By ErinBrock
One thing we see over and over from the fallout of a sociopathic relationship is destroyed self-esteem and a lack of confidence. Lacking self-esteem and confidence leads to overlooking behaviors and having a hard time making firm decisions for ourselves.
Destroyed self-esteem makes it difficult some days to even get out of bed, let alone get out of the house and participate in life. It’s hard to plan for meals, school lunches, kid activities, legal angles, financial support and moving forward. We want to hide under the covers and make it all go away.
Okay yes, and justifiably so. BUT ”¦ if we want to get “somewhere,” we must first find our adamant.
Adamant describes a beautiful diamond—very hard, crystalline carbon, impenetrable, impregnable, unshakeable and unyielding. It is a valuable gem.
We must learn to find the gem we all possess ”¦”¦ our valuable adamant.
We must commit to being adamant and NOT allowing destruction. We must be adamant about taking back our souls from a sociopath, protecting our children, our assets and our futures. Right is right and wrong is wrong. We must be adamant about this!
We all possess adamant; we were gifted this beautiful gem at birth. We put it away for the sociopath. Dig it out and reconnect; keep it close and feel it!
Once we find our adamant, we can move forward with a dedicated, “hell hath no fury” attitude. We discover things inside of ourselves we never thought we were capable of. We learn how much power we have over our lives and how much we can change things we don’t like or agree with.
WHY? Because we are adamant!
Adamant is an important and powerful feeling. It’s the empowerment we need to proceed into a custody battle, a divorce with a sociopath, or a family member’s betrayal.
There is no other word that has the same feeling or empowerment attached as adamant.
I asked my kids about what they knew about the word adamant. They responded, “when Moms adamant, don’t try to change her mind, it will never work.”
This led into a great, humor-filled chat. Jr. asked to borrow my car for a long distance drive. He stated his reasons. I said, “I’m sorry, but no.”
He persisted. I looked at him and said, “Jr. ”¦ I’m adamant ”¦ NO!”
He said, “Mom, I’m adamant. I need your car.”
I then explained to Jr. adamant is NOT the same as pushy, persistent, manipulative or convincing. Adamant means there are NO negotiations involved. The buck stops with adamant. Done. Period!
Jr. smiled and went on his way; he understood there was nowhere left to go, mom was adamant.
Once we find our adamant and team it up with tenacity, strength and courage ”¦”¦ we become a strong force. We can pull on our adamant and make strong dedicated decisions, and move forward with confidence.
Adamant is personal, spiritual, professional and human. Adamant encompasses our whole being, once we find it.
Once we find our adamant, we are no longer the victim and we become the survivor, the gems we always were ”¦ finally unearthed and empowered, impenetrable and unshakeable!
Thank you once again Dear Oxy for your words! When I was initially medicated it was by the Mental Health Dept of the Hospital as that is where I ended up. I quite frankly even thinking about back then is frightening. My biggest fear is being a vegetable for even a day like I was last time. But as I said before they may have given me a high dose because of the condition I was in at the time.
With your words I will definitely closely monitor my moods and seek the right help if things dont improve over time. I must say it has amazed me in the level my mind body & spirit has continued to suffer long after the events. I have moved on from him so far now but obviously the mental scaring is still prevalent. wish it would all just go away like he did!
I appreciate your guidance on my little one as you have been her.xxoo
DaniS,
It takes a lot of time and WORK and looking inward and outward to heal…I’m still not “there” and I don’t think it is a DESTINATION as much as a journey! I’m better most days and over all I can look and see JUST HOW FAR I have come since the beginning. Sometimes the loads get heavy and that is what LF is for, it does help us share that load because we know we are NOT ALONE on that road toward healing. We are part of a MULTITUDE of people who are trying to make life better for themselves and for others.
That’s pretty special! I’m glad you’re here! (((Hugs))) and God bless.
Me too Oxy as I am glad you and so many others are here!
A truly special place indeed xo
EB, (using this thread as it is easier and quicker to load)
I saw a post of yours a while back that said the bond had been revoked—and you’d know by Monday—monday TODAY or Monday NEXT WEEK? if he had been arrested again or not.
Well, actually it would be NICE if he would jump bail and go on the run! Cause then they would have him for fleeing and he would never get bail again and that would also not look well for a parole hearing in the future.
