A Cambridge professor, Simon Baron-Cohen, has written Zero Degrees of Empathy: A new theory of human cruelty. In this review, the author explains the professor’s ideas.
Read Why a lack of empathy is the root of all evil, on Independent.co.uk.
Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.
lesson learned
PS, mine had no smell either, other than his deodorant.
NONE AT ALL. not even when he was sweaty, unless he was playing softball. it was the ODDEST thing ever.
Also, he rarely sweated, even during sex. WEIRD.
OneBeliever
OMG MissLed,
My spath would actually all but disappear to me when we were in crowds. I could never spot him. Sometimes he would startle me by walking right up to me. I would never see him coming. Sometimes I didn’t recognize him even when we woke up together in the morning when we lived together for a year. He was a chameleon.
Part of my situation was created by yours truly who invented him and his whole person in my mind. I called him Cowboy because to me a Cowboy was who he was when I met him – alone, sensitive, talented, misunderstood, ethical – a stand up guy.
The mimicking and copycatting was also quite disturbing for me.
MissLed
I have a son that’s 25. He’s easy going and got a great girlfriend and he doesn’t abuse her! They are playful, I’m sure, but he would never hurt her. They are a really fun couple.
Do you have a future with this guy? or??
Do not put up with that nonsense! Plenty of good guys out there.
Recovering
LL hang in there and thanks for sharing about your DV group. I KNOW that talking with people who can relate makes things so much easier. I think all of us are confused bc this illness is confusing enough. Scientifically it makes sense why they are what they are however, you never think of these things and expect this when you are falling in love. You natural instincts are to believe and trust. You want to find good in people. Just as you stated to me earlier their is good and there is bad and we must accept that.
hens
Yes Oxy he did melt my butter. OH MY…hey I aint dead yet…
LL – Sounds to me like your doing very well – maybe if you wore a purple tutu life would be a little more exciting?
Ox Drover
Dear LL,
Darling you are starting to SOUND SANE finally. So I see some great progress since you came here. You have a plan, and you are working the plan. You are no longer trying to distract yourself from your own pain by taking care of others (enabling) others. You are looking at Junior rationally (though it is painful I am sure) you are no longer CRAZEEEEE like you were.
So I see a LOT OF PROGRESS THERE KIDDO….keep it up. One step at a time, first things first. Most important things first. Take care of you and your obligations to your kids….that’s it.
I’m starting to set some boundaries for MYSELF….and continue to work on the weight loss and the low sodium diet….went to doc today and got a medication change for some medication that was giving me some side effects, signed up for an appointment to start my wasp sting allergy injections again—got stung again the other day and NEED TO DO THIS—even with gas at $4 a gallon! So putting Oxy’s needs at the top of the list.
Well, it is time for me to go hook up my Darth Vadar machine for my sleep apnea and go to beddie by….that’s my new boundary about a REGULAR bed time and get up time….g’nite folks. Looking forward to continuing this intersting thread tomorrow! (((hugs))) and God bless us all!
lesson learned
Onebeliever.
I don’t get that about the spaths and public displays of affection or running off or ahead or whatever, I swear there needs to be some survey done in the oddities that are displayed because there are similarities……….and potential tip offs too.
LL
Recovering
Miss
No I ended it last week. AND FOR GOOD! I had known of all the fishy things a couple months ago I just needed and wanted confirmation. I know that I am worthy of better, I have had better. This just hurts! Not that I was cheated on or even lied to but that fact that he felt nothing for me at all is what hurts the most!
MissLed
Wow, OneBe!!
Yes, Validation for me!! LOL!! I swear, there was something weird about looking straight into his face and not being able memorize it as I easily did others in my life.
So Funny that he walked right up to you and you had trouble spotting him. Don’t you think that’s Weird???? And waking up to a stranger every day for a year?? (LOL!)
It was just one of those little things I could never quite put my finger on. Chameleon is a good word to describe him.
Same too, he was alone, sensitive, smart, misunderstood, ethical, Oxford UK grad.
MissLed
LL,
While I applaud all of your accomplishments, I liked #7, cute! lol!
Like you, I’ve been NC since December and for that we should win a major award, don’t you think?? ;o)