Back in June, a New Jersey judge declared the state’s Prevention of Domestic Violence Act to be unconstitutional. Judge Francis B. Schultz, of the Superior Court in Hudson County, determined that it was too easy for someone who claimed domestic violence to get a restraining order.
The ruling was controversial. When I first read about the case, I was astounded that a court would take such a stand against domestic violence victims. Sandy Clark, associate director of the New Jersey Coalition for Battered Women, considers New Jersey’s law to be among the best in the country, according to NJ.com.
New Jersey’s law
The Prevention of Domestic Violence Act is strict. Some of its provisions include:
- Police must respond to calls of domestic violence victims.
- If there are any signs of physical injuries the police must arrest the abuser.
- Police may also arrest the abuser without witnesses or signs of physical injuries.
- Police are required to give victims information about their rights and to help them.
- Temporary restraining orders (TRO) may be issued by the superior court or a municipal court.
- A domestic violence hearing must be held within 10 days of issuing the TRO.
At the domestic violence hearing, the judge may grant substantial relief to the victim, including:
- Temporary custody of children
- Monetary compensation
- Barring the defendant from the home, regardless of who owns or leases it
- Prohibiting the defendant from any oral, written, personal or other form of contact with the victim and others, including children
Violating due process
The law allows the judge in the domestic violence hearing to make his or her decision based upon the “preponderance of evidence.” That’s where Judge Schultz had a problem. He wrote that this violates the defendant’s right of due process, and that the standard should be “clear and convincing evidence,” which is more difficult to achieve.
In his 21-page opinion on Crespo v. Crespo, Judge Schultz wrote, “It is well-established that a parent’s right to the care and companionship of his or her child is so fundamental as to be guaranteed protection under the First, Ninth, and Fourteenth Amendments to the United States Constitution.”
He continued, “That a fundamental right could be forfeited as a result of a rapidly calendared, summary hearing without discovery, where the only protection afforded the defendant is the ‘mere preponderance standard’ clearly offends the Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment.”
Quite frankly, given that there are people who falsely accuse their partners of domestic violence, the judge’s arguments make sense.
Battle of the sexes
According to NJ.com, women’s rights groups and the Attorney General’s Office are preparing to challenge the ruling. It appears that the case may be headed for the New Jersey Supreme Court.
Others considered the ruling a victory for men. An article posted on the DailyRecord.com declared that Judge Schultz should be considered an American hero.
“He stood up against the powerful feminist-controlled domestic violence machine and ruled that the New Jersey domestic violence statute is unconstitutional, and that people’s 14th amendment rights were being violated. Judge Schultz could have taken the politically correct route; he did not.
“The state Attorney General’s Office, in league with the battered women’s groups, has come out against this ruling and plans to appeal to the state Supreme Court. These two ‘partners in crime’ are yelling that the sky is falling because a court ruled that the standard of proof is unconstitutionally too low.”
The issue is being cast as today’s battle of the sexes. Unfortunately, people on both sides are fighting the wrong battle.
Men and women perpetrators
Battered women’s groups argue that female victims, and their children, need to be protected from abusive men. Father’s rights groups argue that women file false abuse complaints simply to be vengeful, and get away with it. They both accuse divorce and child custody lawyers of using abuse allegations as a strategy to win their cases.
They’re all right some of the time. None of them are right all of the time.
Lovefraud has heard from plenty of women who were seriously abused by male partners. And we’ve heard from plenty of men who were abused by female partners—including physical violence.
We’ve heard stories of abusive men manipulating the legal system to get children taken away from battered mothers. And we’ve heard stories of men fighting to get custody of their children from abusive mothers, facing judges who believe that mothers simply do not harm their children.
Sociopaths and domestic violence
Dr. Liane Leedom says that half of domestic violence perpetrators are sociopaths, and the other half have sociopathic tendencies.
Sociopaths, as Lovefraud readers well know, are both men and women. And whether male or female, they are equally vicious and destructive.
