By ErinBrock
One thing we see over and over from the fallout of a sociopathic relationship is destroyed self-esteem and a lack of confidence. Lacking self-esteem and confidence leads to overlooking behaviors and having a hard time making firm decisions for ourselves.
Destroyed self-esteem makes it difficult some days to even get out of bed, let alone get out of the house and participate in life. It’s hard to plan for meals, school lunches, kid activities, legal angles, financial support and moving forward. We want to hide under the covers and make it all go away.
Okay yes, and justifiably so. BUT ”¦ if we want to get “somewhere,” we must first find our adamant.
Adamant describes a beautiful diamond—very hard, crystalline carbon, impenetrable, impregnable, unshakeable and unyielding. It is a valuable gem.
We must learn to find the gem we all possess ”¦”¦ our valuable adamant.
We must commit to being adamant and NOT allowing destruction. We must be adamant about taking back our souls from a sociopath, protecting our children, our assets and our futures. Right is right and wrong is wrong. We must be adamant about this!
We all possess adamant; we were gifted this beautiful gem at birth. We put it away for the sociopath. Dig it out and reconnect; keep it close and feel it!
Once we find our adamant, we can move forward with a dedicated, “hell hath no fury” attitude. We discover things inside of ourselves we never thought we were capable of. We learn how much power we have over our lives and how much we can change things we don’t like or agree with.
WHY? Because we are adamant!
Adamant is an important and powerful feeling. It’s the empowerment we need to proceed into a custody battle, a divorce with a sociopath, or a family member’s betrayal.
There is no other word that has the same feeling or empowerment attached as adamant.
I asked my kids about what they knew about the word adamant. They responded, “when Moms adamant, don’t try to change her mind, it will never work.”
This led into a great, humor-filled chat. Jr. asked to borrow my car for a long distance drive. He stated his reasons. I said, “I’m sorry, but no.”
He persisted. I looked at him and said, “Jr. ”¦ I’m adamant ”¦ NO!”
He said, “Mom, I’m adamant. I need your car.”
I then explained to Jr. adamant is NOT the same as pushy, persistent, manipulative or convincing. Adamant means there are NO negotiations involved. The buck stops with adamant. Done. Period!
Jr. smiled and went on his way; he understood there was nowhere left to go, mom was adamant.
Once we find our adamant and team it up with tenacity, strength and courage ”¦”¦ we become a strong force. We can pull on our adamant and make strong dedicated decisions, and move forward with confidence.
Adamant is personal, spiritual, professional and human. Adamant encompasses our whole being, once we find it.
Once we find our adamant, we are no longer the victim and we become the survivor, the gems we always were ”¦ finally unearthed and empowered, impenetrable and unshakeable!
jeannie812 – i have the same experience with my tigger bounce. but i AM bouncing up fast and not going down so far…then another nasty hits andi feel set back…but i climb back up again. it takes effort – not ‘natural’ like it used to be.
today, i worked from home in the morning and when i went to work at lunch i stopped and picked up a treat for my work mates. haven’t had the money or desire to do that for anyone in months…it is these things that show me how much of my bounce i have been living without…because i was prey to an evil shell of a woman. she’ll get hers someday. and i felt a little ‘natural’ today. 🙂
it must be very hard to have your daughter deployed…as we grow older we know how precious life is and how tenuous it is. they don’t. that’s why they can go. may she be kept safe. i am wondering if you can connect with her, or other parent’s about your anxiety about her being deployed? some support in that area would be good for your heart.
DANG……i’m in ADAMANT high gear!
Just uncovered definate information….lookout spath……here I come!
Pay up and sign off……that’s the ONLY way i’ll go away!
EB – it’s terrible that his life is going soooo wrong. i wonder if he feels hunted and haunted. damn ghosts with bouncy hair. you rock.
I looked at his facebook profile for the first time in a couple of years. Same profile photo, a picture I took of him in Colorado, sitting on a big rock with two of my dachshunds. There was no new activity or photos of him like I had feared, no wonderful life to share with anybody, no new comment’s of how happy he is. But I dreamed about him last nite. In the dream he showed up threatening me and saying how much he loved me at the same time. I was confused, what did he want? I wanted to believe he wanted me back but why was he so full of contempt, I felt afraid, afraid to let him go again and afraid to hang on..Almost three years no contact and this guy still haunt’s me in the most uncomfortable way.
henry, That dream was a message from your deepest, all-knowing self. I think it means this: It’s time for you to let go of this toxic, angry, violent person. You know he’s not good for you, and a threat to your well-being, but there is something that is still haunting you, and until you know what it is, you can’t let go. I think I know what it is, based on how you describe your dream. I’m going out on a limb here, and could be wrong. I’m prepared to be Boinked, if neccisary, but here goes…There’s a part of you that knows he did love you. Maybe in a very sick,unhealthy, abusive, contolling way. But it was probably the only way he knew. It doesn’t mean it’s okay how he treated you, or that you should want him back. It simply means that there was a reality to both sides of this crazyness. I think that for you to let go, you need to allow yourself to believe he loved you.
