Editor’s note: Liberty Forrest, author of several self-help books and a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach, writes that even though a sociopath has created havoc in your life, you always have a chance to begin again. It’s up to you to take it. Read more about Liberty.
By Liberty Forrest
Have you ever wished for a second chance? A clean slate or a fresh start? Chances are you have. I know I certainly have. It was largely due to the disasters created by sociopaths, whether directly or as a result of the toxicity they had caused in my childhood and younger adult life, and the stupid choices I made. Yeah, I know that’s harsh and I’m sure I’d never say that about anyone else in the same situation. It’s just hard not to look back and say, “What the **** what I thinking??” But to be a little more kind to myself, if I didn’t know my crazy upbringing was abusive and toxic, how was I supposed to know how to make my life any better?
All I know is that I’ve sure wished for a chance to begin again many times when I didn’t think one was possible. And I’ve had to start over many times when it was the last thing I wanted. I’ve messed things up and wished I could take back my mistakes, erase them, and wipe away any memory of them that might remain in my own head or someone else’s.
I’ve been stuck in some utterly horrible situations, feeling trapped and thinking there was no way out. And among the worst were the situations where my own thoughts were holding me hostage and all I really wanted was to escape and leave them all behind. But I was haunted, my memories unrelenting and unforgiving, no clean slate in sight.
A Fresh Start for Redemption
There have been a few times in my life when I’ve been forced to face the need for a major overhaul, a time out, a serious de-cluttering. When a fresh start was my only hope for redemption. No doubt a sociopath will have left you feeling the same way, quite likely on several occasions.
There are times when no matter how hard you try or how much you wish you could undo something, it’s just not possible. The fresh start doesn’t take it away. The clean slate still bears a quiet smudge. The second chance cannot become the first, which is still there, lurking in the shadows and taunting you with how you messed up or made a choice you regret.
Read more: How to recover from the sociopath
The good news is that if you really want a fresh start or that clean slate, you must remember this: Every day, you’re writing your history. Every day, you’re creating your story, the story that is your life, the one that becomes your past, the one people will tell about you, and will be handed down for many years to come.
Here’s How to Get a Chance to Begin Again
Every moment, every decision, every little choice moves you further away from those disasters that are better left in the past — or they can move you closer to more of the same. Whichever you choose.
Any time you want a fresh start or a clean slate, you can create one. Because every moment is a chance to reset your intentions, to check your thinking, to take stock of your current situation, your attitudes and your desires. Every moment is a new opportunity to refocus your attention on the direction you choose for your life.
Learn more: Self-care for complex PTSD
No matter how much damage a sociopath has caused in your life, no matter how many choices you regret because of that person, no matter how many mistakes you’ve made or will continue to make, every moment is a chance to begin again.
This article was originally published at LibertyForrest.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.
Restoring your “happy hormones” after narcissistic abuse
Liberty, excellent article. I don’t know if you are Christian, but Jesus is known to have said “Behold, I make all things new”. That simple piece of scripture means so much to me, as there have been miracles in my life allowing me to experience new ways of doing and thinking, especially in regard to my self-worth. When you are able to call something out in your life that does not belong– to name it, and to work out of it– or around it, that is when you are able to close the door to what you were not meant to be. Thanks for posting! I hope you get a chance to read some of my articles as well! 😊
In my case, I knew i had grown up with 2 men (brother and dad) who had been toxic. One commited suicide but the other did change (alcoholism). So, I knew that I didnt wnat to repeat this patterns of constant verbal/physicaly abuse that only heighten my anxiety. So when I found the sociopath and he displayed no form of verbal/physical abuse I felt that was good to go. 6 years after when the symptoms were more visible and the lying and manipulation got out of hand I knew I had to get out. The problem was that I stayed for too long, and the question is why? Well, i thought he was going to be my brother. He was going to change and become better. I kept comparing both men in my life, but didnt realize that alcoholism is a sickness that can be treated and sociopathy is just a disorder that if treated can only reduce the symptoms. Oh, I stayed for long but im learning to forgive myself and I ask God everyday to give me the strength to handle the rumination that goes in my head everyday. 3 months no contact so far, and I am hoping and praying to God that never again do i let him in my life.
ina91 – I am so glad that you escaped. Stay strong and continue to work on your healing. You now have a good idea of what the behaviors look like, and an understanding of what treatment can do – and what it can’t do.
With your wisdom and healing, you can avoid these disordered people in the future.