At a Christmas party on Saturday night, the conversation turned to hot water radiators. My husband, who is mechanically inclined, explained to a woman, who was trying to save money by conserving heat, how to bleed the air out of an old-style hot water heating system.
Eventually, the conversation revealed why the woman was trying to save money. She’d purchased an old farmhouse for her business. She secured a $150,000 construction loan to renovate the house and retained a contractor. The contractor insisted on installing the thermostat for the hot water heating system on a wall directly across from a wood burning stove. (For those of you who are not mechanically inclined, this is a really dumb idea.) The contractor also told the woman that she couldn’t insulate the farmhouse because moisture would create a mold problem. (This is true, but it is a problem that is readily solved, and insulating the house is a really good idea.)
Further conversation revealed that the contractor, who was president of some kind of historical building society, had not completed $70,000 worth of work for which he had been paid. The bank repeatedly came to inspect the job, bought the guy’s stories about why the work wasn’t done, and released the next installment of money. The farmhouse owner, of course, signed off on all the payments.
At one point a bank representative asked the farmhouse owner, “Are you sure about this guy?”
“Oh, he’s fine,” she replied. “He’s the president of the historical building society.”
The contractor hasn’t paid the subcontractors, and they’re demanding their money from the farmhouse owner. She hired a lawyer, who went along with a plan suggested by the contractor’s lawyer, which was useless. So now the woman is trying to save her home and her business. Plus, she’s cold.
“Sounds like you’re dealing with a sociopath,” I said.
I don’t know if this woman has any good options. We suggested that she sue the bank, because the bank released the money. But she approved payments, so that may not work. She can’t afford another lawyer. As has happened to many of us who have dealt with sociopaths, she may be stuck holding the bag.
Fort Dix Five
This woman may suffer terrible financial losses. But others involved with sociopaths lose much more.
A few weeks ago, in The con man, the thug and the jihadists, I wrote about the five young Muslim men who were on trial for plotting a terrorist attack against U.S. soldiers at Fort Dix, New Jersey. Most of the prosecution’s case was based on conversations secretly recorded by an informant, an illegal immigrant from Egypt, who was paid $240,000 by the FBI.
I predicted that the jury would see that the informant was a con man who manipulated the young men. I predicted that the defendants would walk. I was wrong.
The five young Muslims were convicted of conspiring to kill military personnel. They were acquitted of the more serious charge of attempted murder because they didn’t actually do anything. Still, they all face life in prison.
Yes, they did go to a shooting range in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania, shot at targets and shouted “Allahu Akbar,” or “God is great.” They videotaped themselves doing this and brought the tape to a Circuit City store to be converted to DVD. One of them also downloaded violent jihadist videos from the Internet.
But would they have actually have gone any further? Would they have even discussed plans, which were nothing more than vague, wild ideas, if they hadn’t been goaded on by the sociopath, who was being paid to keep them talking?
I know how convincing sociopaths can be, so I don’t think they would have done anything without his encouragement. But I wasn’t on the jury, and the people who were apparently don’t understand sociopaths. So the young Muslims were left holding the bag. They may spend the rest of their lives in prison.
For his efforts, the con man informant, who was twice convicted of bank fraud, was promised legal residency in the United States, courtesy of our Justice Department.
Education is key
The consequences of entanglements with sociopaths are always negative, ranging in scale from unpleasant to deadly.
That’s why Lovefraud’s mission is to educate people about sociopaths. Right now, most people find Lovefraud because they’re already entangled with a sociopath and facing the consequences. We’ll soon announce a new initiative to help people cope with what has happened to them.
But eventually we hope to have programs to educate people about this personality disorder and the red flags of sociopathic behavior. Our goal is to help people escape the terrible consequences by avoiding the predators in the first place.
peaceatlast,
Stargazer makes a really good point when she says that efforts to expose the S is more likely to harm you than to harm him.
For all the reasons Stargazer gives, get your revenge by living well.
If people know about sociopaths ,they don’t have to be warned. If people don’t know about sociopaths, they won’t accept a warning. Chances are trying to warn the new girlfriend is going to cause you trouble, and she’s very unlikely to benefit.
You all make so much sense because of our kinship in dealing with these people. Good news is that this monster in not at my church. I am much more peaceful about this and am entering the New Year with a very clean slate. Many thanks!
Consider the occupation! If he’s a contractor, he might be a sociopath. If he’s a minister/counselor, he might be a sociopath. If he’s a salesman, he might be a sociopath.
Consider how these people thrive in occupations where they have little peer oversight, run their own hours, and have a lot of opportunity to manipulate the trust of their victims.
I’ll bet the “president of the historical society” was having a heck of a lot of fun, taking the money and reveling in the pain and chaos of all the people around, from the woman with the farmhouse down to the last guy swinging a hammer or a paintbrush. Even putting the thermostat across from the woodburning stove sounds like a conscious destructive choice by this guy.
News Flash!
