This week we are continuing to discuss The Psychopathic Mind by J. Reid Meloy, Ph.D. The author is diplomate in forensic psychology, former Chief of the Forensic Mental Health Division for San Diego County and Past President of the American Academy of Forensic Psychology. As I said last week, my initial reaction to the book was rather negative because I believe this author has made some assertions that have become the basis for inaccurate folklore that has spread over the internet (to be discussed in the coming weeks). But Dr. Meloy made up for all that by setting the record straight on a very important issue—the spectrum of psychopathy.
The idea that psychopathy is a spectrum and that “sociopaths/psychopaths” vary in severity means that there is no real point at which “normal” stops and “sociopath/psychopath” starts. Any decision about where to draw this line (after gathering information on a large group of people) is in a sense arbitrary.
The idea that “psychopathic disturbance” (as Dr. Meloy calls it) is a spectrum can be very confusing. Many people feel a sense of relief when they finally figure out that the person who has harmed them is “a sociopath.” By “sociopath” they mean categorically different from everyone else, a different type of human. Now I am saying there is really no category, just an extreme on a continuum.
I want to point out that we talk about the extremes of the continuum of traits as if they are categories all the time. Think about the adjectives tall, genius, beautiful, athletic etc. and you will realize that although these concepts exist in theory, it can be difficult to correctly place individuals into any of these categories on a strictly yes/no basis. The only time it is easy is when you are dealing with the extreme cases.
It is however; very important to understand how the interaction between spectra and categories affects us. For example, if you are used to being with players in the NBA, most everyone outside of the NBA will seem “short” and the perception of “tall” will also be skewed. To the NBA, 6’2″ is short!
This problem of perception while in the midst of an extreme population has created a problem for forensic psychology. When Dr. Hare first developed the psychopathy checklist, it was thought to differentiate criminals who are “psychopaths” from other criminals who are “not psychopaths.” Well, I maintain that this is exactly the same as calling a 6’2″ NBA player “short.”
I am also concerned with how our perception of psychopathy changes when we see it in the community. When we are in the community a person who has “a little” psychopathy stands out as a 6’2″ person would in a crowd. Many pose the question, “Is my _______ a jerk or a psychopath?” When we understand psychopathy as a spectrum we see that such distinctions are not very useful. It is more useful to ask “How much psychopathic disturbance does my ________ have?”
I have looked extensively in the scientific literature for the exact Psychopathy Checklist (PCL-R) scores that might indicate mild, moderate and severe psychopathic disturbance. If you are following what I am saying you will immediately realize that these definitions are important in determining just how many “psychopaths” there are. When I searched the literature several years ago, I reported on this blog that about 10% of the population has significant psychopathy. That 10% figure corresponds to a cut-off score of about 12 on the PCL-R.
In The Psychopathic Mind, p. 318 Dr. Meloy says the following:
Mild psychopathic disturbance 10-19
Moderate psychopathic disturbance 20-29
Severe psychopathic disturbance 30-40
This is more or less what I also determined given my clinical experience and reading of the literature. You might ask why I harp on this so much and why am I harping on it again? The reason I bring this all up is to help those of you who are stuck in a relationship with someone who has “mild psychopathic disturbance.” Steve Becker also talked about the problem of “mild psychopathy” this week When he’s just a bad dude, though he did not call it that.
In what I am about to say I depart from Meloy and give you my own opinion.
The nature of “Mild Psychopathy”
Psychopathic disturbance as Meloy also describes it is a disorder of motives. Since we all have these motives psychopathy is a spectrum. Psychopathy is an imbalance between love and power motives along with degrees of poor impulse control.
A person who is severely affected with psychopathy has no love motives at all. If we could perfectly measure the love motive, we could indeed form a category of those who have NO capacity for love. That category probably also includes some individuals with “moderate disturbance” and all with “severe disturbance.”
Individuals with mild psychopathy have some ability to love. Because they can love a little, what they do is particularly harmful to “loved ones.” They switch back and forth, in and out of “loving” states. When they are in a loving state, they truly have no emotional or other memory of their experiences outside of that state. Similarly when they are in the “power mode” they have no access to the memories of the love mode. It’s as if they have a split personality. Their poor partner is left asking, “Will the real ________ please stand up?”
The dilemma for partners and family members, is that both states are real. Those involved with the “mildly psychopathic” have to make a tough decision. They have to decide whether or not to let go of a person who they have shared real intimacy with. That is much harder than letting go of someone with severe psychopathic disturbance where the entire relationship was a sham.
What I don’t understand is why hasn’t genetic analysis settled this argument? We could argue until the end of time. The DNA of such psychopaths as Michael Swango, Ira Einhorn and Wayne Williams (or use Hare’s PCL-R to select the sociopathic sample) should be compared against each other and against the norm. Then we would know, as a fact, if it’s an on-off condition or a spectrum. I can’t understand how this hasn’t been done already.
Personally I believe sociopaths are a dichotomous form of humanity. Imo, the through lines are a view of others as pawns to be manipulated and an immature sexuality. If they have empathy for others they are not sociopathic, if they do not then they are. The spectrum I know is the spectrum of their ability to pass as normal. (For anyone interested, http://pathwhisperer.wordpress.com/2009/04/15/sociopathic-through-lines/)
Actually I believe humanity breaks into a trichotomy. I consider pseudologues (those suffering from pseudologia fantastica) a distinct form of sociopathy. Ashley Anne Kirilow, discussed here in http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2010/08/20/woman-fakes-cancer-to-gain-sympathy-and-cash/, is likely such a pseudologue.
then the woman i know is a ppath and a pseudologue; she creates sockpuppets who are ill, dying etc., gets TONS of attention, and kills them off when her cons get too hot or when she gets bored. then she plays with the sympathy related to the death for awhile…then sometimes resurrects the dead ones who weren’t REALLY dead (or ever existent for that matter), but who need to be ‘protected from predators’.
