By | September 28, 2009 93 Comments

Disturbing cases of atypical abusers

Last week, Lovefraud readers brought two disturbing cases of abuse to my attention. The cases were disturbing because of the depraved actions of the perpetrators, and because most people would not suspect that they were predators at all.

The Lovefraud reader BloggerT7165 sent me a link to the case of Jessica Banks, a 65-year old woman from Moreno Valley, California, who was convicted in July of 13 counts of child abuse and two counts of sexual penetration by force and fear. Two weeks ago she was sentenced to two consecutive life terms.

The Lovefraud reader Ox Drover alerted me to a recent program on ABC’s 20/20 called Handsome Devil: The man who spread HIV. It recounts the case of Philippe Padieu, age 53, who was convicted of intentionally infecting at lease six women with HIV. Padieu, was sentenced to 45 years in prison.

Jessica Banks

The victims in the Jessica Banks case were her five adopted daughters. The five girls—who are sisters—were abused in their biological family and placed in foster care with Banks in 2000. Banks legally adopted the girls in 2004. Shortly after that she took them out of public school. They started attending school at the Word of Life Apostolic Church, which was located in a Moreno Valley strip mall. Jessica Banks was the pastor of the church, which prosecutors described as a cult.

In 2005, one of the girls was found curled up on the sidewalk in front of another business near the church. She had a black eye. With that, the four girls, aged four to 11, were discovered. When authorities removed them from Banks’ custody—they were living in a hidden room in her garage, wearing long black dresses and two layers of diapers.

The girls were emaciated, with only moldy food to eat. Prosecutors said Banks kicked them daily and beat them with cords, sticks, high-heeled shoes, belts and extension cords. She also made them take sleeping pills. Two of the girls were sexually assaulted with paint sticks.

The girls said they attended séances at Banks’ church, which only had a handful of members. One of the girls sat there with a rope around her neck. Saying the girls made up the stories, Banks denied all charges of abuse. The jury didn’t buy it and convicted her.

During the sentencing hearing, Banks’ attorney argued for leniency, stating that the woman did not fit the profile of a typical sexual predator.

To read more about this horrible case, see Girls adopted by Jessica Banks

Philippe Padieu

After her marriage fell apart, Diane Reeve from Dallas, Texas, decided to try Internet dating. She met Philippe Padieu, an exotic man who was born in France and worked as a network security analyst in Frisco, Texas. They shared an interest in martial arts, and Diane had a relationship with him for four and a half years.

Eventually, however, she learned that the Padieu was cheating on her. She went through his cell phone bill—she was paying for it—and contacted nine other women to alert them to Padieu’s infidelity.

A few months later, one of the women, “Susan Brown” (a pseudonym given her by 20/20) called Reeve back. She’d tested positive for HIV. When Diane Reeve herself was tested, not only was she HIV positive, she had AIDS.

Brown had called Padieu, told him about the HIV, and that she had reported him to the health department. Padieu wasn’t worried about the infection, but he was furious that he’d been named.

At this point the women took on a mission to warn the other women that Philippe Padieu was sleeping with. In fact, six women, who ranged in age from 40 to 60, formed both a support and investigative group. Padieu was bringing a parade of women into his home, knowing he was HIV positive. He had to be stopped.

To see how they did it, I recommend that you watch the 20/20 episode, which is available online at Handsome Devil: The man who spread HIV.

Padieu himself is interviewed at the end. Of course, he denied everything, and said one of the women infected him.

You can also read a 20/20 article about the case at: How women united to stop HIV-positive man.

Unlikely perpetrators

Both of these cases are horrific and shocking, and thankfully, both perpetrators are going to be locked up probably until they die.

But look how long they were both out on the street harming innocent victims without attracting any attention. That’s because they weren’t typical perpetrators.

Jessica Banks was a 65-year-old grandmother and church pastor who abused her own adopted daughters.

Philippe Padieu was a 53-year-old computer guy who targeted middle-aged women.

Once again, appearances can be deceiving.

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Ox Drover

Dear donna,

Thanks for posting this article. I hadn’t heard about the woman, but the show on Padieu made my skin crawl. These women are in my estimation saints for what they did by banding together and getting him off the streets.



