Debating empathy and evil

I guess I’m lucky.
I would have had the same question. Did he love me at first? Did I do something to make him stop?

But I don’t have that question because, my dad overheard him tell someone that he was only with me for my money. He was working under my car, and some stranger walked up to him and asked him what he was doing. He said, “working on my girlfriends car. It’s a lot of work but there’s a lot of money at stake.”

This was when I owned the MGB-GT, which was only 1 year into our relationshit, when I was madly and deeply in love with him. There is no way I could have imagined he didn’t love me back then, without this evidence.

What I’ve learned is that there is a pattern to their behaviors. If you read Lundy Bancroft’s book, “Why does he do that?” you will see that these people are incapable of love. They can only own.

So they love owning you. But imagine a slave owner, who cares about his slaves and takes care of them. Feeds them and clothes them, puts a roof over their head, and of course he expects servitude too. When they are not quite up to par, he doesn’t have to tell them nicely because they are slaves. He doesn’t censor his anger. He just lets them have it.

When the slave owner has a slave mistress, he is probably very gentle with her in bed. She makes him feel good. So he is nice when she is doing her job right. And everyone’s job is making him feel good.

The slave owner thinks he’s a pretty good guy because of how well he treats his slaves. And besides, being a rich man and sharing his bounty with the slaves in exchange for their correct performances, is pretty big of him.

My parents were slave owners. They sent us to the best schools but we were never encouraged to be anything more than little plastic children, possessions to reflect well on them. That we should have more dimensions than that, was beyond their understanding.

There is one more thing about the spaths, which makes them different from the slave owner/narcissists. They actually HATE US WITH A PASSION and they hide it in order to keep us close so they can destroy us. They have seen narcissists in action, probably their parents. But being without feelings, they were not hurt by the N’s. Instead the N’s provided a role model which taught them how to act like a human with flaws. Spaths can pretend that they are N’s or Borderline or anything else. It’s easy because they actually do have all the bad traits of the N’s and Borderlines. But there is something else about spaths that makes them different. It’s as if turning up the volume on the N traits, creates a monster that is more than the sum of it’s parts. It becomes a vile hating machine that uses deception to feed the hate under pretense of love.

In these cases, Kim, it’s not a matter of forgiving them. They are a force of nature, no longer human, and forgiving them is like forgiving a tornado for what it took from you. Yes, it’s true that they made the choice to hurt you, and it felt personal, but the fact that they go on to the next victim, proves that it was never personal. It’s just what they do. You don’t have to forgive him, you can just dismiss him.

We really shouldn’t feel narcissitic injuries from what a tornado does to us. It’s just hard because they have a face and they look human. My doll looked human to me and I thought I really loved her, but I grew up and learned that just because it looks like a human doesn’t mean that it is. I wish I had taken that lesson further.

thank Hens,
I sure hope you can be free of the evil one that visits your mind occasionally. I think it’s time to write a book, huh…

Hens!
call a professional. Those types killed a couple in texas a few days ago.

Get in the house and call for help.

Ana,
good for you starting therapy.

My exP had severe acid reflux. The stomach acid was so strong it was burning him.

Later I read that this is a sign of suppressed rage.

ROTFLOL. yeah, they really do shoot themselves in the foot.