Those of us who have been psychologically abused by sociopaths—whether we’re male or female, and whether the abuser is male or female—know that the abuse should be criminal. It appears that in France, it just may happen.
A Lovefraud reader sent me a link to an interesting story in Time Magazine. Legislators from France’s ruling party are expected to introduce a bill that would outlaw “conjugal abuse of a psychological nature” in both married and unmarried relationships.
According to Time,
The legislation seeks to target the verbal and mental denigration, humiliation and manipulation that typically lead to physical abuse. The hope is that the bill will help prevent the emotional wounds that words often cause before a punch is ever thrown.
I hope the law gets passed. I hope it works. We’ll have to see what happens.
Read the article on Time.com:
Thanks Erin and Witsend for your support and words of wisdom- they are always appreciated. I am really not comfortable with the fact that my son won’t give up control of the g.f , it scares me.
I encourage her to call anytime for advice as she needs much support and strength to protect herself. I only wish there is more that I could do. I am still thinking about notifying her college, but I can’t afford for her to feel she cant trust me. Now she calls when he contacts her & so far has called the police when he does.
I wish you the best and peace in dealing with your sons as well. xoxo
ErinBrock,
IMPORTANT INFO. I looked up some more info on the program and the program originated in Little Rock Ark, but is in many more states now.
I think it is the same as the program that the school counselor had in mind for my son but she had the time frame wrong.
They must be at least *** 16 yrs old but NO OLDER than 19 at time of GRADUATION**** (the 5 1/2 month part)
So the age is important here. They have 2 times of year that the program starts. July & January. It is a 5 1/2 month program before graduation and there is a one year mentor “follow up”.
And orientation workshops for recruits start approx 2-3 months BEFORE each program starts.
It really sounds like a great program. This is some of what it says about it.
If you want a second chance, direction and purpose in your life, and if high school didn’t work out for you, this is a great opportunity. They describe it as: ” a structured behavior modification program.” 3 days a week the focus is academics, 2 days a week, on life skills and coping skills, anger management, job skills etc. At graduation they are either placed back into high school (the younger ones that need more credits) or into a job.
The program has a pretty good sucess rate as well.
Sabrina:
I suggest, since it’s looks like he’s going away for a while….and the fact that she DID call the police and acted…..
It seems she’s ‘getting’ it….
Maybe you could offer her some DV info and I remember you pointed her here…..
I agree with treading lightly, since she doesn’t have a huge support of family and she does contact you to keep you abreast….I see why you would feel a bit intrusive and risky calling the school. If you could do it ‘without trace’, then I’d say….recruit the troops….if not….and she’s progressing with info….then let it flow.
Wits:
I saw this info online….thanks for including it here…..I think it’s very helpful and I’m glad it’s posted, for the next mom…..I wish I’d of known about it sooner…..he could have made up his credits…..then gone back to HS…..OH well….theres a reason for everything.
I’m going to look into it as a Plan x….but not bring it up to him to think he has an out….just yet!
Erin, Yep I agree with you on just being there for her right now. I think she is getting it to some degree, and not allowing him back in.
Good luck with your findings for your son!! I understand the feeling of trying “everything” you possibly can and exhausting all avenues to get him on the right track! I pray that he does.
sabrina –
I am so glad that you are doing so much to protect your son’s g.f.
love is a verb, and you have it!
best,
one step
THANK YOU….sabrina!
Erin, and One step- Thanks for your responses, I just got these. I had to take some breaks from here, and the drama with my son to focus on work.
I wish you all a wonderful rest of the week!
you too Sabrina
best,
one step
Dear Gem,
I didn’t get on the computer yesterday and am just catching up right now. How did someone hear about her death? It is not surprising to me, though as the last time I was able to get her by phone (and I didn’t even try e mail) she was very confused and tearful.
