How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Married To A Sociopath–The Experience In 250 Words Or Less

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 My corrosive marriage to and my toxic divorce from a sociopath are chronicled in my book  Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned (available via Amazon.com). My after-the-fact understanding of how I got trapped for so long in this hellish relationship is woven throughout. Yet, to share the essence of the experience in far fewer words, I crafted the following poem (also in the book.) If any of it resonates with you, I hope it helps you unveil an abusive relationship for what it is and motivates you to craft a safe exit strategy for you or for someone close to you whose life may be precariously entwined with a sociopath. The Poem--Husband, Lia …

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I am legally not allowed to protect my child from his sociopathic father

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Editor's note: Lovefraud recevied the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Clarissa." I met the sociopath when I was a 16-year-old Crown Ward on "Independent Living." He was older than me and in the Army. I was in high school. I became pregnant at 17. Children's Aid attempted to abandon me and have me instead rely on social services. The sociopath (father) wanted me to abort the child or keep it   not put it up for adoption. He would not have a child of his in the world where he could not control it. I had been considering adoption or having the child on my own and didn't want him involved. His mother, possibly also sociopathic, met me in secret urging me to make a family with her s …

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A Relationship With A Sociopath, Anxiety, And Depression

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There are many reasons why being unwittingly involved with a sociopath often leads to anxiety and depression. Below is an edited excerpt from my book Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned (available via Amazon.com) that discusses some of the relevant dynamics. Chronic, Subtle Feelings That "Something's Off" A chronic, subtle sense of unease, anxiety, and feeling that something is “off” are classic symptoms of being in a relationship with a sociopath. These feelings became my constant companions while married to my ex-husband. A Psychology Experiment The Iowa Gambling Task is a classic study designed by neuroscientists at the University of …

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Sociopaths and a Greek Tragedy Revisited

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Now that I've had my own life derailed by a sociopath, and now that I know up to 4% of the population is sociopathic, I see sociopaths often in everyday life. I also see sociopaths in literature and film.  Yet, before my own life was train wrecked by a sociopath, I viewed these stories and characters as entertaining aberrations, not as anything or anyone about which I really had to worry. Weren't sociopaths rare, and wouldn't I somehow know if such a person entered my life? I'm guessing I'm not that unusual.  Before it happened to you, did you know how high the odds were that your life could be profoundly scarred by a sociopath? Why Aren't We Warned? Why isn't every young adult repeatedly w …

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When You “Lose Yourself” Due To A Sociopath, Recovery Is Hard–Really Hard

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If I hear one more reporter or talk show host ask a victim of partner abuse, “Why did you stay?” and not really listen to the answer or not try to understand the psychology of how emotional, psychological, financial, and/or physical abuse can rewire your brain and murder your soul, I will scream. I want to scream because I don't think the interviewer is really looking for an answer. We Are Strong, They Were Weak Instead, it's as if the questioner is seeking to label the victim as “weak” and “not like us.” This creates a sense that the victim is different, and that perceived difference creates the comforting illusion that it could never happen to us or someone like us.  After all: We are stro …

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Sociopath Math

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 "It feels like I have a target on me," said a woman who had repeatedly caught the eye of sociopathic men. "You do," I replied.  “So do I. So do lots of us.” Believe Who They Are When They Show You The First Time Why are empathetic people especially likely to get trapped in long-term relationships with sociopaths? We stay in these relationships too long, in part, because we discount and misattribute malicious, selfish, destructive behavior. We give people the benefit of the doubt. We have to stop doing this!  Or at least, we need to become far more selective about when we do it and with whom we do it. We need to take Maya Angelou's words to heart — “When someone shows you who they are believe …

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Married To A Sociopath — How It All Began

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My Story Since ending what turned into a toxic marriage, suffering through a divorce from hell, and enduring severe post-divorce emotional, legal, and financial aftershocks, I have educated myself about sociopaths. It is clear to me now that my ex-husband and the father of my children is a sociopath. By sharing my story and painfully gained insights in my book Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned, and on the lovefraud.com  website, I hope to help others identify some of the markers that indicate someone in their life might be a sociopath as well as to recognize and offset the qualities in oneself—as in all of us—that encourage us to give t …

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Tips for surviving a custody evaluation

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a mother whom we'll call "Natalya". She shares a child with a sociopath and her custody nightmare keeps getting worse. I have read in many articles and blogs that often psychologists would not recognize the psychopath and actually "allow" themselves to be manipulated. I thought it won't happen to me as my son's father is so ridiculous and I think it is so obvious to see something is wrong with him. Unfortunately my custody evaluation was a disaster. Even one of the mental tests he took shows the possibility of substance induced psychotic disorder and the psychologists herself stated he shows paranoia, delusion and cannot be …

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My Niece in My Bed…with My Sociopath Husband

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Dinner in Bed The spath convinced me to have his 17 year old niece come from his country and have us house her to try and give her a chance to live here.  I agreed.  Seemed noble, right?  In November she came.  I conceived my daughter in January; she was still in our home. I wanted her to have a good chance at life so I got her plugged into school here to learn English, taught her how to drive, took her to get her hair done, you know all those things.  There was a language barrier because she did not speak English, but I spent a lot of time and effort helping her. One night I had one of my girlfriends over and we were cooking dinner.  I hadn't seen my niece nor the spath around for a while; i …

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My father the sociopath: ‘I should just kill you’

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call “Judith-Ann.” Many of us grow up in homes of loud abuses. As children, constant new realities wail on our fledgling emotions, all too often beating them into submission. Some of us give up. Our sensitive natures can't bear the hate of our own creators and we crash into ourselves in a thousand ways, catching fire until we burn out like stars, until there is nothing of ourselves but a black hole of self-hatred. Others of us continue to rail against the injustices committed against us. The Unwanted, we bash our brains out against the bars of an invisible cage from which we honestly believe we can never be freed. …

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