A Cambridge professor, Simon Baron-Cohen, has written Zero Degrees of Empathy: A new theory of human cruelty. In this review, the author explains the professor’s ideas.
Read Why a lack of empathy is the root of all evil, on Independent.co.uk.
Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.
Far,
Mine wore sunglasses constantly. Even in winter. Inside or outside. Mine was affectionate, but then aloof. It was very uncomfortable though for me, with the affection. I always felt tense. It was like lying next to a board. Hard to explain…he always hugged too hard, or something too hard….he just didn’t get that he could physically hurt me, even while trying to be affectionate. I felt I had to be somewhat of a contortionist??? I dunno, weird.
LL
wow
LL, well my adenaline was pumping, and when I got home I realized I was shaking, but in a way it tickled me. I had seen him, and he hadn’t seen me. I didn’t say a word to him. I was in control. I got on line and bragged about it to Oxy.
I had already been NC from him for 2+ years.
I got tricked into haing to talk to him on the phone about a year ago.
I had a friend who had had a stroke and he was moving, but NOT going to take his cat with him. I was trying to find a home for the cat and called spaths brother who lived on the next block directly behind my friend, if he would just look out for the kitty and fed him everyday, out of nowhere he says, “oh, Spath’s here, he wants to talk to you,” and before I could even stutter anytrhing, his voice was in my ear.
Same old shit….Heeeeeeey laaaaaady. How ya doing? If I give you my phone number will ya call me sometime?
No. That’s a really bad idea.
his tone went cold as ic, jus like that.
I told him to greet his parents and said “good-bye” in this syrappy sugar sweet voice and hung up.
Now THAT felt like victory!
I didn’t seek it out and I wouldn’t ecommend it, but it felt like closure.
You will have these succeses, too, and it will feel amazing.
I’m wondering if this new feature with the boince up and down has something to do with my typoooos. I keep skipping letters. Maybe I’m just typing too fast. Has anyone else noticed this?
Kim I cant wait til I can have a victory like that. I just broke it off with my spath last week.
What I pray for is complete and total indifference if I see mine again.
And not caring one damned bit.
LL
Yeah. “The Nirvava of indifference.” I’m pretty sure that f I saw him today, I’d still get a rush. Doesn’t mean I want him or car about him, but ther’s still an emotional charge that lingers. I still think about him, usually about some dasterdly deed he comitted and fel a bit of anger rise.
Once in a blue moon I miss the fun we used to have together.
So, I suppose I haven’t reached indifference, but at least he doesn’t have that hold on me anymore. Thank God.
LL,
How are spaths with their children? Do they make good fathers? My ex Spath did just enough to get by, bought his daughter gifts here and there, but was a terrible dad in my opinion. It is written that they have no regard for family as I witnessed the terrible manipulation and disrespect my Spath tortured his mother with. I am just curious about kids.
Farwronged, Kids are treated no differenty than they treat everybody else. The kids, too, are seen as objects, nothing more.
Far,
I’m probably the last person to ask that of here. I can only give you my experiences with my exP and my OBSERVANCES of ex spath as a father. He always use to tell me, “I’m not a very good husband but I’m a great father!” PUKE!!!!
Anyway, my exP was verbally abusive with the children. Later, i found out he molested one of my son’s while I was at school at night. He could have cared less about the children and he knew that I wanted him to participate in family activities to which when actually executed he made sure I KNEW he didn’t want to be there. He was an ass the whole time. When we split, he saw the children three times after that and only soon after. In the last ten years, he came to visit us once ( I forget about this event and think I must have had my head up my ass), but he had asked to come from another state in which he was living with my exbest friend to see the children. I let him stay in our house for three days. It was interesting to say the least, but ironically, it was good for my boys. He had no idea how to interact with my son’s and he was drunk most of the time. By the time he left, my son’s were done with their father, seeing who he was. I can’t believe I forgot about that time. It was very significant.
He has seen one of my daughter’s a few times since as he moved back to our state. But she doesn’t have any interest in seeing him again now. For the most part, he stayed out of our lives and my children’s. For the last two years, his wages have been garnished for him to pay child support. Now he sits in jail and has vowed to me that he won’t be returning to work. Big surprise.
Ex spath bf on the other hand…..has his hand in everything his children do, although mostly with his son to which he wishes to mold into be just like him. It’s odd, the child has the same cold eyes. It’s very sad. I have no idea why his wife gave him joint custody. I think she just wanted out, but he never EVER goes without seizing an opportunity to make her life miserable. But anytime he dares to try to control parenting time, she’s on it and it pisses him off. Because I was not allowed around the children I could only see some of the things he was doing, as well as having been at his house, the odd things I saw there too.
He used money to manipulate them all. Constantly taking them on shopping trips and buying things for them left and right. He doesn’t make THAT much to be spending as much as he does. Now gf will help compensate so he can spend his ass off.
I can’t imagine how he will use that triangulation, and all the lies he tells his new gf about ex wife, but boy oh boy what a mess that would be. It’s inevitable. i’m so glad, when I think about that, that I’m out. I loved his daughter she is a doll, but his son is as evil in the making as his father already is.
So far if you have children with a personality disordered partner, it’s not fun, not to mention the potential for genetics and passing on the precarious life that it is with a P/S/or N.
I’m sure there are others here who could tell some wild stories that would make your hair stand up. I was parented by pathologicals too, so unfortunately, I understand it from both perspectives.
LL