A Cambridge professor, Simon Baron-Cohen, has written Zero Degrees of Empathy: A new theory of human cruelty. In this review, the author explains the professor’s ideas.
Read Why a lack of empathy is the root of all evil, on Independent.co.uk.
Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.
skylar
I guess I’m lucky.
I would have had the same question. Did he love me at first? Did I do something to make him stop?
But I don’t have that question because, my dad overheard him tell someone that he was only with me for my money. He was working under my car, and some stranger walked up to him and asked him what he was doing. He said, “working on my girlfriends car. It’s a lot of work but there’s a lot of money at stake.”
This was when I owned the MGB-GT, which was only 1 year into our relationshit, when I was madly and deeply in love with him. There is no way I could have imagined he didn’t love me back then, without this evidence.
What I’ve learned is that there is a pattern to their behaviors. If you read Lundy Bancroft’s book, “Why does he do that?” you will see that these people are incapable of love. They can only own.
So they love owning you. But imagine a slave owner, who cares about his slaves and takes care of them. Feeds them and clothes them, puts a roof over their head, and of course he expects servitude too. When they are not quite up to par, he doesn’t have to tell them nicely because they are slaves. He doesn’t censor his anger. He just lets them have it.
When the slave owner has a slave mistress, he is probably very gentle with her in bed. She makes him feel good. So he is nice when she is doing her job right. And everyone’s job is making him feel good.
The slave owner thinks he’s a pretty good guy because of how well he treats his slaves. And besides, being a rich man and sharing his bounty with the slaves in exchange for their correct performances, is pretty big of him.
My parents were slave owners. They sent us to the best schools but we were never encouraged to be anything more than little plastic children, possessions to reflect well on them. That we should have more dimensions than that, was beyond their understanding.
There is one more thing about the spaths, which makes them different from the slave owner/narcissists. They actually HATE US WITH A PASSION and they hide it in order to keep us close so they can destroy us. They have seen narcissists in action, probably their parents. But being without feelings, they were not hurt by the N’s. Instead the N’s provided a role model which taught them how to act like a human with flaws. Spaths can pretend that they are N’s or Borderline or anything else. It’s easy because they actually do have all the bad traits of the N’s and Borderlines. But there is something else about spaths that makes them different. It’s as if turning up the volume on the N traits, creates a monster that is more than the sum of it’s parts. It becomes a vile hating machine that uses deception to feed the hate under pretense of love.
In these cases, Kim, it’s not a matter of forgiving them. They are a force of nature, no longer human, and forgiving them is like forgiving a tornado for what it took from you. Yes, it’s true that they made the choice to hurt you, and it felt personal, but the fact that they go on to the next victim, proves that it was never personal. It’s just what they do. You don’t have to forgive him, you can just dismiss him.
We really shouldn’t feel narcissitic injuries from what a tornado does to us. It’s just hard because they have a face and they look human. My doll looked human to me and I thought I really loved her, but I grew up and learned that just because it looks like a human doesn’t mean that it is. I wish I had taken that lesson further.
hens
very good Sky..
skylar
thank Hens,
I sure hope you can be free of the evil one that visits your mind occasionally. I think it’s time to write a book, huh…
hens
would you buy a copy of my book Sky? “As the stomach turns with Hens” I bet I would make oprah’s book club…, I just went out to get in my truck and there is a swarm of bee’s on my hummingbird feeder the size of a basket ball and i left my windows down to the truck and they are thick everywhere in my truck, they are agressive – wonder if they are killer Bees? if yall dont ever see me again you know I happened OH MY
skylar
Hens!
call a professional. Those types killed a couple in texas a few days ago.
Get in the house and call for help.
Ana
Skylar,
LOL-they hate us with a passion! Good! So glad to hear that. What also made me laugh is the part where they have to hide it so they can destroy us. Imagine how hard it is for them to HATE with a passion and have to act nice??
It must be agony for them.
Thanks be to God I’m starting therapy in about a week : )
Ana
Hens,
“As the stomach turns with Hens”
Toooo funnnnnyyyy!
hens
ok I hated to but I sprayed em with wasp killer and they seem to be leaving or dead…..Ana, Sky is right about them hating us – I can remember some looks my X would give me as he said I love you – it was unnerving…..
skylar
Ana,
good for you starting therapy.
My exP had severe acid reflux. The stomach acid was so strong it was burning him.
Later I read that this is a sign of suppressed rage.
ROTFLOL. yeah, they really do shoot themselves in the foot.
Ox Drover
Yea, Kim, if you don’t try you can’t fail…GREAT WAY TO LOOK AT IT….NOT!!!!!
If you use booze so you don’t have to confront your BPD issues (if that is what they really are) then you can just go on being a drunk who doesn’t fail at trying to get sober….BULL SHIATTTT, KIM! BOINK!!!!!!
Listen to yourself sweetheart!
You know it was difficult for me to admit that I was/am tended toward enabling…and you know what, enabling is just another form for control issues…..so you are no worse and no better than the rest of us, YOU HAVE ISSUES….big farking deal!
You are even smart enough now to KNOW WHAT THEY ARE….so get over it already and start to fix them ONE DAY AT A TIME. One issue at a time. One layer at a time. And yea, you will fail sometimes and back slide….but hey, even the Apostle Peter denied Christ 3 times in the same night….and he went on to be one of the most active of all the apostles.
Kim the ONLY person who doesn’t fail is those that DO NOTHING, and I have failed and failed and failed…..because I did try, and I will fail again I am sure, because I intend to keep on trying.
NOW GET REAL MY DEAR, SWEET, WELL LOVED FRIEND BEFORE I GET THE SUPER BIG SKILLET OUT AND BOINK YOU ON BOTH SIDES OF YOUR HEAD.