Over the last six months we have received many letters from desperate family members asking, “How can I get my ____ away from the psychopathic con artist?” What family members are really asking for is advice on how to overcome the brain washing of a loved one. When answering these kinds of questions, I like to provide some scientific evidence validating my point of view. Unfortunately, a search of the scientific literature, using the terms coercive persuasion, brain washing and mind control, does not reveal much. This week I will share some of what I have come to understand about how one person can assume control over another. Next week I will discuss how to overcome mind control by a psychopath.
Scientific studies are the best way to gain information about psychology. When these are lacking, it is valid to turn to authorities or experts for guidance. When learning from an authority, we must critically evaluate all claims made. From what I have been able to determine, there are two authorities in the United States on the topic of mind control or brain washing. Behavioral scientists also call this coercive persuasion.
The first authority who has taught a great deal on this subject is Steven Alan Hassan. He is a licensed counselor and former member of the Unification Church. He operates the Freedom of Mind Center. According to Hassan, “destructive mind control takes the ‘locus of control’ away from an individual.” He further states there are four basic tactics used to achieve mind control and allow for “an individual’s identity (to) be systematically manipulated and changed.” These four things are remembered with the acronym BITE, and are behavior, information, thoughts and emotions.
Behavior control starts with one person’s regulation of another individual’s physical reality. Our physical reality means the clothes we wear, the food we eat, the amount of sleep we get, how we spend our time and how we spend our money. There are rigid rules and regulations the controlled person is supposed to abide by regarding these. Over time, this behavior control fosters dependency. The controlled person gets used to not behaving autonomously.
All the authorities I read identify information control as central to mind control. Donna said in her last week’s post, Sociopaths at first don’t act like jerks, in the beginning those wishing to take control use deception to make themselves look good. They deliberately hold back information and distort important facts. This allows them to get a foot hold in a person’s life. After the foot hold is established, the controller makes sure to isolate the person from information potentially damaging to the relationship.
Thought control is established as the controller encourages the person to adopt an “us vs. them” mentality. Any attempt by the controlled to criticize or question the controller is punished. The controller withdraws affection or otherwise induces fear in the person. Faced with this punishment, the controlled uses the defense mechanisms of denial, rationalization, justification or wishful thinking to survive.
Lastly brain washing involves manipulation of emotions. The controller uses tactics that narrow the range of the controlled’s emotional experience. The controlled experiences extremes of emotions, highs and lows that keep him/her off balance.
Nothing controls behavior like guilt and fear. (Note this is true only for people who are not sociopathic.) Controllers are experts at inducing guilt of all sorts. Hassan identifies many types of guilt: identity guilt; family guilt; guilt over past deeds; guilt over present thoughts, feelings and actions. Controllers also subtly induce fear. The controlled fears thinking independently, fears the “outside” world, enemies, leaving or being shunned by the controller. The controlled also fears the controller’s disapproval.
Ultimately the goal of all the emotional manipulation is “phobia indoctrination” or the programming of irrational fears of ever leaving the controller or even questioning the controller’s authority. According to Hassan, “The person under mind control cannot visualize a positive, fulfilled future without (the controller).”
Unfortunately, my next respected authority Dr. Margaret Singer passed away at the age of 82 in 2003. There are several articles by Dr. Singer posted on factnet.org. Lawrence Wollersheim co-founder of factnet.org, is also a former cult member. I highly recommend reading Dr. Singer’s articles. The first is entitled Coercive Mind Control Tactics also details the techniques of brain washing.
The Supreme Court of the United States has adopted some of Dr. Singer’s ideas and has recognized that, “…the weakness resulting from a lack of food, sleep, or medical care can eliminate the will to resist as readily as the fear of a physical blow. Hypnosis, blackmail, fraud, deceit, and isolation are also illustrative methods but it is unnecessary here to canvas the entire spectrum of nonphysical machinations by which humans coerce each other. It suffices to observe that one can imagine many situations in which nonphysical means of private coercion can subjugate the will of a servant.”
Dr. Singer writes “In such a program the subject is forced to adapt in a series of tiny ‘invisible’ steps. Each tiny step is designed to be sufficiently small so the subjects will not notice the changes in themselves or identify the coercive nature of the processes being used. The subjects of these tactics do not become aware of the hidden organizational purpose of the coercive psychological program until much later, if ever. These tactics are usually applied in a group setting by well intentioned but deceived ‘friends and allies’ of the victim. This keeps the victim from putting up the ego defenses we normally maintain in known adversarial situations.
“The coercive psychological influence of these programs aim to overcome the individual’s critical thinking abilities and free will apart from any appeal to informed judgment. Victims gradually lose their ability to make independent decisions and exercise informed consent. Their critical thinking, defenses, cognitive processes, values, ideas, attitudes, conduct and ability to reason are undermined by a technological process rather than by meaningful free choice, rationality, or the inherent merit or value of the ideas or propositions being presented.”