What’s the alternative? Being convinced he didn’t? How’s that working for you? It keeps you out of the denial of thinking it could never work, but it does nothing for the part of you that won’t let go until you acknowledge this was a sick man, who couldn’t love well, but probably loved the best he could. (Not good enough, mind you. Not by a long shot.)
How do you feel about looking at those pictures? Do you feel like it’s helping you resolve, or do you think it’s keeping you hooked in? Just curious.
Your dream also brings up the confusion you still feel about his conflicting behaviors, and your need to understand. We’ll probably none of us ever REALLY understand, we need to accept that aand let go.
hens, we loved so much, and we loved someone who wasn’t real.
The whole thing hurts so bad. I wish I had someone else here
to relieve me of myself, if you know what I mean.
I may as well have loved Prince Charming in the cartoons.
For me I think it was mostly about I didn’t want to be alone.
I hope that we can completely get them out of our heads.
Kim I think your right, he loved me the best he could. I think what haunt’s me most is we were toxic too each other. Gasoline and fire as Oxy say’s. When I realized he was cheating and lying I did and said thing’s I wish I hadn’t, some of my behaviors were as bad as his, but it was reaction to the pain he caused me. I have mulled this over and over in my mind and I know nothing I could of done would of saved the relationship, it was doomed from the beginning I just didnt want to see it. I dont miss him as much as I regret that the whole thing was ‘off’ from the beginning, if that makes sense, and I just wish I had gotten him out of my life after the first few months instead of going on for years..and a big part of me still wonders if he really did love me the best he could or was it all exploitation on his part. And how could he of done that when all I did was try to make his life better and love him. Shabby not wanting to be alone was a big part of our problem, but at the same time I remember how much I wanted him to not be here and was resentful that he was taking up so much of my life and time. So maybe I was as toxic to him as he was to me..and I wonder if it could work now, now that so much of me has changed..But then I look back at how we ended up together, it never had anything to do with loving me on his part, he was homeless and I was his only option..so doomed from the beginning but what if?
One_Step
You gave me an idea with searching for a support group since my daughter is being deployed. I haven’t found success in my search yet, but I’ll keep looking.
I get what your saying about this journey back to ourself is steps forward, and steps backwards. Hopefully it will move forward and continue to move forward.
Dear Henry,
Darling, I am not going to boink you because you have hit yourself on the head enough that any former damage I did with the skillet is minor by comparison!
This guy was NOTHING BUT TRASH, and you are NOT trash! I wish to hell you would quit thinking that you might be trash! Or that he might NOT be trash!
Okay, so you put his freaking phone in them microwave for 8 seconds and fried it! DUH! So go to jail and do not pass go! That is NOT THE CRIME OF THE CENTURY! Cheating on you, and bringing other men into your home and your bed IS A CRIME! (as far as I am concerned!!!)
Now you get back on the right track NOW before I get the BIG skillet out! I’ve had a hard tiring day and I really dont’ want to but I WILL if you don’t straighten up and fly right!!! (((Hugs)))) Love Oxy (your twisted sister!)
Jeanie:
Keep your head held high! And keep bouncing on that tiggertail.
One….LOVE the tigger tail analagy…..sometimes we bounce high…..sometimes we fall flat on our face…….the point is…..keep bouncing!
Kim: Kudos to you for reaching out to your sponsor and your old group. YOU felt you needed that…..and your sought it out. HUGE for you!
Hens: Dreams are processing…..there IS a reason your processing.
When we are pushed in a corner……we scratch!
Not proud moments, but things to learn from…..and that’s exactly what your doing! Learning about yourself.
TB: Love your speech to yourself…..it’s important to keep ourselves in line…….you sound good! Glad to see you around….
Jazzy: I’ts important ot KEEP GOING! You’ll get there…..just Keep going.
Ya’ll are an inspiration and I learn so much from you ALL!
Thanks for being a part of this supportive community.
XXOO
EB