How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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  3. KatyDid

    My dog is a narcissist. She thinks everything is about her. She can’t get enough walks, enough ummies, enough pets, enough talks, enough playtime in the park, enough kibble, enough praise.

    Yesterday I let her off lead to run in a closein area. She HATES water and yet ran right into a dirty stream draining from the sewer plant and then rolled and rubbed all over the grassy area with all the deer and goat and cat and dog Shite. I took her home silently b/c it’s not her fault she acted like a dog. I put her in her crate so she could not bless my bed, and got a bath ready for her. (did I mention she hates water?). I gave her a good shampoo, made her lay in ONE spot to dry on the tile floor, and cleaned the bathroom. Then I got ready to go to work, again not talking to her b/c I was BUSY, but making her lay in that one spot. She got VERY sad, followed me going back and forth getting stuff for work, and then I couldn’t find her. When I did, she was standing in the bath… the ONE place she hated the most but it was where she could be the MOST submissive and sorry. PPPOOORRR thing, I was just focused on cleaning and gettting to work. She thought I was mad. I wasn’t. She was a dog acting like a dog. It’s MY lack of training her that allowed her to run and not come to me when called. Standing in the bath, with those sad eyes, pleading for forgiveness b/c my busyness MUST be b/c of her.

    Can you imagine how smart my dog is, to figure that she was bad, I was mad, and what was the most submissive thing she could do? I still feel SO bad that she felt the need to be so submissive. And we’ve had 5 walks and lots of ummies since then.

    Shelter dog. SUPER dog. Soft. Big brown eyes. Friendly. Gentle. Sweet. Happy (usually). SMART. from a Shelter. I am SO lucky b/c yes she is a narcissist, but she is the most kindest loving narcissist ever.

  4. DawnG

    It’s hard for me to talk about my dog. She had to be put to sleep last July. She had been abused like me but I never knew the extent of the damage beyond her psyche. She was abused so that her spine calcified and the fluid could no longer move effectively and she lost her ability to walk. No one could have detected this in advance without an xray and she never needed one before she began failing.

    She was a great dog and sometimes she made me a little crazy with her neuroses. She was terrified of loud noises–thunder, fireworks. The sound of rain would make her shake uncontrollably. She would try to stuff herself under my computer desk by my feet to hide and find comfort with my physical closeness. She also suffered from separation anxiety. She followed me everywhere she could, and I often plopped her 90lb German Shepherd butt in the front seat so she could ride with the wind in her ears and mouth. She went to see her Grammy all the time and was treated like one of the other grandchildren.

    She was as loyal as any person could ever hope to be. She slept at the foot of my bed for 5 years.

    When she died I had her cremated. I couldn’t bring myself to bury her in the backyard because I hate this house, always have, and I knew eventually I would go and she couldn’t come with us. My spath told me to bring her to his property and I could bury her in his pet cemetery. I didn’t do it, thank God. I would have to go there to visit her and I wouldn’t ever be able to do it. So her ashes are still in the little box from the pet crematorium. I’ll take her with me when we go.

  5. KatyDid

    DawnG
    I agree that you don’t need to find a place to bury her. She should stay with you. Actually it sounds nice. I think you watch and get a nice container for her, something that honors her. You didn’t say where you got her, but mine is from the shelter and has separation anxiety too. Breaks my heart so I snuggle her a lot. My dog sometimes squeezsd under my computer desk too. I don’t get it, it’s hard and full of cords. Funny how we can treat our pets better than we demanded for ourselves. But I am okay with her quirks, heaven knows she has to bear mine! All my best, Katy

  6. Ox Drover

    DawnG,

    We never have them with us for long enough….and a friend of mine who raises Border Collies says “you always outlive your best dog” and I think he’s right. I lost my best dog last July (2010) and the “summer of Chaos” 2007 when I had to run for my life and leave my home, I lost my 32 year old horse who had to be put down, my Great Pyrenees was murdered by someone as she stood in her own yard, and my Shitzu got run over because she was deaf and couldn’t hear me call to her….so just honor her memory and keep her with you. ((((hugs)))) Now we have three rescued dogs, all good dogs, all loving dogs who give so much love in return for a bit of shelter, petting and food.

  7. DawnG

    Katydid,

    My dog came from temporary neighbors who rented a house two doors away. They didn’t feed her well, kept her on a short chain on their back patio, she was full of fleas and worms. She was a beautiful pure bred dog and it destroyed me to see her so mistreated. I had grown up with Shepherds and dearly loved them as a breed. I asked the neighbor dad to let me have her one day and he said no. Then a couple of months later he showed up on the front porch with her and a leash. She was a shelter dog before that.

    The pet crematory gave me her paw print in clay too and a tuft of her fur. I think I’ll find some kind of urn for her someday. The wound of losing her is still a little raw and that’s why it’s hard to even look at the little box, let alone move her ashes to something else. Someday, though.

    I also just thought about my s-path’s dog. There were once two of them, giant 200 lb. short haired St. Bernards, a mother and son. The mama dog died too young, surely of neglect. The younger male is still kicking. Last I saw him he was filthy, his ears were caked with crud, he smelled unbearably bad, and he is too thin. His dog house was moved to an area with no shade at all. The ex doesn’t take good enough care of him, doesn’t feed him quite enough. I offered to relieve him of the “burden” of this beautiful dog and he always said no. I think I would accept temporary contact with him if he were to show up on the porch with that amazing dog like the neighbor did. That dog is so special and deserves so much better.

  8. Stargazer

    My cat has been with me for 18-1/2 years, and she has never abandoned, discarded, or devalued me. She always treats me like the most important thing in her life because I am. **Why do I want a man again?…..*scratching head*

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