Over the last six months we have received many letters from desperate family members asking, “How can I get my ____ away from the psychopathic con artist?” What family members are really asking for is advice on how to overcome the brain washing of a loved one. When answering these kinds of questions, I like to provide some scientific evidence validating my point of view. Unfortunately, a search of the scientific literature, using the terms coercive persuasion, brain washing and mind control, does not reveal much. This week I will share some of what I have come to understand about how one person can assume control over another. Next week I will discuss how to overcome mind control by a psychopath.
Scientific studies are the best way to gain information about psychology. When these are lacking, it is valid to turn to authorities or experts for guidance. When learning from an authority, we must critically evaluate all claims made. From what I have been able to determine, there are two authorities in the United States on the topic of mind control or brain washing. Behavioral scientists also call this coercive persuasion.
The first authority who has taught a great deal on this subject is Steven Alan Hassan. He is a licensed counselor and former member of the Unification Church. He operates the Freedom of Mind Center. According to Hassan, “destructive mind control takes the ‘locus of control’ away from an individual.” He further states there are four basic tactics used to achieve mind control and allow for “an individual’s identity (to) be systematically manipulated and changed.” These four things are remembered with the acronym BITE, and are behavior, information, thoughts and emotions.
Behavior control starts with one person’s regulation of another individual’s physical reality. Our physical reality means the clothes we wear, the food we eat, the amount of sleep we get, how we spend our time and how we spend our money. There are rigid rules and regulations the controlled person is supposed to abide by regarding these. Over time, this behavior control fosters dependency. The controlled person gets used to not behaving autonomously.
All the authorities I read identify information control as central to mind control. Donna said in her last week’s post, Sociopaths at first don’t act like jerks, in the beginning those wishing to take control use deception to make themselves look good. They deliberately hold back information and distort important facts. This allows them to get a foot hold in a person’s life. After the foot hold is established, the controller makes sure to isolate the person from information potentially damaging to the relationship.
Thought control is established as the controller encourages the person to adopt an “us vs. them” mentality. Any attempt by the controlled to criticize or question the controller is punished. The controller withdraws affection or otherwise induces fear in the person. Faced with this punishment, the controlled uses the defense mechanisms of denial, rationalization, justification or wishful thinking to survive.
Lastly brain washing involves manipulation of emotions. The controller uses tactics that narrow the range of the controlled’s emotional experience. The controlled experiences extremes of emotions, highs and lows that keep him/her off balance.
Nothing controls behavior like guilt and fear. (Note this is true only for people who are not sociopathic.) Controllers are experts at inducing guilt of all sorts. Hassan identifies many types of guilt: identity guilt; family guilt; guilt over past deeds; guilt over present thoughts, feelings and actions. Controllers also subtly induce fear. The controlled fears thinking independently, fears the “outside” world, enemies, leaving or being shunned by the controller. The controlled also fears the controller’s disapproval.
Ultimately the goal of all the emotional manipulation is “phobia indoctrination” or the programming of irrational fears of ever leaving the controller or even questioning the controller’s authority. According to Hassan, “The person under mind control cannot visualize a positive, fulfilled future without (the controller).”
Unfortunately, my next respected authority Dr. Margaret Singer passed away at the age of 82 in 2003. There are several articles by Dr. Singer posted on factnet.org. Lawrence Wollersheim co-founder of factnet.org, is also a former cult member. I highly recommend reading Dr. Singer’s articles. The first is entitled Coercive Mind Control Tactics also details the techniques of brain washing.
The Supreme Court of the United States has adopted some of Dr. Singer’s ideas and has recognized that, “…the weakness resulting from a lack of food, sleep, or medical care can eliminate the will to resist as readily as the fear of a physical blow. Hypnosis, blackmail, fraud, deceit, and isolation are also illustrative methods but it is unnecessary here to canvas the entire spectrum of nonphysical machinations by which humans coerce each other. It suffices to observe that one can imagine many situations in which nonphysical means of private coercion can subjugate the will of a servant.”
Dr. Singer writes “In such a program the subject is forced to adapt in a series of tiny ‘invisible’ steps. Each tiny step is designed to be sufficiently small so the subjects will not notice the changes in themselves or identify the coercive nature of the processes being used. The subjects of these tactics do not become aware of the hidden organizational purpose of the coercive psychological program until much later, if ever. These tactics are usually applied in a group setting by well intentioned but deceived ‘friends and allies’ of the victim. This keeps the victim from putting up the ego defenses we normally maintain in known adversarial situations.
“The coercive psychological influence of these programs aim to overcome the individual’s critical thinking abilities and free will apart from any appeal to informed judgment. Victims gradually lose their ability to make independent decisions and exercise informed consent. Their critical thinking, defenses, cognitive processes, values, ideas, attitudes, conduct and ability to reason are undermined by a technological process rather than by meaningful free choice, rationality, or the inherent merit or value of the ideas or propositions being presented.”
