A Cambridge professor, Simon Baron-Cohen, has written Zero Degrees of Empathy: A new theory of human cruelty. In this review, the author explains the professor’s ideas.
Read Why a lack of empathy is the root of all evil, on Independent.co.uk.
Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.
Kim,
Funny you mention hiding behind a mask. My ex actually brought me a mask from a business trip he took to Mexico City. He was very proud of this gift. Turns out, on this same trip he ‘hooked up’ with one of his colleagues who was also there as part of the ‘mission.’ They call them ‘missions’ when they travel for work like they are CIA operatives or something. Of course the whole mission concept only feeds into his secret life as an international stud.
The mask was really creepy to me. It only came together for me after I moved out and found out the facts about the lieing and cheating.
He also gave me a necklace from Spain that looked like a bedazzled dog chain. Another time, he gave me a black silk scarf from China.
He had a half sister who gave him a wood carving from Thailand of a couple in an embrace. I always thought that was rather strange too.
Beware of men who give you necklaces, watches and masks. They are telling you something.
Kimmy,
Interesting…..Love=control….I can see in so many ways how that would make sense….the control part is the total acquiescence of the object, ie: love for them “worship’
LL
Farwronged.
That’s interesting. Mine would show me that his other women were far more important and worth paying attention to than I was. there was always something fundamentally wrong with me He often elevated other women over me. It was constant.
LL,
I was actually jealous of My ex’s ex. He would always talk about her and make reference to the time they lived together etc. She was his longest relationship and he is still sleeping with her til this day. While he boasted about her he also called her crazy and said that she too always accused him of cheating (as if any of our accusations were false) yeah right! There relationship ended due to a serious domestic abuse incident where she took out a restraining order on him. I cannot see why she would still continue to sleep with him, but i am sure its all mind control. He even told me the story about their fight and joked about it as if she deserved him putting his hands on her.
Farwronged,
Are you sure he wasn’t/isn’t lieing about the fights, her accusations, the restraining order?
My sociopath made me believe his wife (they were on the outs when we met) was a lesbian who enjoyed the company of women to most men. But they managed to have ‘a good time’ as he described it. He told me he finally left her because she had a threesome at their home without his permission when he was on a business trip to India.
When I found out he cheated on me, I also found out he told the girl that he allowed to me to move into his house because I had no where else to go after my house went into foreclosure. He felt sorry for me. He also told her I had a drinking and drug problem, that I started smoking cigarettes again (I quite in 2000) and that I cheated on him with men and women.
None of these things are even remotely true. And I have come to believe that most of the things he told me about his ex wife and the mother of his two other children – he has three total – are all fabrications.
Finding out about the lies he told about me was devastating. Now I know he never told me the truth about much. And that is the reason most people like this don’t have any friends. They have to keep everyone at bay because if they got together there might be some blank spots or some exposure. Too dangerous to have friends.
In fact, when he and I first got together, he would ask to me participate in the lies. Say this or that when you meet so and so.
These people are expert liars. Don’t believe anything they say. Everything is a lie. Everything.
One believer,
My ex told MANY Lies about his ex. It would fill up an encyclopedia there were so many, many lies………..
I’m glad you posted this. My exspath blasted both of his ex wives, and was doing it to lure other women in too, the pity play. Topped it off with MORE LIES>
That’s what they are, that’s what they do. they lie even when confronted with the truth.
LL
The only way I can make sense of a sociopath is to imagine him as an infant.
Their ability to love is equal to an infant’s. Infants love is actually an attachment to its provider and to the things that are provided through the provider. That’s why they need to manipulate and control and dominate. They need to make sure that we will always provide And always love them unconditionally. Infants have no empathy or sense of responsibility. But do infants enjoy seeing others suffer? I believe that my little sister did. As soon as she learned to speak, she would manipulate my mom into punishing me by lying to her with a pity ploy .
Sky,
I read somewhere (this just dawned on me as I reviewed the posts on this thread, but can’t remember where I read this) that part of the reason for the psychopath’s sadism IS to project THEIR pain onto another…so by proxy, we are feeling the pain that they cannot.
LL
One believer.
No i found the retraining order. This may seem weird to some or wrong. But I went through all of his belongings at his house. I tore up the place looking for things to prove that my suspicions were the truth. I did what i felt I HAD to do in order to see what kind of monster I was truly dealing with. The RO stated she rejected him for sex and he became erratic and out raged. He tried to burn her with a cigarette choked her and so on….It was really bad I couldnt believe what I was reading. Mind you my ex was also a coke addict so his P tendenancies were to the max and I am sure he may have been high the night they faught as well.
Yes they lie and stretch the truth way beyond imagination but when they do tell the small truth there are always gaps and other fabricated stories mixed in. In some cases I believe they lie to cover up their own ugly truth. To forget about their horrible past or inadequate present reality thus making themsevles feel better or look better to the world. Sometimes I even thought my ex believed his own lies because sometimes he continued to tell the same lie over and over as if it were real.