Back in June, a New Jersey judge declared the state’s Prevention of Domestic Violence Act to be unconstitutional. Judge Francis B. Schultz, of the Superior Court in Hudson County, determined that it was too easy for someone who claimed domestic violence to get a restraining order.
The ruling was controversial. When I first read about the case, I was astounded that a court would take such a stand against domestic violence victims. Sandy Clark, associate director of the New Jersey Coalition for Battered Women, considers New Jersey’s law to be among the best in the country, according to NJ.com.
New Jersey’s law
The Prevention of Domestic Violence Act is strict. Some of its provisions include:
- Police must respond to calls of domestic violence victims.
- If there are any signs of physical injuries the police must arrest the abuser.
- Police may also arrest the abuser without witnesses or signs of physical injuries.
- Police are required to give victims information about their rights and to help them.
- Temporary restraining orders (TRO) may be issued by the superior court or a municipal court.
- A domestic violence hearing must be held within 10 days of issuing the TRO.
At the domestic violence hearing, the judge may grant substantial relief to the victim, including:
- Temporary custody of children
- Monetary compensation
- Barring the defendant from the home, regardless of who owns or leases it
- Prohibiting the defendant from any oral, written, personal or other form of contact with the victim and others, including children
Violating due process
The law allows the judge in the domestic violence hearing to make his or her decision based upon the “preponderance of evidence.” That’s where Judge Schultz had a problem. He wrote that this violates the defendant’s right of due process, and that the standard should be “clear and convincing evidence,” which is more difficult to achieve.
In his 21-page opinion on Crespo v. Crespo, Judge Schultz wrote, “It is well-established that a parent’s right to the care and companionship of his or her child is so fundamental as to be guaranteed protection under the First, Ninth, and Fourteenth Amendments to the United States Constitution.”
He continued, “That a fundamental right could be forfeited as a result of a rapidly calendared, summary hearing without discovery, where the only protection afforded the defendant is the ‘mere preponderance standard’ clearly offends the Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment.”
Quite frankly, given that there are people who falsely accuse their partners of domestic violence, the judge’s arguments make sense.
Battle of the sexes
According to NJ.com, women’s rights groups and the Attorney General’s Office are preparing to challenge the ruling. It appears that the case may be headed for the New Jersey Supreme Court.
Others considered the ruling a victory for men. An article posted on the DailyRecord.com declared that Judge Schultz should be considered an American hero.
“He stood up against the powerful feminist-controlled domestic violence machine and ruled that the New Jersey domestic violence statute is unconstitutional, and that people’s 14th amendment rights were being violated. Judge Schultz could have taken the politically correct route; he did not.
“The state Attorney General’s Office, in league with the battered women’s groups, has come out against this ruling and plans to appeal to the state Supreme Court. These two ‘partners in crime’ are yelling that the sky is falling because a court ruled that the standard of proof is unconstitutionally too low.”
The issue is being cast as today’s battle of the sexes. Unfortunately, people on both sides are fighting the wrong battle.
Men and women perpetrators
Battered women’s groups argue that female victims, and their children, need to be protected from abusive men. Father’s rights groups argue that women file false abuse complaints simply to be vengeful, and get away with it. They both accuse divorce and child custody lawyers of using abuse allegations as a strategy to win their cases.
They’re all right some of the time. None of them are right all of the time.
Lovefraud has heard from plenty of women who were seriously abused by male partners. And we’ve heard from plenty of men who were abused by female partners—including physical violence.
We’ve heard stories of abusive men manipulating the legal system to get children taken away from battered mothers. And we’ve heard stories of men fighting to get custody of their children from abusive mothers, facing judges who believe that mothers simply do not harm their children.
Sociopaths and domestic violence
Dr. Liane Leedom says that half of domestic violence perpetrators are sociopaths, and the other half have sociopathic tendencies.
Sociopaths, as Lovefraud readers well know, are both men and women. And whether male or female, they are equally vicious and destructive.
So this is not a battle of the sexes. The real struggle is between sociopaths and their victims; between people who have a conscience and those who do not.
If you’ve been a victim of domestic violence, or have been falsely accused of domestic violence, please tell Lovefraud about your experience with law enforcement and the courts. Did the police and/or courts act appropriately? Were they able to determine who was telling the truth? Why or why not?
Please don’t use any names, although you may identify the jurisdiction (county or state) if you want.
Dear Henry,
Nah, it doesn’t mean “you are healed”—healing is a JOURNEY not a destination. But you ARE DEFINITELY ON THE RIGHT ROAD! (high five!)