There are times when trying to influence someone does not constitute mind control. To further clarify what mind control is, Dr. Singer wrote a list of acceptable influence tactics. These are:
• Reflection
• Clarification
• Discussion
• Information Giving
• Directed Questioning
• Creative Expression
• Advisory/Therapeutic
• Commenting on Problem or alternatives
• Suggesting Ideas
• Recommending solutions
• Rational argument (message oriented)
Unacceptable influence tactics which do, indeed, suggest mind control are:
• Selective reward/punishment
• Denigration of self and of critical thinking
• Dissociative states to suppress doubt and critical thinking
• Alternation of harshness/threats and leniency/love
• Control-oriented guilt induction
• Active promotion of dependency
• Debilitation
• Physical restraint/punishment
Those of us who fell into the grip of a sociopath/psychopath recognize these techniques of mind control that are also used by cult leaders. Anyone who would want to exert this kind of power over another person is by definition a sociopath. Sociopathy/psychopathy is a set of personality traits that includes an excessive drive for power and control.
Cult leaders use human nature to gain power over others. It is human nature to respect authority and want to live peacefully in a group. Cult leaders exploit the desire people have to belong to a well-functioning group.
Perpetrators of love fraud also exploit human nature. Most people want to belong to a loving, well-functioning family. Sociopaths begin their relationships promising happiness to their victims. People in love relationships are even more vulnerable to brain washing than people joining cults. The reason is that sex makes people vulnerable. It is no coincidence that many cults use sex to trap people. Pregnancy is also used to trap women psychologically and physically in relationships and in cults.
A non-pathological loving relationship is freeing. In it, a person becomes more fully him/herself. Love enables a person to be self-actualized and his/her best. I will conclude with the motto of factnet.org-Because only You have the right to control Your Mind!
Good one_step: I really hope you do start feeling better. I hate that whole body falling apart thing.
It’s hard not feeling right. With all my extra weight now, it’s the first time I can really tell a difference physically. There are aches and pains associated with it and when I try to run up 4 floors of steps at the hospital, I’m so short of breath when I’m done! I’m re-adjusting my gym routine. I guess we will have to be really dedicated to do what’s right for our bodies! I hope it doesn’t take you too long to get balanced!
erin72 – i understand about the weight. it is one of my challenges right now also. i have CFS, fibro, serious allergies, chronic tendonistis in my hands/ arms, carpal tunnel, asthma and arthritis, have been exposed to chemical and environmental toxins and am going through menopause. I had been doing really well with the CFS and fibro – have had them for 20 years and was doing really well, (having done lots to promote my health and vitality) – until the chemical exposures and the f**king spath. they came at almost the same time. i had one exposure to env toxins just before the spath. didn’t think life could get more difficult. boy was i wrong. another serious exposure and then moving to get away from cigarette smoke into a place that was newly renovated and off gassing benzines and formaldehyde. and still is.
part of my challenge is to know what really is useful. i am way past ‘dual diagnosis’ and into the land of exponential. i have weird swellings that come and go, anything along my spine can go out if i breath too deeply, my face swells and goes numb in response to ??? who knows some days. but i am putting together a plan. one of the pieces, and not immediately hlepful, is my app. to an environmental illness clinic at a major hospital. i started working on the 30 PAGE app last night. it will take six months to get an appt after i finish the app. Also, i have a couple of resources in the community – people who can help me sort out which modalities to use and when, and give good references for good practitioners.
the weight creates lots of problems form my already sensitive muscles and tendons. I am eating less, and feeling better. i am feeling some peace. and really enjoying eating with a more money to buy better food. i have started to savour. am still using food, that won’t drop away right away – but i know it is imperative to stop overeating – my body cannot handle to extra weight – it’s not much maybe 50 pounds – but my frame is very slender and with the fibro, arth, and tendon and muscle weirdness, it cannot carry the weight (which is mostly around my middle – classic for stress).
so, infrared saunas for detox, supp/ food and herbs to support detox, maybe some high colonics, TCM, bowen, biofeedback – important to support my system before i start any detox. so that i can deal with the detox. and another BIG part is that i need to live in a good place. this is not. it’s a chem soup still. not too much i can do about this yet – but i can do a couple of things toward finding something else. i find moving to be the most emotionally taxing thing i can do. my body can’t cope with the lhysicla part of it, and i am not ready for the emo part yet. this is a uni town, and finding an apt. here is really hard. never seen anything like it. truly, i would like to move out of the city – for that i need a car. that’s not happening yet.
one day at a time.
🙂
Good afternoon! My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone who needs them today. I also come here to ground myself when I start coming unglued. Yesterday I was very close to feeling sorry for him and making him into the “nice guy” that he was in the beginning… but I decided to give it some more time…
I have couple of names- all true… The woman named Bunny, who married a Dr. Rabbit. Dr. Kidney. Dr. Heart. (All from UF long ago!)
