Psychopaths tend to be sexually promiscuous. They often have numerous short term romantic relationships and indiscriminant sexual encounters throughout their lives. Further, they commonly engage carelessly and recklessly, without regard for consequences. This, unfortunately, often leaves trails of children behind in their wakes.
Psychopaths do not make good parents. They may be able to create the children, but do not have the ability to effectively parent. Frequently, they fail to properly provide for these children in most ways, as they are unusually focused on themselves, their own wants and needs, and often driven to act in anger and revenge. This is true, independent of whether or not they are involved with the other parent. (Although, it is worth mentioning that it may not seem as such in cases where they are still “wearing their masks.”)
They view their children as possessions or objects. The children are not protected by the loving bonds of parenthood, because psychopaths are not capable of genuine, unconditional love. No healthy emotional bonds exist either. Parenthood takes on a whole new meaning when a psychopathic parent is involved and it is not positive. While relationships may occur, and in some cases, may even span the course of lifetimes, they are always dysfunctional and potentially dangerous. This harm can be perpetrated in many ways. Acknowledging this as fact is important. Yet, this truth is often misunderstood by many involved.
The children of psychopaths are often as confused as the rest of the population regarding the behaviors. Some definitely achieve an awareness of the emotional disconnects and rage, even at very young ages, and have great fear, depending on what they have endured. This group may not want to interact with the parent. Others understand less, especially ones who were abandoned early in life and are less familiar with the actual traits and behaviors of the psychopathic parent. All are at risk, however, even as adults.
Some children (adult or otherwise) may recognize that things are “off,” but don’t know what to do with the information, are unable to articulate it, or choose to minimize the strange behaviors. Others may seek further approval from the parent, yearning for love and attention. Young children, who do not have other, outside life experiences to compare, may find the behaviors disturbing, but “normal,” as the psychopathic parent may be all they know.
Regardless, there is a lot occurring that is incredibly dysfunctional when a psychopathic parent is involved. They may operate very differently with various family members, but all of their behaviors are jaded by their own interests and agendas, not those of the children.
Psychopathic parents commonly play favorites with their children. They position them, as they would anyone or anything else. Their motives may be somewhat complex or very basic, but the reasons are not related to the care and well being of their offspring – ever. Also, a child’s spot in this twisted hierarchy is not guaranteed, and may whimsically change, depending on how “satisfied” the psychopathic parent is with the child at any given moment. Security, which plays a critical role in healthy child development, is non-existent.
An example may look something like this, remembering that not all will look the same; a “golden child” or children, as well as a “target child” or children. Additionally, there may be others (who may be less useful to the psychopath) who tend to be more or less forgotten about. They may feel that there is little to gain from interactions with these children. In some cases, it is possible that the psychopaths recognize their similarly afflicted children, and distance themselves. Could this be a “protective” measure, in an attempt to perpetuate “their kind?” Could it be that they are less fun to manipulate and harm or irritate? There are many theories and various schools of thought on why this is, some of with which I agree, others which I do not. In this article, I will focus on first two categories.
What does all of this mean to the children? Regardless of position, the answer is usually distress and some type of harm; physical, emotional, psychological, or otherwise. None of these positions is desirable for any child of any age.
The target child or children
A child on the receiving end of a psychopathic parent’s wrath is in a precarious place. This child or group of children may be targeted for a multitude of reasons.
In many cases, the targeted children are psychologically quite normal and require discrediting by the psychopath. They may have the psychopath figured out. Or, they may be the children of the parent that the psychopath harbors the most hatred for or resentment toward. In some cases, these children bear the brunt of the psychopath’s anger and wild, abusive, neglectful, and manipulative behaviors.
Regardless of age, this group is lied to and about. The psychopathic parent also tends to blame them and/or their normal parent for almost everything that is wrong in the psychopathic parent’s life. This may cause guilt or anger in the target child, depending on the circumstances.
In essence, the psychopathic parent sees this group as a significant liability and/or objects of sadistic pleasure. These children are also the ones who tend to become the pawns in the psychopathic parent’s games of “payback” with the non-psychopathic parent. Although, a confusing, dangerous, and potentially frustrating place for a child to be, it’s relatively simple to understand, once alerted to the behaviors.
The golden child or children
The plight of the “golden child” is much more complex. It’s a larger scale manipulation because the psychopath must remain undercover. Naturally, the position of “golden child” has to do with the psychopath, not the child, and what they feel the child has to offer them. The golden child may fall anywhere in the birth and relationship order.