Elizabeth Conley

Sadly, I think there may have been some “typical” aspects about both of these abusers.

It’s impossible to collect statistics, but I think most abusers are “the last person you’d suspect”. Most get away with it time and time again because their victims don’t expect abuse from them, and no one believes their victims claims after the fact.

I wonder how many abusers truly “fit the profile”.


This is terrifying. I know my P has an STD because I found his medication. I feel sick….


JBizzy…I am so sorry!

Elizabeth, I had the same reaction. Maybe it is because the P I was involved with was a doctor, a megamillionaire, one adopted child, three of his own…that I’m more expecting that of course they look “normal”. Or even stellar. But I do agree that the general public does not have that perception.

Just a quick example. The P I was involved with was head one year of the blood drive for his community. Turns out his main personal interest in giving blood was a no-cost test for aids. They are something else. He was CHEAP and also using the blood donation in a way that it is not supposed to be used, and not answering truthfully on the screening tests, etc.


Both these cases are so random it’s frightening. How would you know as victims in either case. That means this can happen anywhere to anyone.



The truth is that there really is no “typical profile” for abusers. They come in all genders, ages, social classes, etc. Sexual abuse by a female offender is one of the most, if not the most, under reported crimes there is. One program showed that less than 1/2 of percent of those that had disclosed being sexually abused by a female (such as the banks case) ever reported it and 80+% of those that did report it were not believed which they reported made the experience even worse.

The sad reality is that we are all humans and the only typical profile is that the abusers are people and if we forget that we create blind spots that can be taken adavantage of.


A few excerpts from studies to highlight what I mean (if anyone wants them I can provide links to them):

(From – One in six adult men reported being sexually molested as children, and — in a surprise finding — nearly 40 percent of the perpetrators were female, a new study found.

In a study of 17,337 survivors of childhood sexual abuse, 23% had a female-only perpetrator and 22% had both male and female perpetrators. ( Dube, Shanta R et al. “Long-Term Consequences of Childhood Sexual Abuse by Gender of Victim.” American Journal of Preventive Medicine. (2005):28(5), p 430 ”“ 438.)

According to a major 2004 study commissioned by the U.S. Department of Education – In studies that ask students about offenders, sex differences are less than in adult reports. The 2000 AAUW data indicate that 57.2 percent of all students report a male offender and 42.4 percent a female offender with the Cameron et al. study reporting nearly identical proportions as the 2000 AAUW data (57 percent male offenders vs. 43 percent female offenders)..

Elizabeth Conley


My son is 10. When he was 9 there was an older girl in his Sunday school class who just wouldn’t keep her paws off of him. I finally had to read her the riot act.

Too many of my male friends describe first sexual encounters with aggressive older girls. They don’t necessarily describe this as traumatic, just less than ideal.

I’m not sure what’s going on in these girl’s minds. I understand the women even less. It’s incomprehensible to the rest of us, so we’re usually blind to it.


I had a foster child, girl, who (at age 7, 8)would rip off her clothes and go after boys if ever she found herself alone with them. She also went after her sister. In her case, she had been sexually raped by her father and grandfather. She was highly sexual in her orientation to life as a result. Heartbreaking all around.

Ox Drover

Thanks Blogger, glad you are around some. I miss your more frequent posts!

Your point is well taken and I appreciate your statistics and references. I think this is one of the, if not THE, most under reported crime there is given that we do know that the pedophiles have many many victims prior to being caught and that most likely the majority are never caught.


Yes, that is SCARY isn’t it? We like to think that we are SAFE in our society, but unfortunately it is not a FACT that we are “safe”—life is a scary proposition, as most of us here can testify and there are “Human predators” in disguise all around us, that’s why we are all here. These particularly heinous crimes are “newsworthy” because not all predators are quite so violent, but you sure can’t “look” at someone and see that they are a “monster” even though they are just that. Many of them appear quite “normal” and even achieve high positions in society.

Living in terror though is not a productive way to live, but I think it behooves each of us to exercise “due caution” in our lives and be conscious of any “red flags” we observe in others.


Thank you OxDrover. Its been a tad busy on my end and now I am working with a few agencies and one university to possibly set up the first support/treatment group in my state for those that have been victims of female offenders.

