Back in June, a New Jersey judge declared the state’s Prevention of Domestic Violence Act to be unconstitutional. Judge Francis B. Schultz, of the Superior Court in Hudson County, determined that it was too easy for someone who claimed domestic violence to get a restraining order.
The ruling was controversial. When I first read about the case, I was astounded that a court would take such a stand against domestic violence victims. Sandy Clark, associate director of the New Jersey Coalition for Battered Women, considers New Jersey’s law to be among the best in the country, according to NJ.com.
New Jersey’s law
The Prevention of Domestic Violence Act is strict. Some of its provisions include:
- Police must respond to calls of domestic violence victims.
- If there are any signs of physical injuries the police must arrest the abuser.
- Police may also arrest the abuser without witnesses or signs of physical injuries.
- Police are required to give victims information about their rights and to help them.
- Temporary restraining orders (TRO) may be issued by the superior court or a municipal court.
- A domestic violence hearing must be held within 10 days of issuing the TRO.
At the domestic violence hearing, the judge may grant substantial relief to the victim, including:
- Temporary custody of children
- Monetary compensation
- Barring the defendant from the home, regardless of who owns or leases it
- Prohibiting the defendant from any oral, written, personal or other form of contact with the victim and others, including children
Violating due process
The law allows the judge in the domestic violence hearing to make his or her decision based upon the “preponderance of evidence.” That’s where Judge Schultz had a problem. He wrote that this violates the defendant’s right of due process, and that the standard should be “clear and convincing evidence,” which is more difficult to achieve.
In his 21-page opinion on Crespo v. Crespo, Judge Schultz wrote, “It is well-established that a parent’s right to the care and companionship of his or her child is so fundamental as to be guaranteed protection under the First, Ninth, and Fourteenth Amendments to the United States Constitution.”
He continued, “That a fundamental right could be forfeited as a result of a rapidly calendared, summary hearing without discovery, where the only protection afforded the defendant is the ‘mere preponderance standard’ clearly offends the Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment.”
Quite frankly, given that there are people who falsely accuse their partners of domestic violence, the judge’s arguments make sense.
Battle of the sexes
According to NJ.com, women’s rights groups and the Attorney General’s Office are preparing to challenge the ruling. It appears that the case may be headed for the New Jersey Supreme Court.
Others considered the ruling a victory for men. An article posted on the DailyRecord.com declared that Judge Schultz should be considered an American hero.
“He stood up against the powerful feminist-controlled domestic violence machine and ruled that the New Jersey domestic violence statute is unconstitutional, and that people’s 14th amendment rights were being violated. Judge Schultz could have taken the politically correct route; he did not.
“The state Attorney General’s Office, in league with the battered women’s groups, has come out against this ruling and plans to appeal to the state Supreme Court. These two ‘partners in crime’ are yelling that the sky is falling because a court ruled that the standard of proof is unconstitutionally too low.”
The issue is being cast as today’s battle of the sexes. Unfortunately, people on both sides are fighting the wrong battle.
Men and women perpetrators
Battered women’s groups argue that female victims, and their children, need to be protected from abusive men. Father’s rights groups argue that women file false abuse complaints simply to be vengeful, and get away with it. They both accuse divorce and child custody lawyers of using abuse allegations as a strategy to win their cases.
They’re all right some of the time. None of them are right all of the time.
Lovefraud has heard from plenty of women who were seriously abused by male partners. And we’ve heard from plenty of men who were abused by female partners—including physical violence.
We’ve heard stories of abusive men manipulating the legal system to get children taken away from battered mothers. And we’ve heard stories of men fighting to get custody of their children from abusive mothers, facing judges who believe that mothers simply do not harm their children.
Sociopaths and domestic violence
Dr. Liane Leedom says that half of domestic violence perpetrators are sociopaths, and the other half have sociopathic tendencies.
Sociopaths, as Lovefraud readers well know, are both men and women. And whether male or female, they are equally vicious and destructive.