The psychopaths may recognize that they need to have at least one child on their side, as many others may be estranged. Even psychopaths come realize their mortality (sort of) and may desire some type of “insurance” that they will always have at least one relation at their beck and call, for either physical or financial support as they age. It is also possible that they need a “partner in crime,” or “cover” in order to appear normal. Perhaps they need a “buddy.” The reasons vary. One thing that does not change, however, is that their “caring” and positive affect is not genuine. Conversely, it is harmful.
“Golden children” are sometimes gullible in many respects, which may be what influenced the psychopaths’ selections in the first place. The children are not at fault for this. This group typically believes that the parent cares for them. They are easy targets, as they are often ones who did not grow up in frequent, direct contact with the psychopathic parent. Or, they did and are under their manipulative influences.
In cases where psychopaths are attempting to “mend” relationships, that they claim were estranged due to the actions of an outside force, they will only try this with children they know fail to understand the affliction. If the child’s personality is forgiving and he or she does not seek greater understanding, taking most behaviors at face value and accepting excuses, the child will fall, hook, line, and sinker.
Yet somewhere, the child probably has or had an idea of the parent’s true nature. They choose to overlook what they know. They want to believe that they are important to this parent, so they cast reality aside. Additionally, it is important to remember that psychopaths “lovebomb” their children too. This feels good and makes the child feel special, especially if they are held in comparison to the targets.
If the child hears and gets what he wants from the parent, the child will invest in the “relationship.” The child’s investment will be genuine, but the psychopath’s never will be. When the children are older and have fewer interactions with this parent, the psychopath’s work is considerably easier. Superficial relations are easier to maintain.
If other disordered individuals or enablers surround the psychopathic parent and fuel their assertions, the expectation should be that the manipulations will occur at a greater rate or to a pronounced degree. Sadly, the child or children may not understand, which will eventually lead to even greater disappointment and confusion.
Significant dissonance will occur when the words and the actions of the parent really don’t match. In time, the child will hopefully come to understand what he already knew. With no ability to maintain rewarding relationships, just simply knowing what to do, say, or offer the child materially, will not mask the emotional disconnection. Even when “emotions” are displayed, the normal child should eventually piece the problems together and acknowledge the reality.
At that point, he or she may ask the same questions and search for the same answers as every other person the psychopath has drawn close. It is , indeed, an unfortunate position to be in.
Which is worse?
Neither is good. However, although the target children may wish that things were completely different, at least members of this group know where they stand. They have the ability to rectify what is and move forward in a healthy fashion.
The golden children will have to live and learn, which will, inevitably, come to take its toll. They cannot fill the empty places, because they cannot define what the voids are or why they exist. The pedestal can be a very lonely place, when the motives for their placement are sinister. With the words that mean nothing, the lies and blame regarding the decent, and the feigned affect void of meaning, the golden children truly are left chasing ghosts.
Children of psychopathy have obstacles to overcome regardless of the scenario. Again, education and awareness at all levels – mental health, legal, and within the families themselves -will be what helps to decide the outcomes of those in this position.
Look for future information on children of psychopathy. Dr. Liane Leedom, M.D. and I have two research articles, currently in press, which will continue to shed light on this very important topic. We are both excited to begin sharing our findings shortly.
One of my 3 children has significant anxiety and fear of her spath dad. She knows something is “off” like the author of this article mentions. She often says things like, “He’s not like other people.” Or, “He’s really a bad man pretending to be a good man.” Or, “I can’t stand his fake talk.” “Fake talk” is her way of describing his lack of genuineness. She sees right through him and it scares her. My poor baby. I can’t imagine what it must be like for her. Well, I guess I can….. I lived it too. But I was able to divorce him. She can’t.
This is a great article, Linda. There is lots of food for thought and I’m excited to hear more about your and Liane’s research.
In my experience, the psychopath wants us to become like them. They want us to feel the envy and hatred that they feel.
I’m not sure what criteria they choose for picking the golden child, but I’ve seen that the end result is a more selfish child than the ones who were not chosen. I think this is because the pedestal feels so precarious and the fear of falling is constantly looming. Just like us, who have been subjected to the roller coaster ride of idealizing and devaluing, the golden child is subjected to swings of highs and lows. The child never learns that they are safe or that anything is predictable because it’s not. They never have control over the whims of the spath.
