Those of us who have been psychologically abused by sociopaths—whether we’re male or female, and whether the abuser is male or female—know that the abuse should be criminal. It appears that in France, it just may happen.
A Lovefraud reader sent me a link to an interesting story in Time Magazine. Legislators from France’s ruling party are expected to introduce a bill that would outlaw “conjugal abuse of a psychological nature” in both married and unmarried relationships.
According to Time,
The legislation seeks to target the verbal and mental denigration, humiliation and manipulation that typically lead to physical abuse. The hope is that the bill will help prevent the emotional wounds that words often cause before a punch is ever thrown.
I hope the law gets passed. I hope it works. We’ll have to see what happens.
Read the article on Time.com:
I think some background needs to be supplied regarding Nicolaid. He sent me an e-mail before ever posting on Lovefraud. The e-mail was about a famous French con man by the name of Christophe Rocancourt. This guy claimed to be a member of the Rockefeller family and came to the U.S. He was able to convince many wealthy people, from Los Angeles to the Hamptons, to part with their money. Millions of dollars. The guy was slick. Very, very slick.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christophe_Rocancourt
I knew about the case. It was written up in Vanity Fair magazine back in 2000. Rocancourt was arrested and sentenced to 5 years in jail in the U.S.
Nicolaid told me what happened next. Rocancourt got out of jail, returned to France, and then did a tour of French TV talk shows, boasting about his exploits. After this, a French filmmaker named Catherine Brelliat, knowing Rocancourt was a con artist, fell in love with him. And, model Naomi Campbell brought Rocancourt as her date to the Cannes Film Festival.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1021074/Naomi-causes-controversy-brings-convicted-artist-date-Cannes.html
You have to wonder, what were these women thinking?
Well, in July 2009, Breillat accused Rocancourt of scamming her out of 850,000 Euros. Hello? Why is she surprised?
Anyway, given what Nicolaid has observed, I can understand his questions.
Further, please remember Nicolaid’s first statement, “I am French.” That means English was not his first language. His English was excellent, but as those of us who have studied foreign languages know, unless we grew up bilingual, second languages may sound a bit stilted. If Nicolaid was writing in French, perhaps his comments would have been more emotive.
Yes, Nicolaid may not have a good understanding of what it is like to be emotionally devastated by a sociopath. Several Lovefraud readers brought this to his attention in constructive ways. But other posters crossed the line into attack mode, which I feel was unwarranted.
There is no requirement at Lovefraud that new bloggers need to tell their stories before they can comment and ask questions. Some people may not be victims of romantic deception, but may have experienced sociopaths under other circumstances. Some people may just have questions. All should be treated with respect.
The people who are here to start trouble tend to show themselves pretty quickly. But let’s not assume that everyone who writes in an analytical style, or who may be uninformed, is a problem.
In my opinion, Catherine Brelliat was conned. Got conned. Became conned. So many MEN and WOMEN DO….NOT JUST WOMEN. Men and women find themselves believing it wont happen to them or simply have never been exposed to the makings and unraveling and deceitfulness of a psychopath until they are caught up in their web….romantically, business wise, family, ANY LIFE SCENARIO.
Even Nicolaid stated that he has been suffering ever since his experience with the psychopath in his life. His own word “suffering”…
In my opinion, think there needs to be a book about why men love Psychopaths too because they do! (female and male for that matter)….because they come in all shapes sizes sex nationality young old etc…as do their victims (and/or ones like Catherine Brelliat who willingly or unsuspectingly become involved with these individuals believing it wont happen to them – or they are up for the challenge -because they are equally unhealthy in a much different way on the spectrum. Also the real lesson is – its not just love relationships its all types of relationships.. both men and women find themselves in these challenging relationships with personality disorders and differences across the board. Not just romantically.
I agree people with questions ( as well as people responding) should both give thoughtfulness and respect to EACHOTHER when posing their questions/responses.
Learnthelesson says: Putting ALL the blame on the victim is, however, not welcomed here and I hope will always be addressed.
No. there is a distinct difference between putting ALL the blame on the victim, and making aware that some responsibility should be noted.
(I’m here with four others)
As individuals who work within the public school system way too many of us have seen children affected, children damaged by their psychopathic parent(s). Sometimes way too many times we are helpless to do anything, theres no bruises to report, nothing really concrete to actually have to call CPS about but enough to know the child(ren) is(are) being damaged. We are with them all day, day in and out, we see and can do nothing but wait until the victimized parents decide enough is enough for her, but by then, too often the children have lost their childhood.
We’ve seen way too many parents, way too many to count, not willing to share their responsibility in many things that have occurred that contributed to the loss of security and childhood in our students. And we are just told to shut up and mind our own business if we are not there to hold that parents hand.
Our responsibility though is to the kids. We are lossing our kids in record numbers and there is little we can do to stop it but watch the devastation unfold.
Right at this moment we have six kids just this Tuesday taken into social services and we are all here absolutely devastated. The abused parent has asked for understanding and compassion but it isn’t likely she’ll get it from us (the other four here) I (Mike) did direct her here to LF.
We are on the other side of the shoe. We deal with children, who needed that other victimized parent to step up and protect them, and many times, way too many times they simply had not. And we watch helpless while way too many parents cry victim, but do little to nothing to take responsibility to protect their children.
I (Mike) am actually wanting to understand these parents more. Other schoolteachers seem to hate (Amee , K and Daisy states hate is to strong a word, Mary states it fits) these parents nearly as much as the offending parent.
Too many of my peers hold no pity for the victimized parent, their allegiance is to the child only. They see that parent only as contributer to their students abuse by doing nothing, or not acting soon enough.