Ox Drover

Dear blogger,

HEY! That is GREAT!!!!

I saw some of your comments on another blog, you are SO TACTFUL! LOL BTW, I heard through a mutual friend that you have been saying NICE things about me, please don’t RUIN MY REPUTATION as a witch! LOL

I know you are busy, but don’t forget about us here at LF! We need you here too! (((hugs))))

Remember the movie, “The Addams Family”? Wednesday is asked what her costume is supposed to be (she’s wearing the same dress she wears every day.) Her reply? “I’m a homicidal maniac. They look just like everyone else.”




Children’s cartoons deceptively portray all the monsters and evil characters as extremely obviously evil with the evil laugh, eyes, dress etc. The cartoons surely deceive children into thinking that they can easily spot a bad person. Daily I pray for discernment because even with my vast experiences with p’s, s’s and n’s and constant reading up still . . . without Supernatural protection we sheep can be fooled once again by the cunning wolves among us. My guard and my borders remain high as does my empathy though hopefully only for those who deserve it. How we should teach children to notice the red flags – much more important to a happy life than any thing else we are taught in school.

Hecates path

Off topic… just posting here since it’s a fresh thread. 🙂

Thanks to everyone who gave me a pep talk the other day re: the potential of being at same gathering as the S. He came and left between my drop off and pick up of my child, so no run-ins. That said I know this isn’t the last time for such potential run-ins, so at least I am well prepared for the next time. Color me red, LOL!

Oxy, I neglected to add my two cents as to how you were feeling the other night, and hope you are feeling better. I think your insight into why you engaged with the P pastor was well thought out, and you will get much milage out of your self reflection. Don’t be so ahrd on yourself… you will likely use the experience to help someone at some future time.:)

Finally, here’s a link to an article in USATod ay that explores a concept that we are all too familiar with… but it is nice to see it in the “mainstream” media!

HP 🙂


I think we need to start reffering to these people as Humans not male or female , thats the problem ! It is not gender specific it is us ( people ) Humans wether we like it or not theses are people! just like you or me only different without feeling, remorse, unable to bond to anyone or any thing! They are mentaly handicapped . not only because of their genes but because society helps to make them this way!

we are far to quick to label and discard as un -repairable How frigging convient for the Big Pharm comp. and their sales men and women Psychiatrists! It is not proffitable enough to figure out ! all the suggar and crapoola we feed kids ! hello wake up america ! The sheeple country! 911 was an inside job! it does not take a rocket scientist to see that the three towers where brought down by demolition ! just watch them fall at the speed of gravity it is basic physics! not brain surgery! Hello is anyone paying attention or no ?






why didn’t someone notice something? maybe it’s time we took a look at our neighbours….a real hard look…do they act normal? is there signs of distress in the children that ineveitably pas under out noses everyday…what is wrong with us that we can’t sniff out this darkness and call the police, alert out friends, confront someone somewhere that might be able to hrow some light on the problem…..women have been traditionally see as hysterics? is that why we don’t say anything? it’s not enough to cite these outrages we have to see what’s going on under our own noses now…if every one did that we would have it covered…but what is with the collusion and the turning the blind eye???? just angry..have to get it out…going crazy that this can still happen….it’s outrageous….




Staying – The words below came from another post that addressed similar concerns to yours and hopefully they are helpful here:

That is like asking why we can not detect the flame before the match is struck. A psychopath is a lot like a baited hook must appear to a fish. Looks good and everything is fine until after you have had a taste and that hook is set and the pain kicks in. And yes you might have nibbled on a bit of metal and been a little leery but the bait just looked normal and so you took a taste. So how do you “detect” something that is almost undetectable until after the fact? And this does not apply to just psychopaths. Next time you are in a large group of people try to detect who among them have mental health issues. Most of the time you cannot pick out who is suffering from what unless they are actively displaying symptoms. Even professionals cannot do so. So this is no different from many other mental health issues really.