Some children, who are already spathy, recognize the evil in their parents because they can relate to it. I think the psychopath will not put too much energy into that child. His work is done. But the spath will occasionally team up with the spath child to attack the more normal siblings or even the normal spouse.
Although it may seem like the worst position would be to be a “normal” child in a spath household because that child will get the worst of the abuse and bullying, in the end, if the child survives and can discern what he has experienced, he will have gained resilience. It all depends on the child’s ability to discern what is happening around them.
In the end, any attention from a spath, is bad attention. The kids who can make themselves blend with the furniture are the luckiest.
Linda this is a great article but I have one “critical” comment, it should be a book, not just an article….there is so MUCH INFORMATION that I have read it over several times now and don’t believe I have fully been able to take it all in.
I agree with your statements 100% in every direction, but each sentence you write makes me think of this or that person and the next sentence makes me think of some other example of what you are saying.
Being an only child and only grandchild on either side for several years, I was the “golden child” for many years and have also experienced the position of “scape goat” as well. These ever changing dynamics of the “roles” played by each person in the family dramas in which we grew up are “interesting” and how we change and adapt to these “roles.”
If a family depends on a certain person being the scape goat and that person gets sober and starts to “straighten up” the family will goad him/hher back into drinking again so that the status quo can be maintained. If the scape goat leaves (goes NC or dies) then a new person will be appointed to fill that role if it is important to the dynamics of the family.
When my grandmother, the FAMILY ENABLER/PROTECTOR of the family bad boy, died, my egg donor changed her own role and assumed that role left empty by the death of my grandmother and when as my egg donor aged and saw the day that the family would need another “enabler” to protect the family bad boy, she started grooming me….and when I rebelled all hell broke loose when my chosen replacements took her money but didn’t fulfill the role the way she expected them to. I had been devalued and discarded by her when she though had replacements to fill the role. Now, I am the ENEMY that she must protect the family bad boy from.
In the mean time, he plays her like a fine fiddle….and she as no concept of what is going on.
Analyzing where we are in the DYNAMICS of the people we interact with (family, co-workers, friends, neighbors) can give us some clues in how to take care of ourselves and meet our own needs while NOT allowing someone else to assign us a role in their own drama that is injurious to us.
I truly believe that there is much to be gained by studying children of Ps with what is known about children growing up in alcoholic homes. Martha Stout claims that 80% of Ps are alcoholics.
Studies also show how these children are affected as adults. There are many books on adult children of alcoholics. The research has been around for a long time. Why not utilize it? Adult children suffer from social expectations that families need to be together.
Many ACOAs absolutely hate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. They can get stuck going over and over again what their parents did to them. How liberating it would be to know that their P parents were subhuman.
What hasn’t been done, to the best of my knowledge, is combine the bodies of knowledge ”“ let’s look at what we know about Ps with what is known about alcoholics. Both fields would gain much from each other.
The ACOA field still pushes that everybody is born good. It holds out hope that at some point the families may reunite. Granted, adult children will tell others to keep away from toxic people, but the implication is that yes, you, too, may one day be the lucky one with the family of your dreams. Put the focus on you and change yourself for the better. These are obsolete beliefs. They were based on what we knew 30 and 40 years ago. Times have changed.
We need to educate the public.
There is a point where people are good enough just the way they are. We shouldn’t keep forcing relationships on people when, if they used their common sense and had the right information, we can agree that certain people just aren’t worth the investment. Move on. Find emotionally healthier people.
I feel there is a sense of spinning one’s wheels in the ACOA movement because this missing piece is knowledge about psychopathy and psychopaths. Give these people that part. I think they would love it, once they grasp it, and go on to very productive lives. Meanwhile, they’re struggling over the myth that everybody is born good and if only”and people wonder why co-dependency continues.
There is alcoholism in my family. However, nobody’s ever mentioned Ps. I was pushed to look at what I was doing to cause these things to happen. What could I do to change me? I agree there was much that I needed to unlearn and re-learn, but at the same time, nobody ever suggested that I undertaking impossible quests if I thought that family harmony, love, and understanding would result. That was pushed on me.
My life would have been so much different, productive, loving, and far less painful if somebody had told me to cut my losses, run, and maintain no contact for the rest of my life. Instead, I’ve been fed that BS that there must be something wrong with me that I can’t get along with my family members or don’t want to be with them. What kind of person would be like that? And of course, we can all see how everybody else in my family is together so by default, the “blame” falls at my feet.
I am sure that children of psychopaths encounter the same.