So this is not a battle of the sexes. The real struggle is between sociopaths and their victims; between people who have a conscience and those who do not.
If you’ve been a victim of domestic violence, or have been falsely accused of domestic violence, please tell Lovefraud about your experience with law enforcement and the courts. Did the police and/or courts act appropriately? Were they able to determine who was telling the truth? Why or why not?
Please don’t use any names, although you may identify the jurisdiction (county or state) if you want.
Dear Wiserandhealing,
Sometimes I think those of us that have worked in psych are the biggest victims. Aloha, one of the regulars here calls it “informed denial”—boy, doesn’t that SUM us up!
I realized that my own DENIAL was what made it so hard. Denial, if that is your favorite way to “cope” is a terrible thing. Sort term, denial is a protecing state, but long term it is freaking TOXIC. I had been trained from childhood to “let’s just pretend it never happened” (toxic denial of reality) but it was only when my whole entire complete (how is that for reduncency?) world came crashing down around my head that I HAD TO DO SOMETHING, and that something was to “get the heck out of Dodge.” It saved my life.
I also had to examine my own spirituality and realize that what I had been “force fed” was NOT TRUE, that I didn’t have to “forgive AND FORGET”—what I had to do was to get the bitterness toward them out of my heart (for MY sake) and that NC was perfectly acceptable and still be within my own spiritual comfort. (I wrote an article a couple of weeks ago, it is on the blog) I am comfortable now with my own ability to “forgive” (get the bitterness out) of my heart for my son, the X BF, my P-bio father, etc. but am still having to work on completely getting the bitterenss out of my heart for my mother’s abuse—he insistence that my pain didn’t matter, and that all we had to do to fix it was “just pretend it didn’t happen.” I realize that NO ONE who really loved me would NOT care about my pain, or what they had done to me. I realize that my mother is so twisted up in maintaining her own DENIAL that what it does to me, or how it hurts me or the family, it is too important to her to let go of it. She’s 79 so there isn’t any way I can even hope that there will ever be a reconciliation with her. Even if she was 49 there probably wouldn’t ever be. It is just who she is. Just as my P-son is who he is, a clone of my P-bio father.
The thing that made me ashamed of how I acted, was that in my own “informed denial” when I was working in the family practice clinics in rural settings, and I was doing pro bono exams and treatment for the women and children at the DV shelter, and when the history came out and I saw that these women had gone back and back and back, I FELT SUPERIOR TO THEM. I would never have let a man beat me repeatedly. (and I wouldn’t have) but what got me later, was I realized that I DIDN’T LET A MAN DO IT, BUT I DID LET MY SON DO IT. What is the difference between letting your husband beat you and abuse you and going back, and letting your son beat and abuse you and going back? NONE.
I was ashamed of my own ARROGANCE in thinking I was superior to these poor women, when I was doing the same thing. Sort of the “get the beam out of your own eye, before you try to take the splinter out of your neighbors’ eye”
I KNEW ABOUT PSYCHOPATHS and yet I still denied the acceptence of the truth of my son’s psychopathic PD. I wanted so badly for him to come home and be “normal” that even though there were not just red flags, but RED BANNERS waving, and I chose to ignore them. I could h ave saved myself and my family a lot of grief if I had let go a long time sooner. However, this was a lesson that I needed to learn and I had to repeat the “class” until I learned it. I think I have learned it now. Gosh I hope so.
I realize I AM STRONG and I will use that strength to do what is RIGHT rather than follow my own “desires” to do what I know is wrong. Just like if I saw a Brink’s truck driver drop a big bag of money and start to drive off, I can tell you I would be TEMPTED to keep it, but I know that I would NOT KEEP IT.