“I think that the “shock” of psychopaths is not in the fact that they exist. They always have and everything from movies to books to fables/stories and parental tales have warned us about these boogeymen. Sure the term “psychopath” was not used but it is the same. The shock comes, for some, in the fact that the psychopath shakes our protective self-delusions to the core by showing us a bit of reality that we hide from ourselves. We find out that we really never know people like we think we do and truly no place, no time, no nothing is 100% safe. There is no guarantee that the nice pastor or the charming lady teaching our children will not be psychopaths and wreak their damage on us and ours at anytime and anyplace. It can be very stressful for some people to face this. The shattering of our rose-colored glasses can be one of the most stressful events in a person’s life. Why? Because we have to trust others to varying degrees even if we do not want to. We are forced to be dependent on others and forced to trust them to various degrees. We trust the guy in the pharmacy to not poison us, we trust the person making our food to not contaminate it, we trust the waterworkers to keep our drinking water clean and not put something in it, we trust that teacher to be appropriate with our children, we trust…..and the list goes on and on and on.

“That is why some ancient advice still holds true today:

“Epictetus (50-120 AD) said:

“‘That happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of this principle: some things are within our control, and some things are not. It is only after we have accepted this fundamental rule, and learned to distinguish between what we can and cannot control, that inner tranquility and outer effectiveness become possible.’

“Things themselves don’t hurt or hinder us. Neither do other people. How we view things and people is a different matter. Strange as it may seem at first, it is our own attitudes and reactions that give us the most trouble. We cannot always choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them.

“Circumstances do not arise to meet our desires or expectations. Events happen as they do. People behave according to their own inclinations and what they are faced with — which we may not even be aware of. Don’t try to make your own rules that the world is supposed to follow. That is a recipe for frustration. Exercise what influence you can, then accept what you actually get and make the most of it.

“And crossing paths with a psychopath demonstrates how right Epictetus was and is. Once we have the glasses off it may be painful but it can also be the chance to change and find peace.”

Ox Drover


THANK YOU FOR THOSE WORDS! Absolutely priceless!

We would like to think that there is a recipie or way we can make ourselves 100% safe in this world, but there isn’t. I’ve spent too much of my life trying to find ‘the way” to do that.

I still try sometimes. LOL But less and less than ever before! What I have done, though, is to change my perceptions and my attitude.

A couple of years ago I lived in ABSOLUTE TERROR, but now I act cautiously, but I realize that the WORST thing that could happen to me would be my son would manage to kill me—and though I have no death wish, today? tomorrow? Next decade? I will die anyway, but I REFUSE to live in terror!

Nothing has changed but my attitude (well, most of the time!) LOL

Thanks for these wonderful words from Epictetus!


All societies run on trust. our economy is based on trust in our currency. I think that’s why we don’t talk about psychopaths. If people knew how many of these things are running around, trust would quickly disintegrate.

Look at the country of Mexico. I visited there when I was 12 and got on a bus with another little girl. we sat down. A woman got on the bus and told us to get up because she was sitting down. I was shocked. No one would have treated me like that in the US, but in Mexico children are second class citizens. Its part of their culture because of the extreme poverty. in 1976 many people still didn’t have toilets or telephones. Being so poor means that you can’t invest to much love and attention into any one child. I had other similar experiences there as a 12 year old. All the 12 year old mexican kids in 1976, are now adults. They were devalued as children and now look at that country. It’s out of control.


That lesson comes from the Serinity Prayer.

Trust is a word reserved only for God, I do not trust people! and I certainly do not trust this govt. or the Federal reserve which owns IT!


Easy, no society can exist without trust. How do you know the roads will be there tomorrow so you can get to work? or that you can buy gas at the station? or that your job won’t fold up? In impoverished countries, there is much less trust in each other and in the government. I agree with you that we are going the way of the roman empire. Of course, I blame P’s for it all.


No Easy, the Serenity Prayer came AFTER Epictetus and was inspired by his (and others like him) philosophy.


Thinkin of you Lily


You are full of Grace and love and light Lily!



Here is an article from the UK that is titled “We stereotype sexual predators, and we get it wrong” that talks about one of the most horrific cases of child sexual abuse they just had. The piece I most agreed with is the last line where it says:

but making unjustified assumptions based on gender, class, sexual orientation or public achievements allows abusers to remain free.

