Two books about sociopaths could be on your reading list this summer. One of them, already out, is by the “Queen of the Best Sellers,” Danielle Steel. In her 108th book, Matters of the Heart, the main character, an accomplished female photographer named Hope Dunne, meets a man who seems to be too good to be true. He is. The guy is a sociopath.
Read an excerpt of Matters of the Heart here.
The author was interviewed last week on Good Morning America. Although I’ve never read any of Danielle Steel’s books, I did like the fact that when she described sociopathic behavior in the interview, she got it right.
“Sociopaths are interesting because one of the things they do is something called mirroring,” she said. “They suss out what it is that is your dream in life and what you really want and need, and then they become that.” Amen, sister!
If anyone is a Danielle Steel fan, perhaps you can pick up the book and let Lovefraud readers know how she did in portraying the personality disorder.
Matters of the Heart on Amazon.com.
Mary Jo Buttafuoco
Perhaps you remember the “Long Island Lolita” story. Back in 1992, 17-year-old Amy Fisher rang Mary Jo Buttafuoco’s doorbell and shot her in the face. It turned out that Joey Buttafuoco, Mary Jo’s husband, was having an affair with the high school student. The case turned into a long-running media circus.
Many years after the incident, Mary Jo realized what the problem was. This August, Mary Jo is telling her story for the first time, and she comes out and says that her ex-husband is a sociopath. The book is called, Getting It Through My Thick Skull—Why I stayed, what I learned, and what millions of people involved with sociopaths need to know. When released, it will be available in the Lovefraud Store.
Talking about sociopaths
The publication of these two books gives me hope that awareness may be growing about the problem of sociopaths. Finally, it seems that the gatekeepers of popular culture are starting to get the idea that sociopaths are not all deranged serial killers. People seem to be becoming less afraid of uttering the word “sociopath” in public.
This is good. More discussion of the personality disorder should lead to more understanding. I hope it continues, so that when the uninitiated—those people lucky enough to have avoided close encounters with a sociopath—start seeing the red flags of predatory behavior, they’ll remember what they read, recognize the warning signs and escape before too much damage is done.
I was up late last night when it posted. I was shaking bad and did not know what to do. Have to say that for someone who claimed to not wish harm or be manipulative, it was a pretty nasty thing to come and pick on those who are already victimized. Thank you for your thoughts. I am glad the conversation picked up because it felt like PD was winning with us not responding any. (FYI I felt like it, but thought NC was what was an unspoken code).
Katya
Well done! Even though it was traumatic for you – you found the strength.
That’s what this site has done for me – given me strength – and that has come from the sharing and the honesty of all of you here at LF.
Thanks to all and keep posting for strength.
Self proclaimed “psychopaths” come here from time to time. I think some of them are just people who get a jolt out of stirring up trouble but are more like kids making prank phone calls, but others, I think really are Ps and are INTENTIONALLY trying to get debate, argument and chaos stirred between posters.
There have been several posters here that I think WERE/ARE Ps but did not proclaim themselves as such, but none=the-less tried to stir up trouble and argument and nasty “debate.” That is NOT what this site is about. This site is about support, caring and empathy, and sometimes even challening a poster’s position of self blame and self-bashing. the “cyber cast-iron skillet” has sort of become a tradition that I started of “boinking” someone on the head for being self bashing! It is not intended as a real put down, but sort of a joking way to say “Hey, quit bashing yourself!” As far as I know, no one has ever been offended, and other posters have even “borrowed” my “skillet” when I wasn’t around. LOL
When we LOVINGLY confront another poster’s self bashing, or repeating the same dysfunctional behavior we ARE being supportive. Like when someone breaks NC over and over and then hurts because of it, we do opoint that out. But it isn’t about statistics being 90 or 98%, it is about empathy and caring. It isn’t about being “superior” to another poster, as WE ARE ALL IN THE SAME BOAT, we have been WOUNDED.
We are here to help each o ther on our journey on the ROAD TO HEALING not to “get one up” on someone else or be smarter than someone else. Psychopaths, diagnosed or not, are NOT able to grasp this concept, and they DO LIKE CHAOS so spread it wide and thick.
NOT responding to them at all, is usually teh best way and if they do not get ATTENTION then they will quietly go away or Donna will delete them if they get ROWDY, but responding to them only encourages them. I have responded to a few and have made a decision that I will never again respond to one on this blog. I hope that becomes a TRADITION TOO! BOINK!!! to all psychopaths—leave LF!
Oxy
It seemed I have unwittingly been borrowing your ‘skillet’ and ‘boinking’ Confused with it (didn’t know the full story of the skillet) – hope this hasn’t come across as superior in any way.
It’s strange but I have only read one or two posts from a self confessed S/P a few days ago and had no desire to engage. He/she said that they weren’t manipulative or prone to conning people (words to that effect) but just didn’t feel ’empathy’ – they would go through the motions of it but not feel it.