It has been a while since I have been even tempted to call or write any of the Ps, or to have any contact with them, but if the temptation were there I would use WHATEVER STRENGTH to NOT GO BACK. A while back I was somewhat tempted to write to the Trojan HOrse P and tell him that I was the one that got his parole canceled (he has no way of knowing that) but I restrained myself, it would have felt good fo ra little while, but ultimately it was just poking the caged lion with a stick—not a good idea. I can’t say I’m not tempted because I WOULD so like him to know I “got him back” and I “got justice”—but I’m getting healthy enough that I will restrain myself from doing what I know is not a good idea.
I hope that you will draw on your own strength to stay away from this man. YOU CAN DO IT. I won’t promise it will be easy, but your life may be at stake. These people are like rattle snakes, and no matter how much you love them, or pet them or how good to them you are, they will NOT GROW HAIR AND LOVE YOU BACK LIKE A PUPPY—they will BITE YOU. They will poison you.
I know it is difficult to be on the “wrong side of the clipboard” but I made that decision too, to get psych help and counseling. It helped me to stay strong, to do what I know is right, NC. The fact that I had gone NC many times before but never maintained it told me that there was something in me that was “getting something” out of doing what I knew was wrong—so I took the bull by the horns and found out what was wrong with ME that made me allow this kind of abuse.
I had no boundaries. I didn’t have the self confidence I needed, and I felt as if I had to “make everyone happy” at my own expense. NO MORE. I do not deserve to be treated badly, and I cannot fix the person who doesn’t want to be fixed. Now I am learning to set good boundaries and to enforce them. FOR ME.
Gather your strength and stay NC with this man, for your sake. You don’t deserve to be treated this way, and your safety at risk. ((((hugs))))
hello Gang!!! Just stopping in too chat for a bit. My internet was finally diconnected last evening. It’s strange how empty my house was. I will never regret finding lovefraud. But it has given me a feeling of peace. It cut that (direct line) with him. I changed phone numbers, changed lock’s and disconnected internet. My therapist wanted to know why I didn’t just change email address. I could of done that, but this is going to make me face myself and my own company. I think I made a good choice. There is a little red lite on my modem, it say’s (stick that up your ass MIKE) lol another attempt at humour.. Wiserandhealing – I read your post and relate with you so much in wanting to give your (dream) one more chance and then another and another. That dream illusion is a bitch to get over and it is so unfair to have to constantly fight a ghost that we are in love with. My therapist asked if I was strong enuff to resist him if he tried to see me again. My brain is but my stupid heart would prolly jump at the chance. But I don’t want to relive all that pain ever ever again. And if I let him back I know the final outcome would be more of the same. I don’t want to hear anymore of his lie’s. I don’t want him to make me feel responsible for the relationship not working. He was very good at that, some folk’s call it “gaslighting), he truly did send me over the brink of insanity. But I am sure he will never never ever attempt to try to see me again and that hurt’s as well… They same time will heal all wound’s…hurry up time!!! I am waiting…..Blondie I am so proud for you…keep it up….
Hiya – Henry is in the house!! How you doing? OK?
Hiya – Beverly Oh I am still stressin but all in all I am better thank you very much and how is my friend doing?
Dear Henry,
Glad to see you BRo! I knew you couldn’t stay away long, but I do repect your choice, even if it means I can’t bonk you over the head with my skillet quite as often! LOL (((Big Hugs))))
I’m glad you took all the other measures for NC as well. It makes us feel a bit safer at least.
POured rain here yesterday and last night 4-6 inches at least, everything is boggy. My little 8 x 8 raised bed garden got the rain and said “thanks”!
Been a good week here, and my son C is coming home this weekend and that’s exciting for me.