There is no Perfect Church! If it contains People it by nature will be imperfect! :)~ And This IS A GOOD THingy
Peaceatlast,
I too found the xS/P in bed with someone and took him back. Big mistake. It was two days after we finishd selections for the home we were building. We had agrued that evening. THe truth about him hit me like a ton of bricks. I started questioning the bizarre stories he told me about his life in the military and covert work. I asked the right people. He is now posted on a website, exposing his lies and at some point could be investigated by the feds……
Sometimes it pays to ot do anything. They keep is tied in with the obsessing and the desire for revenge. I think I have come to the conclusion that they eventually sabotage themselves. I head a few days ago that he was fired from his sales job. A few months ago he had heart surgery. I learned he was abusing steroids for years and also has liver and kidny problems.
Sometimes accidents happen and bad things happen to good people. It makes thes people stronger. SOmetimes others get what they deserve. I do believe that they will get what they deserve in time because of their own behavior and disorder. We can certainly ask the right questions to protect ourselves. PROTECTION being the most important thing, emtionally and otherwise. Protecting others is not part of it. I appealed to his sister to help him when I as inormes of the lies he had told. he made excuses. His daughters behave as badly and live in denial. Others won’t get it until it happens to them. The S/P doesn’t feel the pain of it all because they blame and it is always someone elses fault. They just move to the next victim.
Protect yourself and move on as much as possible to rid the best and worst thoughts of him from your life. NC is the only thing that works. THe rest is out of our hands. God, karma, whatever your belief…….takes care of the rest.
I started a blog on my reptile website called “sociopaths among us”. My goal was to educate my community about them and perhaps eventually expose my particular sociopath for what he was. What happened was there were one or two women who knew what a sociopath was because they’d been played by one. It was painful for them to reopen those old wounds again. (strike one) The rest of the members behaved as if I were talking about UFO’s and the Lock Ness monster! “Oh, I don’t believe in that.” “There’s no such thing as someone who is all bad”…..etc., etc. Some of these people are known acquaintances of the S. I ended up looking foolish (strike two). In addition, I had nightmares all night that word of the thread got back to the S and that he came after me and tried to kill me (strike three). I had the thread removed the next day. I found that self-protection far outweighed any benefit I would get from exposing him to the community.
As the fog lifts….I remember that I read somewhere that in seeking a partner the key was to find someone who is emotionally healthy. Doing this will eliminate 70% of the reasons people seek divorce. There is no way a person who is: (pick one) sociopathic, narcissitic, or a border line personality is healthy. I do not have the resources to make this person healthy. My main job for my daughter and myself is to be emotionally healthy. Steering clear of damaged people is Priority one for me for 2009. Thank you all for helping me come to this answer! You all are my Angels.
“He is now posted on a website, exposing his lies and at some point could be investigated by the feds—”
I too posted on some websites trying to warn others about her and all the possible harm she will do if allow too. I too also know that she fraudulently bank thousands of dollar from this state and if ever prosecuted would spend a great deal of time in prison. In fact I believe to this day she is still using this or another type of con on other states she may be living in. In fact (a very long time ago) she told me this very thing. Her words were “it’s different here in Wisconsin then Illinois trying to get government assistance” meaning that they (I think) check out people more fully then Illinois when applying for food stamps and medical insurance. One thing I believe to this day is that sociopath’s unless caught or stopped will never change the game plan. And will cheat lie and manipulate the system for as long as they can! My ex is the same and I have seen it with my own eyes! They just don’t care who gets cheated hurt just as long as they get what they want..
James,
I’m so sorry. They do “learn the system” so to speak and I also think they are extremely intuitive about reading people. A dr once said to me that the XS/P was reading me like a blind man reads brail.
In my situation he lied about being a POW and in special forces which is now against the law. I just happened to ask the right people about him and they posted the rest. Tey take this stuff very seriously. Unfortunately, he is not at the top of the list to beinvestigated until he does something more serious ad even then, it’s difficult to prosecute.
I also say the con man in action as he portrayed himself to me as a tough, hard woking sales man with an education, former military. None of it was true. he WAS a salesman but not a very good one. he spent more time in the gym than at work. Now he is with a woman who is 18 yrs younger, former stripper on welfare and her brother lives with him. He was released from prison a year ago for almost beating a man to death in a bar fight….. So he changes his appearance to fit the situation I guess. Now he is an unemployed redneck, hanging out with trailer trash (sorry I know I sound judgemental) but it’s all part of the game. Who is he really? Not sure anyone will ever know.
Dear keeping_faith,
People who live in chaos like that, regardless of whether they are wealthy or on welfare, are TRASH! I’m from the South and the word “trash” (as in “poor white trash” and the more modern version of “trailer trash”) all boils down to the fact that they are TRASH.
Some of the WORST trash in our area are some of the more “upstanding” citizens–who lie cheat, steal, embezzle and “use the system”—but stealing from taxpayers in large amounts unlike than the “trailer trash” who generally only rip off the taxpayer and other “poor people” for what little they have.
The less successful trashy folks go to the “food pantry” for poor people because they are too lazy to work, and thus deprive people who really need that food from having it.
Neither Money, nor education or social polish can in my opinion keep someone from being trash; and poverty, ignorance and even stupidity doesn’t make you trash.
Hey, if some trash like Bill Clinton can make it to the white house, and what’s his face can be Governor of Illinois—there is hope for the human trash of this world to climb to great heights in politics and business. I rest my case.