And of course this applies to not just sex offenders but to abusive, hurtful, toxic people period.


This is so true…..Nothing is what meets the eye….it never was….
Let’s just slide on through the cracks and turn a blind eye.
It’s just too much for society to wrap their brains around.


justabouthealed=I felt a little silly confronting my S with the knowledge that I was going to be tested for HIV along with other tests for STD’s, as he routinely gave blood at work, even brought me the t-shirts…wasn’t that thoughtful? When I think back, maybe all those times he just SAID he gave blood (as he was involved in the health/safety field), or maybe he did what yours was doing, getting free screening. Either way, my tests have come up clean, so at this point, it’s just another of the many unanswered questions.

Ox Drover

Dear Shana,

Thanks for bringing this old thread back up. I read dthrough the old posts and found some gems, as always it seems!

Getting tested is definitely necessary because who knows where they have been. I think your x must have been getting the “freebie” testing as well as getting atta boys for giving blood. How alturistic of him! NOT!!!


Erin B is the moon shining down on you tonite as bright as it is me?


Hens….no darlen….it’s still light out.
So….I can look forward to a bright shiny moon tonight huh….

I’ll let you know when I can see it……

At the moment the only moon I can see is a half crack from the teens in my security monitors view of my driveway. It’s Fri night movie night at EB’s and the teenagers with pants half off just arrived.



Hens….the moon is BEAUTIFUL!!!!
Just peeping through my window and lighting up my livingroom!!!



We had a case like the one mentioned above in my country a few yrs ago and the justice system had a difficult time with prosecuting him – in the end it boiled down to questioning whether he KNOWINGLY and deliberately infected his victims … and the jury found he did as he already knew for ages he was positive. He went around bars and nightclubs picking up lonely women with low self esteem then took them back to his place and insisted on not using a condom.

He only got a couple of years jail for it. His victims got a life of hell and shame – back then there was (and still is) a lot of ignorance and judgement about HIV and AIDS.

On a related side note – I watched a fascinating doco the other week called The Origins of HIV / AIDS – it asked and explored the question of whether the virus originated in a lab somewhere.

Here we’ve had quite a few cases of elder rape, which I find really horrible. Women in their eighties are raped by men in their twenties and thirties in their own homes during home invasions – that has to be total lack of empathy and conscience surely. One woman died a few weeks afterwards from the shock of it all. In some cases I think capital punishment is a good option.

Ox Drover

About the differences in the length of prison terms, the women this guy that Polly mentioned were “pick ups” and viewed as “easy” and it sounds to me like the jury thought that they were at least PARTLY AT FAULT for being infected.

The women in Texas were supposedly in LONG TERM EXCLUSIVE relationships with this man (several at a time of course but they didn’t know it) so possibly the jury thought that they were “less responsible” for their own iinfections so blamed the man more, and gave him more time.

I think the same thing has always been involved in the sentences given for rape. A woman who gets picked up in a bar is “more to blame” for her own rape than a woman who is in her own bed at home when a rapist breaks in and rapes her.

In theory a beautiful woman should be able to walk naked at midnight through the “worst part of” town and NOT be raped, but we all know that is not the way it is in real life. That does NOT however mean the MAN who rapes a woman is LESS GUILTY of rape because the woman’s choice was a poor one.

It does advise us, however, to make BETTER CHOICES ourselves and do what we can reasonably do to stay away from “higher risk” situations.


Hi guys…Mammas got a date…..
Met this guy at the paint store…..I worked all day on the roof of my rental….I’m wiped out…..
I was listening to this guy talk to the paint guy….he was very nice and polite….then he drummed up a convo with me….and said….what are you doing later?
Funny thing was….I was in my sweats and tank,no makeup, dirty from raking pine needles….blackfeet…..A MESS….and I get asked out….

So……i’ve got 45 min. to be on the lake…..
I’ll check backin later….

Wish me luck!!!



So happy for you, EB! Oh how I miss that flutter of a new crush! I think it will be a long ways away for me, so allow me to live vicariously through you. GOOD LUCK! TELL US WHAT HAPPENED! Even after all I’ve been through, I still believe in love. :o)



I hope that you have fun on your date, being delighted for you.


erin thats so cool to meet someone at a paintstore instead of a bar or online chat site…i hope you have a good time


Hi guys….
What a DELIGHTFUL evening!!! NICE guy!
Wow…who’d a thunk??? Paint store….grubby and all!

