A Cambridge professor, Simon Baron-Cohen, has written Zero Degrees of Empathy: A new theory of human cruelty. In this review, the author explains the professor’s ideas.
Read Why a lack of empathy is the root of all evil, on Independent.co.uk.
Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.
Are spaths aware that they are sick? Is there any type of scientific reseach explaining humans feeling of abnormailty or just not feeling ‘right’, if you will. My P ex would tell me he knew he had ADD, was this an excuse to compensate for his REAL sickness or was he just in denial with himself? I know in my experience, they do know right from wrong. They just dont care. My ex’s friend told me he would joke about the lies he told me and laugh about the abuse with no remorse. However, he knew it was not right.
Hmmmm. “Out of control Dominance motivation. To harm others.
I think mine was a sadist, as well as a psychopath. I could NOT and still have a hard time, wrapping my mind around the idea that someone would WANT to cause you PAIN. Sky, this is where I struggle too. You were “fortunate” to hear your spath say that and I”ve heard you mention it here before about raising someone up, just to watch them fall. I often felt that that is EXACTLY what mine did. If I told him that a behavior bothered me it didn’t STOP it escalated and he would STAND THERE CALMLY while I reacted to his provocation. THAT I DO NOT understand! HOw could someone appear to be so “nice’ at one time and then turn it around and DESTROY you with it? No guilt nor remorse either. I use to think his state of calm was self confidence, it wasn’t, it was evil. It was arrogant and predatory. He loved to provoke a fight to get a reaction out of PURE frustration on my end.
Mine was as sadistic as sadistic could be. He would take great moments and then the next day was a completely different person.
LL
Farwronged,
My ex thoroughly enjoyed pissing off his ex wife. THOROUGHLY..with an arrogance that was unbelievable.
Just stand there smiling….as if a game…..as if he had won a round….
yuck…………..
LL
Kimmy
“I think that they were both driven by disorder, but the underlying human motivations were a desire to be loved.”
I don’t think they HAVE underlying human emotions in the way that we do. Mine had told me over and over he just wanted to be loved, all the while he was loved……….**cough** by many….
After all I’ve been through with this, as well as watching how he operates and has in both of his marriages, his desire is not human in wanting to be loved, but wanting to control.
LL
Farwronged, I think me do, and some don’t. Some think there is absoluly nothing wrong with them that it is the rest of the world that is F’d up. Some are aware that they are different, that they don’t experience emoton like the rest of us do.
The green river killer was asked in an interview what was missing in him that would allow him to commit such horrenous atrocitys, and he answered, “that caring thing.” He must have been aware he didn’t have empathy, but he probably learned it from one of the shrinks that was studying him. How do you know something is missing if you’ve never experienced it?
I think some of them just ride rough shod through life hurting others without much awareness or concern. But there are some who know there’s something missing in them, and they hide behind a mask, trying to appear normal, and act as if they did know the music.
You might be right LL, but I don’t think they see it that way. think to them it is a dsire to be loved. They are so disordered, they can’t FEEL love, they don’t know what love is, but they know it’s missing.
They batter their way through life trying to feel love, and the closest they get to it is control.
Kim,
I get that they substitute control for love, but what about the sadism? What is that a substitute for? is it because THEY are in pain?
Wow. Thank you for posting this article.
Not sure what experiences others had, but this could have been written with my (thankfully) ex boyfriend as a model.
His mother abandoned him as a child. He was raised by a drug dealing father who become a sober hard worker ergo absentee father to him during his formative years. He became a steller baseball and football player who was offered a spot on a pro-baseball team roster at 17. But he loved football because he liked the physicality of the sport better. So he accepted a full-ride football scholarship to a state school.
The point about the testosterone is probably extremely valid. You can’t be too empathetic and be a successful athlete. You have to want to win and crush your competition without remorse.
The article also brings up the narcissism and antisocial behavior that lack of empathy can sometimes bring about. I can recall a time once when we were arguing about something or another, I asked him about the fact that he has very few friends. He FREAKED OUT. He got the strangest look I’ve ever seen and he asked me if I was accusing him of being antisocial – like I was accusing him of beating a child or worse. I didn’t use those words or even think of that, but it clearly startled him. But I digress.
The empathy thing is interesting though. They are probably not capable of love and kindness in the way normal people are. I believe my spath thought of sex or the physical part of it at least as love. And I think the more he got away with having lots and lots of sex with or without me, the more it made him feel special. I think he probably got off the same way from tackle football, rugby and karate – another hobby of his when he was in college.
LL I agree as that was also my experience with the LOVE thing. Mine told me he just wanted to love and be loved back as well all the while he would tell me how many of his exs would still continue to call him because they were so in love and never got over him. It’s all a game to them. Ans its ALL about control. My ex would insist on me calling him daddy all the time but especially during sex.
One believer,
My how your story sounds so much like mine.