Over the last six months we have received many letters from desperate family members asking, “How can I get my ____ away from the psychopathic con artist?” What family members are really asking for is advice on how to overcome the brain washing of a loved one. When answering these kinds of questions, I like to provide some scientific evidence validating my point of view. Unfortunately, a search of the scientific literature, using the terms coercive persuasion, brain washing and mind control, does not reveal much. This week I will share some of what I have come to understand about how one person can assume control over another. Next week I will discuss how to overcome mind control by a psychopath.
Scientific studies are the best way to gain information about psychology. When these are lacking, it is valid to turn to authorities or experts for guidance. When learning from an authority, we must critically evaluate all claims made. From what I have been able to determine, there are two authorities in the United States on the topic of mind control or brain washing. Behavioral scientists also call this coercive persuasion.
The first authority who has taught a great deal on this subject is Steven Alan Hassan. He is a licensed counselor and former member of the Unification Church. He operates the Freedom of Mind Center. According to Hassan, “destructive mind control takes the ‘locus of control’ away from an individual.” He further states there are four basic tactics used to achieve mind control and allow for “an individual’s identity (to) be systematically manipulated and changed.” These four things are remembered with the acronym BITE, and are behavior, information, thoughts and emotions.
Behavior control starts with one person’s regulation of another individual’s physical reality. Our physical reality means the clothes we wear, the food we eat, the amount of sleep we get, how we spend our time and how we spend our money. There are rigid rules and regulations the controlled person is supposed to abide by regarding these. Over time, this behavior control fosters dependency. The controlled person gets used to not behaving autonomously.
All the authorities I read identify information control as central to mind control. Donna said in her last week’s post, Sociopaths at first don’t act like jerks, in the beginning those wishing to take control use deception to make themselves look good. They deliberately hold back information and distort important facts. This allows them to get a foot hold in a person’s life. After the foot hold is established, the controller makes sure to isolate the person from information potentially damaging to the relationship.
Thought control is established as the controller encourages the person to adopt an “us vs. them” mentality. Any attempt by the controlled to criticize or question the controller is punished. The controller withdraws affection or otherwise induces fear in the person. Faced with this punishment, the controlled uses the defense mechanisms of denial, rationalization, justification or wishful thinking to survive.
Lastly brain washing involves manipulation of emotions. The controller uses tactics that narrow the range of the controlled’s emotional experience. The controlled experiences extremes of emotions, highs and lows that keep him/her off balance.
Nothing controls behavior like guilt and fear. (Note this is true only for people who are not sociopathic.) Controllers are experts at inducing guilt of all sorts. Hassan identifies many types of guilt: identity guilt; family guilt; guilt over past deeds; guilt over present thoughts, feelings and actions. Controllers also subtly induce fear. The controlled fears thinking independently, fears the “outside” world, enemies, leaving or being shunned by the controller. The controlled also fears the controller’s disapproval.
Ultimately the goal of all the emotional manipulation is “phobia indoctrination” or the programming of irrational fears of ever leaving the controller or even questioning the controller’s authority. According to Hassan, “The person under mind control cannot visualize a positive, fulfilled future without (the controller).”
Unfortunately, my next respected authority Dr. Margaret Singer passed away at the age of 82 in 2003. There are several articles by Dr. Singer posted on factnet.org. Lawrence Wollersheim co-founder of factnet.org, is also a former cult member. I highly recommend reading Dr. Singer’s articles. The first is entitled Coercive Mind Control Tactics also details the techniques of brain washing.
The Supreme Court of the United States has adopted some of Dr. Singer’s ideas and has recognized that, “…the weakness resulting from a lack of food, sleep, or medical care can eliminate the will to resist as readily as the fear of a physical blow. Hypnosis, blackmail, fraud, deceit, and isolation are also illustrative methods but it is unnecessary here to canvas the entire spectrum of nonphysical machinations by which humans coerce each other. It suffices to observe that one can imagine many situations in which nonphysical means of private coercion can subjugate the will of a servant.”
