By March 17, 2008 Read More →

Discrimination and sociopaths

“Discrimination” has come to be a dirty word. It brings to mind unfair treatment of individuals because of race, religion, gender, national origin, physical disability, sexual orientation or some other broad categorization. People have been killed, beaten, denied jobs, denied housing, prosecuted, persecuted and denigrated because of some demographic category to which they belonged.

All of this applies to one meaning of the word “discrimination.” But there is another meaning that is vitally important when it comes to sociopaths. Here are the two meanings according to the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language:


  1. Treatment or consideration based on class or category rather than individual merit.
  2. The ability or power to see or make fine distinctions; discernment.

Created equal

So far, we’ve been talking about the first meaning. In the United States, there’s always been a moral tradition against this type of discrimination. In church, we’re taught that “we’re all God’s children.” In school, we learned that “all men are created equal.”

For generations, though, the words were one thing, but practice was another. So laws were passed to prohibit discriminative behavior and to encourage redress of the violations of the past. This is generally good. Yes, some people take advantage of these laws, but the intention—a level playing field for all—is admirable and right.

I remember when this effort was just getting underway. I was a teenager when the feminist and black power movements began in the United States. When I was in junior high school, a question raging among my classmates was, “Do you believe in women’s lib?” In college, I was once asked, “Do you believe in black quarterbacks?”

Now, the questions seem so quaint that it’s hard to imagine they were seriously posed. Today’s young people don’t even seem to need the concepts of “political correctness” or “diversity awareness.” They appear to be inclusive of all groups of people. This is terrific.

But there is a downside to all this inclusiveness.


It seems that in our efforts to be non-judgmental about groups of people, we also hesitate to be judgmental about individuals.

Based on what Lovefraud readers have said in telling your stories, it seems that most of us are moral, caring, considerate people who want to live productive lives and help our neighbors along the way. We are inclined to realize that people have problems and give others the benefit of the doubt. We want to believe that everyone has good within them.

When we run into a sociopath, this mindset can be disastrous. It leads us to keep lending assistance, keep believing the apologies and the promises to change, far longer than we should.

Where sociopaths are concerned, we must discriminate, in the second sense of the word. We must develop “the ability or power to see or make fine distinctions.” We need to know the signs of a sociopath, and when we see them, get the person quickly out of our lives.

Evil people

The problem is, until we’ve tangled with a sociopath—and probably had our lives close to ruined because of one—we don’t even know that we need to discriminate, let alone how to do it.

I’ve written before that sociopaths are evil. People take issue with this terminology—it seems to have religious implications, or at the very least, convey a message of intolerance.

In The People of the Lie, M. Scott Peck, M.D., defines evil as “that which seeks to kill life or liveliness.” Evil, he says, has to do with murder—which can be either physical murder, or murder of the spirit.

This is what sociopaths do. If they don’t physically kill us, they suck out our emotions, energy and resources, until we have nothing left, not even our sense of self. They murder our spirits.

There are millions of sociopaths living among us, ready to commit this type of murder. But instead of being taught that they exist, what to look out for and when to discriminate (the second definition), we are taught that it is wrong to discriminate (the first definition).

Yes or no

Sociopaths cannot be identified by any readily apparent characteristics such as race, religion or gender. Every demographic group—men, women, rich, poor, all races, all faiths—includes some sociopaths. They can only be identified by behavior.

We need to know how to spot these evil people. The essence of discrimination, as in discernment, is learning when to say yes and when to say no. We must say “no” to sociopaths.

Tolerance is generally good for society. Sociopaths, however, do not deserve it.

Aha, you worry me. You sound so angry. The No Contact thing is great, and so is preferring to put your mind on more expansive, loftier goals and dreams than any P could ever aspire to, but there’s something in your posts…an aggression that’s almost frightening, to me.

Underneath everything, even personality disorders, are human beings. You cannot cage them, particularly if they are not breaking laws or defrauding others.

To Mr. Green:

You’re a cerebral, rather than somatic N, it sounds like. Sex isn’t your chosen weapon of power, but thought is. Might be why you don’t have the same sexual issues as many other P’s who need adulation from multiple women.

“I don’t think any moral person is capable of working at the same level I can.”

For a good cause, they can be. Some people find injustice a cause worthy of miring themselves in mud they might otherwise never touch. A moral person won’t go about it the same way a P would. That’s the beauty of it. A P won’t even be able to fathom the path being taken to expose him until long after the exposure is complete, because it’s outside his known levels.

That’s the kind of thing that trips up a P, again. People are hardwired to think one way, even if it is a devious, disordered way. That is an inescapable part of the human condition that limits all humans and P’s are just as limited by their own imaginations as the rest of us. Since they can only think one way, and it’s not the way of the normal person, there are routes that are unfathomable to their minds but obvious to others’.

Aha, you amaze me with your ability to form sentences. If you could direct me to the person who taught you to speak like that I would be forever indebted to you. You rhetoric and misdirection approach a level that I may not even be able to keep up with. At first glance people may see you as crazy but I recognize you are not. Is this a protective defense you have learned? Do you scare the bad people away with your rambelings? You have obviously frightened more then a few people on this blog.

