By ErinBrock
One thing we see over and over from the fallout of a sociopathic relationship is destroyed self-esteem and a lack of confidence. Lacking self-esteem and confidence leads to overlooking behaviors and having a hard time making firm decisions for ourselves.
Destroyed self-esteem makes it difficult some days to even get out of bed, let alone get out of the house and participate in life. It’s hard to plan for meals, school lunches, kid activities, legal angles, financial support and moving forward. We want to hide under the covers and make it all go away.
Okay yes, and justifiably so. BUT ”¦ if we want to get “somewhere,” we must first find our adamant.
Adamant describes a beautiful diamond—very hard, crystalline carbon, impenetrable, impregnable, unshakeable and unyielding. It is a valuable gem.
We must learn to find the gem we all possess ”¦”¦ our valuable adamant.
We must commit to being adamant and NOT allowing destruction. We must be adamant about taking back our souls from a sociopath, protecting our children, our assets and our futures. Right is right and wrong is wrong. We must be adamant about this!
We all possess adamant; we were gifted this beautiful gem at birth. We put it away for the sociopath. Dig it out and reconnect; keep it close and feel it!
Once we find our adamant, we can move forward with a dedicated, “hell hath no fury” attitude. We discover things inside of ourselves we never thought we were capable of. We learn how much power we have over our lives and how much we can change things we don’t like or agree with.
WHY? Because we are adamant!
Adamant is an important and powerful feeling. It’s the empowerment we need to proceed into a custody battle, a divorce with a sociopath, or a family member’s betrayal.
There is no other word that has the same feeling or empowerment attached as adamant.
I asked my kids about what they knew about the word adamant. They responded, “when Moms adamant, don’t try to change her mind, it will never work.”
This led into a great, humor-filled chat. Jr. asked to borrow my car for a long distance drive. He stated his reasons. I said, “I’m sorry, but no.”
He persisted. I looked at him and said, “Jr. ”¦ I’m adamant ”¦ NO!”
He said, “Mom, I’m adamant. I need your car.”
I then explained to Jr. adamant is NOT the same as pushy, persistent, manipulative or convincing. Adamant means there are NO negotiations involved. The buck stops with adamant. Done. Period!
Jr. smiled and went on his way; he understood there was nowhere left to go, mom was adamant.
Once we find our adamant and team it up with tenacity, strength and courage ”¦”¦ we become a strong force. We can pull on our adamant and make strong dedicated decisions, and move forward with confidence.
Adamant is personal, spiritual, professional and human. Adamant encompasses our whole being, once we find it.
Once we find our adamant, we are no longer the victim and we become the survivor, the gems we always were ”¦ finally unearthed and empowered, impenetrable and unshakeable!
Gem….thanks!
I had a client turn her dead horses and parents into a bracelet and earings…..her parents were the earings so she could ‘hear’ them in each ear! YIKES.
If I could burn the spath back to carbon…..I’d bedazzle my ass with diamonds from him! 🙂
Thanks Chinagirl & Eb,
god I feel really patheitic now, anyway these low vibe days hit with vengeance some days but there is always something just around the corner that brings my mojo back.
Chinagirl, I have been NC since I walked out nearly 3 years ago, which thank god for that. I think this week has been a little hard for a few reason’s and Emerson my little girl to the spath who is 3 and a bit has stated asking about her Daddy for the first time. She is saying I love my Daddy, I miss my Daddy and I’m going to see Daddy soon, she also is saying he is in the Garden and he rides a big beautiful horse….. All my close friends are married with Children and I think it has just occurred to Eme that our family is a little different and she is missing something special.I dont know what to say to her and I really dont want to think about her Daddy but the fact is her Daddy is a evil spath and I cant change that unfortunately. I feel like I have failed her!
Chinagirl, I have 2 older kiddies to my first marriage but my little one I have full custody off partly because he dosent want to see her and mostly because she would not be safe in his care. It is the best that Emerson is also NC with her father but I adored my Dad so there is so much guilt attached to not providing a normal loving father for her.
And I have been ADAMANT that he would not destroy her life as well, I fought hard initially to keep him away and then he gave up and set sail into the sun set! 🙂
Awesome EB – inspiring. You remind me to be a strong woman and always be aware of how I can tend towards being manipulated. That is a great word and one that I don’t use really – thanks for the reminder 🙂
Dani….you’ll find your Mojo….
It might just be the ’emotional’ break you need.
