Entanglements with sociopaths always have consequences

At a Christmas party on Saturday night, the conversation turned to hot water radiators. My husband, who is mechanically inclined, explained to a woman, who was trying to save money by conserving heat, how to bleed the air out of an old-style hot water heating system.

Eventually, the conversation revealed why the woman was trying to save money. She’d purchased an old farmhouse for her business. She secured a $150,000 construction loan to renovate the house and retained a contractor. The contractor insisted on installing the thermostat for the hot water heating system on a wall directly across from a wood burning stove. (For those of you who are not mechanically inclined, this is a really dumb idea.) The contractor also told the woman that she couldn’t insulate the farmhouse because moisture would create a mold problem. (This is true, but it is a problem that is readily solved, and insulating the house is a really good idea.)

Further conversation revealed that the contractor, who was president of some kind of historical building society, had not completed $70,000 worth of work for which he had been paid. The bank repeatedly came to inspect the job, bought the guy’s stories about why the work wasn’t done, and released the next installment of money. The farmhouse owner, of course, signed off on all the payments.

At one point a bank representative asked the farmhouse owner, “Are you sure about this guy?”

“Oh, he’s fine,” she replied. “He’s the president of the historical building society.”

The contractor hasn’t paid the subcontractors, and they’re demanding their money from the farmhouse owner. She hired a lawyer, who went along with a plan suggested by the contractor’s lawyer, which was useless. So now the woman is trying to save her home and her business. Plus, she’s cold.

“Sounds like you’re dealing with a sociopath,” I said.

I don’t know if this woman has any good options. We suggested that she sue the bank, because the bank released the money. But she approved payments, so that may not work. She can’t afford another lawyer. As has happened to many of us who have dealt with sociopaths, she may be stuck holding the bag.

Fort Dix Five

This woman may suffer terrible financial losses. But others involved with sociopaths lose much more.

A few weeks ago, in The con man, the thug and the jihadists, I wrote about the five young Muslim men who were on trial for plotting a terrorist attack against U.S. soldiers at Fort Dix, New Jersey. Most of the prosecution’s case was based on conversations secretly recorded by an informant, an illegal immigrant from Egypt, who was paid $240,000 by the FBI.

I predicted that the jury would see that the informant was a con man who manipulated the young men. I predicted that the defendants would walk. I was wrong.

The five young Muslims were convicted of conspiring to kill military personnel. They were acquitted of the more serious charge of attempted murder because they didn’t actually do anything. Still, they all face life in prison.

Yes, they did go to a shooting range in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania, shot at targets and shouted “Allahu Akbar,” or “God is great.” They videotaped themselves doing this and brought the tape to a Circuit City store to be converted to DVD. One of them also downloaded violent jihadist videos from the Internet.

But would they have actually have gone any further? Would they have even discussed plans, which were nothing more than vague, wild ideas, if they hadn’t been goaded on by the sociopath, who was being paid to keep them talking?

I know how convincing sociopaths can be, so I don’t think they would have done anything without his encouragement. But I wasn’t on the jury, and the people who were apparently don’t understand sociopaths. So the young Muslims were left holding the bag. They may spend the rest of their lives in prison.

For his efforts, the con man informant, who was twice convicted of bank fraud, was promised legal residency in the United States, courtesy of our Justice Department.

Education is key

The consequences of entanglements with sociopaths are always negative, ranging in scale from unpleasant to deadly.

That’s why Lovefraud’s mission is to educate people about sociopaths. Right now, most people find Lovefraud because they’re already entangled with a sociopath and facing the consequences. We’ll soon announce a new initiative to help people cope with what has happened to them.

But eventually we hope to have programs to educate people about this personality disorder and the red flags of sociopathic behavior. Our goal is to help people escape the terrible consequences by avoiding the predators in the first place.

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479 Comments on "Entanglements with sociopaths always have consequences"

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Robx –

thank you..

You are pretty cool yourself over there too! You are going through the thick of it — dont ever hesitate to share or ask LF for advice, thoughts.

Ultimately you are the one who will make all the right choices for yourself and do whatever you need to do to get through it. Ive done and wondered and thought over and over again all the things that you are.

ITS A PROCESS.. but dont forget to learn and retain some of the lessons, so you keep going forward as much as possible. WE all fall sometimes but it just makes getting up and going forward even more educational and growth inducing! Learn and grow…. WE CAN AND DO….THEY CANT AND DONT WANT TO.

You deserve better. You did RIGHT by saying no more. In his eyes only that was WRONG of you because you finally stood up for and protected yourself – that made him say well your boundaries blocked alot of things out that I needed most …. being able to use you at his leisure and take from you the things he wanted. Towanda to you for finally saying this guy is NOT FOR ME!!!! Hes unhealthy and toxic in his life views and ways!

Stay on track… you are doing just fine Robx!


Blow up the text Roxy. It is a well rehearsed script and that is all.

He got as much as he could from you and then he moved on.

Maybe he is geting something more from this next girl maybe not, but we know what is going to happen to her.

Maybe you will still be here when she shows up.

Nothing they say is true, nothing they do is real and all they are about is getting for themselves.

I’d loook at the situation differently, would changing relationships give him an excuse to tell the parole officer why he didn’t have a job?

Think about what did he need to use you girls for ? If you work from the assumption that he felt anything, its going to break your heart worse and longer.

I hate hearing that because you’re better than that.

Does the parole officer know his new address? If he isn’t making his reports, they can revoke his parole.

By my understanding, parole laws have been changing and the revolving door doesn’t spin as fast or easy as it used to.

Mine got most of a year on a parole revocation. No, I didn’t know his true story until the marshals came in and dragged him out of my house.

Later. I discovered that he’d been in contact with lots of women, dated three, initited with dozens and posted that he wanted to find a marriage partner on our one month anniversary.

Those are the facts. What he says is not. Discard anything he said that causes you unease unless it would be of interest to his parole officer and enjoy the day.

Carpe Diem!

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