By ErinBrock
One thing we see over and over from the fallout of a sociopathic relationship is destroyed self-esteem and a lack of confidence. Lacking self-esteem and confidence leads to overlooking behaviors and having a hard time making firm decisions for ourselves.
Destroyed self-esteem makes it difficult some days to even get out of bed, let alone get out of the house and participate in life. It’s hard to plan for meals, school lunches, kid activities, legal angles, financial support and moving forward. We want to hide under the covers and make it all go away.
Okay yes, and justifiably so. BUT ”¦ if we want to get “somewhere,” we must first find our adamant.
Adamant describes a beautiful diamond—very hard, crystalline carbon, impenetrable, impregnable, unshakeable and unyielding. It is a valuable gem.
We must learn to find the gem we all possess ”¦”¦ our valuable adamant.
We must commit to being adamant and NOT allowing destruction. We must be adamant about taking back our souls from a sociopath, protecting our children, our assets and our futures. Right is right and wrong is wrong. We must be adamant about this!
We all possess adamant; we were gifted this beautiful gem at birth. We put it away for the sociopath. Dig it out and reconnect; keep it close and feel it!
Once we find our adamant, we can move forward with a dedicated, “hell hath no fury” attitude. We discover things inside of ourselves we never thought we were capable of. We learn how much power we have over our lives and how much we can change things we don’t like or agree with.
WHY? Because we are adamant!
Adamant is an important and powerful feeling. It’s the empowerment we need to proceed into a custody battle, a divorce with a sociopath, or a family member’s betrayal.
There is no other word that has the same feeling or empowerment attached as adamant.
I asked my kids about what they knew about the word adamant. They responded, “when Moms adamant, don’t try to change her mind, it will never work.”
This led into a great, humor-filled chat. Jr. asked to borrow my car for a long distance drive. He stated his reasons. I said, “I’m sorry, but no.”
He persisted. I looked at him and said, “Jr. ”¦ I’m adamant ”¦ NO!”
He said, “Mom, I’m adamant. I need your car.”
I then explained to Jr. adamant is NOT the same as pushy, persistent, manipulative or convincing. Adamant means there are NO negotiations involved. The buck stops with adamant. Done. Period!
Jr. smiled and went on his way; he understood there was nowhere left to go, mom was adamant.
Once we find our adamant and team it up with tenacity, strength and courage ”¦”¦ we become a strong force. We can pull on our adamant and make strong dedicated decisions, and move forward with confidence.
Adamant is personal, spiritual, professional and human. Adamant encompasses our whole being, once we find it.
Once we find our adamant, we are no longer the victim and we become the survivor, the gems we always were ”¦ finally unearthed and empowered, impenetrable and unshakeable!
Dear Dani,
If you are depressed, really depressed for an extended period of time, antidepressant medication may actually be a part of saving your life, or at least making it worth while.
Don’t get the medicaitions from your family doctor go to a mental health professional MD or APN and then also get counseling. I promise you I could not have made it without it. If you had diabetes you wouldn’t NOT take insulin because it “might make you gain wieght” would you? Of course not! So treat what you have with whatever will help you. Depression is a chemical imbalance much like diabetes!
Yep, I’ve gained 60 pounds since my husband died, and it is NOT due to my antidepressant medications, it is EATING TOO MUCH! Now I am working seriously on losing that weight in a SENSIBLE way! 10 pounds a month, it is doable! I may b1atch about it, but it is doable and I WILL DO IT!
No need to ease into adamant…..make a decision….become adamant to be adamant.
Chinagirl…..this is so true….”They are just”..adamant!” and we all know it….it exhudes…..it’s a boundary which can’t be crossed or lied around.
Thanks for all the feedback…..lets get our adamant on!.
OxD-off subject sorry…but what do you know about HCG diet? A friend did it, she looks amazing, lost a lot of weight and has changed her eating habits and kept it off now for 3 months and counting…
Dear EB, I think I am going the one click past ADAMANT to B_ADAMANT! Or is it BICHA_MANT ? Lol Anyway, I am trying to be like you when I grow up!!!! I’m ADAMANT about that!!!
You just don’t know how GLAD I am that you are writing articles for LF!!! MORE!!! MORE MORE!!!!!
EB.
