Here’s more proof that total No Contact is the way to recovery. A new study finds that continuing to follow a former romantic partner on Facebook after breaking up makes it harder to move on. Read:
Study: Stalking your ex on Facebook is bad for you, on ZDNet.com.
Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.
Stargazer, Happy Birthday! I’m so happy that you’re celebrating with such joi de vivre!
Brightest birthday blessings
A pearl is unlike any other gem. It’s created through a biological process and contained in a living organism. Unlike diamonds, lapis lazuli, and saphhires, it’s not a mineral produced by geological conditions.
Our bodies are the oyster that contains the pearl of our souls. Who we are, what we are, and who we are meant to be are all created within a living organism.
When someone tries to pry open the oystershell and extract the pearl of our souls, it’s an invasive, intrusive, and lethal act. The shell is cracked and shattered, and the organism that created the pearl is sacrificed. Well, those of us who have survived and are in recovery are those oysters that held the shell shut, fast. Our shells may be cracked and, in some places, quite broken, but our pearls are still hidden deep.
Brightest blessings…
Truthspeak:
Thank you…that was beautiful.
Happy birthday to you too, Louise! Do you have the clothing addiction that we Libras have? I have it really bad.
Are you doing anything special on your birthday? I hope you have a great time, whatever you will do.
I went to see my hypnotist yesterday morning. We chatted for a few minutes. Then he said, “Are you ready?” I said “yes”, thinking he was going to put me under. Instead, he sang me happy birthday! It was a great start to my day. Then I got a call from an old bf from 27 years ago! He always remembers my birthday and calls me every year for the last few years. He is a wandering monk, just traveling all over the world and staying with friends working for his room and board. Then every year he does a long meditation retreat in Massachusetts (which is where I met him all those years ago). He’s a great person, and it was fun catching up. Tonight I can’t wait for my party. Louise, I think my friend who ordered the cake is having a diagram of the Human Centipede on the cake. (!) Life is good at the moment. I danced my butt off last night at the rock and roll club with no aches or pains either last night or this morning, after 3 hours of intense dancing. It’s because of all the zumba and salsa – they have gotten me into really good shape. A 34-y.o. guy kept hitting on me last night. He thought I was about his age. (LOL) He couldn’t dance but he just stood out on the dance floor with me telling me how cute I was. “Cute” is a word I haven’t heard in a few years to describe a 52-y.o. woman. “Beautiful” always gets the right effect with me. But so few guys say it. Other men bought me food and drinks (including neighbor boy) so I could just stay and dance. It was a blast. For the first hour and a half I was the only person on the dance floor. But I tore it up. I felt so free in my body, like I haven’t felt in many years. I wasn’t the least bit self-conscious or caring what other people thought. What a great, great feeling.
Next week is a salsa spins workshop about an hour and a half away. I’m carpooling with my salsa crush and maybe one other person – or maybe it will just be the two of us. Hopefully, I will finally find out why he is not asking me out when he seems to like me so much. There’s a reason, and I’d like to know. The way my luck runs with men, he’s probably married, gay, or………? LOL But I haven’t given up on him yet.
Sorry, rambling. I have to get ready for tonight. Have a great day, everyone.
Louise, I’m sorry that I missed that it was your birthday, as well! HAPPY Birthday!! 😀
Louise,
no they don’t push us away because we are good. They push us away after they are sure that want to be with them. It’s all about keeping us addicted to them. It is said, “Absence makes the heart fonder.” They know this.
The spath giveth and then the spath taketh away. They want to be YOUR god. To be the source of all things, all happiness and all pain. That is why they push us away. They know they are like a drug to us and they use our addiction to control us.
I do believe also, that they know they can’t keep up the facade for very long. If we get too much insight into their behavior, we might see through the mask, so they definitely compartmentalize us and restrict access to their lives.
Skylar, I somewhat agree that they “push us away” because of the crumbling facade, but my feeling is that they push us away for no other reason than they CAN. It amuses them to watch their targets flounder, cry, and moan.
They don’t “want” what empaths have – they may “envy” what their targets have, but they don’t “want” it because they know that they can never obtain it on a subconscious level (IMHO). The only thing that they “want” is to destroy for their own gains. And, if that means witholding and rewarding, they engage in that with absolute focus and enthusiasm.
They also push targets away because they are DONE with them. Sort of like consuming a huge slice of NY cheescake. It’s delicious and filling, right? But, once it gets to a point where one more bite will cause us to vomit, we put the fork on the plate and let it go. Then, we start thinking about the next delicious delight we’ll try. That’s how I think spaths see their targets: something to consume and anticipate the next delight with gleeful anticipation.
Truth,
yes there are many levels to their reasoning.
There are the reasons they believe they do things, and then there are their subconscious reasons. Then there is the “splitting” they do in which they make up reasons and believe them fully well knowing that they just made it up. But where that “made up” reason comes from contains a kernel of truth, yet they may or may not be aware of it.
Have I confused you thoroughly yet? Spaths are confusing.
All I know is that they had it planned from the very beginning to use you up and throw you away, just to see the look of shock and disbelief on your face. How they justify it is, “Because I can.”
Yet, my spath told me that he would never have left me. And I think it is true. He wanted me dead so i could never leave him again. He craves total control, all the way to the grave. That is why he kills people or causes them to suicide. He wants that ultimate control.
Skylar, what you typed, above, is probably the most terrifying aspect of the whole spath gig. “He wants that ultimate control.” That anyone would take the life of another person simply because they CAN is the most morbidly fascinating sin, of all. If they don’t murder someone, outright, they’ll work on them and work on them until the target eventually ends their own life. It’s murder, by proxy.
Eugh….
You guys already know that there is a certain energetic phenomenon that happens with “normal” men that when a woman is completely invested in them and gives up all her other options, he loses interest. Also, if she is disrespecting herself by allowing him or anyone else to disrespect her, the guy will lose interest. In any relationship, I think it’s always good to keep your options open until you know for a fact that the guy is committed to you. The man wants a challenge, and when the challenge is over, he will lose interest. That’s why it’s good to always keep some degree of difficulty and mystery with a man (which I’m really bad at doing).
The difference is that with a certain sociopaths, they will fake commitment and devotion, and they will fake it very early on. With some, it may be very sinister, that they are just using you for money. But with others – like the one I dated – I do believe that in the beginning, they really are infatuated and smitten. But they are incapable of becoming more deeply involved. Yet, they are still subject to their biological nature which is to pull away when the woman becomes less of a challenge. It just becomes amplified, because they have no empathy for the woman’s feelings. I think it’s good with ANY man to keep a little of yourself back and be open to dating others until a man demonstrates WITH ACTIONS that he is committed and exclusive, and that the relationship is going in the direction you want it to go. I have a very hard time doing this myself. Once I decide I want a man, I fall very quickly. I am working on pulling myself back because it tends to scare guys away ironically. I wish that weren’t the case. I’m talking about normal guys, but I think spaths are just caricatures of all the worst characteristics of an immature guy.
I read in many sources that men commit more slowly than women do. It just takes them a long time. So if a guy is wanting to marry you in the first 3 weeks, that should be at least a little suspect.