At a Christmas party on Saturday night, the conversation turned to hot water radiators. My husband, who is mechanically inclined, explained to a woman, who was trying to save money by conserving heat, how to bleed the air out of an old-style hot water heating system.
Eventually, the conversation revealed why the woman was trying to save money. She’d purchased an old farmhouse for her business. She secured a $150,000 construction loan to renovate the house and retained a contractor. The contractor insisted on installing the thermostat for the hot water heating system on a wall directly across from a wood burning stove. (For those of you who are not mechanically inclined, this is a really dumb idea.) The contractor also told the woman that she couldn’t insulate the farmhouse because moisture would create a mold problem. (This is true, but it is a problem that is readily solved, and insulating the house is a really good idea.)
Further conversation revealed that the contractor, who was president of some kind of historical building society, had not completed $70,000 worth of work for which he had been paid. The bank repeatedly came to inspect the job, bought the guy’s stories about why the work wasn’t done, and released the next installment of money. The farmhouse owner, of course, signed off on all the payments.
At one point a bank representative asked the farmhouse owner, “Are you sure about this guy?”
“Oh, he’s fine,” she replied. “He’s the president of the historical building society.”
The contractor hasn’t paid the subcontractors, and they’re demanding their money from the farmhouse owner. She hired a lawyer, who went along with a plan suggested by the contractor’s lawyer, which was useless. So now the woman is trying to save her home and her business. Plus, she’s cold.
“Sounds like you’re dealing with a sociopath,” I said.
I don’t know if this woman has any good options. We suggested that she sue the bank, because the bank released the money. But she approved payments, so that may not work. She can’t afford another lawyer. As has happened to many of us who have dealt with sociopaths, she may be stuck holding the bag.
Fort Dix Five
This woman may suffer terrible financial losses. But others involved with sociopaths lose much more.
A few weeks ago, in The con man, the thug and the jihadists, I wrote about the five young Muslim men who were on trial for plotting a terrorist attack against U.S. soldiers at Fort Dix, New Jersey. Most of the prosecution’s case was based on conversations secretly recorded by an informant, an illegal immigrant from Egypt, who was paid $240,000 by the FBI.
I predicted that the jury would see that the informant was a con man who manipulated the young men. I predicted that the defendants would walk. I was wrong.
The five young Muslims were convicted of conspiring to kill military personnel. They were acquitted of the more serious charge of attempted murder because they didn’t actually do anything. Still, they all face life in prison.
Yes, they did go to a shooting range in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania, shot at targets and shouted “Allahu Akbar,” or “God is great.” They videotaped themselves doing this and brought the tape to a Circuit City store to be converted to DVD. One of them also downloaded violent jihadist videos from the Internet.
But would they have actually have gone any further? Would they have even discussed plans, which were nothing more than vague, wild ideas, if they hadn’t been goaded on by the sociopath, who was being paid to keep them talking?
I know how convincing sociopaths can be, so I don’t think they would have done anything without his encouragement. But I wasn’t on the jury, and the people who were apparently don’t understand sociopaths. So the young Muslims were left holding the bag. They may spend the rest of their lives in prison.
For his efforts, the con man informant, who was twice convicted of bank fraud, was promised legal residency in the United States, courtesy of our Justice Department.
Education is key
The consequences of entanglements with sociopaths are always negative, ranging in scale from unpleasant to deadly.
That’s why Lovefraud’s mission is to educate people about sociopaths. Right now, most people find Lovefraud because they’re already entangled with a sociopath and facing the consequences. We’ll soon announce a new initiative to help people cope with what has happened to them.
But eventually we hope to have programs to educate people about this personality disorder and the red flags of sociopathic behavior. Our goal is to help people escape the terrible consequences by avoiding the predators in the first place.
Weoll, Wini, my African Gray parrot, Oliver, who is really picky about people, LOVED the Trojan Horse Psychopath from day one! Because he was hand fed by a woman, Oliver has always prefered women to men but for some reason he sucked up to the Trojan Horse like I have never seen that bird do before.
Even my donkeys loved the creep and they are pretty smart too. Not sure what it was, but every critter on the place loved him and he abused the donkeys by locking them up in the heat of summer without food or water, but fortunately I was checking on the stock after I left (in fear of him myself) just because I expected something like that and found them before they suffered.
