Two books about sociopaths could be on your reading list this summer. One of them, already out, is by the “Queen of the Best Sellers,” Danielle Steel. In her 108th book, Matters of the Heart, the main character, an accomplished female photographer named Hope Dunne, meets a man who seems to be too good to be true. He is. The guy is a sociopath.
Read an excerpt of Matters of the Heart here.
The author was interviewed last week on Good Morning America. Although I’ve never read any of Danielle Steel’s books, I did like the fact that when she described sociopathic behavior in the interview, she got it right.
“Sociopaths are interesting because one of the things they do is something called mirroring,” she said. “They suss out what it is that is your dream in life and what you really want and need, and then they become that.” Amen, sister!
If anyone is a Danielle Steel fan, perhaps you can pick up the book and let Lovefraud readers know how she did in portraying the personality disorder.
Matters of the Heart on Amazon.com.
Mary Jo Buttafuoco
Perhaps you remember the “Long Island Lolita” story. Back in 1992, 17-year-old Amy Fisher rang Mary Jo Buttafuoco’s doorbell and shot her in the face. It turned out that Joey Buttafuoco, Mary Jo’s husband, was having an affair with the high school student. The case turned into a long-running media circus.
Many years after the incident, Mary Jo realized what the problem was. This August, Mary Jo is telling her story for the first time, and she comes out and says that her ex-husband is a sociopath. The book is called, Getting It Through My Thick Skull—Why I stayed, what I learned, and what millions of people involved with sociopaths need to know. When released, it will be available in the Lovefraud Store.
Talking about sociopaths
The publication of these two books gives me hope that awareness may be growing about the problem of sociopaths. Finally, it seems that the gatekeepers of popular culture are starting to get the idea that sociopaths are not all deranged serial killers. People seem to be becoming less afraid of uttering the word “sociopath” in public.
This is good. More discussion of the personality disorder should lead to more understanding. I hope it continues, so that when the uninitiated—those people lucky enough to have avoided close encounters with a sociopath—start seeing the red flags of predatory behavior, they’ll remember what they read, recognize the warning signs and escape before too much damage is done.
Oxy- I just saw your post as well- you said.. the victims take on the shame of the abuser – well said. This very well can explain my silence during the abuse I suffered.
Have a great day guys!!!;)
ablessingid: Just wanted to welcome you to this site of healing. Are you currently in any counseling? If we can offer help to you, please ask. James is wonderful in giving links for just about anything that you need! Kudos James
Right back at Your sabrina, So glad to have you here at LF! ((hugs))
Sabrina and James,
In my humble (or NOT so humble, as the case may be LOL) opinion the only “meaningful dialog” with a psychopath is NO CONTACT, no notice, and no attention for them. BY DEFINITION a psychopath has no empathy, they feel entitled, are manipulative, and anyone who has been “professionally diagnosed” as a psychopath has met the PCL-R which Dr. Robert Hare compiled after many many years of research. In order to qualify as a diagnosible psychopath, the person much score 30 on that PCL-R (Psychopath check list-revised) and in order to scroe 30 they have had to DO some pretty horrific things as a LIFE LONG PATTERN since before age 18.
Dr. Hare states that “counseling makes them WORSE” as they learn the “catch phrases” to better fake empathy and to better manipulate their victims. Psychopaths also do NOT WANT “help” as. thank you, they are fine just like they are, in their belief and WE are the ones with problems…nothing is ever their “fault” and they do not take responsibility for their behavior except in a FAKE manner. Dr. Hare states that they cannot feel the emotions of empathy and therefore think about others as “pawns” and objects rather than as real humans with feelings.
I have decided that I will not have “contact” with any self proclaimed psychopath on this site or in any other place, and will not dialog with them or try to “help” them, because by definition they do not want help, regardless of what they may SAY to try to hook sympathy from the bloggers here. I for one have had a SUFFICIENCY OF DEALINGS WITH PSYCHOPATHS.
