Back in October, the Lovefraud community was shocked to learn that the toddler son of our own contributor, Cappuccino Queen, went to his father’s home for a court-ordered visitation and did not return. Today the child’s father, Joaquin Rams, was arrested for his murder.
Joaquin Rams arrested for allegedly killing Prince McLeod Rams, on WJLA.com.
Dr. Liane Leedom will be posting about this case soon.
I did not comment at the time, but I make no apologies for my initial doubts about CQ who posted so eloquently, whilst in the midst of the trauma. This was not an attack on CQ but in fact a natural protective instinct working properly from one who now “gets it” about spaths and their MO. The problem comes from those people who doubt us because of their ignorance and disbelief about the evil in our midst.
I will light a candle for the “little one” say a prayer for CQ and pray to God for justice to be done.
anam cara,
I’ve written my way out of trauma, writing whole theatre plays and novels in English (not my native language). Writing can be very therapeutic for people, without losing any eloquence. It’s not a red flag at all in my book. And the use of a thessaurus and spellchecker helps in say ‘word’.
I think it’s important to remember that once we’ve been victimized it changes us and our way of viewing things.
These changes wake us up to the wrongs around us and I believe it’s for the better.
For me, things need to make sense. ( I ignored the obvious for too long in my past and I won’t take that process into my future). I realize that not everything will ever make sense, but when there are obvious inconsistancies in stories……you bet i’ll ask and i’ll make no appologies for it. It wasn’t an attack, or a witch hunt, they were viable questions and I wasn’t alone in my quandry in trying to process this.
I didn’t like the fact that we were told to be silent, yet presented this story and participated throughout ……but there came a time when we were told to ‘be quiet’ and referred to our questions as shameful.
I feel differently and I expressed that at the time.
This is a tactic that spaths use. Shut up and tow the line, or ‘trust me’. *not accusing ANYONE of being a spath here* Note!
There was obvious legal documentation that was still being referred to as an issue. That only created more questions.
It still doesn’t make sense, but it’s a mute point now.
It didn’t make sense why there were things edited and censored or outright removed, omitted or changed before my eyes.
If the story isn’t ‘as written’ why write it in the first place.
We don’t need to make spaths look worse than they already are. They are bad period…..
I was trying to form my opinion on what I was presented…..in blog posts and court docs and the internet, realizing that there was an investigation so we didn’t have all information and facts and probably never will. But we were to follow the opinion in the posts that he was a triple murderer and rapist and the facts simply were not there or showed contrary. I had a hard time with this.
I was trying to see how the judge could come to his conclusion. I noticed a lot of drama claims in the court records. It cooked the judge……. Still now, given the terribly sad outcome, I believe the judge ruled according to the facts that were presented to him, in the emotionally charged and dramatic fashion they were presented and with no legal backup…..as sad as the outcome is now…..I still beleive he ruled according to the law.
(There is a lesson for those who are about to enter the family court system to learn from in this!!!)
I also had a hard time with someone using LF as a catalyst to promoting a secondary blog with identicle postings etc.. When someone immediatly appears to have ulterior motives we are right to ask why?!?!
I’ve been here long enough to see people come on, and disappear when they’ve promoted their own purpose. It’s generally not to engage in our community, it’s for other reasons altogether…..
Hera was greatly supported here. And she will continue to be i’m sure.
It’s interesting to see others varied reactions to this…….
Sometimes there is oil and fire wrapped up in one relationshit package.
Why is it that we need to identify one ‘bad’ and one ‘good’ person in any situation. If your the ‘bad’ one then that vindicates ‘me’?
It’s simply not always the case.
In any case, it’s important for each of us to think for ourselves…..whether it’s popular or not. When we cease to do this…..we are sure to remain prey for the vultures, once again!
Rest in peace, little one…
To his sorrowing mother, you have my prayers and my deepest empathy for your grief.
With all my love in this terrible time,
NewLife43
ErinBrock, there are many points that I agree with and it is simply my fervent hope that this tragic event is a catalyst.
