A Cambridge professor, Simon Baron-Cohen, has written Zero Degrees of Empathy: A new theory of human cruelty. In this review, the author explains the professor’s ideas.
Read Why a lack of empathy is the root of all evil, on Independent.co.uk.
Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.
OneBeliever
Hens, my guy not only didn’t have his own smell other than his cologne, he had red bloodshot eyes. In fact, he had surgery on both to correct the condition when we were together. I never really noticed it but he insisted that it was a problem for him. He said he didn’t want to look ‘stoned’ all the time. He never did drugs other than alochol. I was so blinded by his bullshit that I didn’t even see those red devil eyes.
OxDriver, not sure what to say – I believe that my spath was a product of his nature and also in the way he was (not) nurtured. He has choices now, but he is so far gone. I really believe that he would be a serial killer instead of a serial fucker had his life gone a little teensy bit differently. He’s not violent. And he is an amazing f**k. But he would collect where he could. He’s created a world where he can collect lover victims instead of murder victims.
Believe it.
MissLed
Far,
Wow, that’s scary. He experiences Anger.
I have heard before that they go for the neck. I was surprised when a friend asked me if mine had tried that. She had prior experience with one before and was choked more than once. She’s happily married to a great guy now, 25 years now.
Ox Drover
As I remember Hens, you sort of were lusting after the dude too? Huh? What about him attracted you? Just the hot bod? Or was it the mannerisms? That exciting “bad boy” musk they put off?
Yea, dull and sollid isn’t always so attractive is it? LOL ROTFLMAO
Recovering
I was not chocked but dumped on my head and extended as if I were in a wrestling match.
MissLed
Far,
How old is this guy?
Recovering
choked*
Recovering
When you all say they have no smell???
Recovering
Miss he is 25
lesson learned
WOW!!!
I’m reading these posts and I see I have so much further to GO…UGHHHH!
My new DV group is great. But what dawned on me is that the EDUCATIONAL materials that are given out mention NOTHING about someone with a personality disorder, even though each one in the group was with one. We talked about that tonight, how different it is, even if subtly in tactics. I can’t WAIT to go back next week. This group is my salvation right now.
WHen I read about how far out some folks are here, I have to remind myself to be very PATIENT with myself. I have issues with delayed gratification, I want this to be OVER RIGHT NOW…
So, having said that, these are the things I’ve done to overcome this relationship as well as working on my childhood trauma:
1. NC. COMPLETELY Four and a half months now.
2. going to my DV group
3. No school, no work, so I can figure out who I am, what the hell I’m doing and take the time to HEAL and deal with my severe PTSD symptoms, including with my doctor
4. I got a therapist today (FINALLY!)
5. I get up, shower, clean my house, blog, read, cry, or not
6. I take my sons to their appointments (dentist, therapy, eye)
7. I feed my dogs and love on them, take them potty
8. I read and research pathology and trauma bonds
9. looking for another place to live.
That’s it. That’s IT for right now. It’s all i can do. Nothing more.
Seems so basic, doesn’t it?
But it’s exhausting.
I feel so stupid right now. I just feel like I should be more than this right now, but I’m not.
It’s so frustrating.
LL
Ox Drover
One believer,
Nature,nurture? which came first the chicken or the egg? Doesn’t matter I don’t think, once they are “set” they are set in stone and there’s not much chance of making them into a silk purse starting with the psychopathic sow’s ear. There is some “evidence” in some studies that they can be “improved” with drugs and therapy but we are not talking about making them into nice guys/gals, just cutting down the level of violence and drama and pain they cause to a lower level of violence, drama and pain to others.
I find I am very INTOLERANT of any kind of dishonesty or criminal activity, lying, or unkind behavior in any way….NO EXCUSES for it accepted. ONE AND DONE.
Not that I have been 100% kind, or 100% honest, or 100% good in my life in the past, but I am trying very much to be as close to those things (goals) now as I am able. I am willing to give someone a pass for honest mistakes that they show remorse for, but people who do DELIBERATE nasty things, dishonest things, and unkind things, or criminal activity—nope, no tolerance for those people being in my life. Bye bye, have a nice life. Don’t want you around. In the last year I’ve “lost” my oldest son (dishonesty) and my 30-year long best friend (unkindness) neither of them are psychopaths, just dysfunctional, but I know WHY they act like they do, and I am sorry as all get out that they have chosen to act like that, but since it is their choice to act that way, it is MY choice not to tolerate either my son’s dishonesty or my friends unkindness toward me. I realize she is depressed due to an abusive marriage, but that doesn’t give her a pass to take it out on me. Her husband is an abusive man and I won’t take that from him either. It saddens me to have lost the friendship I treasured for so long, but there are good memories and I wish her the best in life and I hope that she takes action to heal herself. I actually don’t have much of a hope that she will do so, but if she needs me I’m here, but in the meantime, I am NC. My son has used up his “second chances” so no more chances for him…I wish him a nice life but he is on his own. I love him but I sure don’t like him. My P-son, I fear him, but no longer feel that he is the son I loved, the little boy who was so wonderful and so charming. That child is gone, the man is a stranger.
The people left in my life are no longer numerous, but they are SOLID gold and I am so grateful for their love and support.