Those of us who have been psychologically abused by sociopaths—whether we’re male or female, and whether the abuser is male or female—know that the abuse should be criminal. It appears that in France, it just may happen.
A Lovefraud reader sent me a link to an interesting story in Time Magazine. Legislators from France’s ruling party are expected to introduce a bill that would outlaw “conjugal abuse of a psychological nature” in both married and unmarried relationships.
According to Time,
The legislation seeks to target the verbal and mental denigration, humiliation and manipulation that typically lead to physical abuse. The hope is that the bill will help prevent the emotional wounds that words often cause before a punch is ever thrown.
I hope the law gets passed. I hope it works. We’ll have to see what happens.
Read the article on Time.com:
This is so important…Why dont we have this here?! Always I hear by the system about physical abuse and the help that is out there for that…Makes me wish I was being beaten the bejesus out of instead of this psychological abuse that destroys you more and sociopaths dont stop until you are dead Im afraid. At least physical wounds heal….I would trade places in a minute for what I have endured and am still living in even though I left the situation…that makes the sociopath even more determined to destroy you. I will work on getting this passed here…
While I think it should be illegal to do “psychological abuse” against any one, the problem I see is that it IS ILLEGAL to physically abuse a partner or any one else, and yet many spouses are repeatedly physically abused and the perp not arrested or charged.
The only physical abuses that are charged are the most outlandish cases, and I imagine the only psychological abuses that will be charged are the most outlandish cases as well, plus the only “proof” must either be the abused’s words of “he called me a doo doo and that was abusive.” At least with physical abuse it at least leaves some physical evidence behind and is clearly abuse.
I don’t mean to sound negative, but Proving physical abuse is much easier than psychological abuse.
That Woman in Tennessee who killed her preacher husband (I forget her name) had been psychologically abused, was one of the worst cases of psychological abuse I have ever heard about.
I hope that law does however raise awareness that psychological abuse of others can be as bad as, or worse, than physical abuse.
Passing laws against bad behavior of any kind doesn’t stop that behavior, just criminalizes it. If it stopped it, we would never have robbery, murder, prostitution or drugs, etc in this country and it would be paradise, but raising awareness that this is not acceptable behavior, and maybe by “defining” it, like has been done in some schools in prohibiting and defining “bullying” has raised awareness and stopped some of the activity at least.
I hope this woman and her child have somehow managed to escape the situation in the two years since this has been written.
Additionally, even when people are physically abused they do not proceed with charges. They refuse to cooperate, hence prosecuters have very little, at times, to go on.
The problem lies with the victim. If your abused, and file for a TPO or call police to report….FOLLOW THROUGH.
This is where NO CONTACT is important.
When a person is abused, and take the first step to get out and report……an arrest is made or a TPO is issued….then that person is feared or talked into going back…because I’m gonna change, I love you, I want ‘us’ to work blah blah…..then there is nothing anyone can do for the abusee…..and when NOT IF it happens again…and you call the authorities….your case is minimized because law enforcement can predict the outcome…….you’ll drop it and go back.
It’s a perpetual cycle that occurs around the world.
If we want someone to take us seriously……then we must take it seriiously.
Thank you, Donna. This is excellent news.
Just the idea that legal standards for emotional abuse are being established, with intent to protect people in close relationships, suggests a ripple effect in that could well move into schools, workplaces and mass consciousness.
One of the reasons, I believe, that this kind of abuse is allowed to flourish is a lack of clear identification of what abusive language is, how it affects the target, and the secondary effects in broken families, damaged children, post-traumatic issues that affect all kinds of human systems in debilitating and costly ways. These may be exceptionally laws to write, pass and enforce, but their very existence communicates a value statement by authorities that the public good is served the protection of individual emotional health against the verbal equivalent of physical battering.
While the Time article suggests that this will be a slam dunk by French lawmakers, I think it will be very interesting to see how the law is written and who comes out to support and oppose it. If such a thing were attempted in this country, I can imagine significant resistance, based on Constitutional free-speech rights.
I suspect it will be difficult to frame objective standards, and equally difficult to prove damage. Currently employee protection laws against similar mistreatment, such as sexual harassment or unfriendly workplace laws, require levels of documentation of events and damage that discourage most potential complainants. Typical defenses involve discrediting the employees for one reason or another, including citing pre-existing emotional problems that either contributed to the situation or diminish the “new” damage.
The French legal system still operates on the Napoleanic code. The might make it much easier on victims, because more of the burden of proof is placed on the defendant to prove that the charges are not true.
In any case, whether or not this law can provide a precise model for other countries, especially the US, which is notoriously resistant to expanding the legal definition of human rights, I think it’s a good sign that at least one country is making a serious attempt to define personal damage in this sense.
Napoleanic code?! I am shipping the spath to France!
Ah this is what I have dreamed of – but you all point out good areas to ponder – it won’t make a difference till awareness is raised as to what constitutes psychological abuse, till victims fully recognise they are being abused and report what is happening to them and until there are resources in place to deal with the investigation and punishment of psychological abuse.
We do indeed have legislation against workplace abuse and stress provisions but cases taken against employers are rarely successful – why? well most corporations can afford to employ teams of legal counsel to defend themselves while the employee who has been broken is struggling to survive and has limited resources. We need to level the playing field in this respect – it’s patently unfair that one side in a dispute has access to vast resources while the other has none. Little wonder corporations and large organisations get away with significant abuses against their employees.
Another problem with both workplace and home abuse is that there are seldom witnesses to corroborate the victim’s statements. The idea of Napoleonic Code sounds intriguing -dangerous if you’re accused of something you didn’t do, but useful for cases like this. The rest of the world operates on the premise of ‘innocent until proven guilty’ – making it very very hard for victims of any kind of abuse to get justice. Also many victims are so exhausted by the end of the relationship they just want to walk away from it rather than trying to pursue any kind of justice.
I think it’s great the legislators recognise the damage psychological abuse causes and also that it is always a precursor to physical abuse. I wonder what the impact of this type of legislation would be if adopted worldwide? WOuld we eventually see less need for domestic violence shelters?
This is good news. Now there are so many reasons to move to France–not just for the beautiful language and the gourmet food. But I think the law should protect men as well. Abuse can work both ways.
Don’t forget the hot accents!
yah, all the spaths pretend to be TEXAN!
SNORT!
The morning I went to get my Order of Protection, I woke up and looked in the mirror, and a blood vessel or something had burst under my eye. It was black and blue; so I put as much make-up over it as I could and went downtown. So there I was, a little while later, talking to an advocate in family court about my psychological abuse, (I also had a very graphic e-mail threat to support my case), and she kept looking at me with this pathetic look on her face. She finally said to me, “does he hit you often?”
The black eye may have helped my case — but I wish I could also present the months of agony at work, where I couldn’t think straight long enough to finish a task. My coworkers no doubt noticed the difference in me, but was it documentable? It was just, as my mother said, that I had “changed.” I was insecure in my perceptions and lacked confidence. All the result of “gaslighting” and screaming and name-calling that escalated after I confronted my former S/P about a suspected affair.
NO I’m not with him anymore. I’m meeting him in court next week to make the Order permanent. It’ll be the first time I’ve seen him since early November. And I’ll bet he’ll tell the judge that I’m overreacting, and that I’m just an overly emotional woman. Only I know how much time I lost out of my life, because of the way he played with my brain.
Vive la France!