Fewer numbers of us seek to salvage the remnants of the family (Mike and Amee). Children need some sort of family. That’s not including the number of teachers who don’t give a damn altogether. But for those who do care many teachers who are for the child do regard many victimized parents in a negative light.
To be fair most of them do not wish to place ALL the blame on the other victimized parent, many of them simply wished they took more responisibility for the choices they made.
And as such, they do and have come to this site, (it’s a public site and it does come up under workplace sociopaths, in almost always the first three lines) and they do peruse the articles, as one here is stating: ” I take what I need, I eat the chicken and spit out the bones”, but as a psychopath abused teacher (not romantically) linked, she does not post here. Nor would you want her to, she states.
Now what Nicolaid was posting was something along the lines of what way too many folks outside of this arena do think along the lines of. (Mary states, but he did so in a more gentler form than many would have stated) In fact we were interested in that dialogue since many of us here ‘did’ think along his train of thought at one point, and others still do. Explaining things to him was explaining things to ‘the rest of us’.
(Also there was a school OT, and three other teachers who were right here along with me interested in that dialogue. Our OT and another special needs teacher was actually recognizing a trait in him that we see in our kids. I was thinking Asperger, but Amee and Mary was thinking more complex gifted range…)
I’m generalizing because I, myself want to understand more. Mary could care less, Amee, K and Daisy are open.
Amee says the issue of our problems of not meeting on common ground, although we are all psychopath victims is due to the fact that using our public school system as a scenario, we associate ourselves as the children, the psychopathic administrators are the offending psychopathic parent, and the other abused parent is the school employees who watch and do nothing which may be why many may be unwilling to relate as much as many fail to see them as just another victim. Mary refers these school employees as ‘Sleeping with the Devil’
I want some insight to those who have ‘slept with the Devil’ in reality or metaphorically. Because we are all dealing with these issues. Pyschopaths have infiltrated every area of society, not just our beds.
But the others here will not post, because if there was a problem with Nicolaid posts, there will definetely be issues with anything the others here will post about, their thoughts or their questions will definetely be an issue. Mary states she would likely be tossed out on her first posting.
I still feel that the psychopath is a great problem in society and working together is the only way to defeat them, hopefully we can manage to that together someday if not here on LF.
Mike
I am running to pick my children up from three different schools for early dismissal for pending snowstorm…I havent read all of your post Mike. Really just the first sentence.
I look forward to reading your comments when I return. I truly do.
There was a process for me Mike – a process I went through in dealing with and healing from my dysfunctional relationship w/a S. I went through a metamorphisis of sorts – including going into a deep depression – where I willing admit the best I could do was get my children to and from school and make sure they were fed and bathed (I couldnt even do that for myself)…. my point is….FOR ME…IN MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCE… I had to do ALOT of SOUL SEARCHING as to not only my personal demise but OWNING AND ADMITTING AND ACCEPTING my responsibility in staying in an unhealthy environment ONCE I BECAME AWARE I WAS IN REAL TROUBLE AS A HUMAN BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP UNABLE TO MAKE RATIONAL HEALTHY DECISIONS AND CHOICES.
I did not have the tools. And I did not understand how my upbringing could play a role on my choices in relationships and simply becoming involved in relationships and removing myself from a bad one..
Its a process. I am not only a victim but I am a constant self-learner, self-improver and self reclaimer. Including making a commitment to never ever lose sight of my childrens needs. My parents didnt have all the tools. I didnt have all the tools with my relationships…but Im taking the steps to stop the cycle in my family.
As a parent – it was a process I had to go through. Had I not had children, it still would be a process I had to go through. There is no quick fix. There is only awareness education therapy and a willingness for self-help and finding the answers to our questions… more later
ps. one of my biggest shortcomings is that I dont take the time to think through what I want to express…I am working on patience across the board in my life…this is a perfect example of how I need to mature in this area and not rush and be quick to defend or respond with my two cents on so many levels…when I am passionate about something I speak up/out… Its a fault and an attribute.
Not putting all the blame on the victims is what I said. I agree “there is a big difference in making aware that some responsibility should be noted.”
Ive noted several times my awareness and confusion as to my responsibility in my own lifes journey – up to and including relationships with others. Functional and dysfunctional. Healthy and Unhealthy. Im learning as I go…
I just received notice from Donna that my comment to Nicolaid suggesting he leave LF if he viewed this as entertainment for him, was deleted.
I dont recall my exact comments as they are gone now. But I was angry that many posters here were trying so hard to defend themselves, but to no avail with his comments.
I was truly sickened that these poor souls felt it necessary to defend their reasons for being abused by a S. I felt defensive as well.
I guess I can understand that Donna must be completely unbiased in her position here.
I just didn’t get why Nicolaid was- from MY point of view “aggitating” others in an extreme manner not characteristic, OR generally tolerated by this site- again this is my opinion.
In my view, I was not trying to offend anyone, but to point out (I thought reasonably ,but firmly) that entertaining oneself at anothers (emotional) expense is not acceptable. However, it is not my decision. I thought I was making a productive suggestion,
I am truly sorry Donna if I was out of line. I am sorry if anyone, including Nicolaid was hurt by the comment.
Sabrina. I think your post above is cool.x I think that whatever other people’s agendas may or may not be is something we cant really tell on here. I have learnt here that coming across people who trigger us is a learning experience: learning – NOT an exercise in repressing, or talking yourself out of how you actually feel and think but maybe how you react… for the beneifit of YOU sorta thing. (still working out the kinks in my learning!)
Anyway – thats my two pennith worth.:)x
I am very bad about opening my mouth when I should of inserted my foot…
Sabrina,
How are things going for you? I hope everything is going as well as can be expected under the circumstance.
hens,
and how are you doing?