Wanting a companion/lover/friend/etc is NORMAL, Henry, I would also love to have a companion/lover/friend but at the same time, I am no longer (I think) vulnerable to that NEED/DESIRE. I am satisfied myself, with myself.
So you think a 54 yr old, redneck, gay country guy has trouble finding a mate? Sheesh–you oughta be a 61 yr old, educated redneck woman who isn’t as “smart as she thinks she is cause 50 pounds of her didn’t even go to HIGH SCHOOL” and now, try to find a mate for her!!!!
Funny thing though, I saw a movie the other night (can’t remember the name of it) and this woman about my age and looks was a bartender and after hours she was sitting having a drink with her friend, a middle aged guy who was a rescue diver, and they were talking about life and she said something to the point that she “wasn’t ashamed of the wrinkles, she had earned them LIVING IN THE SUN, and the laugh lines she had earned by laughing uproaresly, and she had drank and smoked, and screwed, and loved and fought, and was gonna go out having lived life to the fullest”
I thought about what she said and her attitude about it all. You know what, Henry, my life has been freeking AMAZING. I have done so many things that few people have had the opportunity or the guts to accomplish. My age spots on my face were baked in by the equatorial African sun while I watched wildlife so close I could have reached out and touched it. My creeking ankles, knees and joints are because I rode rodeo with some of the best. I learned to fly an airplane when I was 17 and it was the most sprititual experience I have ever had, it was like there was no one in the world except me and God. I have loved, and I mean LOVED, and I have nurtured my children, I have delivered a baby, and been there to watch baby chicks break the egg and emerge.
I have done really stupid things and lived to laugh about it. I have encountered psychopaths and lived to tell about it and to cry and later laugh and thank my God that He was there protecting me when I didn’t have sense enough.
I have seen SATAN up really close and personal, and I have also seen the face of God, not in some “burning bush” on a mountain, but in the faces of people who are caring and kind and giving and loving, and in the bright smiles of little children who know no guile, and in the morning sunshine, and the evening cool, and in flowers and leaves and in all creation.
I am a sentimental old bat that cries at old black and white Lassie re-runs, and cries for Old Yeller, and for Bambi when his mother gets killed, but can stand strong and load the gun and pull the trigger without flinching when an animal I love needs to be put down, and THEN lay on the ground crying, hugging their still warm body. I go to the butcher with my beef cows, and stand and talk to them, reassuring, so they won’t be frightened as their time comes.
Nah, Henry, neither of us has reached “healing” cause we are still breathing, but we are on the RIGHT ROAD, and you know what—we’ve earned our wrinkles, we’ve earned our creaky joints, and we’ve learned how to LOVE and BE LOVED, and we’ll get through this life with honor and grace from here on in, knowing our own worth, celebrating life and ourselves and we don’t need anyone to make us COMPLETE. We ARE complete, and if (as I hope) we both find someone to SHARE that completeness with, that wil only be frosting on the cake!
CELEBRATE THE MOMENT!!!!
Same here Henry. They kind of left a gap – didnt they? I am trying to fill mine with friends, and other plans – not quite the ideal, but it will do for the moment. Hope you are alright Henry. Im much in the same boat too.
PS Henry,
BTW I said “wishy washy” not SWISHY! LOL
Oxy I have had a very good life, I count my blessing’s every day. There are billion’s of people with worse problem’s than my own. I am very blessed. Beverly – we have learned alot about ourselve’s and personality disorder’s. With all the knowledge and understanding we have acquired. Even knowing (he) was not real, only an illusion. I bet you would agree with me, we are still left with a broken heart and a longing for what we thought was………..when that pain stops then I will be healed.
Dear Henry,
The pain WILL stop, I promise you! When? I’m not sure. If that is the definition of “healed”—I’m not sure, but it sure beats the heck out of PAIN 24/7—with or without them.
I thought the pain of my divorce (I wasn’t the one that wanted it) would never quit, and one day I was wrestling with the kids out in the yard and we were playing with the water hose, rollig on the ground trying to shove the hose down each other’s shirts, laughing like crazy people, muddy, wet, and having a blast—and right in the middle of that “water fight” I stopped and pulled up short—I REALIZED I WAS HAPPY AND NOT IN PAIN. Just like that. It went away, crept away so silently that I didn’t even notice that it was GONE and happiness crept in just as silently and was THERE.
