At a Christmas party on Saturday night, the conversation turned to hot water radiators. My husband, who is mechanically inclined, explained to a woman, who was trying to save money by conserving heat, how to bleed the air out of an old-style hot water heating system.
Eventually, the conversation revealed why the woman was trying to save money. She’d purchased an old farmhouse for her business. She secured a $150,000 construction loan to renovate the house and retained a contractor. The contractor insisted on installing the thermostat for the hot water heating system on a wall directly across from a wood burning stove. (For those of you who are not mechanically inclined, this is a really dumb idea.) The contractor also told the woman that she couldn’t insulate the farmhouse because moisture would create a mold problem. (This is true, but it is a problem that is readily solved, and insulating the house is a really good idea.)
Further conversation revealed that the contractor, who was president of some kind of historical building society, had not completed $70,000 worth of work for which he had been paid. The bank repeatedly came to inspect the job, bought the guy’s stories about why the work wasn’t done, and released the next installment of money. The farmhouse owner, of course, signed off on all the payments.
At one point a bank representative asked the farmhouse owner, “Are you sure about this guy?”
“Oh, he’s fine,” she replied. “He’s the president of the historical building society.”
The contractor hasn’t paid the subcontractors, and they’re demanding their money from the farmhouse owner. She hired a lawyer, who went along with a plan suggested by the contractor’s lawyer, which was useless. So now the woman is trying to save her home and her business. Plus, she’s cold.
“Sounds like you’re dealing with a sociopath,” I said.
I don’t know if this woman has any good options. We suggested that she sue the bank, because the bank released the money. But she approved payments, so that may not work. She can’t afford another lawyer. As has happened to many of us who have dealt with sociopaths, she may be stuck holding the bag.
Fort Dix Five
This woman may suffer terrible financial losses. But others involved with sociopaths lose much more.
A few weeks ago, in The con man, the thug and the jihadists, I wrote about the five young Muslim men who were on trial for plotting a terrorist attack against U.S. soldiers at Fort Dix, New Jersey. Most of the prosecution’s case was based on conversations secretly recorded by an informant, an illegal immigrant from Egypt, who was paid $240,000 by the FBI.
I predicted that the jury would see that the informant was a con man who manipulated the young men. I predicted that the defendants would walk. I was wrong.
The five young Muslims were convicted of conspiring to kill military personnel. They were acquitted of the more serious charge of attempted murder because they didn’t actually do anything. Still, they all face life in prison.
Yes, they did go to a shooting range in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania, shot at targets and shouted “Allahu Akbar,” or “God is great.” They videotaped themselves doing this and brought the tape to a Circuit City store to be converted to DVD. One of them also downloaded violent jihadist videos from the Internet.
But would they have actually have gone any further? Would they have even discussed plans, which were nothing more than vague, wild ideas, if they hadn’t been goaded on by the sociopath, who was being paid to keep them talking?
I know how convincing sociopaths can be, so I don’t think they would have done anything without his encouragement. But I wasn’t on the jury, and the people who were apparently don’t understand sociopaths. So the young Muslims were left holding the bag. They may spend the rest of their lives in prison.
For his efforts, the con man informant, who was twice convicted of bank fraud, was promised legal residency in the United States, courtesy of our Justice Department.
Education is key
The consequences of entanglements with sociopaths are always negative, ranging in scale from unpleasant to deadly.
That’s why Lovefraud’s mission is to educate people about sociopaths. Right now, most people find Lovefraud because they’re already entangled with a sociopath and facing the consequences. We’ll soon announce a new initiative to help people cope with what has happened to them.
But eventually we hope to have programs to educate people about this personality disorder and the red flags of sociopathic behavior. Our goal is to help people escape the terrible consequences by avoiding the predators in the first place.
onelukygurl
Thank you to everyone who has ‘helped’ me today and every other single day Im about ready to break…
No ephiphanies yet today, although I feel one coming on the same way they do when Im usually distraught. After soem thought, I have decided to think of this as another tactic for him to provoke me… OF COURSE it would bother me to see him with another woman-we dated for 3 years! That being said, I am gonna think that maybe he is (seriously) dating already, but that doesnt mean he isnt trying to push my buttons….(I have to admit that I do question my own motives with thoughts like that-as if provoking me would be SO out of the ordinary–yeah right).
Does it hurt like this because my wounds are alot less healed than I thought and seeing him with someone else devistates me (because I want to be the one with him?)? Am I really ‘jealous’ of what she has (sure I am…jealous of what he is PORTRAYING himself as right now to her)? Am I longing for lies again…or beign manipulated…or used…as he told me during our first month together “I used to lie to and use people but I dont do that anymore.”
Someone posted something along the lines of ‘you dont need to compete with her to get him back’…and I never thought of my feelings like that! EVERYONE close to me responded to our ‘relationship difficulties’ the same—‘whats he up to now’, yet I tolerated it.
STARTING RIGHT NOW, IM TAKING MY POWER BACK AND GIVING HIM THE OL ONE FINGER SALUTE…’a leopards spots dont change’….