Speaking of mind-control…I don’t watch TV, but yesterday I felt awful and decided to take the afternoon off. I settled into my easy chair in front of the telly, and what was on but “Ugly Betty”…
Talk about N’s, S’s, and P’s!!!!!!! The only character on there who is normal is Ugly Betty! There is the evil father, who runs the fashion magazine empire… plotting against his 2 evil plotting sons (one of whom is now a woman), and he used this hunky photog from Brazil to hook his “daughter” so “she” would leave the country. You guessed it- he loved-bombed her into bed and beyond… Her first time too…
The son had a dalliance with a 16 YO, but it turns out that she is really 20 (and she and her mother can no longer claim any blackmail money). So when he finds out he doesn’t have to put her on the cover, relinquish his rights to his “sister”, and leave in shame (or go to jail), —he decides to go out on the town… AND he already has a list of potential “dates” for the evening! HA!
Meanwhile, Betty’s sister, who has a 12 YO son by her “boyfriend” who walked out when she was newly pregnant (I think he re-surfaced a few times, but I never watch this show), comes back into their lives and the dad tells him to leave before he breaks her heart. So he DOES… Then that night, he RETURNS… and proposes… She accepted…Wonder how long THAT will last?!?!
Anyway, I wondered if they got their story lines from some of our Exes! IMO, life is real enough, sad enough, and tough enough. No wonder I don’t watch TV… Oh wait, I DO watch General Hospital at nights on Soapnet to calm down before bed. There are quite a few spaths on there too, but at least their problems make mine seem smaller …
One Step, it’s beyond me how someone can take advantage of one who is/has been ill for a long time. It is so taxing to the body and emotions. You seem to have all the right things lined up to help yourself. You know what needs to be done.
A year and a half ago, before I “met” my XS/P, I thought I had fibro and every other disease known to man. Was so weak I could barley walk up stairs. I’ve always been athletic, in shape, and never weighed more than 8 pounds over my normal weight (which is underweight by “standards”).
Oh- did I mention I’m 51? So, meno is right around the corner… My doctor told me I had critically low levels of Vitamin D. Getting the levels back up is a slow process, but I did something else that forever got rid of my constant agony in my joints and muscles:
I did a 5-day Fast. Lemons, maple syrup, cayenne pepper, and water. (I HATE cayenne…) It was tough, as I have a serious addiction to chocolate, but I stuck with it until I had to do some really heavy yard work, and I thought I would die, so I went off it.
I can honestly say that the aches and pains disappeared by the 3rd day, and I remember being surprised by that. I really just wanted to get rid of the cravings and get back on track with no sugar. By the 4th day, all my feelings of anger, pain, animosity, you-name-it, melted away…
It was life-changing for me. I am getting ready to do another one. Nothing fancy. I just find that when I am not feeling well- like yesterday- no food, nothing but lemon-water, and a little rest, and I am on the road to feeling better. Sometimes the body needs less, not more. Oh- and I have had hypoglycemia since I was a kid- and no attacks…
Just a thought. Hope you and Erin72 can start feeling better soon.
hi sagee – yah, well no conscience, and the world’s your oyster!
i did the master cleanser fast 20 some years ago. it is a very strong fast. I did it for 10 days – extreme creature that i am. loved every minute of it, (‘cept the quart of warm salt water in the morning and the cayenne and maple syrup…). I was waiting table sin a veggie restuarant at the time – everything smelled heavenly.
there is also a very good gallbladder/ liver flush that i have done a few times. but which would be too extreme right now.
i am so toxic at this time, that i have to go about things in a much slower, measured way. no way i could survive a master cleanser fast right now – it could dump so many toxins into my body i wouldn’t be able to function. gentle. i am learning gentle and patience. building up from the inside.
I’d like to post a poll, here. Of the Survivors of spathy, how many of us experienced chronic illnesses or injuries (NOT directly related to the spath) during our relationships with them? Just drop a Yepper or Nope – elaborating would be helpful, as most Survivors seem to report “mystery” illnesses or chronic auto-immune disorders. It would just be interesting to read results that weren’t gathered in a clinical setting. 😉
SageeGirl, spaths take advantage of others who are ill because they CAN – the target is in a physically and emotionally vulnerable state, and they know this as well as they know the backs of their clawed hands.
Brightest blessings!
To answer my own poll:
Yes, I was chronically ill with infections and often experienced falls that resulted in fractures.
After the final physical exposure to the spath son, I developed MRSA on 2 occasions. I was then diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis – did a 6-month protocol and the RA specialist said that all tests & x-rays were negative.
buttons – well you know what my answer is. 🙂
One_step, yes I know, but newcomers may not! 😉
You sound like you’re doing much better!
Brightest blessings!
buttons – i posted a lot today on this subject further up this thread and – my answer is a definite yes.
x one step