Navy veteran Sean Patrick Banks, 37, of Del Mar, California, was charged with raping a woman he met on the Christian Mingle dating site. Police are looking for other victims.
Calif. man accused of raping woman met on Christian site, on USAToday.com.
Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.
Pattywack, the problem is on a cyber site it is very difficult to SEE what “fruit” they produce as they can put up a “picture” in words that is totally fake. Of course in real life in person they can also do that, but it is easier to see the REAL FRUIT than over a computer screen.
The red flags of fraud are easier to spot in real life. Viewing the person in their “natural habitat” like the way an animal behaves in the zoo isn’t like it does in the “wild.” Knowing a person’s family, friends, etc helps to show what kind of person they are.
You are right about what makes a “Christian” and Jesus said we would have “wolves in sheep’s clothing” and He was right. Unfortunately, learning about someone you meet on a dating site of ANY kind is in my opinion DANGEROUS.
Hi, Phoenix99!
You sound like a person that has their act together.
I am not sure why but, I get a sense that you might benefit from meeting a couple of nice ‘Beta’ males – regular guys – at some kind of outing, like, dancing, bowling, or some outdoor activity.. Forgive me if I this sounds condescending – I don’t mean it that way – but I am sure that you are a ‘keeper’ for any number of good guys. You should be happy. You deserve to be happy. And, now that you have learned to recognize the sociopathic guys – it seems that you will be O-K. I hope that you do not let that last twerp rule the rest of your life. ( I should talk – I am still climbing out from the entangled and twisted, choking vines of my relationship with a ‘shepath’ (Thanks to Tea Light for that term.), but am making progress.) Purge your system of the spath venom -please!
You wrote:
“He then had the nerve to tell me how to move forward
….
…he had the nerve to tell me what I should and should not feel ”
Wow, this and so much sound just like my shepath ex-gf. They should get together.
She ‘moved on’ and suddenly acted like she didn’t even know me- like I was a service station attendant. No remorse. No conscience. Just plenty of cold, impersonal ‘direction’ on how and what to feel. And if you react ‘inappropriately’ to the directives of one of these sociopaths – they snap at you as if to treat you like an insolent child or disruptive schoolboy – or girl. It’s just the extension and Final Act of how they treated us and how they thought of us ALL along.
How to get over pain and humiliation? The way I see it, from the beginning, my shepath ex-gf wanted me to feel inadequate, in pain and humiliated. She revealed her true colors to me. In the final days of our time together, she tried to humiliate me in front of a large gathering of my relatives at an anniversary party. Imagine the depravity of the mind of a person that would save up their biggest and best ‘shots’ for the final act of a relationship!
Because pain and humiliation is what SHE wants, then, I won’t give it to her. Whether she sees me or not–I won’t give it to her. That helps me to feel better.
Just WOW…WOW, over reading this whole thread.
I am in a serious state of sad today and came upon this place, read it all and boy, did I take alot of notes.
Truthspeak, I absolutely loved the quote about never seeking /needing validation from another human being for the remainder of my life…I fell into trying to please my monster like falling into a pit of mud, no doubt from childhood. I am not that woman yet, but…damn determined to become her!
Kim Frederick, you are so right with regard to being happy to be single…I have never felt like that in my life, still don’t , but I am disciplining my inner-girl and making sure I am single till said little girl does feel happy with-in and does not feel like she has to have a man. Buying self a giant teddy bear taday.
Phoenix, I cannot tell you why your call nme brings shivers to my spine…..nough said. I too told my spath the deepest dark secrets, all used against me. Soul rape to be sure. He also did the pattern at end you described …to the letter. Are you me?…am I you? I mean he asked for a 2-3 day hook-up…till I found out he had his back burner girl in the place I had just vacated (living with him part time…unlike my full time live-in with him)…which left him with the 2-3 days he could still devote to f’ing with my heart/ soul and mind. Damn, did that hurt , when I found out! Cried for three days…non-stop. Face so swollen, I could not go out in public or work. Then at end , he would say, “it is only natural that you are hurt…you should start dating”…WTF, I was so devastated, I could barely tie my shoes! LOL Then the suggestion that we be freinds!!!! OMG, with freinds like that, who the hell needs an enemy? I told him,…I cannot be freinds with a man who decieved me, betrayed me, used me like a two-bit Ho and offered Marriage till one day deciding I did not meet his expectations in bed/socially/emotionally (pretty much every part of my being) ..he decided it was time to move on…telling me all the reasons for my being wrong woman…all of which he knew by first week of meeting me.
Just wow…I really was a perfect sitting duck for the MF’er. Angry today. Have been doing my EFT…it is helping. It is also helping to hear all the input on here. Thx to all of you, I am learning soooo much.
TapTap…..”Just for today, I am going to allow myself to kick his Ass in my minds eye, b/c I am still in angry/sad phase….and I deeply love and accept that fact and myself, just the way I am.” TapTap….
OK, my taps were actually different, but this may be one for today….so f’ing mad, and yes , at myself too.
Maybe in a couple more months, those statements will turn into something more loving and not be about F’ing monster anymore.
Peace to all, hugs and more hugs!!!
Blue (or black n blue LOL)
OOOps, in such a blather of all I connected with, forgot to mention…I met the SOB on POF….I will never date on line again. I may join a nunnery….not sure yet.
He called himself a Daddy LION…boy was that prophetic. He shredded and devoured me.
Blue
Morning Blue, or is it Sister? Lol, you’re very funny. It’s good you still have your sense of humour.
POF….particularly nasty site. It’s free here in UK….plenty of turds might be a more apt name but hey ho.
I think the anger thing is good btw.
I particularly identified with what Skylar said,
“I guess what I’m trying to say is that your anger is probably coming from having revealed yourself to him and letting yourself be vulnerable, only to find out that he used your vulnerability against you. It is this betrayal that wounds us so much.”
What a perfect little nugget of truth, Sky. Ouch!!
Daddy Lion? Urgh. “Daddy” anything in a sexual context urgh. Blue your spirit and energy and sense of the absurd are going to pull you through nicely. Glad I am not alone in teddying up when the going got tough. Pah, who’s looking? Pass the slanket and the box of maltesers, me and Barney are gearing up for some dvd boxset action. Peace and love blue. The monster’s gone. Hurrah! x
Full Disclosure. I don’t actually have a slanket but I recommend googling images of them for a laff. I do have a Barney and some maltesers however.
Fixer shepath is my little gift to you. You are the Original Shepath Survivor. T shirt opportunity right there, possibly only for wearing in the privacy of your own home 🙂 x
Tea Light-
Thanks! Wow, I feel like I have just been given a medal! But there are many more that came before me and deserve more credit – fer sure.
The T-shirt idea is great!
Big letters across the chest:
I SURVIVED A SHE-PATH.
[image of she-path]
And on the back:
Bye-Bye!
Tealight,
I actually googled slanket!