Keep us posted, ENQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW! Where else are we going to be able to live vicariously and have so much entertaining drama-rama than your X gives us! LOL Since we are all getting our real lives in order your X provides us comic relief!
Yep….gotta call from a detective last week…..not sure of the status….as it’s not on the docket yet this am.
I’ll keep ya posted.
He can run…..but he can’t hide! As long as he owes me anything…..i’ll be on his ass!
Now that Jr is back in school…..that means another year of CS for him too…..keeps adding up! 🙂
Dear EB,
Have you actually been getting the CS? I remember back when the BIL sent you the check and all the tempest in a tea pot over that one. He just will not let things REST will he? LOL Gosh, it is almost funny at this point! But NOW HE DOESN’T GET THE JOKE! LOL
Yeah….he stopped in May…..left June out.
Figured he’d do that one……Kids don’t eat in summer ya know!
He also owes me ALL medical payments/insurance payments……
and he’s got to sign the deed and transfer HIS car out of my name.
More just ‘clean’ up stuff……but still a tie.
Not comfy him using my address to the judge in xx state…….and how he includes whatever he thinks will ‘behoove’ him to come our way….or get a judge to see him as a good guy. HE”S NOT!
Won’t let him get away with nothing…..
The only thing he can do is……pay me, sign what was ordered and disappear and NEVER, EVER, EVER look back upon us.
Anything less……i’ll ride his ass!
I”M ADAMANT ABOUT THAT!
“The only thing he can do is……pay me, sign what was ordered and disappear and NEVER, EVER, EVER look back upon us.
Anything less……i’ll ride his ass!
I”M ADAMANT ABOUT THAT!”
LOL….7 years and 10 months later……he didn’t disappear…..and neither did my ADAMANT! Soon….all my hard work and documentation will pay off! Whoop whoop!
Dear EB,
Don’t know about YOUR state but here, if a person refuses to sign a deed or title for a car etc. An attorney can “advertize” in the newspaper to “Quiet the title”—which says in short, in the ad:
To John Doe, you are hereby notified that car vin#1111122322 has been abandoned and you have 30 days to….”
At the end of the 30 days you can take that to the DMV and get the title. If you don’t have possession of the car.
Ditto with property—-as far as TITLE is concerned.
However, since there is a mortgage and I am guessing HE SIGNED ON THE DOTTED LINE FOR THE MORTGAGE it may complicate matters for you/them especially since you are in negotiations for the house/mortgage and so on.
In cases where there is money owed on it, the problem is that the lien holder wants to KEEP HIM ON the title so they can collect from him if you don’t pay. Not sure what all is entailed in that case.
Lots of “quiet title” postings in my area now because of mineral rights, and land had been divided up through heirs and lost heirs and people who don’t even know they have a possible right to 1/100th of a percent of the mineral rights in an acre of land that great-grandpa’s house was on back in 1904…..
If it is transfering the car he HAS out of your name….you should be able to do that yourself through the DMV….since YOU don’t have the car in your possession you can’t make sure it is licensed and insured….but on the other hand, if he goes to jail, maybe you can seize it for back CS and sell it. LOL BE CREATIVE!!! If your name is on it, might make it easier! Then let HIM Sue you!@....... ROTFLMAO
Great minds think alike!
🙂
Gotta run to a meeting……it’s a sweater day today! Snow tonight over the pass!!!! Ofcourse….TONIGHT we gotta drive over that pass. 🙁
Well, got to go back outside and start to get winter things out of storage, won’t have anything that will fit except the SWEAT PANTS AND SHIRTS but NOT BUYING anything new til I lose another 25 pounds—in which case I will HAVE TO….as everything I have will FALL off and I’ll be standing around with my pants down around my ankles and that will NOT be a pretty sight in the middle of Wal Mart, I’ll be on one of those “people of walmart dot com” photos!!!! LOL
Ah yes, the fun of driving from the desert 70 degrees through the mountain passes to San Diego through howling blizzards and snow and ice at night. I really miss that! NOT!!!!!
At least here when we do get the rare snow I don’t have to drive in it. I never did really, I just THOUGHT I did. KEEP SAFE!