There are times when trying to influence someone does not constitute mind control. To further clarify what mind control is, Dr. Singer wrote a list of acceptable influence tactics. These are:
• Reflection
• Clarification
• Discussion
• Information Giving
• Directed Questioning
• Creative Expression
• Advisory/Therapeutic
• Commenting on Problem or alternatives
• Suggesting Ideas
• Recommending solutions
• Rational argument (message oriented)
Unacceptable influence tactics which do, indeed, suggest mind control are:
• Selective reward/punishment
• Denigration of self and of critical thinking
• Dissociative states to suppress doubt and critical thinking
• Alternation of harshness/threats and leniency/love
• Control-oriented guilt induction
• Active promotion of dependency
• Debilitation
• Physical restraint/punishment
Those of us who fell into the grip of a sociopath/psychopath recognize these techniques of mind control that are also used by cult leaders. Anyone who would want to exert this kind of power over another person is by definition a sociopath. Sociopathy/psychopathy is a set of personality traits that includes an excessive drive for power and control.
Cult leaders use human nature to gain power over others. It is human nature to respect authority and want to live peacefully in a group. Cult leaders exploit the desire people have to belong to a well-functioning group.
Perpetrators of love fraud also exploit human nature. Most people want to belong to a loving, well-functioning family. Sociopaths begin their relationships promising happiness to their victims. People in love relationships are even more vulnerable to brain washing than people joining cults. The reason is that sex makes people vulnerable. It is no coincidence that many cults use sex to trap people. Pregnancy is also used to trap women psychologically and physically in relationships and in cults.
A non-pathological loving relationship is freeing. In it, a person becomes more fully him/herself. Love enables a person to be self-actualized and his/her best. I will conclude with the motto of factnet.org-Because only You have the right to control Your Mind!
Buttons that would be a Yepper for me…weight loss, anxiety , chronic back and hip pain that has gone away now that the stress is gone and I have a grip on what happened. ptsd – depression – confusion -temporary insanity – gray hair – it’s all his fault..:)
can’t blame my silver hair on the ppath….although it has increased by about 20% in the last year…..;)
OneStep, yes, you did do a long one. I admit that I couldn’t do all the “cleansing” stuff. If I do another fast, it will be less brutal. Healing is the idea, not doing yourself in!
Buttons: YEP. Although it wasn’t because of the S/P, it was my former N BF. (XNBF).
Several days before he dumped me, I knew something was horribly wrong, and I was so distraught that he didn’t call or come over. I had the feeling that he was “thinking things through”, and I was right. We had been together for 5 years.
I literally could not eat or drink anything for 4 days, and my kidneys began to shut down. I managed to get myself out of bed and to crawl up the stairs when the phone rang. He dumped me over the phone! I got angry and then decided to get better. 5 days later, I had to go to FL for dad’s birthday, and got the worst case of bronchitis. Family didn’t understand that I was SICK, and still in pain from the kidney stuff. I drove the 12 hours home to my cold, quiet house and stayed in bed for a few more days. Then I went to the doctor.
I won’t let anyone else do that to me. That’s why I am forcing myself to not let the S/P “get to me” the way that I let the XNBF get to me. Never again. I take care of ME first, then everyone else.
Interestingly enough, when I told the S/P about this, he didn’t react or say anything at all. Guess that should have been a red flag. I thought he was just being the strong, silent type.
Brainwashing Defined -[ A disordered persons reality is very different from a normal person’s. The disordered person’s safety rest on maintaining the believability of that reality. When an intimate partner or spouse becomes an important part of the disordered persons life, a conflict in realities occurs. To eliminate this threat to their saftey, disordered abuser’s often use the same techniques used in brainwashing.
Brainwashing is a process of tearing down a person’s reality and replacing it with a different one. Some of the components are ; isolating the victim; denying the victims reality; depriving the victim of sleep; sending consistent messages with great emotional force; making the victim feel unsafe; and wearing the victim down. Repetition is essential to brainwashing.]
Buttons:
tha’d be a YEP on my part…..if having a few strokes at 39 and cancer is what yer looking for?!?!
I strongly believe it was the stress ‘coming’ out……..when I booted him……ONE month later….BOOM!
EB – you might have posted this already, but i don’t see it; how’d breakfast go?
Weeellllll…..
Standard.
He was nice enough…..but i saw some red flags…so it was more of a science experiment. Like ‘flag’ football. Grab the flags and RUN!
He’s been divorced for 17 years……and the bitterness was still there….(He was only married for 3).
No……I won’t be doing the second date thing……
It was a good lesson of ‘who’ I don’t want to be.
It wasn’t a surprise he had been single 17 years.
Toss him back into the muddy pond.
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chk out the new articles at http://www.womenexplode.com
I had a suspicious amount of infections…from urinary tract to chest infections…he could get really cheap anti biotics from his country and I went through alot of boxes….I shudder when I think of what sexual diseases I might have treated also…but the symptoms often were cystitus that went on taking the anti biotics…since he left I had another massive chest infection that kept re occurring…now it’s gone. My body feels quite peaceful…except for menopause hot flashes (but I kinda enjoy them now!! weirdo that Ive turned into, I feel like im being ground into pure gold, I’m such a fairy person)
yeah but I remember crying in the bathroom with cystitus…and thinking my body was allergic to his…and what a tragedy because I wanted to be well so bad!!! he was very understanding and really looked after me at the beginning…
I believe the stress was very high and it never eased off like it would in most normal deepening relationships…it slowley…drop by drop intensified into what ended up anxiety and PTSD
so the damage AFTER was very psychological with me…is still…the flashbacks can be in technicolor lucid and very intrusive…jumping at loud noises is another one…adrenalin bursts was an on going thing also…for nothing but thinking about what he did, and what he got away with…my body needs to run after him and kick the s…t out of him…but instead I have to kick a mat or punch and scream at self defense..
EB – c’est la vie!