Thank you everyone
silvermoon
Good for you.
Nah, you don’t want to be lied to. You would bve really happy as would we all to be loved and validated.
In time, it will come.
But for now, put on your own oxygen mask and get through this next new break though.
Eppihanies seem to break through like aliens or pimples. It isn’t all bright lights and angel wings!
What helps me most is that you will and you can and I can do it with you.
Thank you!
ErinBrock
Rbabe:
Make it about YOU girl…….Make it about YOU!
Stay strong….remember, what goes down……must come up…..
try to keep a balance…..it’s really helpful!
XXOO
EB
Stargazer
Roxybabe,
It hurts because in your heart/mind, he is still a human being who once loved you and now loves someone else. And so you imagine you are not good enough. But it is an illusion. He never loved you. He doesn’t love her. He is incapable of loving. Even if you were Angelina Jolie and the Mother Teresa all rolled into one, he would have discarded you because it’s what they do. It is all a game to them. They are all alike, and their tactics are all very similar. They are “in love” with you one day, and the next day you don’t even exist. The humiliation is just so complete when you get discarded by a sociopath. It sometimes just takes a little time and distance to see this, because the emotions are still so raw, especially if you keep looking on his facebook page**coughSTAYoffHISfacebookPAGEcough** (said in most caring way).
Stargazer
EB, As luck would have it, I live very close to Aurora. I work there, and spend a lot of time there for various reasons. But don’t you worry about me, girlfriend. I have no plans to ever invite any of these loathesome creatures into my life again. Period. End of story.
Stargazer
And just because I seem to always post in 3’s, I feel very affected by Lily’s death. Who’d have thought that someone you never met and whom you hardly even spoke with could have such a profound effect on you? Her death has some meaning for me, and I’m struggling to make sense of it. I wanted so much for her to find some peace before she died and to find some meaning in all of the things she’d been through. I want this for all of us.
I have been looking at a possible upcoming massage class in Costa Rica. A girlfriend and I are looking at possibly moving there if I can get a job at a resort. If I do, I will likely never see anyone in the states again. This forces the issue for me of forgiving my mother and letting her know I’ve forgiven her before she dies. I honestly feel I’m ready to do this now. And I would like to just see my sister once that I have not seen in 27 years. Just see her and hug her and wish her well (she has not wanted anything to do with any of her biological family).
Sorry, just rambling.
ErinBrock
Star,
I just wanted you to know…..not that he’s the only circus freak in your area….just because I KNOW he’s in your area!
You’d be able to spot him in a NY minute….he’d be the one talking incessantly about his HIGH falutant life with rich peeps…..paying for him to travel here there and everywhere to cook for them….and ‘take care’ of them…….Oh, how they need me!
Lier! Fabricated……but this is how he ‘hooks’ peeps. And I’ve watched him do it….and he’s very catching….peeps just LOVE his stories…..
And he’s LOUD! And his forced laugh…..geeze, I can here it from here……
Just a heads up girlfriend…..
I hope you get the opportunities you are hoping for wiith your mother and sister….closure is good….BOY,don’t we know it!!!
I too have thought….when the kids are grown….only a few years away….I’d disappear down in CR or Central America somewhere……it’s cheap living and AWAY!
Not that we can’t find spaths anyhwere in the world…..just a far away change….
I think it’d be cool for you…..cuz ya got no ties binding you….and a way to make a living!
Good luck in whatever you do…..you deserve the best and peace in life!!!!
Maybe one day, we will meet down in CR and sit on the beach sipping rumrunners….or something……able to laugh and talk about how wonderful our lives are NOW!
XXOO
EB
hens
Hi STAR Good to see you.. you have such a tender heart,,, I told Lilly one time on this blog that I had planted some naked lady lilly’s and was thinking of her when I did and I told her every time they bloom I will think of her – i was happy when she responded that she had googled them and they were lovely lillys and she thanked me – her death makes me sad also – and they are coming up again this spring and this month is also my two year anniversary of no spath in my life so i am an emotional person also sounds as if ou are doing good that is good the hear,,
Stargazer
EB, Just what Colorado needs. ANOTHER sociopath. lol I usually avoid types like this and tend not to meet them very often. There are certain places here where those types hang out. And I don’t go to those places. So don’t worry–I will stay safe, darlin. (hugs)
Henry, hi dear! How are you doing? Your post about the lilies makes me so sad–you are such a sensitive person, and I hope you never change. I wonder if she ever knew all the people whose lives she touched? I wonder if any of us know this about ourselves? Congratulations on your 2-year anniversary. Have you watched the movie called The Secret? I want to recommend this because watching this recently has had a profound impact on my life and the way I think about things. I plan to buy the movie and have friends over to watch it regularly. But I can’t tell you what it’s about cause it’s a secret. LOL
P.S. If you ever want to remember me, you can plant some stargazer lilies. In fact, that will capture both me AND lily with just one flower!
Stargazer
EB and Henry,
On second thought, I don’t feel safe from the predator. I think you two need to come to Colorado to help protect me! **shameless plug for a visit***LOL!