A Cambridge professor, Simon Baron-Cohen, has written Zero Degrees of Empathy: A new theory of human cruelty. In this review, the author explains the professor’s ideas.
Read Why a lack of empathy is the root of all evil, on Independent.co.uk.
Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.
I think Spaths should be in the registry along with the sex offenders. Seriously, thats a novel idea!
LL,
You are beating yourself up for no good reason. This guy was smart. He targeted you and used you for his own personal ‘whatever’ for many, many years it sounds like.
These kinds of men (and women) know exactly how to spot a vulnerable person who is looking for love.
I know you’ve heard this before, but you should hear it again – this guy is a dirty rotten scoundrel who preyed on your good nature. He broke you down under false pretenses. He made empty promises that he could not fulfill.
He stole a bit of your soul. But you can reclaim it. Be true from here on out. Polish off your halo and wear it proudly from now on. Don’t let another jackass into your life.
You are not the first woman to fall for a married or committed guy. These kinds of spaths are the worst kind of people because they make you a part of the crime. And they make you suffer for their sins.
Stop the madness. Forgive yourself and make yourself a wonderful life. (I am saying this for me too.)
Onebeliever
Thanks Chica. I’m workin on it. I think I should probably get off the blog for now. read some. I’m feeling a little triggered tonight, after DV group today and the blog. It bothers me to hear about spaths hurting others sometimes, along with the frustration I feel having been an OW. I’ve not untangled the knots yet, but it does go a long way back, and therefore, I have yet a long way to go.
HUGS
LL
Far
That is an AWESOME idea. AWESOME!
Lesson Learned,
You have come a long way and are sounding so much better. I had posed recently and was wondering where you were. I am so glad you are getting some help. I am next. I need to get that help.
Don’t beat yourself up for thinking that you are not there yet. You are doing really really well, and I for one am so proud of you.
Past yourself on the back.
TTS
TTS,
Thank you! Encouragement really really helps a lot!! I guess it’s easy to get stuck in that I”m not moving or at least not fast enough.
Thank you.
LL
Hens?
A purple tutu? Hmmmmm……………………well, no, but I am borrowing my son’s friends gorgeous skirt for gay pride, does that work?????
LL
LL
I read your posts and feel your pain. In a way, I was the OW too. He was divorced, but living with his ex wife (in the basement). They’ve been “together” for 22 years. I am humiliated too. I did SO MUCH for this guy. I changed my life for him and he just shit on me every time I turned around, AND, even if he slept in the basement, he went home to have dinner with HER every night (or so I guess). What was I thinking???
Then, I start to tell myself, he doesn’t love anybody, he treated her like shit like he treated me, their relationship is empty too, just longer lasting.
Why is it so hard for all of us to be indifferent? That’s what I want too. In the few moments that I have that, I feel SO GREAT.
Other moments, I feel sad, I want the love and attention of my spath (like you). I feel terribly ashamed for giving him grief for all the pain he caused me….. I have SO much empathy…..I just start telling stories to myself to have pity and give him grace…he’s a damaged individual, he had a tough childhood, he was upset at himself for his indiscretions…nobody’s perfect…blah blah blah. I can’t stay angry. I keep wanting to fix it, and get the guy I loved back.
It’s nuts.
I’m so glad you’re on this site rather than talking to him. Do you read all the pain here? Please don’t go back to him. You’re my inspiration every day right now.
Dear OneBeliever,
Your point is well taken. I don’t know what a sadistic psychopath actually “feels”. But I do know they have an instinctive KNACK for doing exactly the TYPE of abuse that will harm their victim the most, and they exercise it maximally.
It is possible they are just THAT intellectually empathic (know what their victim feels), or… it is possible they they, like cutters (or other people who harm themselves – masochists?) . . find satisfaction in the pain they cause others . . even (and particularly) if it causes themselves pain.
It’s certainly twisted and any normal person finds it hard to get their head around it.
Sk,
Thank you, I appreciate that. I’ve heard it here implied a few times about my situation, SK, but even though there is tons of pain for me right now, I am COMMITTED to my NC. I’m not going back and there has been a shift within about that lately…it’s like a death, ya know? the relationshit is really OVER and there IS no going back….not in my mind and not in my heart and that’s a HUGE step for me in this process.
I’d like to reach the point of forgiveness for my spath. But right now, I hate him, which is just as much as saying I love him, which I still do. I’m sad, angry, frustrated, and focusing now on my traumas. That is hard fricking work because it just seemed easier to look the other way. I can’t do that anymore.
God put me in a place to deal with it. I have time. I’m going to utilize that time to heal myself.
You’re a big help to me too SK. Most here are.
And you don’t sound nearly as much of a nutcase with the PTSD symptoms as when I first got here. WHEW! Thank GOD for that!
I was a NIGHTMARE, and am seeing that the fallout from having been with such a crazy asshole literally had me almost over the edge.
LL