XXOO
EB
xxoo
Dani Darling girl, I was just the way you are , yesterday,and thanks to the love, care, and support of the great guys on LF, today I feel so much better! We all have our low days, some are the PITS! You feel lower than a snakes belly a s they say here in Oz.
Your little girl is far better off with one functioning, loving parent than with a spath for a Dad.She is a bit too young now, of course, for you to even try to talk about good and evil.Does she have any memory of the spath dad?Maybe you could say, pehaps God will give us a good Daddy one day, but, you know you have a heavenly Daddy who is always there, and who loves us.{That is if you believe in God.}Does she have any male figures in her life, such as uncles?{Non spaths of course!]Ride that wave, darlin, we are all getting there! Tomorrow WILL be better! Believe it!
HUGS!!!Mama gem.XXX
Love this, EB.
Makes me think of that old song by Seils and Croft, “diamond girl”. I think we should all sing that song to ourselves, and be adament about it.
My mom told me that when she named me, she named me after a diamond mine in Africa. I’ve never forgotten that. That’s a nice gift from a mother, don’t ya think.
Thanks for reminding me.
Dearest Gem! I pretend to the peeps in my world that I am A OK! ( I dont like them to worry) so it is nice to come here sometimes and say “hey I am feeling crap”. EB’s post hit me just at the right time it made me sit in my shyte (yet again) own it and say I am adamant that I will get through it!
My little one is close to my step dad as my dad passed away when I was 21 she is also close to by brother. She said a few months back “uncle Trenton is my dad” and I said ” dont say that when you get to school, we are not from Tasmania” LOL a joke you will get Gem!
I am not religious but I am spiritual!
I am feeling better I went and painted a picture (painting feeds my soul) and had a glass of wine! I think the hardest thing is having a child to a spath and one that has no memory of him, although listening to her she is making a father up in her mind!
I have never felt so loved by the spath and so hated by anyone.
She was born out of love (well my love) and his need to appear like he was normal and could have a family in the eyes of others, but it is horrible that she has no father and a living one not worthy of her love and not interested in her in anyway, which in our world is a great thing, I know that.
Spath has 2 other daughter’s, older and they have been NC for 2 years, they are happy with this as they know him. Little Em dosent know he is evil, she just know’s she has a dad that apparently rides a big beautiful horse and is in the Garden??? I have no idea where she has got that concept only that she is obsessed with the Movie Flicka! :)xxoo
Dear Dani,
The reason that I suggest that people go to a MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL about medication for depression and so on is there are so many different kinds and your family doctor, frankly, can’t keep up with it ALL. I would go to a surgeon not my family doctor if I needed to be cut on, or too an eye doctor if I had some cataracts so the thing is that mental health (and medications for it) is something about which most family doctors don’t need to be trying to treat. PTSD is one of those things!
The CHEMICAL CHANGES in our brains from the PTSD are HUGE, and many times if there is not such HORRIBLE or CONTINUED cause, then the PTSD will sort of resolve on itself over a few months, but if it goes on longer than that, we need some professional help.
You wouldn’t not go to a doctor if you had DIABETES and say “Oh, I don’t want to take medication for the rest of my life, or the one time I tried it it knocked me out, I’ll just be brave and it will resolve” No, Of course you wouldn’t, you’d DIE if you did.
Well PTSD is a serious medical/chemical condition and needs SERIOUS and PROFESSIONAL seeing after and assessment for medication. Someone who knows what is going on with the condition and the medication and has the experience and education to handle it. I ended up being changed on medications several times before we got it right—my condition would change, we’d change meds, And even after being on the same med for 4 years and on the same dose, I just changed “brands” of the “same stuff” and I feel a lot “brighter” on the new med, more my “old self.”
About your daughter’s Imaginary “father.” I can relate. My egg donor and I lived with her parents, and the kids across the street asked me “who is your daddy?” I knew who their daddy was, but I wasn’t sure who mine was (I was 2-3 yrs old because my egg donor remarried to my step father when I was 3 1/2)
I remember wondering about that for a “long time.” Later, after they married and we moved I had no playmates near our house at all, so I made up two playmates. I named them “words” that were new to me and which had no real definitions but I liked the sound of the words, the girl’s name was “Madam-mo-sell” and the boy’s name was “Military!” I’d had a pet pig named “tissue” on the farm once! (don’t ya love how kids learn language?)
You might just explain to your daughter that some children have fathers who live with them and some don’t but that she is even more fortunate than those as she has Uncle + grandpa and so on to love her.
Most of All I think she is fortunate to have a loving mother !!!! God bless.
WARRIOR…..read this!