If you won’t listen to me, listen to LilOrphan, she seems to be stable and well adjusted to coping with what you are going through. I recommend a healthier approach to recovery because at the heart of it your actions sound no better then the sociopaths that you obviously despise. You appear to think you are better then sociopaths so do not stoop to their level or you will be no better.

LilOrphan, I agree with you on your analysis. Although my sex drive (along with other things contrary to the experiences of v.abraded) is larger then most men I can keep it confined to one woman and under control. I think my difference from other sociopaths may be related to all the chamomile tea that I drink…. it’s very soothing, calms the beast inside. (in case anybody doesn’t pick that up I’m jokeing). Where did you read about cerebral and somatic N? I would be interested in reading about this if you could direct me to your source. I have all the important books on the subject so I likely have access to that information.

My quote on my ability to work on a different level from moral people is taken a bit out of context but I can’t hold that one against you. I have stated that I sometimes want things to be taken out of context for there hidden meaning. This not one of them. I do have a great affection for justice. Why else do you think I am seeking out sociopaths to perform my needs on then the average person. I respect the innocence of others and do my best to avoid causing the innocent harm. The people I will cause harm to are the guilty and the misdirected. I don’t do anything to anybody who doesn’t deserve it. I have realized that there are too many jerks and assholes out there that annoy me who deserve it more.



Mr. Green siad he could dispose with a baby as easy as a fly, and Aha scares you?

I think this site needs to be moderated.

Going back to a few comments I overlooked…

To v.abraded

“I am grateful to your insight and strength regarding rejecting your negative impulses but is that born out of compassion, sociopaths are renown for lacking compassion” ”

Hell no. I have no compassion. I reject my negative impulses to fit in with society. I do it to save my own ass. I don’t like the idea of being locked away. I do ACT compassionate though. I really don’t think people can tell the difference. I know people who aren’t sociopaths will act like they have compassion even though they may not actually. I know that people are so use to seeing this faked compassion from others and interpreting it as legit that I don’t need to worry.

“All of the women on this site are more than likely your intellectual equal, but certainly not your emotion equal because we actually feel, and apart from the suffering B/M cause which remains deep seated we are slowly becoming equipped to walk away from any future sociopathic relationships.”

I’m not going to comment on the intellectual thing but emotional equal I agree. I don’t necessarily believe the inequality in emotion has anything to do with having emotions as being superior. I have so much more freedom then a caring person. I don’t expect you to agree because you can not experience what it is like.

To address another issue, your use of the acronym BM, I assume it represents Bad Man is not something I am comfortable with. This acronym is too close to an acronym used in the health care and personal care field. I would prefer you discontinue its use for a more scientific term. It also makes me think of little girl rape victims pointing at a Barbie doll to show where the bad man touched them.

“I know you have your girlfriend, you are an extremely lucky man to have such an attentive human being in your life, as for your romantic times are you doing it for her.. if so you are giving her something she desires otherwise why do it it obviously isn’t for yourself.”

I do it for her. I realized long ago that normal people have emotion needs that need to be feed just like a need for vitamins and nutrients. If I didn’t do it she would leave me.

To LilOrphan

“So then Mr. Green are you saying your girlfriend accepts those things at face value that you say that are abnormal? I did, too, for a long time. But they started adding up and then my family members, when I explained what was said, began talking. Loudly.”

She does accept them at some value. She is very close with her parents and I guess you could say I am as well. They knew something was up with me but I was able to stage an event that made it obvious what my problems were, at least what I wanted them to think my problems were. I have accepted that lying is my only way to have a relationship and lies are sometimes better then the truth. Apparently you can make being a sociopath look a lot like depression. It only takes mild self mutilation and a a lot of crocodile tears to work. You also have to say you hate yourself at some point. As far as she is concerned though my depression is getting better with some help. I have learned through this event I have to be more careful with some of my thought expressions. I also have to talk about my emotions more so she knows whats going on with me.

“Seems to me, and I don’t want to be disrespectful and say this bluntly but I don’t have much time before having to go – it seems that the very emotions you admit to lacking are those that invariably trip you up – because the woman you’re with can feel their lack. She may not be able to put words to it (and maybe she doesn’t care, isn’t someone who can feel the difference, lacks empathy herself) but if she’s not one of those things, she can feel it. Eventually that lack will cause her to question and, likely, leave.”

I think my depression explanation has helped her explain my emotional differences to herself.

Lunch time…

holywatersalt I said I could dispose of a baby as easily as a fly as an example of what I would do if I was not required to wear my mask. Since I am never going to live in a society that allows me to act the way my instincts tell me to I won’t be burning any babies. Since it is not yet illegal to think or even express my thoughts you should not be worried about what I have to say.

I think what is scary about Aha is she has admitted to poisoning men she doesn’t like. She also wants to remove the freedoms of somebody who has not been committed of any crime. She promotes the murder of sociopaths. That is by far worse then anything I have ever done or will ever do.

I hope I have not said anything to offend you. I am doing my best to avoid saying these things. If my existence is the thing that offends you I can’t really help that. Don’t take all my comments seriously, some are my attempt at humor. You should be able to weed out the humor for the serious comments, it’s quite obvious.

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