Oxy
Right on on that score – me either. I wouldn’t get ‘drawn in’ by the self-proclaimed S/P/N. One thing I’ve learned from being here and reading all these posts over the past couple of months is that the whole point is: they don’t HONESTY. It’s likely just another ploy to get attention – isn’t it just what you expect (if you read their comments) that’s there’s never anything inspiring, helpful or encouraging for another ‘poster’ – just blah blah blah, me this, me that, it’s how I am (?) – at least we have them ‘nailed down’ for the half-humans they are (god, do I sound harsh?) – it’s just that it’s too risky for me to think otherwise, in the light of all the stories, chaos and pain I have read about from their unwitting victims.
Love to all in recovery and keep posting for strength.
E.
sorry – typo – ‘they don’t DO honesty’
Escapee, your comments are so on target with what we have been experiencing. So early on he had basically taken the ‘soul’ from our niece…her behavior, attitude and social life changed in an instant. He isolated her from the beginning. From the start in 2007 when we began to point out the ‘red flags’ she and her parents became angry and hurt that we would even think those things about him…She became very introverted and cowtowed to his every whim. He continued his lies and deception throughout the time we were alerting them to his financial scams and lies and to the other victims he had defrauded. We in their eyes, became the problem. I could just feel his excitement when he saw the family dynamics fall apart and the war between us kept him looking like a saint. So much to this story, I can not even begin to tell you…but so many of it is what everyone on this site has said. They are masters of manipulation.
And once the facade was over and everyone knew of all the lies and deceptions he played on our niece and her family were true, our niece basically told us she could never forgive us for how we handled it…never mentioning anything about her husbands fraud, cons or lies. Her parents never worked with us but against us, this in itself always has bothered me….so I fear greatly for her well being and safety. The parents have continued to isolate her as well, we have no contact with them. Nor do they with other family members.
Sabrina, thanks for your thoughts!
We are trying to communicate and we can only be hopeful that at some time she will come out of the fog and we want her to know we will be there, unconditionally and we always have.
We have tried email, but fear that is pretty much overseen by him. It is attached to ‘their business’ and sometimes it works and sometimes it does not. They screen all calls and she does not have a cell phone anymore that we know of.
So we wait and we try to find out as much as we can thru various ways and hope that eventually we will see her come out of the ‘fog’.
Aprreciate everyones comments and keep up the great work!
Inquirente
OxDrover,
Yes, for me the NC mean just that no contact no matter where I am. In fact I quit a job that was ran by two of them. All the other employees (the ones that were left) complained so much about one that really had issues. I would ask them why they didn’t look for another job but most had some serious time invested in their job and the company plus the company itself was a great place to work for. Well, I believe because I had this job soon after my ex s/p spit, I just couldn’t stand being around this guy. Strange enough he never did anything (that I know of?) negative around me but treated those poor ladies like, well you know. I still believe he left me in peace because I was a guy. All of them told me how this supervisor believe man were better then the female employees and this dude was a supervisor. Anyway because I had little time invested in the company and like I stated had some emotional issues myself I thought it best to just find another job and quit.
Yes, OxDrover NC is NC is NC!
Oxy, I think my emphasis to blessingid was to reinterate this is a site for “healing” for victims.
I do know that counseling or treatment is regarded as futile for P’s. My next comment would have been to that blogger that IF he/she is already in some sort of counseling , that is probally where they should discuss their issues unless any of us had access to a site.
I guess my hope would be that at the very least a diagnosed P would defy statistics and become less dangerous to society. Thanks for stating it plainly though. We certainly need to know how to handle these different issues as they arrive here. Thanks Oxy!!! (hugs)
OxDrover
Ditto on that concerning any dialog/debate here if one has a pd. Truly I not qualified to help or direct any s/p here at LF or anywhere really. I do hope they get the help they need but of course I will leave that up to those who are trained in this field of psychology and thanks for pointing that out to me.