performance every time”¦.until recently. It may have taken twenty years, but it was worth the wait. …
How to dump a sociopath
Suppose you realize that you're in an unhealthy romantic relationship. Or, your instincts are telling you that the person in hot pursuit of you is bad news. How do you end the involvement? When you're romantically involved with reasonably normal individuals, you usually try to spare their feelings. You don't come out and say that they're boring, or needy, or oafish, even if that's what you feel. You make up excuses. You tell them that you're getting back with an old boyfriend or girlfriend, even if that's a lie. You say you're just not ready for a relationship right now, even if that's also a lie. In essence, when breaking up with an okay person who just isn't your type, you try to let …
Recovery From A Sociopath: Redefining Success
By Quinn Pierce I was very proud to be sitting in the front row in my pretty new dress, listening to the speaker praise us for our accomplishments and hard work. I had spent two years taking classes at night while running a business from home and taking care of my two children. There were nights I would be so tired after a three hour class that I would have to pull over and rest my eyes for a few minutes during my hour long commute home late at night. Balancing Act Most nights, I would come home to a relatively calm house, the boys asleep, my husband watching tv. But, some nights I would return to find invoices that need to be entered before the next day, or estimates that n …
Recovery From A Sociopath: Learning From Past Mistakes
by Quinn Pierce I've been thinking a lot lately about the process of learning from our mistakes. It sounds simple enough. After all, it's easy to look in the rear-view mirror and see exactly where we went wrong. Events always look so clear and uncomplicated when looking at them from a safe distance. So, with a little self-reflection, we can identify those decisions that led us into unsafe territory and vow never to make them again. Complicated Choices But, this is where I run into a problem. I know which experiences I do not want to repeat, but the choices I made that led to those experiences are not as black and white as the experiences themselves. For example, I chose to love …
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Dealing with sociopaths: Fight or flight?
Sociopaths are social predators who live their lives by exploiting people. When you're the person who has been exploited, how should you respond? Do you try to hold the sociopath accountable? Or do you cut your losses and walk away? Lovefraud is an open forum, with many people expressing opinions about what you should do. In the past, some folks have posted comments saying give up, run away, don't fight, you can't win. I don't necessarily agree with that. Yes, in some cases, fleeing is the best course of action. But sometimes the only way to survive is to fight. Or sometimes standing up to the sociopath enables you to reclaim yourself, even if you don't win the battle. I believe you …
He thought I had beautiful eyes…
As if being a first year law student isn't hard enough, enter a new dating relationship. Under the best of circumstances, this would be a challenge, but when your gut is screaming at you, it's even more interesting. Let's start with law school. I was slow to admit it, but yes, that is what I have been doing since last I wrote. Years ago, after my all consuming experience with psychopathy, I promised myself that I would rise from the ashes, turn the bad into good, and help others recover from abusive relationships with psychopaths or those high in psychopathic features. It is my turn to pay it forward. This promise has evolved slowly and its shape has changed over the years, but thus f …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: After the sociopath, whole and human again
Editor's note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader "Winifred." She previously wrote "The Other Prey loving someone previously married to a sociopath." I have just read the story from "Edward" entitled, My involvement with a female sociopath. My heart goes out to the people who are collateral damage from the wrath of a sociopath...male or female. I would like to get the message out there that there is actually a way to recover from this hell, and after picking up the pieces and getting to know ourselves again, to find someone who has no evil agenda, someone who wants what we want! I have been with my husband for 10 years now, and we have been through it all! I believe that …
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My Marriage To A Sociopath: Lessons Learned
by Quinn Pierce It's fall in the Northeast. The long humid days of summer have been replaced by crisp autumn air, while vibrant, painted leaves cover sidewalks. It's usually my favorite time of year, but I have to admit that this particular change in seasons has been challenging. Instead of enjoying the beautiful scenery and bright sunshine, I've spent most of my days sitting in the interchangeable waiting rooms of doctors, lawyers, counselors, principals, etc, trying to help my children heal while protecting them from their father. Time to Reflect on Change Sitting in these impersonal, and sometimes, over-crowded waiting rooms, I have had lots of time to reflect upon my fifteen y …
Recovery from the sociopath: Remember to live
For many of us, when we finally disengage from the sociopath, our lives are in shambles. We aren't just trying to recover from a broken heart due to the sociopath's unconscionable betrayal. We may also need to recover from financial devastation, ruined relationships with family and friends, lost jobs, lost businesses, lost homes, stress-related illness and the aftershocks of psychological manipulation. No wonder we feel like zombies. Where do we start? How do we rebuild our lives? In the beginning, our focus is rightfully on crisis management. We make sure we have shelter, food, financial support. We must find solutions for the basic issues of survival. Eventually, the crisis …
Divorcing A Sociopath: Avoiding Conflict and Other Mistakes
by Quinn Pierce For a long time, I tried to keep confrontations with my ex-husband to a minimum. I always thought that I could avoid causing my boys any further harm by just ”˜keeping the peace'. I considered it a small price to pay if I had to tolerate inconveniences and insults in order to give my children a drama-less environment. But, as is always the case when negotiating with a sociopath, the price was much higher than I ever imagined. Good Intentions I believed I was setting an example by taking the high road and not engaging my ex-husband in his game-playing antics. Unfortunately, what I was doing was letting a bully set the rules and move the boundaries at will. And whil …
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