We sat and had a lemonade on the beach and then had dinner, sharing some appetizers and a salad…..then mud pie.
He was hilarious….loved his sense of humor.
We talked very openly… fact….I reminded myself to shut up!
He’s got 2 kids, 22 and 16.
We laughed and he ‘razzed’ me…..I loved that!

It was nice to spend an evening with great conversation, and BEST YET……he NEVER tooted his own horn. He was humble and reserved.
I made sure to ask him all about him…..I brought it all back to HIS life…..
He wasn’t overbearing, he wasn’t the ‘life of the party’, didn’t down talk his ex wife or any woman…..and no red flags or spath alert……..
He opened my car door, he pulled out my chair (which, like an idiot….I sat in the other chair) (hmmm obviously used to ‘fending for myself’) 🙂
I need to learn how to ‘expect’ these things from a man. I was ‘trained’ by spath to take care of myself……I MUST STOP THAT in some situations huh?!?!

So, yes…..It was a great date.
NOW…..let’s see if I hear from him again…..
I’d hate to have to hang out at the paintstore too often….cuz that’d mean I’d have to paint something!

Freemama: That was one thing I wouldn’t allow spath to take from me…..was my belief in love…..I too, think it’s out there for all of us…..I think it comes when we are healthy and taking care of ourselves….
This is why I believe so many relationships fail and we find aweful people that we settle for……we move too soon and settle too fast…….we must heal ourselves first!!!! US PRIORITY!!!
If it happens…..great…..if not…..I will carry on being me and loving me!!!
It would be nice to have a ‘buddy’ though.

thanks guys for your well wishes…..YES….I did enjoy myself tonight……and COMPLETELY UNEXPECTED!!!
I thought i’d be painting rails and doing maintenence all night!!!!


Ox Drover

Dear EB!

I am so happy for you! A date and he has seen you at the PAINT STORE (if you go to the paint/hardware store like I do, that’s at your WORST!) LOL

We all hope you find yourself in a great relationship, as long as it doesn’t keep you off LF ALL the time! Just remember we are your friends too! So we have to know all about it! Plus, I’m sooooo jealous! I haven’t met a guy at a paint store less than 75 who was interested in me! LOL

Seriously, glad you had a good time! That’s a chirp-er-upper anyway just to be asked out! I remember that couple of dates I had last year adn how just being asked out was an up lifting thing. Turned out the guy had RED FLAGS later, but still it was NICE til I saw the flags! So maybe you won’t see any with this guy!

I’ve had internet problems all week, almost two weeks, so going to town monday and see if I can find a date at the Verison store to get a new aircard, or at the AT&T store when I turn off that service which is TERRIBLE. Not ever great, but unlimited down loads and Verison has limits, but what good does no limits have, when you can’t down load anything! Dial up is faster!

Ps I’ve got plenty of places you could paint around here!


Yes oxy….I do remember your man last year… was the one who landed you and Rosa with oxtuplets , if my memory serves me well???!!!! 🙂
Yeah……NEVER expected to meet anyone in the ‘shape’ I was in this morning……totally RAGEDY!!!!
Actually, it was a comfort since he’s already seen my WORST!

Who knows…..he may turn out to be a whacko……but tonight was cool!!!

My GF was shocked that I came home with 45 min. to primp….she say’s EB…..this could be IT….and your not going all out…..I said, Im tired of going all out…..if he likes me he likes me…..
And here it is……

It was a beautiful evening on the lake…..

Get your internet sorted out…..

Have you done a disk defragment lately?
If not…..go to start menu and type disk defrag, click on it and do a defrag…
This can slow down your system….
ALso clear history from all those porn sites you visit…. 🙂


Erin Brock:

I am so glad you had a great time tonight.

I am with you FreeMama…..I will never stop believing in Love, either!
It’s the meaning of Life.


Erin thanks for the update I was beginning to get worried that he might be a serial murderer..sounds good so far, now go take a COLD shower and just simmer….

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