Studies of alcoholic families have identified various roles that the children assume. These roles are not healthy, even for the “best” child, which is identified as the hero child. In Linda’s description, this would be equivalent with the “golden” child.
There are often more roles than children in the family. This means the roles can be assumed by any of the children at any time and some children will assume two or more of these roles at the same time.
These roles maintain the sick, alcoholic, dysfunctional dynamic of the family. They supplement the sick dynamic that is going on between the parents. Sometimes only one parent is the alcoholic and sometimes both parents are. What is important to remember is that Ps are also alcoholics. A study of adult children of alcoholics will give a good idea of the struggles children growing up with a P will face as adults.
The whole system has been compared with a mobile. The roles are in an unsteady balance with each other. Sometimes, like jostling a mobile, the mobile will swing wildly, but eventually things will settle down into a precarious balance.
Some or all of these roles may be present or absent in a family. Sometimes, one role may be assigned by the parent and it follows the child throughout life.
Which roles manifest depend on the parents and the dynamics between them, their personal issues (like substance abuse,) their personalities, their behavior, their presence or absence (and at what point) in the child’s life, education, economic, and cultural influences and expectations, sometimes the birth order, and many other mitigating factors.
Roles
Hero Child ”“ The hero child is also known as the “fair-haired child” or the “child that can do no wrong.” This child maintains the façade that there is nothing wrong with the family. People will point to this child and say, “This one turned out OK. The parents must be doing something right.”
The hero child may go on to become the most successful child of the family either through marriage, career, or some other means.
Hero children often identify with the dominant parent in the family. They can also be rescuers and caretakers, thus becoming heroes because the family expects them fix everything or have all the answers. The destructive side of these expectations is insecurity. The child will believe that he or she is a fraud or that his or her acceptance comes only if they give the smiling faces what they are asking.
When the child does not know, the child will lie to escape criticism or disappointing the ones with the expectations. In time, the child may learn that it doesn’t matter what he or she says, a response is all that is expected so the child will say anything even when knowing it is not the truth. The family does not care about substance. In fact, it is incapable of it as long as it is dysfunctional. Appearance is what drives the family. If this situation presents itself often enough, the hero child will become a chronic liar.
The family puts this child on a pedestal. This cultivates narcissism or makes the child emotionally unavailable as any sign of less being less than wonderful would destroy the image forced upon them. They often appear confident, but suffer from perfectionism.
They can also feel horribly guilty because they do not understand why they have been elevated above their siblings. They may struggle over why they receive the accolades and favors while their siblings are neglected, passed over, demeaned, abused, or dismissed.
Since they cannot control how their parents act nor can they influence the family system to make it healthy, they emotionally shut down, go into denial, and become emotionally unavailable.
Another way of coping is joining in the chorus of fault-finding in others including their siblings, the subordinate parent, or a group the family finds offensive in some way, which can lead to bullying, racism, or some other kind of superiority behavior. Pointing the finger at somebody else takes the focus off them and any of their shortcomings.
Because of all of the above, they have major control issues.
Scapegoat Child ”“ Just as the hero child can do no wrong, there needs to be a child that does no right. This is the Scapegoat who is most likely the one to be battered or otherwise victimized growing up and also throughout life.
This child can actually be an achiever, talented, and gifted, even more so than the hero child, but if these attributes do not suit the purposes of the family dynamics or would disrupt the well-cultivated image of the hero child, they will not be recognized. This causes tremendous confusion in the child.
Talented or not, these children can also suffer from perfectionism. Unlike the hero child, who is trying to live up to an image, the scapegoat’s perfectionism is to escape abuse and criticism and hopefully achieve some sort of positive recognition in the family. That usually never happens.
Because they are literally told if it weren’t for them, then ” (fill in the blank.) These are the children who believe that they must have done something wrong to have caused the misery in the family. They also believe that they flawed or bad. There is a tremendous amount of core damage done to these children.
A parent who sees having a child as a burden and resents the intrusion into his or her personal life will blame the child for their lack of freedom, costing too much money, or whatever else the parent deems is making the parent miserable. Neglect is very common.
Silent or Forgotten Child ”“ Usually, this role appears after there is a Hero and Scapegoat. This one tries to fade away and not be noticed. This one is also meek and will do what he or she is told.
Forgotten children may become the socially awkward child or may never leave home.
They may escape into a fantasy world. They can be the odd child at school which is ridiculed or bullied.
