Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.
Chapter 44B: A Second Honeymoon
I looked at him. “Are you serious?”
“You’ve talked several times about moving to give Daniel a fresh start. Let’s do it. We’ll have to do it fast. We need to make sure we sell the house and have the kids there by the summer so they can meet people and be ready to start the school year. I know it sounds crazy, but how about it? Let’s give us the second chance we really deserve. Let’s give the kids the life you’ve always wanted for them.”
“What about your business? My parents?” I asked. “They’re getting old, and I don’t want to be thousands of miles away when they need me.”
“My business is doing so well now that I can manage it remotely. Jessica will be driving soon, the kids are older and more independent, and I’ll make sure you can get back to see your parents four times a year, more if you want. And just think, now you can cross-country ski every day all winter.”
My first response was “NOOOOOO!” I had done so much good work to get my life back on track in Connecticut that it would be crazy to derail my efforts now. I had friends, and my family was only a half-day’s drive away. I had developed connections to try to get a teaching job. All the work I had done to start my life over was in Connecticut. But Paul was persuasive, using my affinity for a simpler life, our newfound connection, a more wholesome life for the kids, and a life in the mountains where I could enjoy my favorite sport and activities to convince me to go.
I agreed to think about it. While I did, Paul continued to be attentive, respectful, caring. The ice that, out of self-preservation, had encased my heart, continued to melt. Defenses built up below conscious awareness and reinforced through necessity over more than fifteen years did not dissolve instantly. Yet, as the months passed, I had started to fall in love with Paul again. Not only that, I felt hopeful and confident in the future, something I had not felt for a long time. Sociopaths can be very convincing.
To help make the decision about moving, I agreed to another trip to Utah in April. Paul planned it all. It was early spring; with snow still in the mountains yet an embracing warmth to the mountain air by midday. The tall peaks and snow tugged at my heart. For years, I had wanted desperately to give Daniel a fresh start. We spent our mornings skiing or hiking, our afternoons looking at houses, and our evenings at charming restaurants. The mood while we were there was magical, warm, even loving and exciting at times. We found a house nestled in the woods with just enough of a break in the trees to offer a spectacular view. The house resonated with me, reminding me of my childhood home in Vermont. It felt so right. At the end of the trip, I said, “Yes.”
We would need to move at lightning speed to orchestrate the move by summer. (This is consistent with a sociopath’s tendency to make quick, risky decisions and to convince others to come along for the ride.) Seeing as Paul would not be able to take time off from his business—our only source of income now—it was only logical that my life would have to come to a screeching halt once again to organize the move, but it seemed like a worthwhile tradeoff.
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Notes
Identifying names, places, events, characteristics, etc. that I discuss here and in my book have been altered to protect the identity of everyone involved.
With a sociopath, the “good times” are bait to keep you in a losing game
‘(This is consistent with a sociopath’s tendency to make quick, risky decisions and to convince others to come along for the ride.)’…
This sure resonates. Spaths move at lightning speed and try to bring others along so that when things do derail as they always do, they can once again blame others.
I remember when I was trying to figure out why Anthony’s second marriage failed. It was hard for me to believe that any woman would cheat on the wonderful man that he presented himself to be. Anthony had said so many terrible things about Gia: she was a “big partier” who was liable to make out with random men while drunk, for example. Why had he fallen for her in the first place?
“What did you really love about her?”
“Are you sure that you want to know?” he asked. “You might get jealous.” I nodded and braced myself to hear something that would make me envious, like she had a perfect body, or was the best lover that he had ever had.
“She is like me, in that she is go, go, go. And, unlike you, she makes up her mind really quickly about things,” he told me. And I thought, why would that make me jealous? You both sound like you have an impulse disorder.
Really, he was trying to groom me to go along quickly with his investment schemes, which I was loath to do. The first time he talked about investing in a B&B, I balked and left him, because he was pressuring me so intensely that it scared me. If only I had stayed away.
zoe- i am dealing with some legalities with the spath. i wonder if you would let donna give me your e address for some legal questions. if not, o.k.
Hi Sunnygal. You can reach me at zoejd88@aol.com. I would be happy to help you if I can.
not good to list your e address here.
This is not my real email address, Sunnygal. I created it just so you could reach me.
i tried it. didn’t work but i did get help so am o.k.
oh, do I remember some of these ‘lightening quick’ decisions, giving ME no time/room to think things over and back out. Several ‘family trips’ came about, this way..usually a disaster in the making.