Maybe I’m becoming a bit of an S myself! I just don’t understand how this can be and have no particular desire to – I thought – how sad – but it just flitted across my mind. I didn’t feel any need to let the thought remain there.
However, don’t intend to ‘skillet’ my self for it!
Good luck with the goats and the humidity!
Oxy….potted plants…
“NOT responding to them at all, is usually teh best way and if they do not get ATTENTION then they will quietly go away or Donna will delete them if they get ROWDY, but responding to them only encourages them. I have responded to a few and have made a decision that I will never again respond to one on this blog. I hope that becomes a TRADITION TOO! BOINK!!! to all psychopaths—leave LF!”
I’ve been treating some local ones, N’s, mild P’s/S’s that way in person or “virtually” with “ignore” selections now for a while…”potted plants”. Drives them nuts…or not…I don’t much care. Life is more peaceful. LOL
Nice to see you’re still “carrying” (skillet)!
Oxy- Amen sister. Its a relief to know that we are not “expected” to welcome everyone especially those that we
know will cause discord and triggers for all of us trying to heal.
I wasn’t sure of the “expectation” here as we are such a giving site,I was ambivalent about what to say or not to say. Thanks for defining our boundaries here!!!!!
Sabrina,
I am NOT the owner of thhis web site, Donna Andersen is, but as far as I know we are not “required” to welcome anyone or to respond to anyone in particular. We ARE required (and I agree with donna’s policy) to BE polite to anyone we post to…but we are Not REQUIRED to post to anyone in particular or to post at all.
IN MY opinion I don’t think that a GENERAL DISCUSSION of how to “deal with” a self proclaimed psychopath, or anyone acting like a psychopath ,is a problem for Donna. I did not name names or point fingers at anyone in particular, simply a class of inidividuals who come on this web site from time to time. AND I only gave my personal opinion of how I choose to respond (or not respond as the case may be) to these groups of people. I don’t make the rules for LF and I don’t set the boundaries. Donna does.
Being “too socially polite” to people who proclaim themselves “psychopaths” and want to enter into a conversation with us, I think (in my opinion) is futile and counter productive to our healing of our wounds from just such people as these. Everyone on here is FREE as far as I know to debate with them or dialog with them. I don’t make the rules. I just stated what MY opinon is and how I will behave toward them.
Oxy
I think your no-nonsense approach often gives you a kind of ‘authority’ ! People take notice and that’s a good thing because it’s all just good common sense about balancing good choices whilst reserving respect for others. Something all ‘good mamas’ strive for!
If I thought for a moment I might get some enlightment or flattered myself that I could, in any way, contribute something helpful to an N/S/P I might be tempted to respond but, like all of us here, I learned the hard way that ‘to engage with them is to become complicit in their games’… so it’s a ‘no no’ for me too -………. I think I’ve just said the same thing as you re counter-productive just in different words!
Time for bed!
My modem just crashed!!!
Escapee, some people call me an opinionated old biddy and come a wise sage, but you know I think the truth is somewhere in the middle, I have some good advice for a sage, but sometimes I do some DUMB things like an opinionated old biddy! But I am learning to forgive myself for the mistakes I make so it is all evening out as I reach cronehood.
Just want to comment that I have seen some tremendous progress in oyou since you landed here. Sure glad you are here. Hang around and pass on some of your great advice!!!
Matters of the Heart by Danielle Steel
A Brief Review
Steel manages to craft a fairly realistic portrait of the type of relationship we on this site know so well–romantic love with a psychopath. All the familiar markers are there: the initial boundary-shattering, overwhelming push toward intimacy; the isolation of the target/victim; the hypersexuality; the lies; and of course, the inevitable denouement, when the psychopath reveals himself to be a monster of selfishness and entitlement.
Because the bestselling author is writing for a general audience, she hangs her tale on several romance novel conventions. The heroine is a little too self-contained and psychologically strong to be totally realistic. She seems to turn on a dime in the final chapters to become the standard “woman in peril” that these sorts of books require.
And, as is also standard with romance novels, our heroine does not extract herself from the clutches of the villain by her own wits (as many of us here have done). No, she instead relies on advice, wisdom, and help from male authority figures. Without the characters of the heroine’s male agent and lawyer, the reader is forced to believe that she would have just drifted away into complacent victimhood.
So, Steel hits all the right notes in describing the tactics of a psychopath. But she misses the mark in describing how a target escapes. (I’m afraid, to be realistic, someone like the heroine would bounce from bad relationship to bad relationship until she was forced to stop and introspect. But that would place her squarely in a Margaret Atwood novel rather than a Danielle Steel one.)
This would be a book to recommend to someone with no knowledge of these sorts of relationships. It’s a beginner’s view. For what it is, its a fine book. But you won’t get any new insights from it.