Your article is very timely. I have been feeling that I HAVE to stay adamant with the spath I have been dealing with. He is trying every angle and I just yesterday I made a pact with myself to NOT GIVE IN and here I read your article tonight on being adamant. How very confirming AND comforting this is!
Alas, it is not possible to change my handle or I would! I LOVE that word. It is a very empowering word.
🙂
Not sure what an HCG diet is—I am using the standard low calorie, well balanced diet recommended by American Diabetes Association, along with increasing exercise. It is working so far and I’ve lost 4 pounds in 6 days (and that will not be typical though as the first few days of any lower calorie diet, you lose more water than actual adipose tissue.
Thanks Oxy,
You are right! I usual snap out of it after a day or so… but at the moment I feel exhausted, achy and weak and I hate feeling like this..
Straight after the end of the spath, when I had a break down and was diagnosed with PTSD I was given anti depressants, I had one tablet and was completely zonked out, I couldn’t get off the couch and couldn’t make the kids lunches for school to take them to school. I am not sure if they gave me a strong dose but as I am not living with my parents anymore I am really scared of not being capable of looking after the kids.
I think I best talked to my Doctor about this and see what we can do.
I think the worst thing is the realisation that I am not a strong person anymore and may need some help.
But I am adamant that I will recover and get healthy! I love life, I just hate my head at the moment! and I am a emotional eater. It is school holiday’s here at the moment and financially and physically I can’t keep up with the kiddies demands, my body feel 106 today! but I will get there xx
Dani—-Good for you for quitting smoking!! That is supposed to be harder than getting off heroin. The weight gain you speak of could be because your metabolism slows down after quitting smoking…you probably know that but you said something about antidepressants and weight gain…not sure what you meant…but not all antidepressants cause weight gain. Some can cause weight loss even!
I just wanted to write after reading your post. I have had those days, too, and they suck. Feeling low, feeling overwhelemed and having three children to raise and think about when we are feeling like crap is really hard. It has been three years since your x spath? Good for you! Have you been able to be nc? It has been five years since my divorce from xspath but only a month or so since being at LF. So much has changed since being here at LF. I am feeling stronger, although I have days where I don’t want to get out of bed and everything seems impossible and I hate myself. But then I just say a prayer and get up and make my bed and wash my face! some days its all I can do! sad, but true. but its better than me staying in bed all day!! And, I’ll vent on LF. and try again the next day. I have to really work on thought stopping…stopping the negative thoughts from taking over and it works. Whenever you start thinking a negative thought immediately try to replace it with something positive, your kids, or something you can do that day to take care of yourself.
I’m sorry to hear your are struggling…’this too shall pass’ and it won’t always stay this way. I take comfort from others that have gone through this that it is possible that I can change and I can be strong and take charge of my life and not let the turkey bastards win! (A friend says that to me all the time! and then he calls me Eagle girl…funny) And like ErinBrock said “ADAMANT”. that is our new motto-right?!
Dani:
You do KNOW tomorrow is another day! I hope you have a snapshot of a good day in your mindseye…..and just hold onto those days!
Your in an adjustment zone…..and it’s hard to adjust.
Your finding your adamant……things will change…..your adamant about that!!!!
XXOO
EB
Great article EB! Fantastic! Did you know that the word, ADAMANT is the same root word as Adam, the first Man?”Adam Cadmon.”
God was supposed to make him “from the Earth, earthy”, and Adamant is a very hard mineral from the earth, Diamond, or carbon{a diamond is essentially compressed carbon}. But I dont buy the idea of Eve being made from Adams rib.It says,”male and female, created he them” ,in other words Adam and Eve were separate created beings, equal in every way.Its thanks to wrong interpretations of the Creation story that poor old Eve got turned into a 2nd class citizen, and most Churches keep her there!So do the Muslims and the Jews, they both treat women as 2nd class citizens, they cant even sit together in the synagogue or Mosque!
When the human body is cremated, we go back to carbon, and you can even get your loved ones ashes turne into a diamond ring!
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Isnt it amazing to think our spirits will fly to heaven but the spaths will only be dust!. No resurrection for them!So next time you think the spath is winning, remind yourself, in the eye of God, they are already DUST!! But we are the apple of His eye, and His beloved children!!Love, Mama GemXX