Whew! Just got up and ran to the door, it sounded like a LOT OF GUNFIRE, but it was some old truck on the county road back firing! Still makes me jump though. “Just cause you’re paranoid doesn’t mean no one is out to get you! ” LOL
Henry, wanna make a bet about your X? I bettya as soon as the current guy kicks him to the curb he will come knocking on your door with a big pity party about how he should have known you were his true love. BE PREPARED, jerks like him that don’t have a “pot or a window” (you know what that means) always go back to former “friends” and victims to try to find a place to lay their heads—he is such a loser and has less than nothing so he will be back out on the street again, with his cardboard boxes of “possessions,” trust me! And, as far as I am concerned “good enough for them!” When their looks and attractions go they end up in wino shelters like the “Union Rescue Mission” worn out, drugged out, and used up, and no one on the face of the earth that cares if they live or die. Sad that any human would end up like that, but “you reap what you sow” and he sure didn’t “sow love” and caring. (((big hugs Bro)
Donna forgive me but I got to tell this new song Perfectly Clear by Jewel The doorway frames you / a picture perfect silhouette / blue sky of regret / enough to hang you / your legs seem to tremble / at least I imagine that they do / then again, it’s probably easy for you / please don’t open your mouth my dear / I can read all the signs / I can take it from here / there’s no need to explain / it’s perfectly clear / the yellow wall paper peels / it makes a strange halo around your head / it’s funny how I notice / these stupid things instead / you say something awkward / but i wish that you wouldn’t / a whole life of you wish you coulds / but just couldn’ts/ I try not to think to much / It only just makes me mad / spent half my life loving you / think of all the love that I could of had / five years worth of kisses / are packed in your bags / in this tiny moment fits / all the big things we ever had / and I can’t quite pinpoint / when it left or what for / love always steps lightly / away from the door / no need to explain / because it’s perfectly clear ‘
hiya Oxy we have been getting lot’s of rain here and cooler weather as well. it is good to have a chance to check in at lovefraud and read and comment. the new song is my latest get the pain and tears out song / I was hooked on whitney houstons It hurst so much lol is that improvement? yall take care i got to go home my children are waiting (doggies)
Hey, Henry, great song! Come back soon! Love, Oxy
Thanks Oxy. Your strength is infectuous.
Henry, great song! I’ll be picking that up this weekend.
Cheers everyone 🙂
Domestic Violence is much more involved than the physical violence. While the physical violence is what one is protected from in the courts and by the police, this judge surely does not understand that domestic violence is about power and control of another using physical, emotional, verbal, psychological and sexual abuse to obtain and maintain this control. The Nation is trying to end domestic violence before it reaches the physical realm, as at that time the relationship and situation becomes one of serious bodily harm and an even higher occurrence of death when trying to leave. For a victim of domestic violence to show up in court generally means that the victim has run out of options of obtaining help or any control of their life. They are now at a point where outside help has to step in or there is a very high risk that the individual will be killed when trying to leave the relationship. The batterer is not normally mentally impaired or mentally ill but has mastered ways of gaining power and control over another using various means. Domestic Violence is an intentional act by another and there are no excuses for it. The batterer normally has no empathy, no moral conscious and normally believes the victim to be the reason for the domestic violence, so believes the violence is justified. Education on domestic violence should be given to every judge, lawyer and the police to try and understand what they are dealing with. It is far greater than just the physical aspect. There will always be those that may try to manipulate a system but there are so many more that are not and are at a point where their life and physical safety are at risk. These are victims, now known as survivors who did not cause the domestic violence but are trying their best to protect themselves from it and be able to have any kind of life afterwards.
In my case the police, the lawyers and the courts allowed the protective order. Even though I had no broken bones, black eyes or serious permanent damage it was realized that they had to step in or accept the fact that they would allow another to walk down the path of being permanently physically harmed or killed in the process of trying to leave the relationship. The grounds were false imprisonment and physical threats used continuously to keep me from leaving the home in even trying to go to work. There was restraining, tackling, threats to the animals and the threat of broken bones, and the all invasive pulled back fist. This is the same as a gun cocked back as told to me, knowing the shot will be fired if the gun is not removed. In my case the pulled back fist was within days of causing permanent damage. I do believe if his fist had been released he would have been unable to stop after the first punch. So yes in my case the courts, police and attorneys have protected me but there are so many more that must first have the broken bones, the massive bruises and the attempted murders before the courts truly realize what they are dealing with.