We ARE suspicious because we were horribly damaged BECAUSE we trusted someone. In recovery, trust issues are one of the most difficult hurdles to jump over. We lost trust in our own judgement, our partners/friends/family/supervisors/religious leaders. We lost trust is the “Justice System.” We lost trust in our attorneys. We lost trust in everything that was meaningful to us, and aspects of recovery REQUIRE us to question.
If I ask questions, it’s not because I need more information. Whether or not I “believe” something to be true or false doesn’t matter – my recovery has been a series of adjustments in a system of very, very flawed “beliefs.” And, this goes back to the issue of trusting myself and my own judgement.
I am convinced that Prince’s murder could have been prevented if several things had fallen into place as they should have. I am also convinced that this very, very tragic event could be a catalyst for a number of changes to prevent the ball being dropped ANYWHERE along the way.
But, this tragic event has also been a lesson for me, personally. I am learning – so, so, so slowly – to separate myself from the emotion and approach things in a very pragmatic and objective manner. I can’t AFFORD more damage. I just can’t.
Brightest blessings
EDIT ADD: Anyone who has endured a legal battle understands that Courts do not operate on what’s “fair” or “right.” Courts operate on facts that are presented. This is NOT to say that I have to LIKE this truth – oh, hell NO I don’t “like” it, one iota. But, I have a choice to either accept this truth, or not. If I accept it, then I may be better able to process outcomes and proceedings. If I choose to reject the truth, then I’m only setting myself up for fury-times-ten. I have NO control over a Court action. And, once I get that through my head, I can do my best and be “okay” with letting the chips fall where they will.
CQ started her own blog and sent me a link to it. I thought her posts were so well written, and so poignant, that I invited her to post on Lovefraud. She was thrilled with the opportunity. I was quite comfortable with her reposting some of her previous stories on Lovefraud. (Believe me, I know how hard it is to keep coming up with new material.)
Immediately after the terrible incident, there was much information that could not be shared because of the ongoing investigation.
In the meantime, Joaquim Rams, and/or his surrogates, was planting false information and accusations on the Washington Post. Then he came here.
When Lovefraud readers began questioning CQ’s integrity in the midst of her terrible grief, I deleted the thread. She deserved much better than she received from Lovefraud.
EB, while I understand where your doubts came from, this is the rule I tend to interact by on LF or anyplace else, and a rule that I learned from the spath experience: when in doubt, don’t interact, because all tends to sort itself out in the long run. And by not interacting you either avoid feeling used for another person’s agenda if they turn out to have one as well as avoid hurting someone’s feelings if they are genuine. Especially when outsiders suddenly start to slander a regular poster and author who’s going through a real, non made up worst-nightmare a mother can go through.
And as it now has been revealed Hera wasn’t making Rams out to be worse than he was, since he drowned baby Prince, hoping to gain even over 500 mil $ on the murder.
I know this may sound as if I’m saying it’s always better to “shut up”, which is not what I’m saying… but sometimes silence is golden.
darwinsmom,
Your posts are always considered and thoughtful. I like that. A rule that I learned from the spath experience…..the truth always comes out in the end.
Strongawoman,
I disagree “That the truth always comes out in the end.” Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes it is “out there” for those who SEEK IT, but most people don’t SEEK the truth in my humble opinion.
There are many “cold cases” where people get by with murder. And there innocent people on death row for murders they did not do. (Here in Arkansas just this past year 3 young men, now middle aged, one off death row for 18 years) were released because they were innocent) DOZENS of men have been released off death row in Texas and other states who were innocent, but that is not all that should be.
SOMETIMES the entire truth comes out, but sometimes other facts are ignored. But facts and truth are not always the same things. Facts are what happened, but truth is how we interpret it.
Thats right Oxy, the truth does not always come out in the end. Most people think WE are crazy when we try to explain what the spath has done to us. In most cases the spath ends up smellin like a rose.