Sometimes even animals get fooled, just like we do. No one’s instinct is 100%, even animals.
Puzzle & Healing Heart: Getting out with normal people is kind of like going to see a good movie, eh? It’s a way of reprogramming ourselves, as long as we’re entering the right new program without a “virus”!
Oxy-D: Right on, girl! I think my boy-dog is still ashamed of his lapse. He worries over me. If I get into an intense conversation on the phone, he may start to bark, an upset warning bark. “We won’t get fooled again,” I think he’s saying.
I believe that herd dogs have a particular ability to “read” those auras. How else can they “count sheep”? or cows, as the case may be? I understand that in New Zealand, one dog can be trusted to watch over 300 sheep and know when one is missing. That’s a type of intelligence we hardly know how to evaluate, and it suggests that these dogs can “count” up to, shall we say, 300? And even know when one sheep, out of the 300, is missing. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t do that.
But this also suggests that the psychopath may be able to “shift his aura,” so that what he energetically projects is something that will be received the way he intends it to be received.
I know I’m out on a limb here, but I think this is something that should be examined, if the tools are available.
Dear Rune,
I raised and trained Border Collie’s for years. Now I only have one collie dog left, a male, though I generally prefer female dogs, but anyway, they ARE so smart, and last year when I was crying my eyes out he would snuggle up to me and try to comfort me. We still do demo herding for various groups and he loves it (he is such a ham). Early last April we were herding Scottish Highland cattle at a Scottish festival and he got kicked very hard and the breath knocked out of him and he went down like he was shot! He had never been kicked before and I was scared to death, I ran out through ankle deep mud and “stuff” and threw myself on him and screamed for the vet (who was there BTW) and it was okay, but sore for sure.
I raised Scottish Highlands for years and still have a few pet show cows that he herds here on the farm, but I think I would have died on the spot if he had been seriously injured. He’s a great dog and I have seen him spin a 2,000 pound Highland bull like a top totally without fear, and I wondered if he would be afraid after that but he has not been.
Your dog may have been abused by the man seriously too when you weren’t looking and the dog had trusted him, but then “saw the real him”—BTW not every human my dogs have liked has been “good” but I can definitely say if my dogs DIDN’T like them, you could bet I would never trust them either, and I was always right. When an otherwise friendly dog starts to dislike someone or on first meeting dislikes them, YOU BETTER LISTEN.
Humans have “scented” sweat glands (under arms and in groin) just like some animals do, and various emotions cause the “scented” ones to give off odors. I know dogs can “pick up” on fear, which is one of the things that gives off a “scent” in humans. I wonder if there is some scent that the Ps give off that the dogs can pick up on. That might be an interesting study.
Remember that one characteristic of the ASPD is “fearlessness.” So those sweat glands won’t kick in. The typical lie detector equipment reads for sweat (galvanic skin response, or GSR), and the psychopath won’t show it. So, I believe they can fool the animals, just as they fool the lie detector.
I’m glad you know the breed. Yes, I believe the P abused my dog while he was out of my sight. I truly believe my dog was blind-sided.
keeping_faith
Thanks and you will get no disagreement from me. These agencies are put in place to help those who need it but not to stay on it until they die. Here in Illinois more so Chicago they have what we call “warfare families” which mean the mother get on the warfare program and then her children after having their own children get on the same program. I know that the DHS have done alot to make people go back to work and stop receiving warfare but some are very depended on it even to this day… Sad but true.
Also how they are indeed true chameleons. My ex did the same because after she leave she started to take on the other persons personality and started acting very differently. In fact she even told me “Jim he is more like me and isn’t a violent person”. I of course reply. “Are you calling me a violent person? Of course she never did reply back with any comment. All I got back was silence. Anyway after the phone call I started thing.. OMG who was that person that attacked me? Who was that person that destroy my property? Who was that person that threw her cell phone at me? Who was that person who started accusing me of cheating on her if I was 10 minute late getting work from work? Who was that person who needed to know my where about 27/7 but if I wanted to know were she was going I was accused of trying to control her? Who was that person who for years verbally abuse me? No dear readers she isn’t a violent person at all. Not now anyway.. Yea right!!!