I really can’t say I am sorry that she passed away, she wasn’t able to care for herself which made her very unhappy, and with her mind no longer functioning in reality, she seemed stuck in a painful place of remembering. I know she is NO LONGER feeling alone and discarded by her family, but is in a place of peace and comfort now. It saddens me that she suffered so much emotional and physical abuse for so long in her life, but I know her faith was strong.
I am doing okay and will return home probably next tuesday weather permitting. There is ice and snow and storms at home and here as well. The storm blew the roof off a nursing home in Stephenville which is where I was the other day and a tornado in Canton a week ago which is where I had also been did a great deal of damage to 30+ plus homes, plus businesses and farms.
Yesterday I started to work on the stuff for the attorney but had to unplug my computer because of the storm, but was anxious just thinking about the stuff. I did manage to read through a stack of my P son’s letters to the Trojan Horse psychopath and though it was mildly upsetting, not into a panic attack at least. I did get them sorted and picked out the ones to send to the attorney.
Son D is doing fair at home. I talk to him every day and though he had one melt down when he went to town and decided to drop off mail at son C’s work, I wasn’t surprised when that happened, I think he is just working through the episode with son C lying and me asking him to leave now, rather than at the time as I did. I seem to be doing okay with that, though have had a few dreams about son C and some night mares, but I think they are ways of my emotions being worked out while I sleep. Have had a couple of good night’s sleep lately.
Every time we get ANY kind of new stress that is HIGH STRESS and/or connected to a perceived “betrayal” of trust, I think it tends to rip off scabs or open scars from previous episodes. That is why NC is so important for us if at all possible. If I did not feel it was very important to preserve my LIFE I would not be going through the documents with and about my P-son and putting myself through this, but I know I must, just as a mother who has a child with a P must have SOME contact (even if only by e mail) with a biological co-parent and we all know they use the children as pawns in reaching out to hurt others.
We just walk the road to healing one step at a time, and sometimes there are rough spots, but we have gotten through rougher places in the past, and our strength will bring us through if we keep putting one foot in front of another. l(((hugs))) and always prayers.
Hi everyone,
I am French. This law hasn’t been voted yet and many people are sceptics.
There is a law for workplace bullying already, but I don’t think it had a significant impact. Some of our top politicians are well-known serial bullies but it has no influence on their career.
I think the subject is even more complex within a romantic relationship. At work, there may witnesses willing to give testimony. But at home, it’s quite impossible.
Moreover, there is a huge difference between these two kinds of relationships. A worker may be trapped with a noxious boss. But a romantic relationship is quite different since everyone is chiefly responsible for choosing his/her partner. If your partner turns out to be nasty or simply disappointing, you just walk out of the relationship.
Love involves deep emotions. Deep positive emotions can easily slide into deep suffering, depression and even suicide. You don’t have to bond with a psychopath to suffer. Love cannot be garanteed “suffering-proof”. Love is a risky business that can have devastating impact on your mental health.
Feminists have lobbied for this law under the assumption that the abuse is a one-way process (i. e.: men are the perpetrators).
I expect many bitter women (or even sociopathic women) to manipulate such a law if it comes to be voted, to get a revenge against their former partner. They won’t be able to distinguish psychopathic abuse from the ordinary suffering that follows the failure of a romantic involvement.
As you know, psychopaths are very adept at using the law to obtain what they want. I expect this law to consume a lot of energy, of money, for little overall benefit.
I think it would be better to spend some of this money to raise awareness among teenagers.
I also believe that many people are aware that their partner has little or no conscience, but that they don’t care.
I have seen many women getting involved with psychopathic men, turning a blind eye on his misdemeanor, excusing and defending him at great length – because he “earned” a lot of money – or because they just loved the psychopathic type (charisma, glibness, foolhardiness, etc) – and suddenly pretend to be an abused woman, after the psychopath had dumped them.
Moral concerns are not supposed to be invoked only once you have been abused. These women should have condemned the behaviour of their man in the first place, when he made money sleecing others.
Best regards