Editor’s note: The following article, written by Laura Johnson, is reproduced from SmartDivorce.com. It offers tips that may help people who are divorcing a sociopath.
Even though your state may be a no-fault divorce state, it doesn’t mean that you or your spouse won’t have to answer in some way for any misbehavior during the marriage. It’s what divorce lawyers and courts refer to as marital misconduct and, in certain states, can affect the outcome of the division of property, an award of spousal support, or an award of attorney’s fees for the victim-spouse.
The legal definition of marital misconduct is any conduct that undermines the marital relationship. It becomes a factor in a divorce when the offender-spouse’s behavior forces the victim-spouse to assume extra burdens in the marriage. It isn’t meant to punish the offender-spouse or award him or her an inadequate amount of property or income, but to fairly compensate the victim-spouse.
The rationale behind this theory is that the victim-spouse is compelled to contribute more to the marriage because of the offender-spouse’s misconduct, therefore he or she is entitled to have the offender-spouse’s behavior taken into consideration when property or income are divided. Marital misconduct can be disregarded if both spouses are guilty of marital misconduct. In some states, marital misconduct is specifically disregarded as a matter of law.
In those states where misconduct is a factor, there are several broad categories of behavior that might be classified as marital misconduct. They are:
- habitual drunkenness or addiction,
- adultery,
- domestic violence,
- cruel and abusive behavior, or
- economic fault.
Once the offender-spouse’s behavior has reached the level of marital misconduct, it is the court’s responsibility to determine just how much weight to give to it in each specific situation. Some of the considerations the court looks at when deciding this issue are:
- the length of the marriage,
- the character of the misconduct,
- the time period during the marriage when the misconduct occurred, and
- the frequency of the conduct and whether it was continual.
Certain types of marital misconduct may have more of an impact upon a court’s decision-making than others. For example, cruelty or domestic violence might not be a relevant or appropriate consideration for making an equitable division of property because this type of misbehavior typically isn’t relevant to the acquisition of marital property. The same cannot be said for economic fault, adultery or an addiction, all of which can directly influence a couple’s property.
There are several types of economic fault. They are:
- dissipation of assets,
- hiding assets,
- diverting marital or community income to pay for an addiction,
- spending marital or community income on an extramarital relationship,
- excessive or abnormal spending,
- destruction of property,
- the fraudulent sale or conveyance of property, and
- any other unfair conduct that prevents the court from making an equitable division of property.
Some divorcing spouses believe that once they are separated and a divorce filed that marital misconduct, especially adultery or economic fault, has no effect on the outcome in a divorce. That isn’t actually the case. Each divorce is very fact specific and the same logic about the impact of marital misconduct on the division of property applies whether it occurred prior to the separation or during the pendency of a divorce. This is particularly true for economic misconduct.
There are some states that have statutes that specifically permit a court to award a disproportionate or lesser share of property to an offender-spouse, particularly if the misconduct can be classified as economic. The facts of each particular divorce play a heavy role in how the court applies the law.
In cases that involve the dissipation, hiding or destruction of assets, the excessive or abnormal spending of income, or the fraudulent conveyance of assets the court can’t increase the size of the marital or community estate that actually exists. However, it can order a disparate division of the existing and known property to reimburse the victim-spouse for his or her loss in the couple’s estate.
In addition to having a possible effect on the division of property, marital misconduct may also have an effect on the amount of spousal support an ex-spouse may receive provided he or she qualifies for such support. This can work both ways. If the spouse who may be entitled to receive support is guilty of the misconduct, his or her receipt of support may be in jeopardy depending upon the nature and level of the misconduct. On the other hand, a paying spouse might have to pay more, especially if his or her behavior caused the victim-spouse to give up or reduce the ability to earn income.
The following states take marital fault into consideration when determining an award of spousal support: Alabama, Arizona, Connecticut, District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, North Dakota, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Virginia, West Virginia and Wyoming. (Source: American Bar Association, Family Law Quarterly, Winter 1998, Tables Summarizing the Law in Fifty States)
The following states take marital misconduct, especially economic fault, into consideration when dividing marital or community property or in reimbursing the marital or community estate: Alaska, Arizona, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, District of Columbia, Florida, Hawaii, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, West Virginia and Wisconsin. (Source: American Bar Association, Family Law Quarterly, Winter 1998, Tables Summarizing the Law in Fifty States).