Dr. Singer writes “In such a program the subject is forced to adapt in a series of tiny ‘invisible’ steps. Each tiny step is designed to be sufficiently small so the subjects will not notice the changes in themselves or identify the coercive nature of the processes being used. The subjects of these tactics do not become aware of the hidden organizational purpose of the coercive psychological program until much later, if ever. These tactics are usually applied in a group setting by well intentioned but deceived ‘friends and allies’ of the victim. This keeps the victim from putting up the ego defenses we normally maintain in known adversarial situations.
“The coercive psychological influence of these programs aim to overcome the individual’s critical thinking abilities and free will apart from any appeal to informed judgment. Victims gradually lose their ability to make independent decisions and exercise informed consent. Their critical thinking, defenses, cognitive processes, values, ideas, attitudes, conduct and ability to reason are undermined by a technological process rather than by meaningful free choice, rationality, or the inherent merit or value of the ideas or propositions being presented.”
There are times when trying to influence someone does not constitute mind control. To further clarify what mind control is, Dr. Singer wrote a list of acceptable influence tactics. These are:
• Reflection
• Clarification
• Discussion
• Information Giving
• Directed Questioning
• Creative Expression
• Advisory/Therapeutic
• Commenting on Problem or alternatives
• Suggesting Ideas
• Recommending solutions
• Rational argument (message oriented)
Unacceptable influence tactics which do, indeed, suggest mind control are:
• Selective reward/punishment
• Denigration of self and of critical thinking
• Dissociative states to suppress doubt and critical thinking
• Alternation of harshness/threats and leniency/love
• Control-oriented guilt induction
• Active promotion of dependency
• Debilitation
• Physical restraint/punishment
Those of us who fell into the grip of a sociopath/psychopath recognize these techniques of mind control that are also used by cult leaders. Anyone who would want to exert this kind of power over another person is by definition a sociopath. Sociopathy/psychopathy is a set of personality traits that includes an excessive drive for power and control.
Cult leaders use human nature to gain power over others. It is human nature to respect authority and want to live peacefully in a group. Cult leaders exploit the desire people have to belong to a well-functioning group.
Perpetrators of love fraud also exploit human nature. Most people want to belong to a loving, well-functioning family. Sociopaths begin their relationships promising happiness to their victims. People in love relationships are even more vulnerable to brain washing than people joining cults. The reason is that sex makes people vulnerable. It is no coincidence that many cults use sex to trap people. Pregnancy is also used to trap women psychologically and physically in relationships and in cults.
A non-pathological loving relationship is freeing. In it, a person becomes more fully him/herself. Love enables a person to be self-actualized and his/her best. I will conclude with the motto of factnet.org-Because only You have the right to control Your Mind!
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Well, Bullet, if I (or anyone) tell you “don’t touch that, it’s hot” are you going to touch it just to make sure?
I think we should use CAUTION about who and what we believe (based on the risk vs. benefit ratio) but I will not dis-believe everyone until I see for myself. For example, if someone tells me “Quick, go around the car and hide, there’s a bank robbery taking place over there” I am most likely to not go inside the bank to see if indeed there is a robbery going on in there.
If a person telling me “the stove is hot” has no reason that I can see to be trying to keep me from touching that stove, I am most likely to believe them and figure it is probably a good idea not to touch the stove to learn for myself.
However, if a stranger comes up to me and says “The mayor called and said for me to hold your purse while you go across town to his office.” I am NOT likely to trust their word and give them my purse. LOL
Or like the woman who came up to Getting it and wanted money because she was leaving an abusive relationship I’d have probably given her a few bucks (maybe not) but like Getting it said NO WAY Was I going to give her my contact information. I think from the entire story she may have been a scam artist as she followed Getting It to the next store.
So my trusting is not entirely gone, I just USE DISCRETION ABOUT WHO and under WHAT circumstances, and what there is to gain or lose by believing what someone tells me.
Oh, Henry, you are a sly boy! A BAD BOY TOO! ROTFLMAO CHOKE SNORT COUGH
Hi Ox Back in the old days there where two drag queen sisters named Fonda and Iwana Peters..sorry couldnt resist..
