A Cambridge professor, Simon Baron-Cohen, has written Zero Degrees of Empathy: A new theory of human cruelty. In this review, the author explains the professor’s ideas.
Read Why a lack of empathy is the root of all evil, on Independent.co.uk.
Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.
Dear far wronged,
Time is not a clock or a calendar, it is how much you have healed. After a traumatic break up, 1 to 1 1/2 years is not an unreasonable time period—after a death of a partner or a REALLY traumatic break up maybe longer than that. I know at your age that sounds like “FOREVER” but I would give it 6 months at least. GEt to know YOURSELF….spending time in a relationship or dating takes energy and time that many times we don’t get to be our own best friends, and really dont’ get to know ourselves. Take some time for YOU. Just enjoy being YOU, finding out about you. TALKING TO YOU…going out with girl friends or guy friends, or by yourself. EXPLORE the world explore yourself! Don’t be in a rush!
Interesting article. Especially the study revealing that high levels of testosterone are directly proportianal to lack of empathy, as is the high level of IQ.
The ex-S in my life has both; high IQ as he is financially very successfull and through the roof levels of testosterone as he is a sex addict. His lack of emathy and the ability to do covert “evil” acts were equally proportional. He demostrated this with the way he treated his family, me and anyone he became involved with. The scariest part of all is because of his high IQ, he is such a master manipulator and actor on the stage of life, he could fake empathy very successfully to gain power and control over others.
He is un-stopable, the trail of destruction became ever more apparent to me when I found out his ex-GF recently died of colon cancer. I am certain that the damage he did to her over their 12 year relationship was a major cause of her ultimate sacrifice. After 5 years with this monster, I finally realized this could be my fate as well!
Dear Aeylah,
Stress hormones in the levels “dispensed” by the psychopathic relationships definitely do a number on our bodies and our minds. That is the terrible thing that we don’t realize until sometimes too late.
And, just 15 minutes of “peace” does NOT undo the hormonal damage, I think it takes a lot of peace to even start to lower the levels once our bodies get to the point that the “HIGH stress” is “normal.”
Sort of like an alcoholic’s body adjusts to the HIGH ALCOHOL LEVEL and even though that is not normal, that guy’s body thinks it is and adjusts so that if the alcohol is taken away suddenly and completely he will go into the “DT’s” and can literally die from it.
I think our bodies and minds keep the stress high for some time after the real danger is gone and we are away from them, just as an effort to feel “normal”—-and unfortunately we can SELF ADMINISTER our “hormonal drugs” without going to the liquor store or the drug dealer…so I think it is very important that with ourselves and with other survivors we work hard on the stress reduction of all kinds in our post -psychopathic lives.
Oxy,
I agree, and know this first hand as I’ve seen my mother’s health deteriorate inmensly due to the years of emotional abuse she’s suffered from my narcissist father. In fact she is the model of what happens to someone both psychologically and physiologically who remains in an abusive relationship over a long period of time.
I am in that paralysis PTSD mode myself right now….recognizing my intense depression, achi feelings and lack of energy, I have consulted with a homeopathic doctor-who is an MD and considering doing a saliva test to check my hormone levels and cortisol levels. As a medecine woman yourself, I wonder what your experience with the accuracy of these tests and could advise.
Thanks Oxy!
I totally agree with Aeylah….my S path step daughter has an IQ of 149 ! She also has a very high testosterone level…you can tell just looking at her (her bio grandmother and bio Mom did too). They have NO boobs, they like doing work that usually men would do, and they have thick necks even though they are thin. I had heard about the testosterone link before and doubted it, but now I know several people who say the same thing. How can they all be so similar? She’s had numerous car wrecks, job hops every 3 months or so. She was here for Easter and dressed like a hooker. Several years ago she got these huge breast implants and she never misses a chance to show them off. I think Easter is a sacred Holiday and it was very uncomfortable to have her prancing around in her tube top and hot pants in mixed company. It’s like they have no inhibitions..I would have said something to her, but her Dad would have jumped on me for ruffling her feathers..They talk like they are upstanding, moral people, but their actions say the opposite. I too have suffered physical problems due to 31 years of dealing with these 2 women. I don’t know how “normal” feels anymore….Love you guys!!
Dear Aeylah,
Sorry I didn’t see your above post until today (when they get off the left side of latest posts and I haven’t seen it I tend to miss them, but wanted you to know I wasn’t ignoring you.
Stress does big bad things to our bodies and our minds and our brains as well as our spirits and emotions….lowering stress is very important and it will take TIME for the effects of it to “wear off” somewhat (I’m not sure they always do wear off totally)
I am more into conventional medicine than alternative or homopatheic though believe it or not, at one time I actually studied homeopathy with an MD who also practiced homeopathic medicine.
Lowering your cortisol levels is best done by meditation, relaxation, exercise and keeping change to a minimum I believe.
