By ErinBrock
One thing we see over and over from the fallout of a sociopathic relationship is destroyed self-esteem and a lack of confidence. Lacking self-esteem and confidence leads to overlooking behaviors and having a hard time making firm decisions for ourselves.
Destroyed self-esteem makes it difficult some days to even get out of bed, let alone get out of the house and participate in life. It’s hard to plan for meals, school lunches, kid activities, legal angles, financial support and moving forward. We want to hide under the covers and make it all go away.
Okay yes, and justifiably so. BUT ”¦ if we want to get “somewhere,” we must first find our adamant.
Adamant describes a beautiful diamond—very hard, crystalline carbon, impenetrable, impregnable, unshakeable and unyielding. It is a valuable gem.
We must learn to find the gem we all possess ”¦”¦ our valuable adamant.
We must commit to being adamant and NOT allowing destruction. We must be adamant about taking back our souls from a sociopath, protecting our children, our assets and our futures. Right is right and wrong is wrong. We must be adamant about this!
We all possess adamant; we were gifted this beautiful gem at birth. We put it away for the sociopath. Dig it out and reconnect; keep it close and feel it!
Once we find our adamant, we can move forward with a dedicated, “hell hath no fury” attitude. We discover things inside of ourselves we never thought we were capable of. We learn how much power we have over our lives and how much we can change things we don’t like or agree with.
WHY? Because we are adamant!
Adamant is an important and powerful feeling. It’s the empowerment we need to proceed into a custody battle, a divorce with a sociopath, or a family member’s betrayal.
There is no other word that has the same feeling or empowerment attached as adamant.
I asked my kids about what they knew about the word adamant. They responded, “when Moms adamant, don’t try to change her mind, it will never work.”
This led into a great, humor-filled chat. Jr. asked to borrow my car for a long distance drive. He stated his reasons. I said, “I’m sorry, but no.”
He persisted. I looked at him and said, “Jr. ”¦ I’m adamant ”¦ NO!”
He said, “Mom, I’m adamant. I need your car.”
I then explained to Jr. adamant is NOT the same as pushy, persistent, manipulative or convincing. Adamant means there are NO negotiations involved. The buck stops with adamant. Done. Period!
Jr. smiled and went on his way; he understood there was nowhere left to go, mom was adamant.
Once we find our adamant and team it up with tenacity, strength and courage ”¦”¦ we become a strong force. We can pull on our adamant and make strong dedicated decisions, and move forward with confidence.
Adamant is personal, spiritual, professional and human. Adamant encompasses our whole being, once we find it.
Once we find our adamant, we are no longer the victim and we become the survivor, the gems we always were ”¦ finally unearthed and empowered, impenetrable and unshakeable!
one, I tried to watch that video but it said it would only stream in Canada, bummer, I’m tring to figure out what’s wrong with me. I’m being adamant about it!
Shabby – I wrote CBC and I’ll find out what the options are. I may be able to buy a copy. I will also find out more about the treatment and post here.
xx
Dear Gem, it is amazing what people we meet here and there as we go about our lives…I’ve met some really wonderful ones, and some that are “famous” who are NOT so wonderful! LOL
Losing weight without trying is usually either because you are very happy or very sad! It is that in between when we gain and gain.
I’m actually doing pretty well though Ii did pig out a bit on some fresh watermelons a friend dropped off on our porch….didn’t make my blood sugar go up, but the scale was a bit up this morning! BAD OXY!!!!! BAD OXY!!!! I can resist anything except temptation!
Well, off to town today–have an afternoon of medical tests (oh, joy!) and D will do the grocery shopping while I’m there!
Oxy, watermellon is allowed. Zero fat grams, and mostly water. Forgive yourself!
I used to live on cucumber and tomato sandwhiches, pickles, jello, and watermellon. I lost 40 pounds.
That was a long time ago. Eating healthy and getting physically fit is going to have to be a part of my life as well.