Their emotions are not recognized. They are valued by the family only because they do not cause any problems. Nobody really cares about what they think or do. The fewer demands they put on the family, the better the family likes it. However, this means their emotional needs not only go unrecognized, but unprocessed. They do not receive guidance on growing up. They stay out of trouble and out of sight. It is terribly invalidating for the child.
As adults, their anger may fester to the point of violence or murder. Their fantasy life can become perverted.
Most often, though, they become victims of abusers and remain stuck in abusive relationships.
Clown or Entertainer ”“ the Clown or Entertainer in the family is usually a younger child or the youngest. The younger or youngest child learns early on that being cute and adorable is protection in a violent, dysfunctional family.
The family “approves” of this child because the behavior is non-threatening and, again, can be used as an example of how “normal” the family is ”“ look! We have a happy child who laughs and makes us laugh.
In addition to self-protection, the child’s antics diffuse tension.
Defiant or Rebel Child ”“ This child is the emotionally healthiest child of the family because this is the child who is most likely to see how sick and dysfunctional the family is despite its attempts to convince others of its normalcy.
This is the child who sees the family an Emperor’s New Clothes situation. This child will speak up, which the family may interpret as “having a mouth” or being a smart ass.
This child is a threat to the family’s denial. The family will become dismissive by essentially pushing the child away. Because this child is kicked out of the nest, the child will gravitate to others. While delinquency, substance abuse problems, unwanted pregnancies, and other issues are not inevitable, there is a high chance that these will develop because the family is not present to give the child a healthy foundation and guide him or her.
However, there is also a chance that the now abandoned child will meet up with healthy interventions through teachers, peers from emotionally healthier families, or organizations. The child’s personality may drive the child to seek help. The child could learn that his or her family is not normal. On their own, these children may find those who can tell them what is normal.
This child ends up very confused due to feeling one way internally. The family has regulated him or her to a role where failure is expected and no help will be provided, yet the child feels like all the rest of the kids (at least initially.) This child wonders what he or she did wrong and ends up with tremendous shame issues.
The Peacemaker ”“ This child may also be the hero child or the family comic.
In the purest sense, the peacemaker has an overdeveloped sense of responsibility of bringing peace to the squabbling family members. It is an unfair burden to place on a child since a child is never responsible for an adult’s actions. It empowers the child with a false sense of right and wrong because the actions are not about the other people, but are done for approval or protect against harm.
There are two types of peacemakers ”“ the assertive kind who step in to calm things down and the passive ones who back down and will do anything to keep the ugly from erupting. While on the surface these may appear to be noble or benevolent efforts, in reality, they are polar opposites of extreme control.
Like the hero child, the Peacemaker can be a know-it-all. At the other end, these children may also become great enablers. They walk on eggshells and will sacrifice everything for peace at any cost. They will become doormats.
Thanks, guys. Oxy, you are not being critical at all! I agree, it should be a book. I’m working on it. There is so much, which has caused me to be slow about it. As you suggest, I could go in so many directions with this because there is so much to say and so much ground to cover. Piecing it all together has not been easy.
Further, much of the dynamics are similar due to the similarities in the psychopathic parents. Yet, at the same time, so much is different because people are different – even the dysfunctional ones. I LOVE your last sentece because it’s so true.
G1S, I think you are right regarding your thoughts on AOCA. Some benefit might come from revisions. I absolutely believe that psychopathy cannot be ignored and that it is ok to release the bad and surround ourselves with healthier options.
I also like your thoughts on the roles various children play. It’s definitely complicated. That is one thing that is certain!
Linda, thank you for this insightful article. I don’t think enough attention has been paid to this specific topic, and the ramifications of what children endure at the hands of spath parents cannot be underestimated – ever.
I would like to see some serious data on this subject: percentages of spath children from spath parents; percentages of children by spath parents that end up as victims; etc.
Thank you, again.
Brightest blessings
Thanks, Linda, yes
“Analyzing where we are in the DYNAMICS of the people we interact with (family, co-workers, friends, neighbors) can give us some clues in how to take care of ourselves and meet our own needs while NOT allowing someone else to assign us a role in their own drama that is injurious to us. ”
When I was exposed to some “family role theory” during nursing school, I sort of “clicked” on it that it “fit” how I had been brought up, and then when I began working at the psych inpatient facility and became some what familiar with the 12 step programs that were part of it, I also saw the dynamics in my own family, and yet….it took me DECADES to start to APPLY what I was learning…seeing clearly in OTHERS but could not see at all in myself.
