Two books about sociopaths could be on your reading list this summer. One of them, already out, is by the “Queen of the Best Sellers,” Danielle Steel. In her 108th book, Matters of the Heart, the main character, an accomplished female photographer named Hope Dunne, meets a man who seems to be too good to be true. He is. The guy is a sociopath.
Read an excerpt of Matters of the Heart here.
The author was interviewed last week on Good Morning America. Although I’ve never read any of Danielle Steel’s books, I did like the fact that when she described sociopathic behavior in the interview, she got it right.
“Sociopaths are interesting because one of the things they do is something called mirroring,” she said. “They suss out what it is that is your dream in life and what you really want and need, and then they become that.” Amen, sister!
If anyone is a Danielle Steel fan, perhaps you can pick up the book and let Lovefraud readers know how she did in portraying the personality disorder.
Matters of the Heart on Amazon.com.
Mary Jo Buttafuoco
Perhaps you remember the “Long Island Lolita” story. Back in 1992, 17-year-old Amy Fisher rang Mary Jo Buttafuoco’s doorbell and shot her in the face. It turned out that Joey Buttafuoco, Mary Jo’s husband, was having an affair with the high school student. The case turned into a long-running media circus.
Many years after the incident, Mary Jo realized what the problem was. This August, Mary Jo is telling her story for the first time, and she comes out and says that her ex-husband is a sociopath. The book is called, Getting It Through My Thick Skull—Why I stayed, what I learned, and what millions of people involved with sociopaths need to know. When released, it will be available in the Lovefraud Store.
Talking about sociopaths
The publication of these two books gives me hope that awareness may be growing about the problem of sociopaths. Finally, it seems that the gatekeepers of popular culture are starting to get the idea that sociopaths are not all deranged serial killers. People seem to be becoming less afraid of uttering the word “sociopath” in public.
This is good. More discussion of the personality disorder should lead to more understanding. I hope it continues, so that when the uninitiated—those people lucky enough to have avoided close encounters with a sociopath—start seeing the red flags of predatory behavior, they’ll remember what they read, recognize the warning signs and escape before too much damage is done.
Oh Tood, thanks Im sorry, my brain slow on comprehension today!lol
Sabraina,
What’s a brain? I think I use’ta have one, but I can’t remember where I put it!
As a diagnosed sociopath, I mirror empathy when I don’t feel it. I’ll say soothing things and rub your back, but I don’t feel anything. But though this is manipulative, I don’t do it to take advantage, I do it because not doing it is awkward!
Sabrina,
Thanks, I will post as much as I can and because we have been reading for 2 years the posting and stories help tremendously. Right now all others (friends/family) know of his scams and no one has been in touch with her that we know of. They live in a different state from most of us. It is hard to judge what type of life she is living with him. They are living in isolation. We did inform her early on when we had contact with her about this site. Her response at the time was pretty indignant. Anyway, thanks all for any advice!
I applaud all of you who have come out of isolation and are working through this most horrendous nightmare.
I should correct my second line…my niece has not been in touch with any of us (freinds/family) we have reached out to her in many ways.
Inquirente
I wish I’d had you two around me! Sounds like your neice is a long way down the line with this slug. The isolation stage is really underscores the impending ‘death’ of her ability to pull herself out of this one. She will, no doubt, at this stage, be introverted. From my experience, this is the stage you start to believe you can’t live without them because they have successfully cut you off from everyone else. This is when they can really ‘rip into you’ no more witnesses to comment – see? I don’t comment like this to cause you more pain or anguish –
When I started to come out of the fog, it took an awful long time for me to reach out to other people for support. Mainly because I felt like such a prize ‘idiot’ but more because I thought ‘who would want to know me?’. But little by little, I realise how lucky I am. I am re-building, re-establishing many of my relationships and am, at times, overwhelmed by the kindness and understanding of those people who are ‘still there for me’ – maybe if you can somehow indicate this to your neice, it will give her the strength to dig herself out of the hole.
All love and strength to you both.
Inquirente,
My son C was pulled away from me and the rest of the family by his X-wife for almost 8 years….I knew from when I met her she was deceptive and cautioned him to “wait a while” before he married her, she used this to rush him into marriage and he fell for it. It only took 6 months before he was unhappy with the deal he had made but he felt strongly that marriage was until DEATH do us part, so even when he caught her having an affair, he said “we’ll go to counseling” and work it out…she immediately planned and put the plan into action to kill him….fortunately her plan failed, but it SHOCKED my son so much he was ab;e tp FREE HIMSELF from her deluisoons and his own sense of denial…her going to jail was a GODSENT event in my son’s life and in his restoration to me.
I had about given up that she would ever turn him loose as she had married my son for a “meal ticket” but her biggest need for a meal lticket (her disabled son in a wheel chair with Muscular dystrophy) had died and so she was free of that ball and chain and looking for more excitement when she started the affair.
My son is healing, though he is still s omewhat hypervigilent, and I can’t say as I blame him, but he is no longer going ballistic when a vehicle drives down our county road, so he has made a great deal of progress in the last couple of eyars.
Keep up hope for your niece and be there to help her get up when and if this thing blows up in her face. It make take years, and it may not ever happen, but I wouldn’t give up hope on it blowing up or her abuser moving on to someone else when he has sucked her as dry as a spider sucks an insect, she will definitely NEED YOU THEN.
She will be wounded and ashamed (the victims take on the shame of the abuser) and will definitely need your understanding. In the meantime, learn all you can about Ps and victims, and help spread the word to those that want t6o listen now. Glad you are here!
ablessingid
I am feel for your disorder.
This site is great for information and possible treatment. I hope you will check it out.
http://counsellingresource.com/
Good luck! James
“I am feel for your disorder.”
sorry should be “I feel for..”
But I do hope you will reach out to those who can help you…
Inquirente- Great wisdom from Escapee. I think she is right on the money with the isolation stage she referred to as being the impeding ‘death’ of her ability to pull herself out…
I keep racking my brain with things to get thru to this girl all the time thinking if it were my neice, what can be done here??
I think maybe send her random private emails (he probally would see them) but send links about “trauma bonds,” stockholm syndrome,” domestic abusers, and traits of a S. (??)
Being the aunt, I think Id feel so much urgency in trying to “rescue” her I might become a bit of a stalker-“accidently” running into her on her lunch hour, shopping trips, etc. Making ANY excuse to call her up…
And Maybe just making yourself a constant reminder to her that you love her and that she can count on you night or day.
To elaborate a bit on the mindset of the abused:
When my x n/p began physically abusing me, the verbal /mental abuse had been there so long in a slow, conditioning type of way that it didnt really register with me how wrong, dangerous, and horrific the physical violence was.
I never told a soul about it. Not even my best friend that Ive shared EVERYTHING with for 19 years! TO THIS DAY- I cant fathom me keeping all this silent!! Its not EVEN my nature. It never dawned on me that I should spill it!
ALthough her and I talk about the most private,mynute details imaginable -normally.
She’s always has been the wise, street smart type who “gets” it instinctively and would have gotten me out sooner. When she did find out (which was not until he was kicked out of the house by me some months later) she said with her voice quivering- Sabrina, YOU HAVE to tell me these things honey- I cant even BEGIN to help if you dont tell me!!
That was the first time I realized how dysfunctional “my” thinking had been, hence a long and difficult journey of healing began.
Take care, and prayers for your loved one…