Imara, I don’t know who suggested that agreeing to anything with the ex would be “back door” contact, but I can say that allowing one’s attorney to do the talking is probably the best route.
My attorney understood that the exspath was going to cause problems – it is a very rare event that a spath former spouse is EVER agreeable or willing to follow an Oder of the Court. This is how an attorney makes their living – by filing motions. So, to avoid the constant fees of filing Motions, I told her that I wanted a Wage Execution, at the start.
Brightest blessings
Wage execution , totally. He was supposed to give me 75 a month for cell phone- show me the money honey!
I am in NY and was told that I could get approximately 50% of most everything.
He wants the marital home as it is his “succor “, ( I read that in the sociopath next door) his place of security. I hate to think that he gets to keep it, but truthfully I was posioned there so it no longer feels like a warm place to me.
I am 50 and in NY and with him being 56, he can retire at 63 from his job with the gov’t. so I guess lifetime alimony would only be until he decides to retire. Who knows what the future will bring, I’m sure he will remarry as he hates to be alone- ever, kinda wierd.
I think I read some where that narcissists hate to be alone. what is the difference bewteen a narcissist and a “P”? I have seen the masks if that is the difference, and he did try to poison me (covert violence).
Discovering, again, I have no knowledge of NY divorce Law and I am not a legal expert, but these are the subjects that you want to cover with your attorney. The following are called “Legal Entitlements:”
* Alimony for life
* Retirement (NO, one doesn’t cancel out the OTHER)
* Health Care
* Punitive damages for STD
* Wage execution
* Defendant buying out your half of the marital home
* Vehicles and payments
* Individual debt responsibility
* Defendant paying your attorney fees
If your attorney hasn’t drafted your divorce action, yet, it is important that you discuss these issues with him/her BEFORE the action is filed.
For some more in-depth discussion on sociopaths and divorce, please, read this article:
http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2013/02/17/fact-v-feeling-%e2%80%9cdisorder%e2%80%9d-in-divorce/
Brightest blessings
Thank you truthspeaks,
I am cutting and pasting that info into a word document to take to my attorney. I think I was so frazzled with the poisoning that we didn’t get much past trying to keep me safe. I understand that the next phase is all about the assets.
Truthspeak you are good!!!! I thankfully did not have an STD to deal with but my kind attorney held my hand through ALL these legal entitlements. Getting the court judgements translated into $$ is my challenge right now!
Imara, thanks for the vote of confidence, but I’m not “good,” one iota – I just went through 2 marriages and divorces from vastly different sociopaths. Oh, yeah….they BOTH did the same things, but not in the same ways.
And, the spath cannot bankrupt the divorce settlement – every day that goes by, he’s digging his grave a little deeper, right? SO……he’s going to be in arrears and facing possible jail time?! LMAO!!!!!!!! I would LOVE for the exspath to be facing real jail time, so you keep at it through your attorney, Imara! YOU GO, GIRL!!!
discovering, the advise you have received, is dead-on! It is vitally important, that you have the documentation to support your story! In my case I started doing that 2 years ago,, and if it were not for the proof that I do have now, it would be his lying word, against me! Document, document, document! Best wishes to you!
you are right truth…he IS digging…. we are back to serving him enforcement papers and discovery…. my sweet attorney is doing this without charging me…..I’ll keep you posted on what happens!
Truthspeak,
thank you again. I expect that it will be a nasty divorce.
Radar_On,
the lawyers here only want to discuss dividing assets as if there is no marital misconduct. Apparently when I filed no fault it made it insignificant. Maybe I need to file under abuse or infidelity. But, the attorney didn’t seem to think that this would make much difference in my getting any thing more than the basic 50%.
Imarra,
how disparaging it must be to have to drag his spathic tush around to get payment.
I need to get a counselor soon that can help with the ruminating and obcessing- I suspect it will only get worse as time goes on. The only one doing the contacting these days is me and unfortunately I now know that the only one really hurting over all of this is me and my kids.
Discovering, From what I have researched about marital misconduct, That only pertains to the financial aspect of misconduct, stashing assets, moving money, closing accounts, etc. Do a Google search, and you will find that marital misconduct, has nothing to do with morality… or the lack thereof in another spouse! As I was doing the research in my situation, I was floored when I read about marital misconduct really has nothing to do with cheating spouses, emotional abuse, mental abuse, and so on.
Discovering, learn as much as you can, research as much . as you can, and dig your heels in deep, it looks like you are going to have 1 hell of a fight on your hands