That’s like Governor Hogg’s Twin daughters, Ima Hogg and Ura Hog. There are some really funny names, my egg donor used to collect REAL names of people that were funny. I can’t remember them now but she had a big box full of newspaper clippings of folks’ names.
You are still a BAD BOY though, and I know the DEVIL made you do it! LOL I can tell I have not kept you in line enough lately so I am gonna have to get the BIG skillet out and keep it handy! (((Hugs)))
OxD, I missed this article, too. Thank you, Liane, for posting this!
Yah – mind control is not difficult to achieve if the target is vulnerable. I may have posted this in another thread, but there was a gal who was very enamoured of psychic readings – the “psychics” seemed to know EVERYTHING. So, I offered to prove that a “psychic” reading is nothing more than the gathering of information and “reading” the person and their behaviors.
All I did was ask questions or make remarks with responses being “Yes” or “No.” I told this gal that she was concered about something or someone. “Yes, YES!” The person was a female. “YES!” Not a family member. “No.” etc., etc., etc. until she honestly felt that I had the whole situation pegged. I simply explained to her that her reactions led ME to where she wanted me to go – what she needed to hear. I told her that I was no more psychic than a brick, and she was horrified because the truth was right there.
Whether or not this person ever developed boundaries, I don’t know. But, this is precisely how the spath can “read” their targets – they take in every scrap of verbal information and every nuance of body language, and they can use that information to their own ends.
Mind control = absence of boundaries, IMHO.
Brightest blessings!
Oh, and there’s a real couple in Southwestern VA who named their daughter “Teflon Velveeta.” I swear. And, the Payne family who named both of their sons, “Major” and “Minor.”
Some people have no business naming babies!!!! LMAO!!!!
Buttons, My mom knew a kid named “General” (given name) Smith, he was pilot in the service, and was a Lt. so one time he radioed he was” LT. GENERAL Smith” coming in and they had red carpet out and thought a GENERAL was coming in and it was a LT. LOL RTOTFRLMAO.
I agree with the mind control=absence of boundaries. GOOD!!!
This is a really good article but it just makes me so sad to see the mechanism of control he weilded over me – well the many ways he did it. I was able to be so logical and organised in the rest of my life and I couldn’t figure out why the relationship was so awful and why I felt so terrible about myself as a result of it. I see now I was totally controlled by him. Not overtly though.
When I wanted to have breakfast (or lunch or any meal), I would ask him if he wanted some and he’d always say no – he wasn’t hungry. And then later he’d start acting irritable and getting snappy at me for no reason. When I asked what was wrong with him he’d say he was hungry. Apparently he was incapable of making something for himself. That was always my job and it always had to be the food he liked, not the healthy food I preferred. I gained so much weight while with him. He also controlled where we went, how the money was spent – he simply blew his, which meant mine was tied up in survival expenses – paying the rent or mortgage, bills and buying food for us and the pets. He controlled every aspect of my life in these non direct ways and I knew I wasn’t happy with what was happening but I couldn’t even articulate that I was being controlled. I was half asleep for years – in a trance.
I don’t know how they learn to do this stuff – I guess it comes from a lifetime of practice.
And the lady in the fabric department called Annette Curtain…groan..
Oxy it’s all about good old common sense..even as a child I was not very good at common sense, I was”away with the fairys”encouraged by immature parents who built their world on Denial and pass the salt please…brought up on fairy tales where princes fell in love with princesses…ha ha jeez!! even the frog was a prince at the end…after the”kiss” then there was beauty and the beast, even Shrek…all these lovable male hero types abound…NOT!!
You were lead to think everyone was good and nice in the end…then we are watching TV and going to movies where ACTING becomes the language we are looking at and learning from….the psychopath has melded all this information to exploit!!! he poses as the prince, Acts his way in real life and has access to every female psyche that’s been penetrated already by a myth.. which is a nice mystical way of saying ….A LIE
So my common sense radar (what was left of it) got completely mangled by the P….and I am left with crumpled antennae and a very shocked expression…no plastic surgery involved…lol
I kind of bump around not quite sure what is credible anymore..how do I re build common sense? read and re read lovefraud…it’s all I can think of for now….