Cutting the drama rama of dealing with people who are stress producing, spending time alone to think, to heal, to focus on your own feelings and some therapy to help you cope. I also take antidepressants—by the way—there is evidence now showing that antinflammatory medications even ASA decrease the effectiveness of anti depressants….and I eat ASA for my arthritis….
I can tell when I get a “big upset” and my stress goes up, I don’t sleep as well, I am more nervous, anxious, jumpy, half sick to my stomach etc. so I try to keep “upsets” to a minimum, but there is not any way we can totally control our environment. In january I went to visit my “best friend” and came home because she was in the middle of a big drama with her abusive husband, and I left….fortunately, I wasn’t as badly “hit” by it emotionally and stress wise as I would have been in the past when I did not have as much “reserve” strength…..emotional strength is like a bank account….if you have no reserves when you get hit with a big bill, the CHECK BOUNCES….causing even bigger problems.
There are various reserachers who have worked on the effects of stress, one couple of guys is the Holmes and Rahe (I think that’s the way it is spelled) let me see if I can find a link
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Okay here it is and it is very interesting, read up on some of their stuff and about changes….and the “points” they assign. I have scored over 3,000 points in one 3 year period….300 is “max out” LOL so you know it takes time and calm, peace, and tranquility which we must find within ourselves.
Creampuff,
Glad that you are still around, sorry you are still having problems with her though….I can only imagine the “vision” of loveliness you describe. PUKE!
Hi, Creampuff! How are you doing?
Your post re your spath step daughter rang a few bells with me re my older spath Daughter!She too had a very high IQ when at school, top in every subject, however she doesnt have a single paper qualification to her name,has lost many many GREAT jobs, crashed her car afew times,{after letting her car insurance lapse by one month,{can we say STOOPID here?!}Embezzled around A$128,000 from one of the companies she worked for, laundered it thu another, was sacked fom both.{Can we say, double STOOPID here?}At almost 47, she still looks good, funny you should mention the thick neck, she has that,wears a lot of scarlet, plus scarlet lippie, smile never reaches her eyes,latest pic with new BF SHE looks like the man! Powerful in control, at sex love bomb stge I bet,phoney big grin, supreme confidence even tho she is owing over $40,000 on credit cards, lies like rug,no assetts, only has her 3 kids at weekends in exs home,{She is renting one room of a shared flat,{condo]Always loks like she should be treated likea goddess, a supreme being, far removed from the rest of lowly humanity!I am in DEEP DEEP shiat with her now, and I dont care! I”Outed ‘ her lies in my comments after one of her magazine articles.
She was describing how, each day, she made up little individual fruit salads, cheese and vegie scrolls, tiny sausage rolls,et, the truth is she only has the kids weekends. All lies, the teenage daughter makes the sandwiches!I put in my comment,
“I fail to understand WHY you are bothering to make up these elaborate lunch boxes, after all you only get to see your 3 kids at weekends!'”
WELL! Yes, it WAS bitchy of me,
but I finally got so SICK of all her lies! And BOY did it feel good, after 30 plus years of her sick treatment of me!!Of course she delete my comments and blocked,me, but not before her boss had READ it, and he sacked her the same week!Now my SIL is mad at me as he now has even less chnce of getting any child support cash out of her.
But ou knowwhat?
BOY DID IT FEEL GOOD! and I DONT regret it!
Spath D,-nil,
Mama gem-1.
Priceless!!Someone Hi 5 me!!
Mama gemXX
If you had told me 2 years ago Id feel joy, triumph, happiness and a HUGE high,from “outing” my daughter and her lies, Id have thought you were crazy!
After all, despite all of the rotten cruel, calculating things she had done to me,{and I do mean DONE} the lies, the con jobs, being”snowed”,ripped off, over and over, I was her MOTHER right? I was supposed to forgive her endlessly, love her endlessly, be there for her endlessly, put myself last,,keep on trying to understand the indefensable,on and on and on?
Well, 2 years later, 2 years of education from you guys at LF, I am a totally different person, and NO I do NOT condone, forgive or keep on giving to a horrible person like this ever again! She has no remorse, no empathy, no kindness, no humanity, no humour,and guess what,I CANT STAND HER, daughter or not!!To me forgiveness is contingent on an apology a genuine attempt by the perpetrator to change themselvs, to say sorry and mean it
She has never ever said sorry, and thefore I feel no obligation to forgive her.I usd to love her dearly, no longer.Love,
Mama gemXX
mamagemer’s – I have two son’s…both good men and good father’s, hard workin men. My youngest doesnt have time to visit or call me, I have stopped calling him because it hurts that it takes him weeks to return a call. He and his wife come for xmas and stay 30 minutes. He spends most of his free time with his in-laws. It hurts but ya know what? If that is how he feel’s then I can not change his mind and I am not gonna lose sleep about it. He changed when he married his catholic wife, she is anti-gay, oh well….