I will have to do some research on this.
“hens says:
Neveragain ( they experience our love as an attempt to control them and it brings out rage ) yep your so right, specially when we ask them where they have been for the past few days, that really makes em ragey.. ”
When seeing somebody, I am not the “what have you been doing type.” Perhaps I am too trusting but I give people the benefit of the doubt.
However, I do remember an interesting incident. My x-spath’s mirroring made me fell so connected, I once even jokingly asked him why we had not met anymore.
Intead of a shrug of the shoulder, or a comment like “I don’t know why but who cares now…” he became very evasive.
I was joking but he was evasive. I forget what he said, but I remember him being very uncomfortable.
My guess is that he would use the internet to arrange meetings with guys prior to coming to New York. My comment was directed at never meeting him in any of the bars and clubs. But he wasn’t going out, he was hooking-up online.
That I actually had “met” him before in a virtual sense is also rather interesting…
BehindBlueEyes – I dont ask people I am dating where they have been the past few days but My X was living with me when I would ask him where he had been, he had a habit of starting an argument on thursdays (his pay day) so he could stomp off and do his own thing, run out of money then come home and cry how sorry he was and he wouldnt do it again, the pity ploy got me everytime, he was good at it. As for your X looking evasive when you asked why he hadnt met anybody, it was because all his past relationships were like the one’s they had with us. And they sure dont want to give us reference’s or name’s of past relationships, or if they did it was their version of how the relationship ended. And all their friends are new friends, no history of long term platonic relationships..My x lived a parasitic life style, cruising for sex in the dark parks (as Oxy calls it) he even advertised his talent’s and phone number in truck stop restrooms. Once he conned me into thinking he loved me and moved in with me he started using my computer to hook up with guys, even having them here when I was at work. I knew about some of his past habit’s, but me being the nicest guy he had ever met (his words) he wanted to change and live a life with just me..oh well he is a sociopath..and he is gone and still doing the same chit I am sure..dont have a clue where he is and I like it that way.
I am talking only as a victim and my opinion is: there is no such thing as good sociopath and bad sociopath. I think all of them with no exception are bad news. My ex sociopath which can be considered a “mild”? Sociopath from what I read in the article was never violent to me, doesn’t drink to get drunk, doesn’t smoke or do drugs, has a steady job, very friendly and a nice person to be around as a friend, never got into trouble with the law, “generous” with friends only to show off, he seems to be so responsible and loving with his kids and so on, but I can tell you that he is the DEVIL IN PERSON. He was the master of manipulation and conning and a big liar and cheater, verbally and emotionally abusive and still plays nice guy for the outsiders. The stress and suffering that this relationship had behind the doors was unbearable. I cannot call him only a ’bad dude”. Bad dude is not enough to describe the monstrosity of his personality. HE IS A SOCIOPATH. That’s the only word that sounds right to me to call this people.
I am sure if you met my X you would wonder why I have labeled him a sociopath, he is so sweet and charming with that little lost puppy appeal he has..
Dear Changedforever,
I think by the time your healing process is over you can change your name to Changed FOR THE BETTER. The lessons we learn from these monsters (there’s another good word for them) is like the same lesson you learn the first time you are bitten by a rattle snake, doesn’t matter if it is a little one or a big one, it is a rattle snake and the bite is POISON. Your smaller snake may only have enough venom to make your thumb swell up and turn black and have to be removed due to gangreen, but you llearn about rattle snakes and HOW TO AVOID THEM.
You never desire to get a rattle snake and see if you can “save it” from being poison or see if you can give it a better life and show it it can trust you—because after all it must have trust issues or it woujldn’t have stuck out at you like that, you were just trying to see it up close. You weren’t going to hurt it. You NOW would stay away from places they congregate, you would be careful letting any long creepy thing approach you, and you will RUN at the FIRST sign of a snake, much less a rattle snake of any size!
ZAP! you are over your desire to be nice to snakes. Over your desire to be around them even.
If you met the P, you would totally wonder was I the mad, crazy jealous one…so innocent, pure, never would hurt someone on purpose …oh you would deffinitely give him a treat and pat his very ugly it has to be said head ( I used to think he was gorgeous…but with this experience He just looks like a sleazy pervert most wanted look) He flatters, cajoles, makes you laugh, says the nicest things but really he is just getting you nice and off guard so he can take you for everything you have….ha ha and he will still look up with innocent face…”but it’s your fault…you let me rob you, it’s your fault and you must hate yourself for being such a schmuck…I certainly do….”
Ox I think you must of ran Stargazer off by comparing spath’s to snakes..I hope she is doing well..
Dear Hens,
Nah I bet she met another herpatologist on her snake blog and hooked up with him…..either that or she’ll show back up here again after she finds out he’s married! LOL She at least got the last laugh on that married jerk when she talked to the army about it and about him faking his “injury” to get a disability out of the army. I guess she got JUSTICE at least.
Haven’t seen a bunch of snakes this year, just the one cotton mouth in the yard, but he was a big sucker 6+ ft for sure, probably a female up having her babies in my yard like last year. We killed 3 of the babies, but they usually have like 6-10 babies. Makes me want to fill up the pond west of the house when I see them near here.
D and I took a nice long walk, I walked half the runway and back, the donks and horse followed us and we shut them up in a small pen past the house that I want them to clean up the grass in there and let the grass on the runway grow. We got a nice little rain last night and misted all morning even while we were walking. Very pleasant to be out. I’m upping my exercise and just enjoying walking around on the farm.