So this is not a battle of the sexes. The real struggle is between sociopaths and their victims; between people who have a conscience and those who do not.
If you’ve been a victim of domestic violence, or have been falsely accused of domestic violence, please tell Lovefraud about your experience with law enforcement and the courts. Did the police and/or courts act appropriately? Were they able to determine who was telling the truth? Why or why not?
Please don’t use any names, although you may identify the jurisdiction (county or state) if you want.
Blondie.. I’m so glad you’re feeling more normal. I have had quite a few days lately where I felt really normal and happy, not every day, but I’m getting there.
Wiser.. you speak for me too. I have my strong days, my weak days, the days I am so obsessed or even contact him, and the days I can’t understand what I ever saw in him in the first place.
kat: i too, am faltering and strengthening and faltering again. i called his cell phone (blocked the number) just to hear if he was in an ‘angry’ mood or a ‘loving’ mood. sounded like angry to me! at least i’m not responsible THIS time!!!
i hate my obsession with his life; who is he with now, what fun is he having (he sure lives life fully), etc etc ad nauseum.
we saw what everyone else saw; a very finely crafted false self that has everyone (not only us) duped.
let’s move on together … as sisters …
TOWANDA!!!!
Dear lostingrief,
I know that you “hate my obscession with his wife” but it is NOT UNCONTROLABLE. You CAN control the urges and impulses you have to “call his cell phone”—It won’t be easy, but when you feel the urge, come here instead, and scream or cry or vent, but DON’T ALLOW YOURSELF TO ENGAGE IN THIS DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR. Destructive to YOU, not to him.
TAKE CONTROL of yourself. As long as you give in to these urges, HE IS STILL IN CONTROL OF YOU—your mind and your behavior. YOU CAN TAKE BACK YOUR POWER, but not until you are willing to. As long as you are unwilling to take YOUR CONTROL BACK, HE STILL HAS THE REINS IN HIS HAND.
Hun, I do know how hard it is to STOP this behavior, I think we probably all do, but we can’t do it for you, only advise you to. Every time you give in to the urge, you set YOURSELF BACK a step—you HURT YOURSELF. ((((HUGS))))))
Dear Henry,
I believe you are strong enough now.
A friend of mind went through her own Bad Man experience. Just when I thought she was NC, she admitted later that she had gone skiing with him again and of course, it went bad.
I said, “Well, sometimes we have to get one more punch just to be sure we really don’t like that anymore.”
Yep. Did that.
To anyone wondering if “this time” things will be different, I ask, were things different on the last “this time”? If they weren’t, there is your answer.
I heard many “I learned so much while we were apart” and “I only have to make mistakes once… I learn” but he never did hold it together for more than a few days… and the feeling of impending doom was terrible.
It was like the denial of the people on the Titanic. If you want to learn about denial, watch that movie again. The feeling of dread I felt while watching it… getting back with Bad Man was always like that.
He’s so far away now!
I am so happy without him!
XO Aloha
aloha oxy and all of you. Yes I am stronger and wiser. Not lost in that bottomless abyss. It has been a struggle, continue’s to be so. I now know what happened. It was a text book case of encountering a sociopath. I needed validation more than anything. I even at time’s wondered if maybe I was a sociopath or a borderline. My therapist and physciatrist have assured me I am not. And they have validated me in my diagnosis of him. But regardless of what label I put on him or myself he is a very sick person. There is no easy painless way to deal with this. I still at time’s falter and miss the [man of my dreams]. When someone comes into your very own little world and want’s everything you want. When they become so much a part of our everyday exsistence, it fill’s that big empty void we have. Fill’s it with lie’s and deception and destroy’s that little world we were so safe in. It’s hard to let go of that. It’s hard to face the truth that we were targeted by something evil. But we must face that truth. And return to ourselve’s what they took away. It take’s alot out of us. But we find strength we never knew we had. Strength and character and goodness. The very thing’s they stole from us. But when they leave they can’t take these quality’s with them. They look for someone new to steal from, for awhile……..