That may be it, the fearlessness, would be interesting to know what it is, though, as I am just a scientifically curious person and like to know how things work. I have a degree in Biology as well as my nursing degree and I love genetics and anything to do with “how it works.
BEcause I have trained animals since I was a kid, horses, dogs, cattle, etc. and also bred them, I saw early on that there is so much to do genetically with “temperment” in animals. I could see that of course environment had a great deal to do with it, but a great deal was “bred in” especially in animals like dogs that are bred for different tasks rather than dogs that are bred for certain “looks.” (like herding dogs) and some breeds of horses were generally known as “not having any sense” because they had been selected specifically for a gait or a look. Dairy breeds of cattle typically have great difficulty delivering a calf unassisted because they have been “selected” for only one trait, LOTS OF MILK and nothing else has been “culled” for.
IN my own herd of cattle I had a few cows (to start with) that were more aggressive than others, and I noticed that their daughters were as well, and so I started culling heavily on disposition. (Large animals are dangerous even if they are “tame and gentle”) Having as many as five generations of cows I noticed a great deal about the social interactions of cattle I had never noticed before because we didn’t keep “family groups” but with a herd that the only “new comer” was a bull (which was selected for disposition as well as fertility etc) I noticed that with culling out the “high headed” ones AND their offspring, it wasn’t long before I had a herd of very docile cattle (I started with a generally docile breed anyway), but my cattle were like puppies compared to my neighbor’s cattle.
One of the first animals I bought was a kicker, she was gentle but she would NAIL you any chance she got. I had ended up keeping her as she generally had male calves (lust by luck of the draw) BEfore I realized that ALL her calves were kickers, I had trained one of her first bull calves (after neutering) as an oxen (working cattle) but he turned out to be a kicker too, so I ended up eating him. Finally when she had her last calf, a heifer, I still have that heifer in my pet group and she is NOT a kicker, but the previous 9 were. I was literally shocked when at weening and her first set of “shots” she didn’t buck and snort and fight like her brothers had.
Even out of my most docile cows that I have now (4) when we went to load one for slaughter last June, a young bull calf a little over a year old was in the group, and he stomped and waved his head at me, and though I didn’t really need the meat, he went to slaughter too. Didn’t want the little P darling on the place. LOL
I honestly think that the genetic predisposition to be aggressive (fearless etc) must have some “evolutionary benefit–and one I can see is that the males generally sire a great number of children, moving on and letting others raise them, so they definitely “pass their genes around.” Also, in a tribal situation they would not have empathy for other’s hunger so they would take things away from the “weaker” people who wouldn’t/couldn’t defend themselves.
Look at how many “leaders” (politicians and dictators, etc) are Ns and Ps? We can point to several governors who have gotten their tails caught under the rocking chair lately, and senators, etc. And of course the ever popular Bill Clinton, Arkansas’ contribution to sleeze in Washington. BTW I have heard from people who knew her that his mother was definitely an N at the very least. His bio father was sort of a hit and run guy too, so I think the genes are maybe there.
I know that my own family is rife with Ps on both sides for sure. I’m just glad I apparently didn’t get them “actively,” but I have no doubt that I passed them on to my P-son.
Hello, Everyone:
I, too, am trying to heal from my relationship with an S and will be spending NYE alone. I feel safer that way. My encounter set off my PTSD which I haven’t had to deal with for a couple of years. OxDrover and Blondie wrote exactly how I am feeling, I am going to try and shake it off, think of something else, read a book for awhile while resting around the house, and then go out for awhile and hope for a peaceful sleep tonight. I have a 15 mile walk scheduled tomorrow with some folks.
I sent my S some pretty nasty emails and I am having hard time trying to forgive myself for being so ugly. I did send a “aplogy” email and some explanation about PTSD, but my guess is it fell on deaf or rather “non-caring” ears. I am feeling much shame and remorse for my “reactionary” behavior to him.
Hey greentrees: Don’t feel bad about the emails. Martha Stout points out that “he won’t.” She says, “Don’t worry about hurting their feelings. They don’t have any.”
Normally I’m deeply compassionate, and willing to weigh every nuance of my behavior so that I don’t unintentionally harm someone else. You see how the P snagged me and manipulated me?
When you go on that lovely walk, you might think to yourself how you are walking all that distance to put him further and further behind you.