Dear Kim,
Yea, I know it is allowed, but heck in the quanity I age it, WATER isn’t allowed! LOL
I’ve been checking my BS and doing all the things I taught my patients to do….and BS is coming down, wasn’t through the roof to start with but is getting down to lower normal now instead of high normal. I’m feeling better, and son D says I “look brighter” and I’m getting exercise more. Also realized that on rainy days I can go out to the barn and go up and down the stairs out there from the ground to the second floor IN THE DRY–and out of the wind, so is a good place to do it on bad days and NO excuses the weather is too cold/wet/windy! LOL
I’ve dropped 10 pounds and sort of plateaued there for several days, but it will start to come down again. I am over the worst of the first few days of STARVATION signals, so the URGES to eat are not so much any more and that helps.
Healthy foods in moderation…and the thing is that is at least a great help is I ALREADY KNOW ALL ABOUT THIS AS I AM A DIABETIC EDUCATOR so just have to make myself do it! At least I don’t have to learn it from scratch! Now that I am out of DE RIVER DE-NIAL about my gaining weight! LOL “Oh, it’s just a couple of pounds, nothing to worry about, oh, it’s just another couple of pounds, nothing to worry about—ad nauseauem (that’s fake Latin for PUKES ME!!!!) LOL
That’s rockin’ it EB! Enjoyed this! Thanks!
I used/use a self ‘pep talk’ to myself. I start talking to myself in a positive way, pumping myself up…it goes like this: “It’s hard, I know, but you can do it, and while it might not be perfect it will work and if you can’t figure it out, you can find someone that can/will help you. Keep going, steady, focus on your goal, don’t look left or right, don’t listen to those programmed negative words, keep going, keep going, keep going.” Works for me, takes my mind into a positive focus and the negative out. Hugs to all! â¤
Guess I’m still a bit behind in this. After 2 years, I am finally sleeping better and dreaming again. Still hate the spath. The ptsd screwed up my thought processes and focus have applied for help thru the Dept. of Mental Health in my state.
Still pissed that the mofo was never prosecuted.
Yet, I keep trying.
I feel like something doesn’t want me to move on.
I have not seen Jim since July 3.
I felt empowered and strong.
Then I got pulled over for driving a unregistered vehicle. It shook my very foundation cause I pay my bills. The registration renewal notice never came in the mail and I was busy with life and never noticed it was over due. The flashing lights in my rear view mirror were a shock. I pulled over and my jaw dropped when I was informed that my vehicle is not registered.
I am still fighting this ticket.
I felt better about things again, and I announced that I am ‘happily single’. This was a positive announcement from me. I hated to say I have to be alone cause the wording made me feel so depressed. Like there is something missing. A woman is considered “alone” if she is not with a man. As if it is a statement about us.
I found that if I change the wording to ‘happily single’ I feel so carefree and positive. I am no long labeled. This new wording and new attitude got me busy. I began cleaning and cooking. I was a new woman.
Then I got the news today. My daughter is being deployed to Afghanistan.
She will be deployed this January. She will be there for 6 months.
She is thinking positive likes it’s no biggie. I am falling apart.
I also fell apart when she was in Haiti. I felt silly when I found out she stayed in an air conditioned tent at the airport.
Dear Jeannie,
Sugar what you are going through is so NORMAL and so EXPECTED. It is that your “bounce back” has been damaged so it will take it a while to re-set the spring! The trauma with the P and so on, leaves you “tired” —sort of like if you had walked 1000 miles one day of rest would not put you back “in shape” you would be TIRED more than one day. So REST, take care of YOU, and let these “life events” not become so important that they knock you off your feet.
Take extra care with your diet, rest, exercise, spirituality, and so on….be good to yourself. Don’t make any changes you don’t have to make, and “quuit borrowing trouble”–about 99.9% of the things we worry about never come to pass, so let your daughter take care of herself, she’s a big girl, she’s trained for her job and she will take care of herself! You take care of YOU! ((((hugs)))) and my prayers for you and for her!
BTW, with the ticket—I missed things like the registrations and all that, it is because we are “side tracked” and it is difficult to concentrate—I lost things, forgot to pay my property taxes, so get a 10% penalty, and on and on! Chit happens! Fight it if you can and if you have to pay the ticket, pay it and say “Oh, well…..” and go on! (((hugs)))
Thanks Ox Driver,
Yes, I am certain I will have to pay money for the ticket, and then pay my son’s ticket. Yikes there went the bill money for that month. But, 10 years from now it will be a distant memory.
And, I will stop worrying about my daughter. I have to or it will drive me crazy.
I got enough worries about things I can control…