Oxy,
How was the visit with your son? I was thinking about you last weekend and hoping you were having a blast! Missing our Oxy but happy knowing you were spending time with someone you love you dearly.
Oh, and I read your post with the analogy about the hurt little dog. Yes, woman! Yes! I am so glad to read that you get it! You, yourself, mentioned Frankly (I believe) who said that there’s no normal response to abnormal behavior. No there isn’t. Getting hung up on our reactions to abuse does no good. We reacted and behaved the way we did for a reason. Just like a wounded animal reacts out of fear and bites or puts up a fight when being helped. Feeling badly for our reactions deters us from focusing on what was behind it in the first place. No one likes to see themselves behaving in ways that are not normal for them. But there’s a reason for that behavior and those reactions and me thinks you see it now.
God bless you :))
Henry,
Welcome back! Read that your internet is up and running again. Yay! I was scanning the posts and ran into a few of yours. Wow. You rock! Great to hear you taking your power back! You are spewing wisdom my friend. Looks like we didn’t need Oxy’s iron skillet after all :))
thanks takingmeback – does this mean I have to find a new place to blog? I was a slow learner and I just wish some of you would take that plunge and change that phone number…..it kick’s your ass in gear…take charge…make change…..I changed my numbers four months ago .. it was a slap in his face….and the beginning of my healing….
Dear Takingmeback,
Didn’t get to spend much time with him (I was also staying with a friend who had just had surgery and his wife had to go out of town on a job) but what time I did get to spend with him was QUALITY time and he and his brother D also got to spend some quality time together too without me around. (I didn’t get to HOG ALL his time this trip LOL).
I’m glad to be home, though I actualy did enjoy the time I spent with my friend.
Henry, my dear Bro, I can’t believe you got your internet up and running again–you are sooooo “wishy washy” it is terrible–but I KNOW it is because you MISSED ME AND MY SKILLET! LOL Did you hear Kat has a ROLLING PIN? She threatened me today with it—OH, I FELT SO SPECIAL! LOL
Well, I need to get some shut eye too, got a big day of stuff to do tomorrow, so can’t stay up all night with you guys! Nite nite–don’t let the “space bugs bite” (I just finished watching all the episodes of Fire Fly and Serenity, the movie).
Henry,
LOL No, you don’t need to find a new place to blog. You are such an asset to all of us! And you’re not a slow learner LOL. It takes time to get to where you are. You went through the pain and you got stronger. Now you have some gumption (sp?) to fight whatever lies ahead of you. You built muscles in those 4 months! What an awesome thing to share your experience with others and to tell them they’ll get there in time! I read your post about changing locks and all. GREAT advice. I did the same thing and didn’t even think to tell others about all that. It’s very important. See we need ya Henry! You’ve got insight and lovely pearls of wisdom to share!!!
Oxy,
I’m glad you had some quality time with your son and had a chance to get away and spend time with a friend. Thanks for your support with that last trigger. I’m racking up the bills for my therapy LOL. You’re making some goooood money LOL!
oxy yes I am wishy washy, I am gay remember? I felt like I was letting (him) win by getting off the internet. But I did change account’s screennames etc. Have made alot of permanant changes in my life concerning (him). I have recovered from the shock of what happened, have accepted the truth. Does not mean that I am healed. I still long for a relationship similar to the one with a sociopath. Someone that need’s me, want’s me, love’s me and want to share life and love and sex with me. Yes I am wishy washy but still a lonely vulnerable man. Life suck’s sometime’s. Especially when I think everybody that say’s hello is out to get what ever they can. Where does a 54 year old redneck gay country guy find a mate? Not on the internet. Not in a gay bar. So yeah I am lonely for companionship. Stronger. smarter. wiser. But still human…