Might does not make right

By Ox Drover

Sometimes former victims of psychopaths have voiced to me that they just want others to know that the psychopath was not the victim, but the abuser. Former victims are frustrated that others don’t recognize someone is an abuser. Many times the actual victim has instead been painted by the real abuser as the “bad guy.”

I remember reading a letter from my psychopathic son from his prison cell who told me in the letter he knew that I had to be the one who was “wrong” because he got along with everyone in the family circle and I got along with no one, so therefore I had to be the one “in the wrong.”

Well, democratically voting on something does not make something “right,” it only means that something is “popular—”but not necessarily right. Back in the days when everyone thought the world was flat, and Columbus was about the only one that thought it was “round,” popular opinion did not change the shape of the earth! While in this country we are proud of our democratic system of government, voting on something is not always the most “fair” way to pick a choice. Sometimes “democracy” is like two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner tonight! The bad guys gang up on the weaker ones and take advantage, but that doesn’t make it “fair” or right.

One of the most frequent ploys of the psychopathic abuser is to initiate what is frequently referred to as “the smear campaign.” This may actually start behind the victim’s back while there is active victimization going on between the abuser and the victim, or it may start after the victim has either escaped or been discarded by the psychopath. The psychopath starts to talk badly about the victim to others in their circle, to destroy the credibility of the victim so that if and when the victim starts to talk about him/her to others, they are viewed as the scorned lover or business partner spreading hateful rumors, when in fact, just the opposite is true.

Unfortunately, many times by the time the actual victim realizes that the lies have been spread about them, the damage is done and there is no effective way to counter the damage done by the abuser and their duped accomplices. Many times these accomplices of the abuser are actually unaware that they are accomplices, and are acting in good faith to “protect” what they perceive as a “victim” from the person they now consider an abuser.

The abuser/psychopath recruits as many of these unsuspecting accomplices as possible so that the “consensus” of opinion is that “all these people can’t be wrong.” The sheer numbers of supporters that a psychopath can sometimes recruit is unbelievable. The “gang mentality” takes over sometimes, and the poor legitimate victim is victimized again by having their reputation besmirched. Sometimes they lose their livelihoods, as well as their self-esteem and self-confidence.

Our reputation is important to most of us, and our self-confidence is also important to us, and the strength of an attack from not only the psychopathic adversary, but their dupes and accomplices as well, can destroy that reputation and self-confidence. Sometimes it destroys lives.

In order to survive this attack, we must first understand that “might (and numbers) does not make right.” We must also understand that we can validate the truth, and that our own validation of that truth may be the only validation that we can obtain. We may not be able to convince “others” that we were not the abuser; we may not be able to publicly verify that we were the one who suffered unjustly. We may not be able to prove in a court of law that we were the victims of a psychopath. We may have to raise our heads and to walk away from the situation, emotionally wounded and bleeding, while we see our abuser “skip off merrily into the sunset,” apparently none the worse for wear.

Life isn’t always “fair” and many times those who most deserve justice seem to get the least of it, but we can achieve closure within ourselves. We can find validation of our own personal truths, and no matter what the “vote” is, it doesn’t change that truth. It can be enough to sustain us.



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137 Comments on "Might does not make right"

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Oxy-It may take a week or two to find out anything, but then again it could be sooner than that. There’s no way to tell and yes it is my neighbor that I was upset about awhile back. I try not to say too much about that cuz it gets people worked up. Today I don’t care because I’m thrilled with myself and I feel confidence-for the first time in a very long time. We say things like “my girl” down here in NOLA. She isn’t what I thought she was at all.

A large part of that problem was with me. People on here only heard selected information about her that I presented and part of it was my emotions going nuts and that I will deal with in my counseling. I shouldn’t have talked about it on here and that I regret. Then a ton of people started to chime in on it based on the things that I revealed and immediately started saying that she was a spath and I was only focusing on the negative and jumped on that bandwagon and then I started making assumptions that weren’t true. It just took she and I to work out and issue that I really didn’t go into on here. I understand why she was behaving the way she was and that was all settled between the two of us, but I’m not something I’m going to discuss on here. I really misjudged her greatly due to the fact that she was upset about something that I did that she wasn’t talking to me about. Bad things happen when you don’t communicate.

I ended up finding out that things were not all the way I was perceiving them and she does really care about me. We are trying to get to know each other and I believe that she was hurt in the past and put up some really hefty walls and tight boundaries to keep everyone away. Those walls are starting to come down and trust is developing there. I believe that I will eventually find out what caused them to go up in the first place. I am happy with the way things are right now and we are developing a friendship. I just have to remember to “step away from the drama”-as Sky always says. I do have to give her credit for helping me through a lot of stuff and it was obvious to me today that it made her feel really great to have a part in it.

Lizzy ~ standing ovation from over here!!! YOU GO GIRL!!!!

I’m glad that you and your neighbor are becoming friends. At least that’s the way it sounds to me. It is a wonderful place to begin. REAL friendship is a great place to be… and who knows where it may lead?


Sky-today was the first time I EVER felt that feeling of being so awesome that I didn’t recognize myself and I gotta say that it feels pretty damn good!

H2H-thanks a lot. I have to wait on time to see what happens after this. I am now just waiting on what the judge to decide. I was very proud of myself. I have to say though that is was twice as nice to be able to see her reaction when I told her about the hearing. It was great. I told her she was awesome too because the way that I came off in there had a lot to do with her and her help.


The feeling of confidence you have from the success you had today is one of those things that will BUILD UPON ITSELF….keep that in mind, and when you start to feel doubtful or down on yourself, just take out the feeling you have from that hearing and GO OVER IT AGAIN…..and it will boost you up.

I am glad that you have a friend that you can confide in and that is helpful to you. I think your explaination of what happened is probably pretty right, you were pretty anxious there (anxious=crazeeee as a sheet house rat! LOL) for a while, and anxiety makes us not see things logically….and babeee Have I EVER BEEN THERE! LOL 🙂 So anyway, I am glad to hear you sounding sane today and sounding up beat and PROUD OF YOURSELF You have been down on Lizzy for way far too long! (((hugs))))


I agree with the main post. Towards the end I realised that my spath had started to tell people that I was going a bit mad and was having a nervous breakdown. This was after I had a couple of panic attacks and had started to pull away from him. He obviously realised he was losing me & was trying to put a backup plan into play. It was a friend who had said to you, He’s making you ill and it was this that helped me start to see things differently.

I’m so glad that I chucked him out & was the one discarded. It makes me feel so much better lol.

OK, so this interview went really well too. I think my confidence carried over from this morning. I guess we’ll see though-I try not to get my hopes up too much about things these days. Hopefully something good will happen.

From now on, anytime I am feeling not confident I can always go back to what happened this morning and remember that feeling.

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