By ErinBrock
One thing we see over and over from the fallout of a sociopathic relationship is destroyed self-esteem and a lack of confidence. Lacking self-esteem and confidence leads to overlooking behaviors and having a hard time making firm decisions for ourselves.
Destroyed self-esteem makes it difficult some days to even get out of bed, let alone get out of the house and participate in life. It’s hard to plan for meals, school lunches, kid activities, legal angles, financial support and moving forward. We want to hide under the covers and make it all go away.
Okay yes, and justifiably so. BUT ”¦ if we want to get “somewhere,” we must first find our adamant.
Adamant describes a beautiful diamond—very hard, crystalline carbon, impenetrable, impregnable, unshakeable and unyielding. It is a valuable gem.
We must learn to find the gem we all possess ”¦”¦ our valuable adamant.
We must commit to being adamant and NOT allowing destruction. We must be adamant about taking back our souls from a sociopath, protecting our children, our assets and our futures. Right is right and wrong is wrong. We must be adamant about this!
We all possess adamant; we were gifted this beautiful gem at birth. We put it away for the sociopath. Dig it out and reconnect; keep it close and feel it!
Once we find our adamant, we can move forward with a dedicated, “hell hath no fury” attitude. We discover things inside of ourselves we never thought we were capable of. We learn how much power we have over our lives and how much we can change things we don’t like or agree with.
WHY? Because we are adamant!
Adamant is an important and powerful feeling. It’s the empowerment we need to proceed into a custody battle, a divorce with a sociopath, or a family member’s betrayal.
There is no other word that has the same feeling or empowerment attached as adamant.
I asked my kids about what they knew about the word adamant. They responded, “when Moms adamant, don’t try to change her mind, it will never work.”
This led into a great, humor-filled chat. Jr. asked to borrow my car for a long distance drive. He stated his reasons. I said, “I’m sorry, but no.”
He persisted. I looked at him and said, “Jr. ”¦ I’m adamant ”¦ NO!”
He said, “Mom, I’m adamant. I need your car.”
I then explained to Jr. adamant is NOT the same as pushy, persistent, manipulative or convincing. Adamant means there are NO negotiations involved. The buck stops with adamant. Done. Period!
Jr. smiled and went on his way; he understood there was nowhere left to go, mom was adamant.
Once we find our adamant and team it up with tenacity, strength and courage ”¦”¦ we become a strong force. We can pull on our adamant and make strong dedicated decisions, and move forward with confidence.
Adamant is personal, spiritual, professional and human. Adamant encompasses our whole being, once we find it.
Once we find our adamant, we are no longer the victim and we become the survivor, the gems we always were ”¦ finally unearthed and empowered, impenetrable and unshakeable!
Squeeky clean……hmmmmm …..
UH HUM!
🙂
Best of luck to them…….I worked hard to be in that elderly couple, long term marriage catagory……..
Glad somebody made it!!!
I hope she wears white!
I knew a couple who had been married 55 years when he got him a girl friend and they got a divorce. LOL I am betting the old fart had a girl friend earlier than that, but you just never know, but I do think this couple are very loving and caring, good people. Their son was one of my husband’s student pilots and was in the plane and burned very badly. He has completed college with a degree in aviation, is a certified police officer (small town) and an all around good kid, one of My “boys.” He stayed with us the summer before the crash while he was taking flying lessons, and would come in and cook with me, loved to cook. What a wonderful kid he was and now a great young man. He has a great relationship with his parents and they with him. I still think it was cute to send him the card. He will get a laugh out of it.
Back when I was working weekends and had to get up at 4 a.m. to go to work, he called me one night from his house to get a recipe at 11 p.m. and woke me up. I wanted to kill him! LOL
Yea, I wanted to be that elderly couple like my aunt and uncle. She was 100 and he was 99 and they would sit and hold hands on the front porch in the swing and wave at people passing by. They were two of the sweetest people in the entire world even when neither of them knew what year it was or who the president was….but they had almost 80 years married. They passed away within a few days of each other. That kind of marriage is/was very rare.
funny……I could picture my wedding day, having children/raising children with spath…..sharing vacations, soccer games, weddings, grandkids……BUT I COULD NEVER SEE US SITTING ON THAT PORCHSWING.
Even my minds eye….had limits.
What a gift to have not lost that ‘hope’ or fantasy too…..because I could never visualize THAT far…….it just stopped.
Now I know why.
Don’t worry EB – I actually DID used to sit on the porch swing with my spath, and we would have a cup of tea together, every day when I got home from work (after he had spent all day allegedly disabled and doing nothing around the house, but in actual fact had been doing other women and men while I worked my guts out to pay for him and his son…)
So – the sitting on the porch swing is NO GUARANTEE!!!!
BTW – when I left, the porch swing came with me (after all, not only did I pay for it, but I was the only one in our marriage who was faithful to what the porch swing symbolised…)
My cats and I sit on it now. So peaceful without the spath to spoil it…
NICE!
Aussie….to me the porch swing or rocking chairs symbolized old age and happiness……just watching the time go by at a well deserved age.
Conversing or just silent….sharing time.
I guess I coulda faked it that long……DAMN….I’m glad I didn’t!!!!
Enjoy your swing time with the kitties…….THAT”S what it’s all about!
🙂
Aussiegirl: hey-I THINK my work issue may be resolved but I don’t wanna speak to soon or be to trusting of ANYONE. This has really put me throught the wringer for the past few days and I just feel exhausted humiliated and nauseated still. The HR lady was a complete psycho and wouldn’t meet with me in person. She was so nasty on the phone. They let me go home early today and have tomorrow off so I can get my head back in the game. There are no other places for me to transfer to yet so I have to sit tight. Hopefully I’ll still have a job Thursday when I go back and it will work out. I’ll tell you more about after while when I know for sure if you’re online. Thanks so much for sending me the email offering to help me personally. I thought I was gonna have to take you up on it. 🙂
Nolarn,
PLEASE do not believe anything they say. The HR lady and everyone else is trying to protect their own jobs. Get a lawyer and let him/her handle EVERYTHING. she said, “we don’t entertain lawyers here” for a reason, she is trying to discourage you from getting one because it costs them money. This will make her look good and protect her job. at this point, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE assume everyone is a spath until proven innocent.
I thought I’d bring this article back to the present – there are so MANY, many helpful articles archived on LoveFraud.
It’s really easy to “give up and give in” after spath entanglements, and Erin Brock brought a very important part of recovery to light: finding my adamant.
So, I hope that this article sparks some “fury” to recover!
Brightest blessings
Truthy ~ thanks for bringing this one back up, it is one of my favorites. And thanks to EB for writing it.
When we sometimes feel all is lost, it is time to look inward and find our “adamant”.
I recently read an article on a mountaineer woman, who many had called fearless. She said, “I don’t think there is such a thing as a fearless woman – there’s just gals with gumption.”
So today let’s pledge to find our gumption, our adamant and keep on going……
I think it was John Wayne (0r someone) said “Bravery isn’t being UNafraid, it is being scared shiatless and saddling up any way.”
We’re all afraid at time, all lack confidence in our ability to handle what we must do,, but we dig down and we find our ADAMANT or our GUMPTION or our GRIT and we go do it anyway…whether it is get out of bed with 101 fever to go change a baby’s diaper, or go too work when we would rather stay home and cry all day in bed.
We find that ADAMANT and we keep on going!