I had a therapist tell me once that I had the “thickest pair of rose colored glasses she had ever seen.” This was after I had been devastated by my divorce and D&D from my husband who was mentally ill and controlled like a puppet by his (I believe) psychopathic father. I did an emotional autopsy of that whole relationship with my husband and his family which took “dysfunctional” to a new level.
I was single for over 7 years and married an old friend….we had a great marriage for 20 years until is death in a plane crash here at our farm and airport. The crash and his death sent me into a tail spin of PTSD….and having dealt with my psychopathic son’s problems for 15 years during that marriage, and frankly, not in a healthy manner either…I finally started coming out of the FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) and realized just how DYSFUNCTIONAL my own family of origin was/is and started to look at the family roles that were assigned to each person and how my family had for GENERATIONS perpetuated these roles and when I decided to start to set boundaries this threw the entire family into a spin cycle because the STATUS QUO was not working any more.
We become accustomed to WHAT TO EXPECT and if we don’t know what to expect from those in our family circle, we become very anxious and do our best to restore it to equalibrum.
As my therapist would say….”tissue damage occurs” and in the case of my son, Patrick, he killed the young woman who was “disloyal” to him and turned him in to the police…just like his mother had been “disloyal” to him.
Just as my P sperm donor killed at least two people I know of for sure that “crossed” him and were “disloyal” to him.
Since my son Patrick never met my P sperm donor I know that this was not how he became a “clone” of P sperm donor, his grandfather….so there are some genetics at work there as well.
I know I participated to my own detriment in the dysfunctional family dynamics for decades….and actually thought that somehow the dysfunctional dynamics I saw in OTHERS was not operational in my own. DUH????
When I sat on the “wrong side of the clip board” so to speak, and started BEING the client of the therapist, I realized that I HAD SOME SERIOUS CHANGING TO DO MYSELF.
I told a man the other day who was a researcher of psychopaths that if I had known then what I know NOW I would have chosen NOT to have biological children. He was AMAZED at what I said, but I was entirely sincere. My son C who is NOT a psychopath, but simply a man who grew up ADHD and in a dysfunctional environment has chosen NOT to have biological children and I am glad for his sake he has made that decision. If Patrick on the other hand gets out of prison, he will spread his seed far and wide if given the opportunity I am sure.
My P sperm donor had 4 biological children by 2 women, and only one of the four that I know of (I am not in direct contact with any of them) I THINK is high in P traits. The other 2 of my half sibs SEEM at least to be successful in the business world and have stable long lasting marriages. I don’t know anything about their biological children though, which by now are adults.
On both my maternal and paternal sides there are MANY people who are high in P traits and violence at least toward family members or spouses, and in the case of my P sperm donor, violent against everyone associated with him. He was very smart, however, and VERY successful financially. Only the one child of his that I think is high in P traits had anything to do with him by the time they became adults. P sperm donor had 6 or 7 wives that I know of, most were physically and emotionally abused as were his children except the “clone” who was the “golden child.”
The genetics of the both sides of the family with ADD, psychopathy, and bi-polar as well as many of the members of the family obtaining MD degrees, or other professional degrees is quite interesting.
Many of the members of the families consisted of a psychopath marrying a victim, or members of the family who became victims of a psychopathic spouse. But tracing the geneology backwards there seemed to be at least ONE psychopath in every generation along with one dedicated enabler for that psychopath, even if the psychopath did not raise their own children or had little or no contact with them.
All I know for sure now is that I no longer want to participate in the “family drama” but my failure to participate has lead to chaos in my own small family. Lateral lines of the families though continue to function in the repetition of the drama though in my cousins on both sides.
Sometimes though, families are like the “Mafia” or a “gang” BLOOD IN, BLOOD OUT….and we are not allowed to leave peacefully and pursue our own lives, but are severely punished for even trying to opt out.
No matter how well we “understand it,” it still may be next to impossible to escape.
G1S:
Good stuff…thank you.
Linda:
Thank you so much for this article. My spath is a high functioning alcoholic and has two children. I have no idea what goes on in his household with those children as I no longer have anything to do with him, but your comment about children only being possessions to them rang true. If I know nothing else about how he parents them, I do know that he feels that way about them. I know he only sees them as pawns to be used or chess pieces to be moved around and used however it may fit. So very sad. I pray for his kids all the time. They seem pretty well adjusted, but you just never know. Kids can hide a lot.