Most of the time I am happy now, I don’t GRIEVE and cry for what I lost, my son, my mother, etc. but I do have some angry times about my mom, but those are less and less, in fact, becoming more rare the longer NC goes on (no NEW injuries to deal with and trigger the old pain) NC ROCKS!!!!!
Does that mean I’m “healed”? I’m not sure, but I’m happy, and I’m not in PAIN now, don’t have everything in the world I’d LIKE but have everything I NEED, PLUS SOME, starting to love myself, learn to set boundaries without obscessing. Not being as “mean to” me, giving myself a break once in a while, not to be perfect any more. HAA HAA like I ever was! LOL
I don’t see myself “stopping” at any point and saing “I’m healed, I can’t get any better”—I think I will always want to “improve” on my thoughts, my philosophy, my relationships, and just continue to GROW. So for ME, it is a journey that will end when I do. I’m no longer “bleeding” emotions, or pain, or grief, but I am also not the same person I was 5 years ago before my husband’s death—frankly I think I am the NEW AND IMPROVED VERSION, and I just intend to get BETTER.
Good article, and it points out only some of the problems with domestic violence laws and the way they are used to punish people without proving any wrongdoing. I know. I’m one of those people, and didn’t know I was with a sociopath until it was too late (which I think is often the case, especially with borderline personality disorder).
In the article’s summary of New Jersey’s law, I notice some interesting phrasing:
# If there are any signs of physical injuries the police must arrest the abuser.
# Police may also arrest the abuser without witnesses or signs of physical injuries.
In traditional legal terms, this should refer to the “alleged abuser.” Otherwise, the police are determining guilt on the spot. I wonder if the NJ law is written that way, or if Ms. Andersen paraphrased?
The presence or absence of the word “allegation” can be critically important. Without it, what is the purpose of investigation and why should police bother? False allegations and denial of due process are major problems with current federal and state laws related to domestic violence. These problems and some suggested solutions are concisely detailed at aavreform.org …
Denying the sociopath a place in our lives requires us to set and keep appropriate boundaries. For the protection of all citizens, it’s very important that our laws do the same. If we fail to reform our domestic violence laws, many families are going to be destroyed and we are all going to regret it very soon.
I hope all Americans can work together to resolve this, and I wish you all peace in your hearts and in your homes.
The information in the article is paraphrased from the complete statute, which can be read here:
http://www.judiciary.state.nj.us/family/fam-06.htm
I should have used the word “alleged.” My mistake.
I am convinced I’m healing at least about the ex.. but I am now dealing with a lot of other stuff that is causing me extreme fear and anxiety. I am grateful for what I have, but I am suffering from this strangling fear that it’s all going to be taken away from me. I was homeless with my kids for a little while two years ago.. I am having a really hard time getting over it.. I’m really scared it’s going to happen again.
Dear Kat,
you know I think that is part of our healing process, is that once we start getting over the P-thingie, we start bringing up past issues that we haven’t completely dealt with, at least I know that seems to be what happened with me, and you know it is painful, but at the same time I think it is a GOOD thing and shows that we are getting BETTER not just “getting over” it. I think most if not all of us have some old issues that make us good targets for the Ps, and once we have healed or mostly healed from the Ps’ damage, going back and cleaning up that previous stuff is a GOOD thing, makes us stronger.
I think that haivng a fear about security and having a home, especially if in the past you haven’t had one for a while, then it would be odd for you NOT to have some fears about that.
Dealing with REALISTIC FEARS in a REALISTIC manner is a good thing. Looking at what is real, then deciding how to handle it rationally is an adult thing to do. I lived on the edge of ultimate poverty the entire time I went to college after my divorce, there were times I wondered where next week’s groceries would come from. It took it one day at a time. I made a plan and stuck to it—one day at a time and eventually got through with my degree and pulled myself up.
The “trick” (if you want to call it that) is to not let the FEAR overcome you where you panic. Just recognize that there are things that you have to put on the front burner and make prorities, managing your money, and include the kids in that too, it is a great way for them to learn what money is, and how to manage it to get the things that they need and want.
Hang in there Kat, you’re doing better than you might think, I’ve seen the growth over the last few months (can’t remember how “long” by days, weeks, months, etc.) I’m proud of your progress, your openess and how you are recognizing what’s going on with yourself! (((hugs))))
Kat I am happy to hear you say you are convinced you are getting over the X P… Yes so am I – maybe not getting over it but getting past it- and now we look at everything differently because we know if we let our gaurd down we might lose everything again…